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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, ModeratorMod Emeritus
Don't send the email. Let it go.
Honestly I wouldn't even worry about pursuing the friendship, and move on completely from this one. Either she's not very good at communicating her feelings, or you two just don't connect on that level, and either way it's probably not worth the drama it could easily become since you obviously do have some feelings for her.
And it's really not her business whether or not you want a facebook. :P
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
Honestly, I knew that is exactly what I should do but just am struggling to admit it to myself. But then my question is: what now? Should I stop responding to her emails or calls? Just no more contact with her at all, or very little? Pretty much act like it's a breakup?
I'm guessing it's a bad idea to try and be friends as well.
And to continue to be honest with myself, I'm not sure I can do the no contact thing, especially if she keeps attempting to contact me. To me it would just seem equally immature to ignore her completely. Even if she doesn't actually give a shit about me, I feel I should explain why I'm not talking to her...call me weak, or what you will. That's just how I feel about it.
(oh and thanks for quick and helpful advice, as always)
Eupfhoria on
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EshTending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles.Portland, ORRegistered Userregular
Honestly, I knew that is exactly what I should do but just am struggling to admit it to myself. But then my question is: what now? Should I stop responding to her emails or calls? Just no more contact with her at all, or very little? Pretty much act like it's a breakup?
I'm guessing it's a bad idea to try and be friends as well.
And to continue to be honest with myself, I'm not sure I can do the no contact thing, especially if she keeps attempting to contact me. To me it would just seem equally immature to ignore her completely. Even if she doesn't actually give a shit about me, I feel I should explain why I'm not talking to her...call me weak, or what you will. That's just how I feel about it.
(oh and thanks for quick and helpful advice, as always)
Be cordial, let her contact you, but don't go out of your way about it. Respond, but don't speak of relationships or anything like that. Don't even bring up that you can see it working in the future or something. You'll be very surprised at how quickly she loses interest in maintaining things and it dies off.
Esh on
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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, ModeratorMod Emeritus
In my opinion, cutting off contact is the best thing. I tend to feel there's little benefit to things like closure letters.. unless you're pretty close and she'd worry for your safety, it's better to just ignore her than to make a big deal of the fact that you're going to ignore her. I think that the latter is absolutely not more mature than the former.
Anyway, she's obviously taking care of herself, so you should do the same for you.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
I am going to do my best to just cut contact, or at least extremely minimize it.
This whole situation just really sucks...part of the reason this is affecting me so much is that where I am, I feel it is extremely difficult to meet interesting people (I meet maybe a few a year or so, at best?). And I've also had some pretty serious shit happen to me in my life pretty recently (ie, doing a few years due to the incredibly just and socially beneficial drug laws in the US :? ) which I told her about and...I dunno...felt like I 'bonded' with her about, as she was really cool/understanding about it. But that is a whole other thing.
Anyways, thanks again for listening.
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Sir CarcassI have been shown the end of my worldRound Rock, TXRegistered Userregular
Yeah, so basically she was in a bad relationship, had a fling with someone (you) to feel better, moved back home and then moved on. Yeah, it was pretty crappy what she did to you, but to echo Ceres and Esh, it's just time to move on. I also agree there's nothing to be gained from sending the email. If she emails you, respond cordially, but don't think you have to be friends with her because she says she wants that. She probably just wants to let you down easily. I also agree with Esh that she'll lose interest in communicating with you pretty quickly once she thinks you're over her.
I don't think I'll ever understand why people say things that they don't really mean though, especially in this kind of context
Well, some people are just liars, but in most cases it's the person wanting to avoid hurting you as much as possible when really they just end up making it worse, or them just feeling better about it if they don't cut you out completely.
Sometimes people want to have someone else on the side just before getting married to experience what it's like, or to just get it out of their system before committing to one person for the rest of their lives...
I'm sorry man but you got played.
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ahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
Or, maybe she said what she meant at that time, but it has since changed.
