I am afraid of spreading STDs I probably don't have to other people.

hypnotaste

So, here's the deal. A long time ago, I went to a doctor after some semi-risky sex, and he diagnosed me with HPV based on some bumps he found on my crotch. A little while later, he diagnosed me with oral herpes based on some bumps he saw in my mouth. I insisted on getting tested for basically every STD under the sun (against the doctor's wishes), and I tested negative for oral herpes, along with everything else. I couldn't be tested for HPV, though. I don't think a test exists for that.

I decided to get a second opinion on the HPV because the original doctor did some things that caused me to question his judgment, and this new doctor doesn't actually even think I have HPV. He thinks the bumps are essentially like pimples.

Anyway, I've still taken some precautions to avoid spreading the herpes I almost certainly don't have, including not sharing drinking glasses with other people. This also includes telling any girl I kiss about the earlier diagnosis of herpes so she can evaluate the situation for herself before kissing me.

Basically, I am now paranoid that, supposing I have mouth herpes (which I probably don't), I'm going to somehow inadvertently spread it to someone else. Same story with the HPV. Every time I, say, touch my crotch to scratch an itch or something, and then touch my wallet, I imagine that the wallet is now basically poisoned, and if someone else were to touch it, they would get HPV.

Similarly, I imagine that if I touch my crotch, but then wash my hands, but afterward touch my phone which has been touched in the past immediately after I've touched my crotch, that now everything I touch, until I wash my hands again, will be polluted with HPV. I imagine that, let's say I touch the polluted phone, and then I walk out of my room and touch a door handle, that the next person who touches that door handle will get the HPV on them.

Same story with the herpes. I keep imagining that I'll accidentally touch my mouth and then, after touching lots of things in my room shortly thereafter, that those objects are polluted with herpes as well.

The herpes-related fear is especially bad because I have recently broken out with some strange red bumps near my mouth and on my chin, in addition to a new one on my top lip. I'll be going to the doctor to get that looked at, but that's beside the point.

Anyway, I know that in real life, herpes and HPV, aside from saliva getting on something in the case of herpes, don't really linger on objects like that. I know that, if I touch a bump on my face and then touch my phone, even if it is herpes, that someone else touching the phone afterward wouldn't cause the herpes to spread.

So, knowing all of these things, I am still terrified that I'm going to spread the herpes or the HPV by touching objects around the house without washing my hands after touching, like, my phone or something. It might be some sort of OCD thing, I don't know.

In any case, I need help figuring out how to convince myself that I don't really need to worry about spreading either of these things unless I kiss someone or fuck someone, or share a glass with someone. Plus, I most likely don't have either STD anyway, so there's that too.

How do I get over this irrational fear so I can start living a normal life again?

Karrmer

I'm pretty sure like almost everyone has oral herpes, the estimates on worldwide infection rate ranges from somewhere around 60-90% or more I believe? The minimum I know in the United States is at least 50% infection rate, so at worst you're looking at a 50/50 shot if you go make out with someone that they have oral herpes already anyway. I wouldn't be super worried about that, just don't go making out with someone if you have an active "cold sore" on your mouth. If there isn't an active infection it can still technically be transmitted but it's not nearly as likely.

hypnotaste

Thanks for your post! The big problem I'm dealing with, though, is this fear that I'm going to transmit HPV or herpes by touching objects like door handles and stuff after I touched an object that I have touched soon after touching my crotch. Like, if I have touched my phone soon after touching my crotch or my mouth, and then washed my hands, but then I touch the phone right before touching a doorknob or something. And someone else touches the doorknob and bam, they've got herpes! Or HPV. Like, I know it doesn't really work that way, but I still worry my ass off about it. I seriously wash my hands once before I leave my room, then once in the common area of my apartment, just to prevent this. I have also wiped down doorknobs and such in the common area of my apartment complex on the off chance that I have herpes and that it got on the doorknob or whatever.

Usagi

Have you considered talking to a therapist?

Druhim

Except that HPV can't be spread through handling the same objects. No one's going to get STDs (or STIs if you want to use current parlance) from handling a door knob after you.

Karrmer

Yeah this sounds more like some sort of OCD than anything, you aren't going to be spreading these viruses without coming into intimate contact with someone. Sharing a glass or something has a *really small* chance too sometimes, but touching doorknobs is nothing.

