I just can't wrap my head around the concept of the polyamorous thing ... Polygamy is easy to figure out, so is an "open relationship" or if Skoal would date both people.
But having a committed relationship with someone who already is in one ... So far, doesn't really compute.
EDIT: Just found this site in another thread on here ... http://annalsofonlinedating.tumblr.com - I am at a loss for words at some of the entries there.
If she's been dating a dude for 2 years, you'll be second fiddle. "Poly" does seem to be some sort of thing and it's relatively rare, but the ones I've run into just want to fuck other people while keeping a stable backup.
Most often I relate Poly people to bi-curious people. They like to meet new people without risking their hearts.
The term for a 'normal' couple that just allows flings is monogamish.
So it was my buddies birthday Monday, and we decided to celebrate on Saturday. The plan was all you can eat Sushi for lunch and PF Changs for drinks/dinner, then bar hopping at the bars near PF Changs. Well PF Changs was booked, so instead we go to TGIF which is slammed pack and eat at the bar. Nothing interesting happens and we all finish Dinner, there was 8 of us, and go out to a club in a strange red neck crossed hip hop part of the area we live in.
So we roll into the Bar/Club and there is a lot of people there. A lot of older people there, some dressed nice, one guy in an oversized yellow suit with red shirt and tie, and a bunch of women in their 40s in leapord print(let the games begin!). We grab a booth towards the back of the club and order drinks. We are sitting around being lame and I'm talking to some friends making fun of the Fabio looking guy and the guy in the suit way too big for him. When all of a sudden I notice two of the older ladies and an older gentleman have a nice tri-kiss.
I turned to my friend "WTF? Did you see that?" "huh?" he replies, "dude, that old guy and two women were just, oh shit they are at it again." We laugh and I start looking around. I see Fabio guy making out with two women. One of the older ladies in Leapord Print is going around making out with every woman she can get her hands on. A guy pushes the girl under his arm into the arms of another man who gives her a nice kiss, who returns the favor with his own woman. It finally dawns on me and thats when I turn to my friend and say "Dude... this... we.. this is a swingers party man"
It was strange to say the least. They weren't like super outgoing or anything. Other than the leapord print clothing they didn't seem like super sluts. It was like a freshman college party at a frat house but with people in their 40s and 50s.
On one view, the fact that she didn't reply could be seen as positive. Not all women are just interested in money.
On another view, it's a negative. Even as a pretend lawyer, I can't get replies from 30+ year old unemployed women who aren't particularly attractive and don't seem to be remotely interesting.
It won't be an interesting sociological experiment, it'll be you lying to get a date, then either A) hating the woman you date if she likes you because "she only likes me because I'm a lawyer" or hating the woman you date because "she doesn't like me even though she thinks I'm a lawyer".
Called it.
Dude, maybe you'd have more success with online dating if you weren't such a rampant misogynist. You've created a situation where, no matter what the outcome, you get to hate any woman you message.
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mrt144King of the NumbernamesRegistered Userregular
It seems that rampant misogynists never factor in their rampant misogyny into why they fail.
After following some advice I got in the previous thread and actually being more active on OKC I got myself a couple of dates! The first girl I met it went alright, but we didn't really click at all. The second however went very awesome and we're gonna go out again this weekend so thanks all!
"Deserve victory."
League of Legends - JustInDifferent
Just got a response that included the question 'if you could have a tree in your back yard that grew anything, what would it grow?'
Obviously the answer is 'bitches and hoes and candy for my nose', but I think I'll go with 'pomegranates because I am a lawyer.'
The boring answer she's heard half a dozen times already: money
Tell her you want a tree that grows koalas. She'll think it's interesting until you explain that it's because they're delicious.
I like to take that kind of question too seriously and realistically. The problem is that the tree is in your back yard, so neighbors and, depending on what your back yard faces, potentially a lot more people will be able to see this tree, so it's going to be a huge can of worms if your tree is growing anything out of the ordinary. Your neighbors are going to be calling animal control if they see koalas growing in your tree. And obviously the "money" answer is going to have the government on your ass pretty quickly. Basically it needs to grow something such that no one examining it from 40 feet away would have reason to spoil your magic tree for you.