She just turned 21. she doesn't know her own mind yet. Hell, I was engaged at 19, and then broke the engagement at 20 because I realized that I just didn't like the guy, let alone love him.
It's a volatile, violent time for just about everybody, let alone a female with hormones beating her senseless.
She might have meant exactly what she said, when she said it. And then things changed.
Another reason to back away, she's going to go through these whole 'life changing wow' moments a bit in the next few years, especially if she's at university. and to be honest, you're too old to have to deal with that crap. She might not have been misleading you on purpose, she could very easily have just had a case of the 'being young.'
acidlacedpenguinInstitutionalizedSafe in jail.Registered Userregular
edited October 2011
An allegory of sorts:
this one time I was having a bowl of my favorite cereal ever while watching some TV and I said "oh man, I fucking love cocoa puffs!"
I no longer love cocoa puffs, also the TV I was watching was Saturday morning cartoons, while in my jam jams, because I was like 8 (and apparently a sailor).
What was once my greatest love (the cocoa puffs) is now a "meh" on the scale of things I care about. This is what happened to her.
a few years later I had a similar experience "oh man, I fucking love corn pops" and then cocoa puffs were
Posts
Don't send that email.
Let it go.
Honestly I wouldn't even worry about pursuing the friendship, and move on completely from this one. Either she's not very good at communicating her feelings, or you two just don't connect on that level, and either way it's probably not worth the drama it could easily become since you obviously do have some feelings for her.
And it's really not her business whether or not you want a facebook. :P
I'm guessing it's a bad idea to try and be friends as well.
And to continue to be honest with myself, I'm not sure I can do the no contact thing, especially if she keeps attempting to contact me. To me it would just seem equally immature to ignore her completely. Even if she doesn't actually give a shit about me, I feel I should explain why I'm not talking to her...call me weak, or what you will. That's just how I feel about it.
(oh and thanks for quick and helpful advice, as always)
Be cordial, let her contact you, but don't go out of your way about it. Respond, but don't speak of relationships or anything like that. Don't even bring up that you can see it working in the future or something. You'll be very surprised at how quickly she loses interest in maintaining things and it dies off.
Anyway, she's obviously taking care of herself, so you should do the same for you.
This whole situation just really sucks...part of the reason this is affecting me so much is that where I am, I feel it is extremely difficult to meet interesting people (I meet maybe a few a year or so, at best?). And I've also had some pretty serious shit happen to me in my life pretty recently (ie, doing a few years due to the incredibly just and socially beneficial drug laws in the US :? ) which I told her about and...I dunno...felt like I 'bonded' with her about, as she was really cool/understanding about it. But that is a whole other thing.
Anyways, thanks again for listening.
walk away. seriously. she's too young to know what she wants, but she doesn't want you.
live you life.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
the consistent advice has really helped to look at things with more clarity
I don't think I'll ever understand why people say things that they don't really mean though, especially in this kind of context
Well, some people are just liars, but in most cases it's the person wanting to avoid hurting you as much as possible when really they just end up making it worse, or them just feeling better about it if they don't cut you out completely.
I'm sorry man but you got played.
She just turned 21. she doesn't know her own mind yet. Hell, I was engaged at 19, and then broke the engagement at 20 because I realized that I just didn't like the guy, let alone love him.
It's a volatile, violent time for just about everybody, let alone a female with hormones beating her senseless.
She might have meant exactly what she said, when she said it. And then things changed.
Another reason to back away, she's going to go through these whole 'life changing wow' moments a bit in the next few years, especially if she's at university. and to be honest, you're too old to have to deal with that crap. She might not have been misleading you on purpose, she could very easily have just had a case of the 'being young.'
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
this one time I was having a bowl of my favorite cereal ever while watching some TV and I said "oh man, I fucking love cocoa puffs!"
I no longer love cocoa puffs, also the TV I was watching was Saturday morning cartoons, while in my jam jams, because I was like 8 (and apparently a sailor).