When you call her again, be assertive and get to the point. Don't dawdle around and waste her time (but also don't be rude/forceful/aggressive) and make with the ask.
Another long-time thread lurker here, delurking because dating still makes no sense to me.
I've been going out with a guy for about three weeks now, and we were talking (and flirting) for several months prior to that. We go on dates, get dinner, "sexy fun times," as I believe is the proper forum terminology, have been had and they are good, and you'd think all was well with the world.
So why does he constantly say "And that's just another reason we're completely incompatible!" every time we disagree on some minor issue (like what movie to watch), and if he compliments me it's strictly about my body? To be sure, it's nice to be told I look good when I'm honestly quite average, but does that mean he's only in it for the sex?
I have a lot of fun talking to him, because we're both interested in a lot of the same things but tend to have opposite opinions about those things (we both follow politics, for example, but he likes Ron Paul and I'm a socialist). Does that not matter to guys? Is sex really the end all and be all? How can we girls figure out if you like us or if you just like our bodies? Or is that the same thing as far as you're concerned?
If he's only complimenting your body and dropping lines about being incompatible it seems pretty likely he's in for the booty. Though that's not a 100% guaranteed. The only way to know is to ask!
And yes, guys can enjoy dating and having sex with a girl without it leading to a committed relationship. Some girls do it too!
Id say the "reasons we're not compatible" us is a way of mentally keeping a barrier between you two; just not enough to stop the sex. Whether he's saying this for him, to you, doesn't matter: he does not want a relationship. So if you're okay with that, keep at it. Even better if you open up that line of communication of what you two expect.
MetroidZoid on
Steam
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
Another long-time thread lurker here, delurking because dating still makes no sense to me.
I've been going out with a guy for about three weeks now, and we were talking (and flirting) for several months prior to that. We go on dates, get dinner, "sexy fun times," as I believe is the proper forum terminology, have been had and they are good, and you'd think all was well with the world.
So why does he constantly say "And that's just another reason we're completely incompatible!" every time we disagree on some minor issue (like what movie to watch), and if he compliments me it's strictly about my body? To be sure, it's nice to be told I look good when I'm honestly quite average, but does that mean he's only in it for the sex?
I have a lot of fun talking to him, because we're both interested in a lot of the same things but tend to have opposite opinions about those things (we both follow politics, for example, but he likes Ron Paul and I'm a socialist). Does that not matter to guys? Is sex really the end all and be all? How can we girls figure out if you like us or if you just like our bodies? Or is that the same thing as far as you're concerned?
He says that because he'd rather dismiss the argument than have an actual discussion. He's not interested in changing his mind or listening to your point of view, and doesn't feel like putting in the effort to discuss your opinion.
He compliments your looks because it's immediate and straightforward, and it's also something that most people don't hear. Your parents may say you're smart and your friends may say you're funny, but your boyfriend is probably the only one saying you have a nice ass. However, the fact that he seems to dismiss your opinion on anything that you're not in full agreement implies that he may not actually like your humor or taste or style or intelligence. I don't know much about him though other than the brief 2 sentences that you've said, though, so he may like all of those things and just be a dick when it comes to serious discussions.
If he's constantly saying you're incompatible when you're trying to figure out, say, what movie to watch, or what to have for dinner, call him on it. What do you normally do when he says this about a movie? Do you just give in and watch what he wants? Or do you call him on it and say "well I guess we should break up then, if we're just in this for the sex."
Date get! Guy is cute, seems nice. I went right for meeting up, because boo texting, so going in without a ton of info. I picked a cafe I want to check out, so there will be that regardless. :^:
Date get! Guy is cute, seems nice. I went right for meeting up, because boo texting, so going in without a ton of info. I picked a cafe I want to check out, so there will be that regardless. :^:
A little word of caution, in general (not all) the girls that respond to those joke profiles are not looking for serious relationships. My brother did the whole joke profile thing for like 2-3 years and I think he's been in about 7 or 8 "relationships" from them that don't last more than a month or two. Not sure how much of it is him and how much of it are the various girls, but it does kinda make sense if you think about it.
So just think about what you are looking for! 20 responses from girls is great, but 1 response from the right girl is even better, unless you want STDs!
Holy shit, someone who was complaining about people being to digital a few pages back. He was on a train and the cute girl across from him was so invested in her iPhone there was no way to start a conversation. I had a conversation with someone about your experience and what you were saying. These devices that are suppose to bring us together were keeping us apart.
I was linked to this, and holy shit that was intense.
