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Dating sites to meet gamer women?

MrT137MrT137 Registered User regular
edited October 2011 in Help / Advice Forum
Yes, I REALLY just asked that question on an internet advice forum. :) I'll take it all with a grain of salt, but seriously, I have a hard time finding single women who enjoy gaming like I do. I'm not trying to be overly picky, and only want to meet women who enjoy games (boardgames, videogames, cards, sports, croquet, whatever). Obviously, I'm looking for more than that in a woman, but having the same love of games is certainly a good start, right? Although I know lots of nice gaming women (I've been to PAX twice, I know they're not rare) they are seem to be married or taken. And people on dating sites don't exactly list "boardgames" very often on their profiles, lol! Seriously, I've searched. :P

Anyhow, the reason I bring up dating sites is because I think they are a great way to meet new people outside of my normal group of friends. I've certainly made a couple of good friends through said sites, but there is a definite lack of women who even pretend to be interested when I tell them I have a regular boardgaming night. Maybe it's because Delaware is a small state? If I lived in a big city (like Philly), it would be easier to meet single women, but it's not an option right now.

So, anyhow, feel free to throw out some recommendations. Maybe daing sites aren't the way to go, I don't know. Don't take this post the wrong way: I'm certainly not desperate, or searching for "the one". But it would be increase the odds. :)

MrT137 on
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    JebusUDJebusUD Adventure! Candy IslandRegistered User regular
    I think you are seriously limiting your options. Making games who you are, instead of a thing you do is the wrong way to go about it. It's like being sports guy. You don't need to center your whole life around it, and doing so makes it weird. No person wants to talk about games all the time, just like no person wants to talk about sports all the time.

    I'd try to find a girl that you have a compatible personality with, that accepts that you play board games and the like, and hope you find one that wants to play them as well, rather than limiting yourself to people who only have the exact same interests as you.

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    IntetIntet Registered User regular
    I'll second what Jebus said. Basing a relationship mainly on having the exact same hobbies isn't as awesome as you'd think it is. I wouldn't really recommend a dating website over actually going out and doing things. I've never used a dating site personally, but I've heard the quality of responses on dating websites is lacking, and I am pretty sure it's not where all the gamer girls hang out.

    You can always try to introduce someone to gaming. Many women have never had an opportunity to try gaming. I would guess that a lot of women who do game actually were introduced to gaming through their male friends or boyfriends (which is probably why they all seem to be taken). Don't give up on the relationship if it turns out the woman you are dating/are interested in dating doesn't like to play though. I would hope you dated her because you have other things in common as well :)

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    MikestaMikesta Registered User regular
    Websites work great, in my experience. I think they're just as good as any other dating outlet you might utilize. The quality of responses depends entirely upon whom you reach out to, just as it would at a bar or any other social setting. And there is a technique to it that can exponentially increase your chances of finding somebody. You have to put effort into it, though. You generally want to spend way more than just five minutes on your profile. The D&D thread on internet dating has a fantastic first post with guidelines on how to be succesful on OKCupid and other sites. I utilized that post heavily when I made my profile and it has helped me a ton.

    But I agree that specifically looking for a partner who games both severely limits your options and prioritizes the wrong characteristics. I'm just out of a six-month relationship with a girl who played games all the time, and it didn't benefit our relationship in any way, really. It didn't hurt, but it also wasn't even close to being the thing that really helped us connect.

    Things like compatible personality characteristics, similar world views and similar life experiences will help you connect far better than hobbies and stuff.

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    SwashbucklerXXSwashbucklerXX Swashbucklin' Canuck Registered User regular
    Yeah, dating self-professed "gamer women" is a numbers game that works against you. There are still a lot more "gamer" guys than "gamer" women, partily because women are less likely to embrace "gamer" as an identity even if they play and enjoy games. Unfortunately a lot of women get negative attention when interfacing with guys in games and the gaming community, so you don't see a ton of single women embracing gaming as a way to find a date. By all means put your hobbies in your online dating profile, but be sure to embrace your non-gaming hobbies and interests as well... and like the above folks said, get out and meet people too.