Just got a response that included the question 'if you could have a tree in your back yard that grew anything, what would it grow?'
Obviously the answer is 'bitches and hoes and candy for my nose', but I think I'll go with 'pomegranates because I am a lawyer.'
The boring answer she's heard half a dozen times already: money
Tell her you want a tree that grows koalas. She'll think it's interesting until you explain that it's because they're delicious.
I like to take that kind of question too seriously and realistically. The problem is that the tree is in your back yard, so neighbors and, depending on what your back yard faces, potentially a lot more people will be able to see this tree, so it's going to be a huge can of worms if your tree is growing anything out of the ordinary. Your neighbors are going to be calling animal control if they see koalas growing in your tree. And obviously the "money" answer is going to have the government on your ass pretty quickly. Basically it needs to grow something such that no one examining it from 40 feet away would have reason to spoil your magic tree for you.
A tree that grows Christmas ornaments that bloom in early winter.
Just got a response that included the question 'if you could have a tree in your back yard that grew anything, what would it grow?'
"See, that's a tough one. Because if it grows something that is frequent, people may come to your house and then its all "Papparazi because of a tree in my yard". And you'll have to have security and who wants that?
So having a normal tree with say, apples, that would be an easy answer. Because apples are fantastic and you can feed your hunger with them. And pies.
But if it can grow anything, anything at all, it would have to be Flash Gordon. I always wanted to meet him."
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JacobkoshGamble a stamp.I can show you how to be a real man!Moderatormod
I am bored, drunk, and not being too successful with my OKC, so its about time y'all tore me down so you could build me back up. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Aioua
Well, moderately successful, met one girl and we went out for a couple months, then it turned out she was batshit crazy. And I managed to get a fuck buddy.... but I want a relationship, y'know. Also I know my pics are kinda sucky. There are not very many pictures of me >_>
life's a game that you're bound to lose / like using a hammer to pound in screws
fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
I went on two first dates this past week, and I have another first date scheduled for next week.
Kind of a weird turn of fortune considering I hadn't gone on a date for months before last week.
I've tentatively scheduled a second date (dinner and movie) with one of the girls that seemed cool. Although I'm a little discouraged she didn't sound more enthusiastic when I called. It's stressful enough having to do the planning and the asking-out... the least you could do is sound moderately happy to hear it's me when you pick up, especially if you're ultimately interested enough to agree to the date.
I've heard movies make poor dates because there's little opportunity to interact. But it seems like a reasonable "getting-to-know-you" casual outing to me, so I'm just going for it, rules be damned. And it's dinner --> movie --> drinks, so there'll be plenty of interaction on the night. If anything the movie provides a nice opportunity to acclimate to each others' presence without having to spend six straight hours entertaining each other. Slow and steady, etc.
That went really, really well. I'm actually going to give this a shot. Her other boyfriend seems really nice and supportive of this,, cool dude for a first impression. They're both poly. There have been a few other people that she's dated or they've/she/he fooled around with, but nothing substantial relationship wise.
She really likes me, I really like her, and this probably isn't going to chance much of what was already happening? I don't know. I'm going into this head first with eyes wide open. I flat out explained to her several times what I'm looking for, what I expect from someone that I date with regards to how they fit in, and things seem like they're going to mesh very well. So hey, I'm excited/nervous/happy/god this is fucking weird.
My life is a bit odd too in terms of free time, so this could actually be beneficial? This is all so weird, but I'm going to give it a shot.
Now my girlfriend has a boyfriend
Cool!
Feral already wrote a way better post than I could but here's what I'd offer up as general surviving-polyamory advice:
- Don't do this unless you're really, actually comfortable with it.
- Don't expect to never get jealous-- being poly doesn't mean you don't feel jealousy, it just means you talk out and learn to work with the presence of jealousy.
- Communicate early and often, talk everything out until it gets repetitive and boring. Most relationships get slowly poisoned if you keep things bottled in for awhile and don't share the issues you are feeling. Poly relationships on the other hand fucking detonate when you try to bottle things in.