He says that because he'd rather dismiss the argument than have an actual discussion. He's not interested in changing his mind or listening to your point of view, and doesn't feel like putting in the effort to discuss your opinion.
Actually, he's really good about not dismissing my opinion, or else I wouldn't have fun talking to him. It's just that he likes to spout that incompatible line at the beginning of the discussion.
Id say the "reasons we're not compatible" us is a way of mentally keeping a barrier between you two; just not enough to stop the sex. Whether he's saying this for him, to you, doesn't matter: he does not want a relationship. So if you're okay with that, keep at it. Even better if you open up that line of communication of what you two expect.
When you put it bluntly like that, I think you're probably right. While I'm actually okay with that for now (I wouldn't be sleeping with him if I didn't like it too), I can't help but hope that might change in the future. Well, I'll work on that line of communication (it's already pretty open anyway), and at least neither one of us can say we didn't know what we were getting into.
Incidentally, guys: make sure you compliment your girl on both her looks and her personality/intellect, or else she's going to think you're not that into her. Just one or the other and she'll get worried.
Holy shit, someone who was complaining about people being to digital a few pages back. He was on a train and the cute girl across from him was so invested in her iPhone there was no way to start a conversation. I had a conversation with someone about your experience and what you were saying. These devices that are suppose to bring us together were keeping us apart.
I was linked to this, and holy shit that was intense.
Wow...that WAS intense. Also very true...we live in a strange society.
In other news, I've been having no luck meeting any girls in class / general, been thinking about trying okc again. Every time I do I come here and read a few pages, then decide not to. Dating is such a meat grinder.
DarkMecha on
Steam Profile | My Art | NID: DarkMecha (SW-4787-9571-8977) | PSN: DarkMecha
Goddammit, I think I'm actually falling for a guy who lives a state away, and I don't want to let myself do that because I know it's a bad factor of me being alone, and us having talked a lot, and being good friends and ... just damn it all. I want to meet someone HERE. NEAR ME.
Steam
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
So after going on an awesome few dates with lovely, sweet, tiny British-Gwyneth-Paltrow about 6 months ago, then having her abruptly switch and say she didn't think we should see each other again - I'm now on track to see her again this weekend.
As pleased as I am that I get to see her again, I'm even more nervous this time around than I was on the first date because now I feel like I have all this added pressure to basically prove that I'm not [dreadful thing that made her end things last time]. Don't really know how to deal with that to be honest.
So after going on an awesome few dates with lovely, sweet, tiny British-Gwyneth-Paltrow about 6 months ago, then having her abruptly switch and say she didn't think we should see each other again - I'm now on track to see her again this weekend.
As pleased as I am that I get to see her again, I'm even more nervous this time around than I was on the first date because now I feel like I have all this added pressure to basically prove that I'm not [dreadful thing that made her end things last time]. Don't really know how to deal with that to be honest.
Tell me how to fix my profile, please. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/philosopunk
I signed up back in November, and did pretty well getting responses and even a couple dates. But then suddenly, nothing, and for several weeks now. have I already exhausted the people who are willing to talk me?
So after going on an awesome few dates with lovely, sweet, tiny British-Gwyneth-Paltrow about 6 months ago, then having her abruptly switch and say she didn't think we should see each other again - I'm now on track to see her again this weekend.
As pleased as I am that I get to see her again, I'm even more nervous this time around than I was on the first date because now I feel like I have all this added pressure to basically prove that I'm not [dreadful thing that made her end things last time]. Don't really know how to deal with that to be honest.
Well this turned out to be a fucking dumb idea.
That sounds painful.
Life lesson: never give a fickle woman a second chance.
So after going on an awesome few dates with lovely, sweet, tiny British-Gwyneth-Paltrow about 6 months ago, then having her abruptly switch and say she didn't think we should see each other again - I'm now on track to see her again this weekend.
As pleased as I am that I get to see her again, I'm even more nervous this time around than I was on the first date because now I feel like I have all this added pressure to basically prove that I'm not [dreadful thing that made her end things last time]. Don't really know how to deal with that to be honest.
Well this turned out to be a fucking dumb idea.
That sounds painful.
Life lesson: never give a fickle woman a second chance.
It was nothing she did wrong; met up again and there was just this awkward, unpleasant lack of chemistry, combined with the fact she looked fantastic and listening to stories about the guys she dated in the mean time. Not fun.
It's not a matter of right or wrong. I just don't think a scenario like what you've described ever works out.