    Want to find me on a gaming service? I'm SwashbucklerXX everywhere.
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    Eat it You Nasty Pig.Eat it You Nasty Pig. tell homeland security 'we are the bomb'Registered User regular
    What you need to realize is that "gamer" is such a small portion of someone's identity that it's silly to select on that basis.

    I really enjoy playing strategic board games, for example. I like getting new ones and figuring out their tradeoffs and so on. But "I really like board games" would pretty much never make it into my pitch on a dating site because ultimately not very many people care.

    That isn't me making a value judgment about your preferences, by the way; you just need to realize that lots of people who might really like playing cards or board games don't consider that relevant to their romantic prospects, so trying to select based on it isn't likely to work very well.

    Your best bet would probably be to find some local board game groups and try to meet people that way.

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    HewnHewn Registered User regular
    Your best bet would probably be to find some local board game groups and try to meet people that way.

    This is an elegant solution. If you want to meet a gamer, you'll need to be involved with gaming.

    And as folks have said, gaming is such a small niche in the total package of a person. My girlfriend isn't exactly a "gamer" but since we've been dating she bought her own Xbox 360 and got involved playing many titles. And while she doesn't play all the games I like, she's actively interested, and humors my love of them.

    So while she hasn't played Bioshock, she's making a splicer costume this Halloween. How could I ever predict this 3 years ago?

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    FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    edited October 2011
    Are there really women out there that don't' enjoy some form of game or another? Whether it's a video game, board game, or sport, I think it'd be harder to find a woman who didn't like at least one of those things.

    Figgy on
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment
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    JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    edited October 2011
    Starting out a search for a relationship like this is poisonous. You're narrowing your options for no reason. By all means, use every avenue available to meet new people and foster relationships, but having a list of requirements (even if it's just one: must love games) for a significant other is the first step towards loneliness. I used to be in a relationship with someone who knew nothing about games but was still incredibly supportive of my interests (namely Starcraft 2) and would even watch professional games with me (as I explained how everything worked.) Finding someone who you mesh with and that's supportive will naturally lead to them at least exploring your interests. If you're passionate about boardgames or [any subject] and you can show them why, they'll probably be happy to jump right in. It's more important that you're compatible with the other person than that another person has your interests. The latter is a bonus, or sometimes a curse.

    JAEF on
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    MrT137MrT137 Registered User regular
    Good advice, and I'll check out that thread, Mikesta. As clarification, I do meet women in "real life" through friends or other hobbies, and I don't limit my options to ones who are into gaming. I dated a woman for a few months that I introduced to indepth strategy boardgames, and she really enjoyed them, but I ultimately broke it off because she was borderline hostile to many of my friends (and other deal breakers). I'm not trying to base a relationship on gaming, but it's probably my favorite hobby, and it would be nice to meet more women who think similarly.

    And I agree, it's probably rarer to find someone who doesn't like some sort of game. So what if she doesn't want to play Settlers of Catan/Agricola/Axis and Allies? Maybe she loves to play Cranium or Rock Band. But the fact is that my ideal weekend night is usually having people over for dinner and games. It might be boardgames, card games, or video games, but some sort of games. It's not going to clubs, a fancy restaraunt, or seeeing concerts, or going to see baseball - all of which I do enjoy time to time though. And yes, I am perfectly able to balance time with girlfriends/friends, but it would be a novelty to meet a person who is just as excited about hanging out and trying new boargames.

    Oh, I'm not totally one-dimensional; I'm really into running, cooking, wine tasting (in a non-ironic way), and traveling. But I find that most, if not all women on dating sites, will say they are into those things (even if they aren't), until you really get to know them. :)

    Oh, I also go to a local boargaming group, brought some friends from there to the last PAX, in fact. It's mostly guys, but I'm sure that's the way it usually is.