- In general, it's going to help A LOT if you are bisexual
I've heard movies make poor dates because there's little opportunity to interact. But it seems like a reasonable "getting-to-know-you" casual outing to me, so I'm just going for it, rules be damned. And it's dinner --> movie --> drinks, so there'll be plenty of interaction on the night. If anything the movie provides a nice opportunity to acclimate to each others' presence without having to spend six straight hours entertaining each other. Slow and steady, etc.
It can be good or bad. If you've already done a lot of getting-to-know-you stuff via OKC chat it gives you something new to chat about for (at least part of) the rest of your night, which is useful. If either of you end up hating the movie it can be a bit shitty, but hopefully you picked something good.
I went on two first dates this past week, and I have another first date scheduled for next week.
Kind of a weird turn of fortune considering I hadn't gone on a date for months before last week.
I've tentatively scheduled a second date (dinner and movie) with one of the girls that seemed cool. Although I'm a little discouraged she didn't sound more enthusiastic when I called. It's stressful enough having to do the planning and the asking-out... the least you could do is sound moderately happy to hear it's me when you pick up, especially if you're ultimately interested enough to agree to the date.
I've heard movies make poor dates because there's little opportunity to interact. But it seems like a reasonable "getting-to-know-you" casual outing to me, so I'm just going for it, rules be damned. And it's dinner --> movie --> drinks, so there'll be plenty of interaction on the night. If anything the movie provides a nice opportunity to acclimate to each others' presence without having to spend six straight hours entertaining each other. Slow and steady, etc.
Alright single guys, another inspirational song for you to get your weekend groove on. Each Friday afternoon I'll be bringing you a musical masterpiece to inspire you to romantic greatness.
Last week I told you that you had the touch. This week, its all about having that flame inside.
Also, I am going to try and catch up on my commentaries this weekend. I know I'm something like two weeks behind (from the other thread even). I'm ashamed.
I don't like movie dates until I've already established touching. I don't want to sit next to a date in the dark for two hours and now hold their hand/put my arm around them/sneak a kiss in.
I don't like movie dates until I've already established touching. I don't want to sit next to a date in the dark for two hours and not hold their hand/put my arm around them/sneak a kiss in/dick in bottom of popcorn tub.
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KageraImitating the worst people. Since 2004Registered Userregular
Yeah...I get visitors but no real messages or replies still.
I think I need more hobbies so I am more appealing or something.
Pretty much that. My only real hobby is probably Starcraft 2 (which I don't mention at all) and I'm not particularly talented or good at anything. I just try to sound passionate about the things I do do that I find fulfilling and satisfying, and highlight a few other minor to moderate interests to flesh it out. I've gotten plenty of messages and replies.
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zepherinRussian warship, go fuck yourselfRegistered Userregular
My doctors office is a bunch of jerks. They made me wait a month after an STD check to give me an all clear after I spent time with a less than reputable gal and didn't glove up because sometimes I am dumb. Well nuts to them I'm going to wait to pay them.
My doctors office is a bunch of jerks. They made me wait a month after an STD check to give me an all clear after I spent time with a less than reputable gal and didn't glove up because sometimes I am dumb. Well nuts to them I'm going to wait to pay them.
After suffering the emotional (luckily not physical) consequences of mistake #1 you're rushing headlong into mistake #2 here. How about you break this string of bad decisions before you start chaining more links together?
So the girl I'm seeing is still visiting dating sites and is updating her profile and adding new pics... how worried should I be? Especially considering this coincides horribly with her being unable to see me this weekend because she's out of town. What's a reasonable amount of time to spend before freaking the fuck out?
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SixCaches Tweets in the mainframe cyberhexRegistered Userregular
So the girl I'm seeing is still visiting dating sites and is updating her profile and adding new pics... how worried should I be? Especially considering this coincides horribly with her being unable to see me this weekend because she's out of town. What's a reasonable amount of time to spend before freaking the fuck out?
What did she say when you calmly brought this up and asked about it?
Posts
But having a committed relationship with someone who already is in one ... So far, doesn't really compute.
EDIT: Just found this site in another thread on here ... http://annalsofonlinedating.tumblr.com - I am at a loss for words at some of the entries there.
The term for a 'normal' couple that just allows flings is monogamish.