Jasconius

the reason these viruses are STD's is because they can't live outside of your body for very long at all

otherwise they would just be D's.

the odds of you transmitting one through touching a doorknob is wildly low

hypnotaste

Usagi wrote:

Have you considered talking to a therapist?

Yes. I have a number of other weird neuroses as well that are similar to this one.

Demerdar

hypnotaste wrote:

Thanks for your post! The big problem I'm dealing with, though, is this fear that I'm going to transmit HPV or herpes by touching objects like door handles and stuff after I touched an object that I have touched soon after touching my crotch. Like, if I have touched my phone soon after touching my crotch or my mouth, and then washed my hands, but then I touch the phone right before touching a doorknob or something. And someone else touches the doorknob and bam, they've got herpes! Or HPV. Like, I know it doesn't really work that way, but I still worry my ass off about it. I seriously wash my hands once before I leave my room, then once in the common area of my apartment, just to prevent this. I have also wiped down doorknobs and such in the common area of my apartment complex on the off chance that I have herpes and that it got on the doorknob or whatever.

Maybe learning how HPV spreads would be a good place to start.

But since you seem to realize that it doesn't spread the way you're describing, I would consider talking to a therapist.

hypnotaste

Demerdar wrote:

hypnotaste wrote:

Thanks for your post! The big problem I'm dealing with, though, is this fear that I'm going to transmit HPV or herpes by touching objects like door handles and stuff after I touched an object that I have touched soon after touching my crotch. Like, if I have touched my phone soon after touching my crotch or my mouth, and then washed my hands, but then I touch the phone right before touching a doorknob or something. And someone else touches the doorknob and bam, they've got herpes! Or HPV. Like, I know it doesn't really work that way, but I still worry my ass off about it. I seriously wash my hands once before I leave my room, then once in the common area of my apartment, just to prevent this. I have also wiped down doorknobs and such in the common area of my apartment complex on the off chance that I have herpes and that it got on the doorknob or whatever.

Maybe learning how HPV spreads would be a good place to start.

But since you seem to realize that it doesn't spread the way you're describing, I would consider talking to a therapist.

Yeah, I've done all the reading on both of them. I just, for whatever reason, can become irrationally fearful anyway. Like, my brain knows that there is no real cause for concern here, but my gut tells me otherwise, I guess? It's really tough to explain.

Seattle Thread

Oral herpes = cold sores. Totally benign. The only way that there would be a remote sexual risk involves going down on a ladyfriend while you've got an active cold sore (which DOES cause genital herpes). Other than that, HSV lives in the area it infects and does not travel, so you cannot possibly transmit it to her genitals via intercourse.

HPV = Human Papillomavirus. 80% of the population has this. Certain strains can cause cervical cancer, certain strains can cause genital warts--these are a handful of strains out of over 120 identified types. Cervical cancer is why pap smears exist, and if a wart shows up, well, you'll get to have the briefly unpleasant sensation of liquid nitrogen on your boys.

Neither of these things are serious at all. You are making a gigantic mountain of a non-existent molehill, so you should come up with a way to calm down. Maybe that therapist that you've been eyeballing?

WildEEP

So you've done research, been tested, and came up with the fact that you do not have these diseases...and yet are scared to spread these diseases.

That would be called an irrational fear.

Therapy.

Now.

TL DR

http://www.thehpvtest.com/about-hpv/faqs-for-men/
http://www.thehpvtest.com/about-hpv/hpv-faqs/

Even if you had HPV, it's not a big deal. You can't spread it without direct genital contact, and most sexually active people get it and never see any symptoms.

You're worrying an unnecessary amount, and I strongly suggest you focus on managing your stress levels. Stress is much more dangerous than HPV.

mr_mich

If you've got other neuroses, then this is just an extension of that kind of cognition. Therapy will set you straight, as long as it's not cognitive behavior therapy...since you clearly know that these fears don't make any sense.

Waldo

mr_mich wrote:

Therapy will set you straight, as long as it's not cognitive behavior therapy...since you clearly know that these fears don't make any sense.

Therapy is a good idea, but disregard that last part--CBT effectiveness has nothing to do knowing your anxieties are irrational or not. Try/do whatever therapy works best for you, if you're going to do it.

hypnotaste

Thanks, guys. Honestly, just being told that I don't need to worry about leaving Herpes on every hard surface in the house has been really helpful. And I probably will find a therapist once I figure out how my health insurance works (my plan recently changed without anybody notifying me).