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    EncEnc A Fool with Compassion Pronouns: He, Him, HisRegistered User regular
    Best way to meet people is put yourself in situations where you can meet people. The board game club is a great idea. Also, if you are of that age, local colleges have clubs that often allow non-college folk attend meetings and gatherings, as do most game stores and whatnot.

    You'll find more diversity in the college groups, almost always.

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    EliminationElimination Registered User regular
    edited October 2011
    I hate dating sites. I was on one for a few months, got lots of responses (I live in a city.). Met a few choice people and all it was was some women who wanted to jump on my disco stick and not even give two shits what kind of person I was. This is not something I am into and not what I was looking for at all. Some others mileage may vary I guess? I don't know, my experience sucked. My point is nothing beats going out to a social place, and socializing with people face to face in a real scenario, it lets you get to know the person before you go for the date thing or whatever.

    In any case, if you want to meet a gamer girl, go find gaming groups in and around your town and skip the website business. I know lots of gamer girls and its only through doing things like going to a starcraft or call of duty night at a local shop. Or playing Magic: The Gathering down town with some people i've never met before, or (insert whatever game styles you like here.) applies to pretty much anything. I am like you in that I want a partner who I can game with ect. I do not believe that looking for someone who is into the same things as I am is really "basing my life off of gaming" as an above poster said. I am not a hardcore gamer, i play games reasonably often but i dont go nuts, I still go outside, i still go to parties and I socialize. But i've been there and done that with women who do not entirely share the same interests, and it sucks because some just dont really "get it". And nothing beats firing up a co-op game with your significant other and both enjoying it equally rather than her just having to "accept it".

    Why settle for someone who just accepts things when you can be much happier with someone who you can share it with instead? Nothing wrong with being picky, I certainly am and I do just fine.

    Elimination on
    PSN: PA_Elimination 3DS: 4399-2012-1711 Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/TheElimination/
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    CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    Don't ignore gamer girls who are not single. They generally have gamer girl friends who are single.

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    AwkAwk Registered User regular
    And don't listen to buddy saying online dating sucks because of too much sex

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    The Crowing OneThe Crowing One Registered User regular
    edited October 2011
    I'm really, now, of the opinion that OKC is the be-all-end-all of dating websites if you're under 40. Seriously, answer questions and perfect your profile and you'll be most of the way there. Don't limit yourself, but know what you want. You may be surprised.

    And to echo: find a local game store or group and make friends. The classic approach isn't dead yet, especially for people with less-mainstream hobbies.

    The Crowing One on
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    MikestaMikesta Registered User regular
    I'm really, now, of the opinion that OKC is the be-all-end-all of dating websites if you're under 40. Seriously, answer questions and perfect your profile and you'll be most of the way there. Don't limit yourself, but know what you want. You may be surprised.

    Srsly.

    I got a relationship and several short flings out of it, and I had never had any luck before.

    Granted, I also changed my style of dress and gained a fuckload of confidence, but OKC made it much easier for me to meet interesting dates.

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    MuridenMuriden Registered User regular
    I'll echo the statements of your original line is pretty narrow and a bit shallow. Most of my friends who are gamers have non-gamer girlfriends who either tolerate their gaming habits or have started picking up on them to enjoy the same hobby.

    That said, I know I was in a similar position a while back and one thing that I realized now was that most gamer girls are not generally on dating websites. You need to go out and do activities that they would likely be a part of, even ones that you might not generally take up on your own. I'm not sure where you live but I would start looking for conventions that are in your area. I live in Omaha, Nebraska and went to a very small con held here but the ratio of men to women was as close to 50-50 as I have ever seen for being classified as a nerd activity. Incidentally I was attending the convention with a friend who became my current girlfriend. I'm not saying that there will be a sea of single women but it is a starting point.

