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Do I make a move?
Penguin_Otaku
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Alright. Another P_O girl thread.
No drama, though, so huzzah.
Anyway. Girl and me are in the same college, work together on the sports show weekly and got put together to work on graphics.
Now this was kinda awkward because in the past I was a little too forward/pushy in the past, over a year ago. We just kinda stopped talking and I felt like a huge jackass for making things so weird.
So after we found out we were working together I sent her a text that was like, "Hey. Sorry things have been awkward in the past. New start?" Her response was positive and said not to worry about it so I didn't.
Turns out I was busy with other projects within the show that I really just kinda let her take over the position and I was just helping everyone, but still talking to her a lot during the show.
So after the show every Monday, we started going to the bar afterward, watching MNF and then going back to my place to have a smoke. Fun times. She even met up with me at OU/TX so I could buy her a drink or two.
Now OU/TX she came up to our hotel room, brought her friend and she was pretty drunk. While we were smoking, I guess her and her friend (girl) started err... making out. I never looked over and saw, but I heard it and my friends I was with just kinda looked at me and were trying not to laugh, it was a pretty funny situation.
Not sure what happened after that, but I asked her how the rest of her weekend went on Sunday and she said it was pretty emotional. I just left it at that and wasn't sure what it was about, didn't really want to make things awkward and say, "OH WAS IT BECAUSE OF THAT CHICK YOU WERE MAKIN OUT WIT?"
At this point we have hung out more the past two weeks than we really have before. More bumping into each other, shoulder rubbing, etc...
So I've been out of this dating thing for 2 years after a long relationship and am just now in a decent mental state to even think about being in this position (though, we all know that I've tried to force things before this point.)
But I don't remember what I've done in the past to make the move. I don't even know if I should or if we're just drinking/smoking buddies. I'm sure as hell not trying to rush into anything considering we'll both graduate in the spring and she'll probably go back to Texas and I have no desire to move there.
Anyhow, I'm probably just being a pussy and need to nut up and talk to her about it but I don't really wanna mess up having someone to hang out with. Of course I have my other friends and all but it's a different fun whenever me and her are just hanging out doing something.
Thanks in advance
No drama, though, so huzzah.
Anyway. Girl and me are in the same college, work together on the sports show weekly and got put together to work on graphics.
Now this was kinda awkward because in the past I was a little too forward/pushy in the past, over a year ago. We just kinda stopped talking and I felt like a huge jackass for making things so weird.
So after we found out we were working together I sent her a text that was like, "Hey. Sorry things have been awkward in the past. New start?" Her response was positive and said not to worry about it so I didn't.
Turns out I was busy with other projects within the show that I really just kinda let her take over the position and I was just helping everyone, but still talking to her a lot during the show.
So after the show every Monday, we started going to the bar afterward, watching MNF and then going back to my place to have a smoke. Fun times. She even met up with me at OU/TX so I could buy her a drink or two.
Now OU/TX she came up to our hotel room, brought her friend and she was pretty drunk. While we were smoking, I guess her and her friend (girl) started err... making out. I never looked over and saw, but I heard it and my friends I was with just kinda looked at me and were trying not to laugh, it was a pretty funny situation.
Not sure what happened after that, but I asked her how the rest of her weekend went on Sunday and she said it was pretty emotional. I just left it at that and wasn't sure what it was about, didn't really want to make things awkward and say, "OH WAS IT BECAUSE OF THAT CHICK YOU WERE MAKIN OUT WIT?"
At this point we have hung out more the past two weeks than we really have before. More bumping into each other, shoulder rubbing, etc...
So I've been out of this dating thing for 2 years after a long relationship and am just now in a decent mental state to even think about being in this position (though, we all know that I've tried to force things before this point.)
But I don't remember what I've done in the past to make the move. I don't even know if I should or if we're just drinking/smoking buddies. I'm sure as hell not trying to rush into anything considering we'll both graduate in the spring and she'll probably go back to Texas and I have no desire to move there.
Anyhow, I'm probably just being a pussy and need to nut up and talk to her about it but I don't really wanna mess up having someone to hang out with. Of course I have my other friends and all but it's a different fun whenever me and her are just hanging out doing something.
Thanks in advance
Penguin_Otaku on
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To me it sound like you have a friend/drinking buddy. Nothing more.
*edit* I ask this only because when you add in the dash of "Questioning sexuality / College experimentation" things get a little more murky.
You need to move on. Completely. She already told you she wasn't interested. You said you were fine with that and still wanted to be friends. Making a move now just makes you a giant dick.
This should answer your question. You made a move once...and it failed. What evidence is there it wont again? Have you been thinking about this girl a lot in the last year? If so...you really need to move on. If not, then just drop it and dont re-awkward things.
And I'm not sure if it was so much that she didn't like me in that way, I think I was just way too pushy in a bad way (is there a good way to be pushy?) I would text her too much and get no reply. She replies now is what I'm saying and wants to hang out. Someone asked if something had changed and I guess that's what's changed is that she WANTS to hang out as opposed to ignoring me like she did before.