But I'm more of a head first into the deep end kind of guy. When you wade in through the shallow end, you can always retreat before you get your face wet no matter how deep you go before hand.
It's not a matter of right or wrong. I just don't think a scenario like what you've described ever works out.
But I'm more of a head first into the deep end kind of guy. When you wade in through the shallow end, you can always retreat before you get your face wet no matter how deep you go before hand.
I kind of think it was a mean move on the part of his ex though. It's just massively insensitive to start talking about your new relationships with an ex unless you're both very comfortable with the situation. I certainly wouldn't talk about my new relationships with an ex until I was reasonably sure it wouldn't upset them.
Okay so a guy and me have sent a couple messages back and forth, seems like there might be a possible connection, sucks that he's 30 minutes away but this is Oregon I'll take that for now. He's big into hiking, like me, but I'm not about to go on a hike in the wilderness with someone I just met online, so does it sound like a safe bet to have a couple dates, maybe one there, one in my town, and go on a hike with him and a couple of friends? Seems safe to me. Kind of nervous about asking, don't want to come off as a paranoid asshole or anything.
Steam
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
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thatassemblyguyJanitor of Technical Debt.Registered Userregular
First dates should always be in a public place; so no, you're not being a paranoid asshole for wanting to do a dinner/coffee meetup first.
Honestly, I wouldn't even mention the subsequent meetings. Keep things simple. Go on the first date, and then feel things out from there.
Okay so a guy and me have sent a couple messages back and forth, seems like there might be a possible connection, sucks that he's 30 minutes away but this is Oregon I'll take that for now. He's big into hiking, like me, but I'm not about to go on a hike in the wilderness with someone I just met online, so does it sound like a safe bet to have a couple dates, maybe one there, one in my town, and go on a hike with him and a couple of friends? Seems safe to me. Kind of nervous about asking, don't want to come off as a paranoid asshole or anything.
If you like hiking, do you also happen to like zoos? The zoo can be a nice change of pace for a first date, and it allows plenty of time to talk while still offering the option to stare at the animals if there's an awkward pause in the conversation.
Yeah, first dates in public spaces. Seems to be an unstated norm to me. Don't talk about future dates until after the first date. Or you'll come off as desperate.
Yeah, first dates in public spaces. Seems to be an unstated norm to me. Don't talk about future dates until after the first date. Or you'll come off as desperate.
Agreed, if I met you online I'm using starbucks, or some trendy local coffee joint as a way to simply screen you and reduce the chances your a sociopath, and hopefully the lady I'm with at the time is doing the same. In fact yesterday I did just that, met at starbucks didn't trigger my crazy meter to bad so time to set up a real date. Also starbucks dates cost about 10 bucks.
Yeah, first dates in public spaces. Seems to be an unstated norm to me. Don't talk about future dates until after the first date. Or you'll come off as desperate.
I have an agreed coffee date tomorrow lunch time with one of the girls who was too busy to go on a date straight away. Emails and text messages have been exchanged. Indications are good so far: worked on a Sunday (a strong work ethic is important to me), no signs of insecurity or craziness in messages.
So I havent been in here since around late 2010 since I met someone offline (Sidenote: Play coed Kickball....recipie for dating win)...
Just saw this 48 hours thing on the teevee last night....kinda made me think of all you wonderful people. Remember, be safe out there....always tell your friends if you are going out on a date, even if its not someone you met online. And if you get attacked by a dude in a hockey mask, for the safety of your fellow internet daters, report it to the cops.
And for Coed Kickball in your area! http://www.kickball.com/
(Seriously, go play, meet members of opposite sex, built in icebreaker, built in aftergame socialization)
Date get! Guy is cute, seems nice. I went right for meeting up, because boo texting, so going in without a ton of info. I picked a cafe I want to check out, so there will be that regardless. :^:
Whoooooooooooo! good luck!
Thanks! Date went OK. Sparks didn't fly, but conversation was had and I could see meeting up with the guy for drinks next weekend after I'm back from my AmeriCorps training. Probably the biggest red flag is that my career goals seemed, like, wildly alien to him. The definitely played out -- it has a great food menu and an AMAZING beer and wine lineup and a really nice patio. I intend to make best friends with it in the future.
And also in the good news dept., I seem to have landed a meet-up with a guy from the next town over. This interaction went on for about 11 messages (total) before we got there, but basically I'm still at "cute, seems nice." And I feel OK with that as a standard for coffee, which, hurray!