    MrGulio.332 - Lover of fine Cheeses. Replays
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    MrT137MrT137 Registered User regular
    Awk wrote:
    And don't listen to buddy saying online dating sucks because of too much sex

    LOL! From a certain point of view, dating sites are somewhat entertaining. I've met some really crazy people that I hoped would lose my phone number, but it's nice to only be stuck talking with them over dinner and a few drinks.

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    The Crowing OneThe Crowing One Registered User regular
    MrT137 wrote:
    Awk wrote:
    And don't listen to buddy saying online dating sucks because of too much sex

    LOL! From a certain point of view, dating sites are somewhat entertaining. I've met some really crazy people that I hoped would lose my phone number, but it's nice to only be stuck talking with them over dinner and a few drinks.

    So keep it up. Dating is a hit-or-miss game.

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    MrT137MrT137 Registered User regular
    Muriden wrote:
    I'll echo the statements of your original line is pretty narrow and a bit shallow. Most of my friends who are gamers have non-gamer girlfriends who either tolerate their gaming habits or have started picking up on them to enjoy the same hobby.

    Like I said, I'm not going to turn down someone because they aren't a gamer girl. But I don't think I'm being too picky by looking for someone who will do more than just tolerate my hobby. It's been a sore point before with a girlfriend who had this secret expectation that I would drastically cut back or stop playing games after seeing each other for a few months. So it eventually became an issue with her when it was clear that I wasn't going to change. Something along the lines of "Why would you go to Boston to play games for 4 days that weekend? You need to be my date at a friend's wedding (that I don't know, and she hasn't seen or talked to in years). How could you do this to me?!?"

    Okay, a little bit of an exaggeration. And yes, my statement sounds a little bit shallow. But it's not like saying, "I only want to date Asian women". And it's not really that narrow. I half-joke with my non-single gamer women friends that they'll get to pick games for an evening if they bring single friends.

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    MrT137MrT137 Registered User regular
    MrT137 wrote:
    Awk wrote:
    And don't listen to buddy saying online dating sucks because of too much sex

    LOL! From a certain point of view, dating sites are somewhat entertaining. I've met some really crazy people that I hoped would lose my phone number, but it's nice to only be stuck talking with them over dinner and a few drinks.

    So keep it up. Dating is a hit-or-miss game.

    I've been accused of treating dating as too much of a "game" before. :)

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    UsagiUsagi Nah Registered User regular
    Please keep in mind that the vast majority of women who enjoy (enthusiastically even) games do not identify themselves as "gamers"--often because there are people out there (whom sound very much like you) who would like to date us simply for the convenience of having boobs and an interest in Mass Effect in the same package.

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    AwkAwk Registered User regular
    God forbid the op wants to date a woman that he shares interests with.

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    EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    Nothing wrong with sharing an interest, but the OP did say "like I do." I like a lot of things more or less than other people do. With my ex-wife, she had never played any video games, but she got really into Mario Kart DD, Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, Patapon, the Pixeljunk games, Little Big Planet, and so on. We played tons of Soul Calibur together, too. And she is not at all a gamer.

    But I presented the things as fun, and I wasn't a huge dick about it and I wasn't hypercompetitive with her, so she not only enjoyed playing games with me but sometimes played them on her own.

    I think being up front with how serious gaming is in your life is a better strategy than seeking out a girlfriend who happens to play the same games for the same lengths of times as you.

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    MikestaMikesta Registered User regular
    Awk wrote:
    God forbid the op wants to date a woman that he shares interests with.

    We're just noting that an interest in gaming is not a defining characteristic of a person and should therefore not be prioritized over other things. I think we've all encountered people who have overly narrow/arbitrary dating standards and it pretty much always bites them.

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    MrT137MrT137 Registered User regular
    Thanks to the person who recommended OKCupid. I'd seen it before, but didn't realize it was actually a pretty big website, and looks easy to use. I know online dating gets a bad rap, but I have a full time job, I take classes, and I keep a pretty busy social schedule. When I've got that few extra minutes, I can look through some profiles online, send a message or two, and maybe we'll have a nice conversation that turns into a date. Simply sorting through thousands of profiles is a pain in the neck, and I'm not going to waste time even writing a message unless I think we have some sort of similar interest/goals/whatever. If she puts out there that she likes to play similar games, it's going to significantly increase the probability that I would like to talk with her, because we might have other things in common.

