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Dating sites to meet gamer women?
MrT137
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Yes, I REALLY just asked that question on an internet advice forum. 
I'll take it all with a grain of salt, but seriously, I have a hard time finding single women who enjoy gaming like I do. I'm not trying to be overly picky, and only want to meet women who enjoy games (boardgames, videogames, cards, sports, croquet, whatever). Obviously, I'm looking for more than that in a woman, but having the same love of games is certainly a good start, right? Although I know lots of nice gaming women (I've been to PAX twice, I know they're not rare) they are seem to be married or taken. And people on dating sites don't exactly list "boardgames" very often on their profiles, lol! Seriously, I've searched. :P
Anyhow, the reason I bring up dating sites is because I think they are a great way to meet new people outside of my normal group of friends. I've certainly made a couple of good friends through said sites, but there is a definite lack of women who even pretend to be interested when I tell them I have a regular boardgaming night. Maybe it's because Delaware is a small state? If I lived in a big city (like Philly), it would be easier to meet single women, but it's not an option right now.
So, anyhow, feel free to throw out some recommendations. Maybe daing sites aren't the way to go, I don't know. Don't take this post the wrong way: I'm certainly not desperate, or searching for "the one". But it would be increase the odds.
I'll take it all with a grain of salt, but seriously, I have a hard time finding single women who enjoy gaming like I do. I'm not trying to be overly picky, and only want to meet women who enjoy games (boardgames, videogames, cards, sports, croquet, whatever). Obviously, I'm looking for more than that in a woman, but having the same love of games is certainly a good start, right? Although I know lots of nice gaming women (I've been to PAX twice, I know they're not rare) they are seem to be married or taken. And people on dating sites don't exactly list "boardgames" very often on their profiles, lol! Seriously, I've searched. :PAnyhow, the reason I bring up dating sites is because I think they are a great way to meet new people outside of my normal group of friends. I've certainly made a couple of good friends through said sites, but there is a definite lack of women who even pretend to be interested when I tell them I have a regular boardgaming night. Maybe it's because Delaware is a small state? If I lived in a big city (like Philly), it would be easier to meet single women, but it's not an option right now.
So, anyhow, feel free to throw out some recommendations. Maybe daing sites aren't the way to go, I don't know. Don't take this post the wrong way: I'm certainly not desperate, or searching for "the one". But it would be increase the odds.
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I'd try to find a girl that you have a compatible personality with, that accepts that you play board games and the like, and hope you find one that wants to play them as well, rather than limiting yourself to people who only have the exact same interests as you.
but they're listening to every word I say
You can always try to introduce someone to gaming. Many women have never had an opportunity to try gaming. I would guess that a lot of women who do game actually were introduced to gaming through their male friends or boyfriends (which is probably why they all seem to be taken). Don't give up on the relationship if it turns out the woman you are dating/are interested in dating doesn't like to play though. I would hope you dated her because you have other things in common as well
But I agree that specifically looking for a partner who games both severely limits your options and prioritizes the wrong characteristics. I'm just out of a six-month relationship with a girl who played games all the time, and it didn't benefit our relationship in any way, really. It didn't hurt, but it also wasn't even close to being the thing that really helped us connect.
Things like compatible personality characteristics, similar world views and similar life experiences will help you connect far better than hobbies and stuff.
You mess with the dolphin, you get the nose.
I really enjoy playing strategic board games, for example. I like getting new ones and figuring out their tradeoffs and so on. But "I really like board games" would pretty much never make it into my pitch on a dating site because ultimately not very many people care.
That isn't me making a value judgment about your preferences, by the way; you just need to realize that lots of people who might really like playing cards or board games don't consider that relevant to their romantic prospects, so trying to select based on it isn't likely to work very well.
Your best bet would probably be to find some local board game groups and try to meet people that way.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
This is an elegant solution. If you want to meet a gamer, you'll need to be involved with gaming.
And as folks have said, gaming is such a small niche in the total package of a person. My girlfriend isn't exactly a "gamer" but since we've been dating she bought her own Xbox 360 and got involved playing many titles. And while she doesn't play all the games I like, she's actively interested, and humors my love of them.
So while she hasn't played Bioshock, she's making a splicer costume this Halloween. How could I ever predict this 3 years ago?