So we roll into the Bar/Club and there is a lot of people there. A lot of older people there, some dressed nice, one guy in an oversized yellow suit with red shirt and tie, and a bunch of women in their 40s in leapord print(let the games begin!). We grab a booth towards the back of the club and order drinks. We are sitting around being lame and I'm talking to some friends making fun of the Fabio looking guy and the guy in the suit way too big for him. When all of a sudden I notice two of the older ladies and an older gentleman have a nice tri-kiss.
I turned to my friend "WTF? Did you see that?" "huh?" he replies, "dude, that old guy and two women were just, oh shit they are at it again." We laugh and I start looking around. I see Fabio guy making out with two women. One of the older ladies in Leapord Print is going around making out with every woman she can get her hands on. A guy pushes the girl under his arm into the arms of another man who gives her a nice kiss, who returns the favor with his own woman. It finally dawns on me and thats when I turn to my friend and say "Dude... this... we.. this is a swingers party man"
It was strange to say the least. They weren't like super outgoing or anything. Other than the leapord print clothing they didn't seem like super sluts. It was like a freshman college party at a frat house but with people in their 40s and 50s.
Called it.
Dude, maybe you'd have more success with online dating if you weren't such a rampant misogynist. You've created a situation where, no matter what the outcome, you get to hate any woman you message.
USE THIS KNOWLEDGE WELL
I think that number is a bit low.
At this point, not only do I want to know if it is succesful, I want to know what duck she says.
Obviously the answer is 'bitches and hoes and candy for my nose', but I think I'll go with 'pomegranates because I am a lawyer.'
...I shouldn't have to ask this question, people.
Pomegranates, however, are delicious.
League of Legends - JustInDifferent
The boring answer she's heard half a dozen times already: money
Tell her you want a tree that grows koalas. She'll think it's interesting until you explain that it's because they're delicious.
A tree that grows Christmas ornaments that bloom in early winter.
"See, that's a tough one. Because if it grows something that is frequent, people may come to your house and then its all "Papparazi because of a tree in my yard". And you'll have to have security and who wants that?
So having a normal tree with say, apples, that would be an easy answer. Because apples are fantastic and you can feed your hunger with them. And pies.
But if it can grow anything, anything at all, it would have to be Flash Gordon. I always wanted to meet him."
See you later, you colossal fuckwit.
Well, moderately successful, met one girl and we went out for a couple months, then it turned out she was batshit crazy. And I managed to get a fuck buddy.... but I want a relationship, y'know. Also I know my pics are kinda sucky. There are not very many pictures of me >_>
fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
Kind of a weird turn of fortune considering I hadn't gone on a date for months before last week.
I've tentatively scheduled a second date (dinner and movie) with one of the girls that seemed cool. Although I'm a little discouraged she didn't sound more enthusiastic when I called. It's stressful enough having to do the planning and the asking-out... the least you could do is sound moderately happy to hear it's me when you pick up, especially if you're ultimately interested enough to agree to the date.
I've heard movies make poor dates because there's little opportunity to interact. But it seems like a reasonable "getting-to-know-you" casual outing to me, so I'm just going for it, rules be damned. And it's dinner --> movie --> drinks, so there'll be plenty of interaction on the night. If anything the movie provides a nice opportunity to acclimate to each others' presence without having to spend six straight hours entertaining each other. Slow and steady, etc.
Cool!
Feral already wrote a way better post than I could but here's what I'd offer up as general surviving-polyamory advice:
- Don't do this unless you're really, actually comfortable with it.
- Don't expect to never get jealous-- being poly doesn't mean you don't feel jealousy, it just means you talk out and learn to work with the presence of jealousy.
- Communicate early and often, talk everything out until it gets repetitive and boring. Most relationships get slowly poisoned if you keep things bottled in for awhile and don't share the issues you are feeling. Poly relationships on the other hand fucking detonate when you try to bottle things in.
- In general, it's going to help A LOT if you are bisexual
Last week I told you that you had the touch. This week, its all about having that flame inside.
Also, I am going to try and catch up on my commentaries this weekend. I know I'm something like two weeks behind (from the other thread even). I'm ashamed.
I think I need more hobbies so I am more appealing or something.
Walk away, quickly.
What did she say when you calmly brought this up and asked about it?