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    The Crowing OneThe Crowing One Registered User regular
    MrT137 wrote:
    Thanks to the person who recommended OKCupid. I'd seen it before, but didn't realize it was actually a pretty big website, and looks easy to use. I know online dating gets a bad rap, but I have a full time job, I take classes, and I keep a pretty busy social schedule. When I've got that few extra minutes, I can look through some profiles online, send a message or two, and maybe we'll have a nice conversation that turns into a date. Simply sorting through thousands of profiles is a pain in the neck, and I'm not going to waste time even writing a message unless I think we have some sort of similar interest/goals/whatever. If she puts out there that she likes to play similar games, it's going to significantly increase the probability that I would like to talk with her, because we might have other things in common.

    One of the best parts of OKC is how well it tends to generally "match" people based on questions answered. Take a bit of time to answer questions, a good way to do this is to find people who it looks like you have something in common with and go through and answer the questions they, themselves, have answered. I know, generally, if someone is even worth having a conversation with based on basic "match percentage". When I actually used the site, I tended to look for 80%+ matches, it takes a lot of the guess work out of the initial "should I message this person?" question.

    Of course you need to actually read profiles and actually speak to people to get anywhere, but if you find the gaming-related questions and answer them based on their importance to you, you'll see results shifting toward that demographic. In fact, you're generally able to do as well of a job at presenting yourself based on the questions and your profile, that you'll find plenty of people who compliment you and/or share your interests (not just gaming!).

    I have some pretty heavy restrictions on my own dating life, but I have always been able to find matches that I feel confident in through the site. If you think of it as a "full package" sort of approach, you'd be surprised at the results. There have been a few things that I've learned about myself based on my answers and preferences that I don't think I would have ever been really able to pinpoint with out the algorithm.

    Good luck!

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    MrT137MrT137 Registered User regular
    Usagi wrote:
    Please keep in mind that the vast majority of women who enjoy (enthusiastically even) games do not identify themselves as "gamers"--often because there are people out there (whom sound very much like you) who would like to date us simply for the convenience of having boobs and an interest in Mass Effect in the same package.

    I don't get this. It's kind of an assumption that people on dating sites are looking to meet other single people that they get along with. Are women worried if they profess an interest in games it will result in a mob of guys who fit some stereotypical gamer profile of being allergic to sunlight, living in their parents basement, overweight, dangerously obsessed with Felicia Day, and spending 18 hours a day playing World of Warcraft? People shouldn't be afraid to say "I'm a gamer" for fear of being judged negatively or attracting the wrong attention.

    And yes, I WOULD like to date someone who has boobs and likes games. Because I like boobs and I like games. Is it so crazy to try an meet those women who prefer a co-op game with a good story line over watching a movie at home?

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    IrukaIruka Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited October 2011
    The truth is girls tend to get a lot of negative attention for it, its not a "worry", its a reality. A lot of girls past high school age tend to under-emphasize it to avoid past experiences. Its not crazy for you to want to find a girl who shares your interests, But I wouldn't screen heavily for games in particular. I think I casually mention games once in my profile, and I've owned a system from every generation of consoles. I also know plenty of girlfriends who decided to try games with their partner, having no previous interest, so it shouldn't be a prerequisite.

    Iruka on
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    SammyFSammyF Registered User regular
    MrT137 wrote:
    Usagi wrote:
    Please keep in mind that the vast majority of women who enjoy (enthusiastically even) games do not identify themselves as "gamers"--often because there are people out there (whom sound very much like you) who would like to date us simply for the convenience of having boobs and an interest in Mass Effect in the same package.