Nevertheless, I think the sentiment has just reaffirmed what I thought initially. In any case, I'd rather not try and mess up what we have at the moment.
You're making excuses for as to why you should ask her out again, and you definitely shouldn't.
And just because a girl replies to your texts, it doesn't mean anything. Men and women can be just friends. Remember that.
I know you don't want to rush things, but your entire thought process here tends to suggest that you mentally can't resist rushing things. I think you should spend some time working on that. So I'm with the consensus opinion there.
I do think that at some point in the near future, it might do you some good to ask out someone completely new for a cup of coffee or something. You probably need to put a half dozen first dates behind you in order to start rebuilding some good social habits for interacting with women so that you'll stop approaching women you work with like you need a decoder ring to understand them.
She WANTS to hang out, yeah, because you're not constantly texting her and trying to push her into dating you. In her eyes, you've gotten over this crush you had on her, and are no longer trying to persuade her into dating you. She's excited because she wants to be friends and nothing more.
What breaking of the physical barrier?
Although...perhaps I'm misinterpreting that, now that I re-read it.
But with that in mind, I've kinda developed feelings for her. I like her. Like I said she's sweet, considerate, smart, similar opinions in most things (music, politics, sports.) Also, though, I do not want to jeopardize the friendship.
I've tried to rationalize that maybe she's into me, but I've not really found any evidence to support that... other than maybe for the past month and a half we've found a way to hang out with each other every day. Whether it's just for a little bit, we'll always hit each other up and find a way to see the other.
There was also the random trip to Texas A&M we made. We were at the bar one night, I was with my group of friends and she mentioned she was bored doing nothing so I invited her out. I had an invite from a buddy that goes to TAMU to come down the next day, him knowing that I was going to Waco on Saturday anyway. Just jokingly I offered her an invite and she accepted, surprised me. Anyway, we had a nice little weekend roadtrip and there wasn't ever really any awkward moment or anything, just... us having a good time. She's also made it apparent she really wants me to go out to Tempe for the bowl game as well. Was coy about it and then I asked her if she was trying to convince me to go to which she admitted that she did want me to go.
Now I know good and well this doesn't constitute her liking me in anyway. But, the purpose of an update is well... to update.
So my real question is... how do I not let this interfere with the good thing we have going? She's really awesome and I'd hate for some awkward move to make it any less. What are your guys' experiences with liking girl, but not wanting to jeopardize awesome friendship? Or am I jaded the other way now and need to make some kind of move?
I do though. I mean, I'm usually out partying with my friends and her with her friends on weekends. Occasionally we'll crossover, but not often.
The advice everyone else has given you is solid. There are other girls out there. It's healthier to start looking around.
The best way to avoid an awkward move is to not make an awkward move. Just be friends with her like she believes you to be.
Please shoot me a PM if you add me so I know to add you back.
+1, alternative treatment, watch "500 days of Summer".
He didn't exactly say you're in love with her, all he's really saying is go find a lady that's actually interested in you. Get off your ass and date. Or if you're simply unable to stop crushing on her, you man up and tell her the truth so she can distance herself from you if she's uncomfortable with that. Right now you're deceiving her.
Those qualities you listed are things you should be looking for in any friend. And since you've said many times you don't want to jeopardize this friendship, stop trying to come up with ways to do so. Just keep on doing what you're doing, because it sounds like you're having fun together as friends.
Do you remember back over a year ago, that awkward/weird feeling around her after you kept trying to make a move on her and she wasn't interested? That's how it's going to be again if you revisit that behaviour. I don't agree with others that are saying you need to distance yourself/tell her you have feelings/stop "deceiving" her though, because I don't really subscribe to the line of thought that you can't be attracted to a friend without making a move/acting on it.
Some people are attractive. Some people are attractive in many ways. These people can be your friends, and it doesn't mean you're in it for the wrong reasons or "crushing." You just need to realize in this case that this girl you are physically, emotionally, and mentally attracted to is not going to be anything other than a friend. You can still be friends with this person, if you're an adult about it.
This isn't the movies.
Anyway, sound advice all around. Appreciate it, fellas.
If a guy friend did all these things would you think they were into you like that? Probably not.
All the while staying good friends with her, (lets call her Stephanie because that's her name.) we drifted apart a little bit but she was intent on staying close.
I felt like my intentions were good in not giving myself the opportunity or outlet to perceive anything as a romantic interest. Most reports I got were that she was gay. Hey, my loss but I'm happy to just be her friend.
Recently she's been more open. I don't mean to misplace it but she seems more flirty. I try to overlook this but I was teasingly passing her something (pulling it away at just the right time...) and our fingers lingered and just kind of hung around as if she wanted me to grab her hand.
I could be wrong but my main Concern is not losing her as a friend.
No. She already shut you down once. If your concern is not losing her as a friend, you need to stop obsessing.
If you want to risk losing it, maybe just have a small talk and see where the two of you are at in the relationship "Still just friends?" "Yep, still just friends." I mean, two mature people should be able to handle a talk like that.
Still, finding a different girl to date is likely the better solution.