Warframe: TheBaconDwarf
And I agree, it's probably rarer to find someone who doesn't like some sort of game. So what if she doesn't want to play Settlers of Catan/Agricola/Axis and Allies? Maybe she loves to play Cranium or Rock Band. But the fact is that my ideal weekend night is usually having people over for dinner and games. It might be boardgames, card games, or video games, but some sort of games. It's not going to clubs, a fancy restaraunt, or seeeing concerts, or going to see baseball - all of which I do enjoy time to time though. And yes, I am perfectly able to balance time with girlfriends/friends, but it would be a novelty to meet a person who is just as excited about hanging out and trying new boargames.
Oh, I'm not totally one-dimensional; I'm really into running, cooking, wine tasting (in a non-ironic way), and traveling. But I find that most, if not all women on dating sites, will say they are into those things (even if they aren't), until you really get to know them.
Oh, I also go to a local boargaming group, brought some friends from there to the last PAX, in fact. It's mostly guys, but I'm sure that's the way it usually is.
You'll find more diversity in the college groups, almost always.
In any case, if you want to meet a gamer girl, go find gaming groups in and around your town and skip the website business. I know lots of gamer girls and its only through doing things like going to a starcraft or call of duty night at a local shop. Or playing Magic: The Gathering down town with some people i've never met before, or (insert whatever game styles you like here.) applies to pretty much anything. I am like you in that I want a partner who I can game with ect. I do not believe that looking for someone who is into the same things as I am is really "basing my life off of gaming" as an above poster said. I am not a hardcore gamer, i play games reasonably often but i dont go nuts, I still go outside, i still go to parties and I socialize. But i've been there and done that with women who do not entirely share the same interests, and it sucks because some just dont really "get it". And nothing beats firing up a co-op game with your significant other and both enjoying it equally rather than her just having to "accept it".
Why settle for someone who just accepts things when you can be much happier with someone who you can share it with instead? Nothing wrong with being picky, I certainly am and I do just fine.
And to echo: find a local game store or group and make friends. The classic approach isn't dead yet, especially for people with less-mainstream hobbies.
Srsly.
I got a relationship and several short flings out of it, and I had never had any luck before.
Granted, I also changed my style of dress and gained a fuckload of confidence, but OKC made it much easier for me to meet interesting dates.
You mess with the dolphin, you get the nose.
That said, I know I was in a similar position a while back and one thing that I realized now was that most gamer girls are not generally on dating websites. You need to go out and do activities that they would likely be a part of, even ones that you might not generally take up on your own. I'm not sure where you live but I would start looking for conventions that are in your area. I live in Omaha, Nebraska and went to a very small con held here but the ratio of men to women was as close to 50-50 as I have ever seen for being classified as a nerd activity. Incidentally I was attending the convention with a friend who became my current girlfriend. I'm not saying that there will be a sea of single women but it is a starting point.
LOL! From a certain point of view, dating sites are somewhat entertaining. I've met some really crazy people that I hoped would lose my phone number, but it's nice to only be stuck talking with them over dinner and a few drinks.
So keep it up. Dating is a hit-or-miss game.
Like I said, I'm not going to turn down someone because they aren't a gamer girl. But I don't think I'm being too picky by looking for someone who will do more than just tolerate my hobby. It's been a sore point before with a girlfriend who had this secret expectation that I would drastically cut back or stop playing games after seeing each other for a few months. So it eventually became an issue with her when it was clear that I wasn't going to change. Something along the lines of "Why would you go to Boston to play games for 4 days that weekend? You need to be my date at a friend's wedding (that I don't know, and she hasn't seen or talked to in years). How could you do this to me?!?"
Okay, a little bit of an exaggeration. And yes, my statement sounds a little bit shallow. But it's not like saying, "I only want to date Asian women". And it's not really that narrow. I half-joke with my non-single gamer women friends that they'll get to pick games for an evening if they bring single friends.
I've been accused of treating dating as too much of a "game" before.
But I presented the things as fun, and I wasn't a huge dick about it and I wasn't hypercompetitive with her, so she not only enjoyed playing games with me but sometimes played them on her own.