So far I'm mostly shying away from a) people who seem totally aimless, b) most college kids, and c) dudes who are all "u must be masculine." Similarly skeptical of people who self-identify as straight-acting.
Helpful tip. If you go out to lunch for some sushi with a person, don't text the stranger you just ate sushi next morning with "rise and shine sunshine".
Helpful tip. If you go out to lunch for some sushi with a person, don't text the stranger you just ate sushi next morning with "rise and shine sunshine".
Among other things.
I don't get it?
Had my coffee date. Went well I think. I certainly had a good time anyway and she seemed to enjoy herself. Although she did seem very nervous (slight tremor of the hands when she did things). She looked better than in her photos which was a pleasant surprise. Conversation was engaging and varied. We talked for nearly two hours which is a good indicator and she didn't say anything which made any alarm bells ring. The plan is to arrange meeting up for a drink one evening. Fingers crossed and all that...
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mysticjuicer[he/him] I'm a muscle wizardand I cast P U N C HRegistered Userregular
So far I'm mostly shying away from a) people who seem totally aimless, b) most college kids, and c) dudes who are all "u must be masculine." Similarly skeptical of people who self-identify as straight-acting.
Just wanted to agree with your screening criteria.
Girl messages me wanting a quickie. Then she tells me she wants me to help 'fulfill' a a fantasy of hers.
Yup, you guessed it; 2 guys, 1 girl.
At first I wasnt for it, then she sent me a few photos to help persuade me. I'm not gonna lie, that girl has a borderline-perfect figure, practically custom-tailored to my tastes. Nothing was left to my imagination!
Then I find out that she wanted me to do other stuff.......with the guy.......doing....things....
And, well, I had to back out. I just cant go there, ya know.
But god damn she was smoking, good lord. And I also had access to the whole 'feast' so to speak afterwards. Damn >:(
Posts
Do bears even own cellphones?
Seriously though, she's not interested in you, IMO. You've basically been blown off twice. That's kind of a big indicator.
I've been going out with a guy for about three weeks now, and we were talking (and flirting) for several months prior to that. We go on dates, get dinner, "sexy fun times," as I believe is the proper forum terminology, have been had and they are good, and you'd think all was well with the world.
So why does he constantly say "And that's just another reason we're completely incompatible!" every time we disagree on some minor issue (like what movie to watch), and if he compliments me it's strictly about my body? To be sure, it's nice to be told I look good when I'm honestly quite average, but does that mean he's only in it for the sex?
I have a lot of fun talking to him, because we're both interested in a lot of the same things but tend to have opposite opinions about those things (we both follow politics, for example, but he likes Ron Paul and I'm a socialist). Does that not matter to guys? Is sex really the end all and be all? How can we girls figure out if you like us or if you just like our bodies? Or is that the same thing as far as you're concerned?
And yes, guys can enjoy dating and having sex with a girl without it leading to a committed relationship. Some girls do it too!
Battle.net: Fireflash#1425
Steam Friend code: 45386507
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
He says that because he'd rather dismiss the argument than have an actual discussion. He's not interested in changing his mind or listening to your point of view, and doesn't feel like putting in the effort to discuss your opinion.
He compliments your looks because it's immediate and straightforward, and it's also something that most people don't hear. Your parents may say you're smart and your friends may say you're funny, but your boyfriend is probably the only one saying you have a nice ass. However, the fact that he seems to dismiss your opinion on anything that you're not in full agreement implies that he may not actually like your humor or taste or style or intelligence. I don't know much about him though other than the brief 2 sentences that you've said, though, so he may like all of those things and just be a dick when it comes to serious discussions.
If he's constantly saying you're incompatible when you're trying to figure out, say, what movie to watch, or what to have for dinner, call him on it. What do you normally do when he says this about a movie? Do you just give in and watch what he wants? Or do you call him on it and say "well I guess we should break up then, if we're just in this for the sex."
Dating is easy. Relationships are hard.
Whoooooooooooo! good luck!
But then I rarely get messages
I dunno, ideally I guess it should come off "playfully, I don't take myself too seriously"
Funny always puts everyone at ease.
EDIT:Wow, I can not get this hyperlink to work.
So just think about what you are looking for! 20 responses from girls is great, but 1 response from the right girl is even better, unless you want STDs!
(Apparently, I rant like Lewis Black)
I still think my profile is a pretty accurate reflection of myself.
I was linked to this, and holy shit that was intense.
So far no responses from any of the messages I've sent out though.
