New Desktop I made (NSFW) H-scroll

Rye

Critique if you want. I was just bored and my new laptop didn't have a desktop, so I made one for myself. Since I'm going to have to look at this a lot, I used some references, so I hope it doesn't look too terrible.

(A friend wanted a copy and asked me to sign it -_-. Apologies if it looks arrogant)



1600x1024
http://www.dynamit.us/game/desktop.jpg

NightDragon

not arrogant at all, really.

Places you've shaded/highlighted on the body generally seem to be good, but proportion is the main thing that needs work in this piece, I think. Body seems a little "squished" vertically, the length of the torso, size of the head and width of the arms are the main things that jump out at me. The jawline seems too acute of an angle, and/or proceeding too far back on the head.

I like how you did the hair, though.

Rye

I'll have to go back into it later; I've been looking at it too long to see the flaws at this point.

My original concept for the hair was so much more confusing and crappy looking... Instead I just painted a few splotches and refined from there till i had what I have now.

Thanks for the comment, and I'll probably have an update in the near future.

Godfather

The only thing I can comment on is that the face looks really defined while the body starts to meld in with the background a bit too much.

Rye

i dunno how to say this without sounding like I'm unwilling to take the criticism, but that was an intentional effect.

The way the hair is more defined at the top and becomes less defined at the bottom. Maybe I didn't pull it off well if it seems unintentional.

Again, thanks for te comment

Rye

(Sorry for the double post)

I made an update to the pic:



Just in case you can't tell, I adjusted the arms, general boy size, jawline acuteness, sharpness of details etc.




Thanks a lot for the critiques, people. I really couldn't notice these things whenI was working. Now that I see my changes, the original looks SO much more distorted

Godfather

Much better.

Melding into the background is fine, just make sure it's not giving off a "blotched" effect. Fortunately, you smoothed this problem out in this recent update, so as long as you figured it out i'm a happy camper.

Grifter

Her head still looks huge to me.

Rye

Are you sure it's not the hair that's making it look big? Your eye follows the arc of the hair, so it looks like her cranium extends further.

If you're convinced the head is ACTUALLY too large, I'll probably shrink it a bit.

Grifter

I think it's more the width of the shoulders that make me think the head is too large. Could just be the pose but it seems a bit too large to me. I don't think it's a show stopper or anything. It's your desktop, mate. It could just be my point of view and I might be wrong. I probably am wrong. It's worth looking into for your own sake though. I'm certainly not going to press the issue.

Godfather

Although it's too late to many any drastic alterations, I thought it would be neat if the woman silhouette was actually smoke coming from a cigarette or something. Get what i'm saying here?

I'm not very good at explaining ideas you see.

Rye

It's my desktop, but I also want to make it a nice piece of art. I can print it out some time and not be ashamed if I work out all the kinks.

Interesting idea godfather. It is a little late tho. Plus, I'm not into smoking. I likes the women, but not so much the smoking.

I'm pretty satisfied with it as is for now. I'll probably get bored and make a new one in a few months. It keeps me doing art for art's sake and not just for class.

Kewop Decam

Grifter wrote: »

I think it's more the width of the shoulders that make me think the head is too large. Could just be the pose but it seems a bit too large to me. I don't think it's a show stopper or anything. It's your desktop, mate. It could just be my point of view and I might be wrong. I probably am wrong. It's worth looking into for your own sake though. I'm certainly not going to press the issue.

Naw, you're right. The length of the shoulders is making the head look EXTRA big. Really, the head is just too big, but the shoulders exaggerate it. Also, the neck is either too thick or coming from her chin too early. I'm not sure, but something about it doesn't feel right.

Good drawing overall though. I like it.

Godfather

Ah, I don't smoke either.

I was just watching Kill Bill Vol. 2 on TV and there was a scene with some black dude puffin' some out with some really snazzy effects.

Rye

Is this better? ( new | old )




and the piece as a whole:

Kewop Decam

Yes. The spacing from the nose to mouth to chin seems a bit tight, but this works much better than the old pic. I like how you're willing to fix things, some other people just go "ah... I like it that way, leave me alone!" and don't fix things.

Rye

The face structure was heavily referenced from an actual profile. That doesn't mean it's right though

I think, now that I look at it, the top lip is much too large and not protruding enough. It's very slight, but it causes a domino effect on the other features. I'll look into it soon... gotta do more school art first. I just think it's funny that the abstract background stuff hasn't gotten any crits because there's a figure in the foreground.

Kewop Decam

Rye wrote: »

The face structure was heavily referenced from an actual profile. That doesn't mean it's right though

I think, now that I look at it, the top lip is much too large and not protruding enough. It's very slight, but it causes a domino effect on the other features. I'll look into it soon... gotta do more school art first. I just think it's funny that the abstract background stuff hasn't gotten any crits because there's a figure in the foreground.

Well, the figure is offset to the right, but it still dominates the whole scene by being the lightest and in the foreground. With a human figure that dominates that much, it's hard to notice the background. Besides... When there is something wrong with an art piece, it usually gets the viewer's attention first.

srsizzy

I like the figure's body, but the facial anatomy ruins it for me. It looks almost skeletal, and the neck is really thin. The angles seem sharp, and the chin juts out unpleasantly. I think from the eyes down the face is protruding too much. It depends on what age you intended her to be, because right now with the nose and mouth area she looks old.

Rye

yup. I think I'll just redo the face entirely now. The size is good, but I need to work on the shaping. The way I shaded it makes her look sharper, which is contrasting to the smooth body.