Sal wants YOU to read this [Embarrassing Sexual Story]?

Quetzi

Sassori wrote:

Muse Among Men wrote:

Sass where you been girl?

Busy with school and work. My evenings have also been taken up with a lot of rehearsal time lately and it's not like I had much to say.

So I just kept quiet.

Whoa hey someone in here talking about rehearsals?

What you rehearsin' girl?

Sassori

Straightzi wrote:

Sassori wrote:

Muse Among Men wrote:

Sass where you been girl?

Busy with school and work. My evenings have also been taken up with a lot of rehearsal time lately and it's not like I had much to say.

So I just kept quiet.

Whoa hey someone in here talking about rehearsals?

What you rehearsin' girl?

I'm singing for a televised mass tomorrow. Nothing important.

MetroidZoid

Skull Man wrote:

oh man maybe I'm just really tired

but the idea of a little squirrel rushing up, arms up, all "IT'S NEVER LUPUS GUYS JEEZ" is just delighting me to pieces

That's clearly a rabbit. MD.

Anialos

gone

Tommy2Hands

Nice job fucking a hand dryer Thomas

BlankZoe

Man I need more embarrassing sex stories

I've already told my first almost blowjob and that's all I got

Tommy2Hands

I once got a blowjob in a front row seat at the opening night for deathly hollows part one

Yeah I'm not proud of that one

Muse Among Men

you know she was thinking of sucking Harry Potter off

Antimatter

Muse Among Men wrote:

you know she was thinking of sucking Harry Potter off

Tommy2Hands

Muse Among Men wrote:

you know she was thinking of sucking Harry Potter off

Honestly? Probably

Muse Among Men

Hey, everyone got to win. S'coo'.

Tommy2Hands

Hey lady, I made sure she got hers

Now that I think about it though, I'm pretty sure I heard her mutter a couple spells while I was doing my thang

Muse Among Men

i wonder if wizards have orgasm spells?

Tommy2Hands

You know they've got a couple up their sleeves

George Fornby Grill

Muse you on fire tonight, girl.

Muse Among Men

wizards probably have contraceptive spells too

Indie Winter

let me tell you about the extensive fancommunity of online sex wizards

Tommy2Hands

Coitiusmancers

George Fornby Grill

ChicoBlue wrote:

They call me Cumbledore.

ChicoBlue

They call me Cumbledore.

Indie Winter

ChicoBlue wrote:

They call me Cumbledore.

After how many hours in your "special basement"?

ChicoBlue

Headmaster Cumbledore.

Tommy2Hands

Cumbledore may I borrow your sorting hat

DavidStarsky

come on

we all know Snape gets it on with himself every night

Indie Winter

DavidStarsky wrote:

come on

we all know Snape gets it on with himself every night

even as he climaxes, the snide, condescending look never leaves his face

the only reaction is the slight raising of an eyebrow

Indie Winter

Tommy2Hands wrote:

Cumbledore may I borrow your sorting hat

eww why is it all sticky

also hey I thought it was supposed to talk but all it does is whimper

MetroidZoid

Yer a Jizzer, Harry

ChicoBlue

You're saying that we can have separate houses for evil children, bold children, smart children, and boring children, but you wont let me create a house specifically for the most attractive children?

Well, that is just plain silly.

Fishman

MetroidZoid wrote:

Yer a Jizzer, Harry

I laughed more than I should have.

Blake T

So beating off three times a week is considered not very much?

DavidStarsky

Hagrid's Love Shack

blow your student fund and your virginity for a night full of blows

neville

DavidStarsky wrote:

come on

we all know Snape gets it on with himself every night

Don't ask what's in his potions.

MetroidZoid

Hairy Potter wrote:

Let's finish this like we started ... together

Tommy2Hands

ChicoBlue wrote:

You're saying that we can have separate houses for evil children, bold children, smart children, and boring children, but you wont let me create a house specifically for the most attractive children?

Well, that is just plain silly.

Gazelle House

neville

Robot House

Antimatter

neville wrote:

Robot House

this is my house

it was made for me

Gatsby

MetroidZoid wrote: »

Hairy Potter wrote:

Let's finish this like we started ... together

I love you.

Tommy2Hands

Gatsby house

Gatsby

Gatsby House is filled with nothing but porno porno porno!

Penguin Incarnate

Embarrassing sexual escapades I have had:
A) I couldn't come the first time I had sex. Or the next time and maybe not the time after that. It was a weird time for me. Then my girlfriend broke up with me and had sex with my friend. It was a weird time. Now me and the girl are friends, though, so that's fun!

The longest girlfriend I ever had, as I recall, asked me once why I wasn't hard. That was not the right question to ask, as it turns out. In hindsight I had probably asked shittier questions of her and that as a long time coming. Apparently, after we talked about that later, she had cried about giving me such a hard time. All in all, that was a really good relationship despite my involvement.

C) Recently I had literal whiskey dick. It was not a good look for me. I tried getting it on and my dick was all "No way, pal, I gotta work in the morning." It was probably for the best because, in hindsight, both me and the gal were waaaaaaaay fucked up. If your night ends with you drunk and holding somebody's hair as they vomit, that is evidence that you should not have tried to get busy. If both of you are puking, then that should be a monument to your shame. Also the gal and I looked like brother and sister and that is no good at all. Incidentally, I found out that Trojan Magnums are pure marketing bullshit. They're exactly the same size as normal condoms, but you get to feel better about yourself. Look it up. You'll find I'm right

This has been a series of embarrassing sex stories by Penguin Incarnate and I don't care if you didn't ask for them.