I think being up front with how serious gaming is in your life is a better strategy than seeking out a girlfriend who happens to play the same games for the same lengths of times as you.
We're just noting that an interest in gaming is not a defining characteristic of a person and should therefore not be prioritized over other things. I think we've all encountered people who have overly narrow/arbitrary dating standards and it pretty much always bites them.
You mess with the dolphin, you get the nose.
One of the best parts of OKC is how well it tends to generally "match" people based on questions answered. Take a bit of time to answer questions, a good way to do this is to find people who it looks like you have something in common with and go through and answer the questions they, themselves, have answered. I know, generally, if someone is even worth having a conversation with based on basic "match percentage". When I actually used the site, I tended to look for 80%+ matches, it takes a lot of the guess work out of the initial "should I message this person?" question.
Of course you need to actually read profiles and actually speak to people to get anywhere, but if you find the gaming-related questions and answer them based on their importance to you, you'll see results shifting toward that demographic. In fact, you're generally able to do as well of a job at presenting yourself based on the questions and your profile, that you'll find plenty of people who compliment you and/or share your interests (not just gaming!).
I have some pretty heavy restrictions on my own dating life, but I have always been able to find matches that I feel confident in through the site. If you think of it as a "full package" sort of approach, you'd be surprised at the results. There have been a few things that I've learned about myself based on my answers and preferences that I don't think I would have ever been really able to pinpoint with out the algorithm.
Good luck!
I don't get this. It's kind of an assumption that people on dating sites are looking to meet other single people that they get along with. Are women worried if they profess an interest in games it will result in a mob of guys who fit some stereotypical gamer profile of being allergic to sunlight, living in their parents basement, overweight, dangerously obsessed with Felicia Day, and spending 18 hours a day playing World of Warcraft? People shouldn't be afraid to say "I'm a gamer" for fear of being judged negatively or attracting the wrong attention.
And yes, I WOULD like to date someone who has boobs and likes games. Because I like boobs and I like games. Is it so crazy to try an meet those women who prefer a co-op game with a good story line over watching a movie at home?
What she's saying is that there's more to getting along with people, to building relationships and to human beings generally than a single area of interest. And by your own admission, you are "not going to waste time even writing a message" unless they're (a) female and (b) conform to this one very specific area of interest. It's kind of like you're saying that every other facet of a woman's personality, all the other hopes and dreams and passions and pet peeves which come together into the constellation of traits which define who she is are utterly inconsequential to you unless she throws out a couple of gamer Shibboleths in her dating profile.
I've gathered from everything I've read so far in this thread that you are not to be dissuaded from this approach, but I feel compelled to warn you nevertheless that your single-dimensional outlook to what's important in a mate makes you sound like you only have one dimension to your own personality, as well.
Also, just be aware that liking games doesn't mean you'll necessarily enjoy playing games together or even talking about them! I like games, my husband likes games, but I can count on one hand the number of games we have both played AND liked. As for co-op, we play games together very, very rarely; playing games for me is a solitary hobby, and I tend to prefer RPGs and strategy/puzzle games that don't allow for multiplayer. In fact, sometimes it's a source of conflict, as we battle over who'll get to use which console/TV, or we have a situation where one or both of us has to wear headphones. So, if you're really that keen on finding someone who'll play *your* games with you, you'd best also make sure she has exactly the same tastes as you.
Anyhow, really the only thing to go on until you get to know someone better is what interests they have. If I've got almost nothing in common with someone, I'm probably not going to be close with that person because it will be harder to make conversations. (Although life does throw some surprises). It's more about finding that person with similar unique interests, and I just weigh gaming more heavily than other things like running, similar music, favorite drinks, favorite travel locations, etc. And I can more easily live with someone who I don't have those other things in common with than someone who doesn't take an interest in games. Therefore, I think it's reasonable to put a heavier emphasis on that hobby.
Exactly. I'm a game developer and spend ~12 hours a day dealing with games in some capacity - working, reading, or playing. Dating someone who doesn't get that is a recipe for frustration. MrT137 has it right.