    I don't get this. It's kind of an assumption that people on dating sites are looking to meet other single people that they get along with. Are women worried if they profess an interest in games it will result in a mob of guys who fit some stereotypical gamer profile of being allergic to sunlight, living in their parents basement, overweight, dangerously obsessed with Felicia Day, and spending 18 hours a day playing World of Warcraft? People shouldn't be afraid to say "I'm a gamer" for fear of being judged negatively or attracting the wrong attention.

    And yes, I WOULD like to date someone who has boobs and likes games. Because I like boobs and I like games. Is it so crazy to try an meet those women who prefer a co-op game with a good story line over watching a movie at home?

    What she's saying is that there's more to getting along with people, to building relationships and to human beings generally than a single area of interest. And by your own admission, you are "not going to waste time even writing a message" unless they're (a) female and (b) conform to this one very specific area of interest. It's kind of like you're saying that every other facet of a woman's personality, all the other hopes and dreams and passions and pet peeves which come together into the constellation of traits which define who she is are utterly inconsequential to you unless she throws out a couple of gamer Shibboleths in her dating profile.

    I've gathered from everything I've read so far in this thread that you are not to be dissuaded from this approach, but I feel compelled to warn you nevertheless that your single-dimensional outlook to what's important in a mate makes you sound like you only have one dimension to your own personality, as well.

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    JansonJanson Registered User regular
    Gaming is a hobby, for the vast majority of people, and no more defines them than reading, watching movies or going hiking. 'I'm a gamer' suggests to me that gaming is MORE than a hobby for that person, and that they have few interests besides.

    Also, just be aware that liking games doesn't mean you'll necessarily enjoy playing games together or even talking about them! I like games, my husband likes games, but I can count on one hand the number of games we have both played AND liked. As for co-op, we play games together very, very rarely; playing games for me is a solitary hobby, and I tend to prefer RPGs and strategy/puzzle games that don't allow for multiplayer. In fact, sometimes it's a source of conflict, as we battle over who'll get to use which console/TV, or we have a situation where one or both of us has to wear headphones. So, if you're really that keen on finding someone who'll play *your* games with you, you'd best also make sure she has exactly the same tastes as you. ;)

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    MrT137MrT137 Registered User regular
    I certainly appreciate the comments and discussions. For clarification, I am not basing my dating approach on women who like to play the same games I do. It's not a deal-breaker if she isn't into boardgames, video games, card games, etc. But I know from experience that it'll cause some tension if she wants to do something else everytime I want to play games. I know there's no one such thing as the "perfect" match, and I'm fine with that. Everyone is unique, and that's part of the fun. But I do spend a lot of time playing games. To me, a fun night is dinner and games with friends. When I have parties, we play games. Even when I visit my family, we play games. Maybe I'm more extreme on the gaming scale than most, because I'll admit that gaming is a big part of my personality. Not to the point where I don't have other interests though - although I could make the argument that running races is just a different form of gaming. :P

    Anyhow, really the only thing to go on until you get to know someone better is what interests they have. If I've got almost nothing in common with someone, I'm probably not going to be close with that person because it will be harder to make conversations. (Although life does throw some surprises). It's more about finding that person with similar unique interests, and I just weigh gaming more heavily than other things like running, similar music, favorite drinks, favorite travel locations, etc. And I can more easily live with someone who I don't have those other things in common with than someone who doesn't take an interest in games. Therefore, I think it's reasonable to put a heavier emphasis on that hobby.

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    JNighthawkJNighthawk Registered User regular
    Janson wrote:
    Gaming is a hobby, for the vast majority of people, and no more defines them than reading, watching movies or going hiking. 'I'm a gamer' suggests to me that gaming is MORE than a hobby for that person, and that they have few interests besides.

    Exactly. I'm a game developer and spend ~12 hours a day dealing with games in some capacity - working, reading, or playing. Dating someone who doesn't get that is a recipe for frustration. MrT137 has it right.

