My Web RPG Comic : D

miaAusa

What do people think of my comic



It's called Role Playing Gamer you can see more at the site in my signature, I have other comics there too : D

DeeLock

The text makes no sense, the drawings are crude and the female anatomy is ridiculous.

Their breasts are like giant balloons stuck to their chests, this is not even close to how breasts work and is borderline offensive.

DMAC

I often can't tell if the comics people post here are meant to be taken seriously or are intended as parodies.

MagicToaster

Those boobs are seriously messed up.

Linespider5

I'd recommend doing more planning, just a little bit. Think of where the dialogue's going to fit into the image and give it space relative to the characters who will be saying it. The first panel works in this way, but once you've got multiple characters in a frame saying things, the scale doesn't work in the image.

Also, try to avoid using duplicates of characters in sequential frames, unless they're actually moving very slowly or literally not doing anything at all. Never, ever reverse image a previous drawing to make the character appear to be looking the other way. I'm serious. Don't fucking do it. That's almost plagiarism in terms of how detrimental it is to your art style, your development as an artist, and the overall presentation quality of what you're trying to do.

melting_doll

Its* light

stinkyfingers

draw alot, use references. when I saw the art I didnt even bother looking at the dialouge.

Siegfried

What the fuck is this even about I am so confused from the dialogue alone. It just seems to jump from panel to panel without a clear direction, including lack of punchline.

Mustang

The dialogue requires the reader to be intimately acquainted with the subject matter, otherwise it reads like a crazy person wrote it. This is a bad thing.
Even if the user doesn't "get" the inside joke there should be some semblance of funny.

Example


I still don't have a fucking clue who Dave Mirra is, but this is still one of my favourite PA comics, because it nails down every dipshit CEO who has ever driven a company into the ground.

I'm not saying it's not cool to reference shit people don't know about, but here is a list of words in your comic that made no sense to me.

Rykros
Reiko Kodama
Aero Prism
Profound Darkness
Bernie Stolar

That's a lot of words, and most of those appear in the first panel. You can see how that doesn't exactly sell it to the reader, unless you want to appeal to a very specific gamer, which I don't know why you would.

miaAusa

I don't think many people here play rpgs or phantasy star ;__________________________________________________________;

Also Bernie Stolar is the CEO in that comic, very evil, he thwarted the development of RPGs at sega, it was evil.

squidbunny

I would say it's a good bet I've been playing RPGs as long as you've been alive; I know who Alis and Rieko Kodama are and recognize your username as a Lunar SSS reference ... and I agree with everything Mustang told you. Don't write off his advice as not getting it.

You're just making a truckload of random references to SEGA characters and corporate decisions without actually crafting them into much of a joke. What little punchline there is weakened by a retroactive attempt at explanation ("Bernie-Sonic-Profound-Darkness must perish....") and a totally subjective personal request ("...Phantasy Star V be created!")

(Also no one thwarted the development of RPGs at Sega; there's a new PSO coming out in the near future.)

(Also also.... Comic Sans must perish and less offensive boobs be created.)

Wassermelone

Plenty of people here play RPGs. I'm sure if you went to the game subforum you would even be able to find a Phantasy Star thread posted some long time ago.

But even among the people that have played the specific games you are talking about very few would either understand your comic nor, if they did understand it, think it funny. Its dense and impenetrable. It has the smack of an inside joke of a rather insular breed.

amateurhour

1) Get your comic off GamerDater.com and get your own domain unless...

a) you own gamerdater.com in which case focus on that instead. They've got enough comics there from what it looks like.
or
b) they're paying you to put that comic there. (they aren't)

2) I actually read your archives and your art style changes with every single comic in the way you do line art, colors, word bubbles, EVERYTHING. Find a style and stick to it. You need work with all of these things so start with the basics. Just do a black and white or shaded comic to start, then after working with color on other projects you should incorporate it into your strip, but right now it distracts so badly that you can't even see what's going on in the panels.

3) Get rid of that comic sans font and get a free one from blambot and use the oval tool in whatever art program you're using and do not hand draw your word bubbles. They look terrible.

4) Stop drawing massive breasts. Even if the ones you drew looked REALLY GOOD (they don't) they'd only appeal to 13 year olds and they've never played any of the games or seen any of the things you reference, so it's a lost cause.

Finally....

Mustang wrote:

I'm not saying it's not cool to reference shit people don't know about, but here is a list of words in your comic that made no sense to me.

Rykros
Reiko Kodama
Aero Prism
Profound Darkness
Bernie Stolar

That's a lot of words, and most of those appear in the first panel. You can see how that doesn't exactly sell it to the reader, unless you want to appeal to a very specific gamer, which I don't know why you would.

Listen to this advice. It's fine if you want to focus your gaming comic on a specific genre. There's no harm in that. But it needs to be something that anyone can read and get the joke, and that's practically a foreign language to 999/1000 people that read it.

Hell, there are cartoonists that make a living, an actual paid living, on comics about librarians and even then I can still go to their site, read the comic, and get the joke.

miaAusa

it's actually komika text from blamebot or some comic font site, maybe I should fix that if it looks so much like comic sans, I guess I'm sorta seeing it I didn't before ;____:

squidbunny

Oh, my bad. My Comic Sans thing is getting witchhuntish in its extremism and Komika is not a favorite of mine. They're really samey. Still, apologies.

Do hit up BlamBot. Nate's grasp of what makes a good comic font is peerless and plenty of his offerings are free. While you're there check out his comic lettering guide.

miaAusa

I like Might Zeo 2.0, it does look alot nicer i didn't notice till this posting that komika looks alot like comic sans, I started to see it alot after the advice here and comparing the two. I like the comic lettering guide, I've always loved blamebot it's been aronud for awhile

Mighty Zeo 2.0 looks nice, I wanted both upper case and lower case I might post a comic later with a better font... and improved boobies, though I think my humor is really random rpg humor, I think I was trying to say too much in the first one I posted

The Lovely Bastard

you wanna write jokes?

read this: http://campcounseling.blogspot.com/2011/08/mid-week-treatise.html

particularly this paragraph

camp counseling wrote:

When you are beginning writing, 90% of the audience or greater will have no idea who you are. You will not have any cult of personality behind you. Your words will be your only weapon. You can't rely on "you had to be there humor." Quoting The Simpsons will not be an easy out anymore. Your voice is all you have, and that voice better not be reliant on a myriad of specific, mundane experiences that impact neither jack nor squat of whatever you have splayed onto the page. You will drown most assuredly.