I also don't get why people say looking for someone into gaming is arbitrarily limiting the possibilities. There's literally millions of single members of the opposite sex out there - the only way to start looking for someone is by arbitrary limitations (age, looks, location, education, hobbies, smoking/non-smoking, drinking/non-drinking, drugging/non-drugging, etc.). If you don't have common interests, how would you spend time together? This thread just boggles my mind.
I see this advice a lot.. it's important that the situations you're putting yourself in, whether it be a board games club, or a bar, or whatever the hell is is, are situations that you are interested in and want to participate in. If you're going to event X because "Boy I hope I meet people" but you don't actually like the event and you're having a shitty time, no one's going to want anything to do with you. Just throwing it out there. Not to say Enc's advice is bad advice. Just an addendum of sorts.
OKC is a great place to meet people (as well as filter through similar interests. "Message me if you love boardgames" etc.) and if you're setting up a profile drop by the D&D dating thread to see how to make it more effective.
I checked out some of the more niche sites devoted to gamers and such when I was still looking, and they're just too sparsely populated to be of any use. OkCupid is your best bet. Just keep in mind there's not going to be a lot of women who mention gaming in their profile, so like the other people in the thread say you're going to have to keep an open mind. Best of luck to you.
As one of those mythical female gamers myself, I want to note that OkCupid has matched my joint account with my fiance (who is indeed also into games) on there with plenty of other people who are into gaming, or at least think gaming could be fun, so I would say being on the site is the way to go for you. Just answer the questions honestly, and don't be weird or rude when you find people to message, and I'm sure you'll eventually find somebody who's open to your interests. As stated, check out the thread for online dating for advice. As someone who is actually probably in the exact type of relationship you're looking for, I can say that while it's fun to be able to play stuff with someone, you indeed might not feel like playing the same games at the same time, and in general it's been MUCH more important for our relationship that we are good for each other than that we both like games the same amount. I know it'd definitely be a dealbreaker if my significant other couldn't stand the idea of me playing games at all, but I think if we connected as deeply on all other levels as my fiance and I do now, I would be fine with someone who wasn't really into games, but was at least okay with watching me play if it was interesting to them (something with good graphics or a cool story) or trying to play something basic with me. My dad falls into that with his long-term girlfriend, actually, because she's more interested in games than he is-- I think the games she's had him play with her recently are just not his thing (he HAS liked stuff like Myst and Doom in the past), but he's okay with giving even silly things like Cityville on Facebook a try if she wants him to join in because he knows it's fun for her and they're doing it together.
This is a good point. Usagi and I both like video games, but even the games we both like we don't really play together. If she's playing Mass Effect, I'm usually upstairs on my computer or going for a job because I don't really want to just sit there and watch her play. And while there are games we both enjoy, there are also lots of games I like that she doesn't care about, and that's not an issue at all for us.
and something that a person feels is integral to their personality is something they'd like an SO to appreciate/participate in, generally speaking.
if you'd like to meet people who 'get' gaming, there's a huge pool of sports fans whose interest in the finer aspects of their game can easily transfer to an appreciation of a boardgame/videogame/etc.
Registered just for the Mass Effect threads | Steam: click ^^^ | Origin: curlyhairedboy
. . . well, at this point I'd actually be pretty well set, but you know what I mean. Two years ago it would've been a wasteland.
As for mentioning board games in an online dating profile, I totally do! I even mention it under what I'm likely to be doing on a Friday night. And FYI? It's totally gotten responses.
All of those that gave advice as to "not limiting yourself to gamer girls", I say, everyone has their own set of standards. Personally, I have been one of those that looks for "gamer guys", having tried dating other personalities and realizing that it just doesn't work out. After many horrible dates with guys I couldn't hold a basic conversation with because terms like "D&D" or "WoW" or "Steam" were so far beyond their comprehension, it was like speaking different languages. So good on you for realizing what you're after and sticking to it. Does it mean you'll gimp yourself on the number of available women? Definitely. But it also means you'll have less wrong tries and won't settle for anything but Mrs. Right.
My piece of advice when using sites like okcupid and plentyoffish - don't be afraid to list that you are a gamer, and the types of games you play. I would do keyword searches for things like "Xbox", "World of Warcraft", "D&D", etc, to try and find those profiles to guys that would have that common interest with me. This way at least I knew if it didn't turn out to be a relationship, at least I'd have a gamer friend.