    I also don't get why people say looking for someone into gaming is arbitrarily limiting the possibilities. There's literally millions of single members of the opposite sex out there - the only way to start looking for someone is by arbitrary limitations (age, looks, location, education, hobbies, smoking/non-smoking, drinking/non-drinking, drugging/non-drugging, etc.). If you don't have common interests, how would you spend time together? This thread just boggles my mind.

    Game programmer
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    JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    JNighthawk wrote:
    If you don't have common interests, how would you spend time together? This thread just boggles my mind.
    He's not looking for common interests, he's looking for one very specific interest. There is a difference.
    Enc wrote:
    Best way to meet people is put yourself in situations where you can meet people.
    I see this advice a lot.. it's important that the situations you're putting yourself in, whether it be a board games club, or a bar, or whatever the hell is is, are situations that you are interested in and want to participate in. If you're going to event X because "Boy I hope I meet people" but you don't actually like the event and you're having a shitty time, no one's going to want anything to do with you. Just throwing it out there. Not to say Enc's advice is bad advice. Just an addendum of sorts.

    OKC is a great place to meet people (as well as filter through similar interests. "Message me if you love boardgames" etc.) and if you're setting up a profile drop by the D&D dating thread to see how to make it more effective.

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    CyberJackalCyberJackal Registered User regular
    MrT, as someone who has done exactly what you seek to do, let me tell you that OkCupid is going to be all you need. It's free, it's popular, and its search function is powerful. Just go into the search mode and try some keywords that might get you some good results. Searching on "games" is going to get you a lot of women who wrote some variation on the phrase "I want a man who doesn't/I don't play games" (as in, relationship games), so instead try specific terms like Nintendo, Halo, or Catan.

    I checked out some of the more niche sites devoted to gamers and such when I was still looking, and they're just too sparsely populated to be of any use. OkCupid is your best bet. Just keep in mind there's not going to be a lot of women who mention gaming in their profile, so like the other people in the thread say you're going to have to keep an open mind. Best of luck to you.

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    EsseeEssee The pinkest of hair. Victoria, BCRegistered User regular
    If you want somebody who likes games, there's some questions among the zillions they ask on OkCupid about how people feel about being with a gamer. I seem to remember there's some question about how a person would feel about someone who plays video games two hours a day, in particular... Answer that one, and pick most of the responses as being acceptable, then set that question as highly important or mandatory. If you do this, make sure you've included the option(s) that say they would be fine with it, but wouldn't necessarily want to be playing with you. That's still an acceptable response! You only want to weed out the people who hate games and think they're a dealbreaker, 'cause presumably being able to play games ever while you're dating someone is important. If you're lucky, you'll be matched with someone who would like to play with you at least some of the time. (But do make sure you read the question carefully before setting it as "mandatory," 'cause-- once again-- you want people who are open to gaming, but don't actually play at the moment, to be able to find you. I don't remember the exact answers to the question.)

    As one of those mythical female gamers myself, I want to note that OkCupid has matched my joint account with my fiance (who is indeed also into games) on there with plenty of other people who are into gaming, or at least think gaming could be fun, so I would say being on the site is the way to go for you. Just answer the questions honestly, and don't be weird or rude when you find people to message, and I'm sure you'll eventually find somebody who's open to your interests. As stated, check out the thread for online dating for advice. As someone who is actually probably in the exact type of relationship you're looking for, I can say that while it's fun to be able to play stuff with someone, you indeed might not feel like playing the same games at the same time, and in general it's been MUCH more important for our relationship that we are good for each other than that we both like games the same amount. I know it'd definitely be a dealbreaker if my significant other couldn't stand the idea of me playing games at all, but I think if we connected as deeply on all other levels as my fiance and I do now, I would be fine with someone who wasn't really into games, but was at least okay with watching me play if it was interesting to them (something with good graphics or a cool story) or trying to play something basic with me. My dad falls into that with his long-term girlfriend, actually, because she's more interested in games than he is-- I think the games she's had him play with her recently are just not his thing (he HAS liked stuff like Myst and Doom in the past), but he's okay with giving even silly things like Cityville on Facebook a try if she wants him to join in because he knows it's fun for her and they're doing it together.