Actually, he's really good about not dismissing my opinion, or else I wouldn't have fun talking to him. It's just that he likes to spout that incompatible line at the beginning of the discussion.
When you put it bluntly like that, I think you're probably right. While I'm actually okay with that for now (I wouldn't be sleeping with him if I didn't like it too), I can't help but hope that might change in the future. Well, I'll work on that line of communication (it's already pretty open anyway), and at least neither one of us can say we didn't know what we were getting into.
Incidentally, guys: make sure you compliment your girl on both her looks and her personality/intellect, or else she's going to think you're not that into her.
Wow...that WAS intense. Also very true...we live in a strange society.
In other news, I've been having no luck meeting any girls in class / general, been thinking about trying okc again. Every time I do I come here and read a few pages, then decide not to. Dating is such a meat grinder.
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
Well this turned out to be a fucking dumb idea.
That sounds painful.
I signed up back in November, and did pretty well getting responses and even a couple dates. But then suddenly, nothing, and for several weeks now. have I already exhausted the people who are willing to talk me?
Life lesson: never give a fickle woman a second chance.
It was nothing she did wrong; met up again and there was just this awkward, unpleasant lack of chemistry, combined with the fact she looked fantastic and listening to stories about the guys she dated in the mean time. Not fun.
But I'm more of a head first into the deep end kind of guy. When you wade in through the shallow end, you can always retreat before you get your face wet no matter how deep you go before hand.
I kind of think it was a mean move on the part of his ex though. It's just massively insensitive to start talking about your new relationships with an ex unless you're both very comfortable with the situation. I certainly wouldn't talk about my new relationships with an ex until I was reasonably sure it wouldn't upset them.
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
Honestly, I wouldn't even mention the subsequent meetings. Keep things simple. Go on the first date, and then feel things out from there.
If you like hiking, do you also happen to like zoos? The zoo can be a nice change of pace for a first date, and it allows plenty of time to talk while still offering the option to stare at the animals if there's an awkward pause in the conversation.
@lizardloop
Is she really an "ex" if they only went on a few dates?
I suppose not but she still strikes me as a jerk.
Just saw this 48 hours thing on the teevee last night....kinda made me think of all you wonderful people. Remember, be safe out there....always tell your friends if you are going out on a date, even if its not someone you met online. And if you get attacked by a dude in a hockey mask, for the safety of your fellow internet daters, report it to the cops.
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7398410n&tag=cbsnewsLeadStoriesArea.0
If you dont want to sit through the whole creepy as episode, heres cliffnotes:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Twitchell
And for Coed Kickball in your area!
http://www.kickball.com/
(Seriously, go play, meet members of opposite sex, built in icebreaker, built in aftergame socialization)
Thanks! Date went OK. Sparks didn't fly, but conversation was had and I could see meeting up with the guy for drinks next weekend after I'm back from my AmeriCorps training. Probably the biggest red flag is that my career goals seemed, like, wildly alien to him. The definitely played out -- it has a great food menu and an AMAZING beer and wine lineup and a really nice patio. I intend to make best friends with it in the future.
And also in the good news dept., I seem to have landed a meet-up with a guy from the next town over. This interaction went on for about 11 messages (total) before we got there, but basically I'm still at "cute, seems nice." And I feel OK with that as a standard for coffee, which, hurray!
So far I'm mostly shying away from a) people who seem totally aimless, b) most college kids, and c) dudes who are all "u must be masculine." Similarly skeptical of people who self-identify as straight-acting.
Among other things.
Had my coffee date. Went well I think. I certainly had a good time anyway and she seemed to enjoy herself. Although she did seem very nervous (slight tremor of the hands when she did things). She looked better than in her photos which was a pleasant surprise. Conversation was engaging and varied. We talked for nearly two hours which is a good indicator and she didn't say anything which made any alarm bells ring. The plan is to arrange meeting up for a drink one evening. Fingers crossed and all that...
Just wanted to agree with your screening criteria.
Girl messages me wanting a quickie. Then she tells me she wants me to help 'fulfill' a a fantasy of hers.
Yup, you guessed it; 2 guys, 1 girl.
At first I wasnt for it, then she sent me a few photos to help persuade me. I'm not gonna lie, that girl has a borderline-perfect figure, practically custom-tailored to my tastes. Nothing was left to my imagination!
Then I find out that she wanted me to do other stuff.......with the guy.......doing....things....
And, well, I had to back out. I just cant go there, ya know.
But god damn she was smoking, good lord. And I also had access to the whole 'feast' so to speak afterwards. Damn >:(