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    DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Janson wrote: »
    Gaming is a hobby, for the vast majority of people, and no more defines them than reading, watching movies or going hiking. 'I'm a gamer' suggests to me that gaming is MORE than a hobby for that person, and that they have few interests besides.

    Also, just be aware that liking games doesn't mean you'll necessarily enjoy playing games together or even talking about them! I like games, my husband likes games, but I can count on one hand the number of games we have both played AND liked. As for co-op, we play games together very, very rarely; playing games for me is a solitary hobby, and I tend to prefer RPGs and strategy/puzzle games that don't allow for multiplayer. In fact, sometimes it's a source of conflict, as we battle over who'll get to use which console/TV, or we have a situation where one or both of us has to wear headphones. So, if you're really that keen on finding someone who'll play *your* games with you, you'd best also make sure she has exactly the same tastes as you. ;)

    This is a good point. Usagi and I both like video games, but even the games we both like we don't really play together. If she's playing Mass Effect, I'm usually upstairs on my computer or going for a job because I don't really want to just sit there and watch her play. And while there are games we both enjoy, there are also lots of games I like that she doesn't care about, and that's not an issue at all for us.

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    curly haired boycurly haired boy Your Friendly Neighborhood Torgue Dealer Registered User regular
    some people don't 'get' an activity, and that can be a dealbreaker, depending on how they approach it.

    and something that a person feels is integral to their personality is something they'd like an SO to appreciate/participate in, generally speaking.

    if you'd like to meet people who 'get' gaming, there's a huge pool of sports fans whose interest in the finer aspects of their game can easily transfer to an appreciation of a boardgame/videogame/etc.

    RxI0N.png
    Registered just for the Mass Effect threads | Steam: click ^^^ | Origin: curlyhairedboy
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    LadyMLadyM Registered User regular
    Frankly I agree with the people saying you're unnecessarily limiting your option by only looking for "gamer women." I collect My Little Ponies, but how many guys do you think I'd be able to meet if I limited myself to "men who like pastel ponies"?

    . . . well, at this point I'd actually be pretty well set, but you know what I mean. Two years ago it would've been a wasteland.

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    Skoal CatSkoal Cat Registered User regular
    Liking games is not the same as "gamer", and I think that is what most people are hitting on.

    As for mentioning board games in an online dating profile, I totally do! I even mention it under what I'm likely to be doing on a Friday night. And FYI? It's totally gotten responses.

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    faerielaurelynfaerielaurelyn Vancouver, BCRegistered User regular
    OKcupid is an excellent site to start with, as many have already attested to. Plentyoffish is also a relatively good one, though it tends to be more of a "free for all" than okcupid (doesn't have quite the in-depth "matching").

    All of those that gave advice as to "not limiting yourself to gamer girls", I say, everyone has their own set of standards. Personally, I have been one of those that looks for "gamer guys", having tried dating other personalities and realizing that it just doesn't work out. After many horrible dates with guys I couldn't hold a basic conversation with because terms like "D&D" or "WoW" or "Steam" were so far beyond their comprehension, it was like speaking different languages. So good on you for realizing what you're after and sticking to it. Does it mean you'll gimp yourself on the number of available women? Definitely. But it also means you'll have less wrong tries and won't settle for anything but Mrs. Right.

    My piece of advice when using sites like okcupid and plentyoffish - don't be afraid to list that you are a gamer, and the types of games you play. I would do keyword searches for things like "Xbox", "World of Warcraft", "D&D", etc, to try and find those profiles to guys that would have that common interest with me. This way at least I knew if it didn't turn out to be a relationship, at least I'd have a gamer friend.

    No, YOU make ME a sandwich!
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