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okcupid thread or i guess general dating thread

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    ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    I am not happy, wife.

    If you wish to make me happy, you must smother one of your children with your cute bum.

    You may choose which child.

    Also, while you smother, you must laugh.

    Out loud.

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    Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    like my mom is always correcting my English (even though I purposely don't care about using "proper" English when I speak because I support variety) but when she texts me it's like ughhhhh

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    BroloBrolo Broseidon Lord of the BroceanRegistered User regular
    we have a winner

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    FutoreFutore Registered User regular
    I totally understand where you all are coming from. And I agree that a better first impression could be made with a bit of effort

    But I also know a lot of perfectly fine people IRL that I do not like talking to via computer because of how they speak on it. A lot of people just do not put as much stock into this sort of thing

    and yes, viv, I agree that she is coming off as very vapid and ought to put some other traits forward to counterbalance the fact that she is a mother of three. it's time to step up your game and grow up, momma

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    FutoreFutore Registered User regular
    FURTHERMORE SE++,

    idk lol dtf?

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    VivixenneVivixenne Remember your training, and we'll get through this just fine. Registered User regular
    wait

    WAIT

    she doesn't USE the sex toys she SELLS, does she

    because that sentence made me grimace something fierce

    XBOX: NOVADELPHINI | DISCORD: NOVADELPHINI #7387 | TWITTER
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    SeriouslySeriously Registered User regular
    edited December 2011
    what if it was painstakingly crafted lack of grammar

    a cummmingsesque profile

    Seriously on
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    Macro9Macro9 Registered User regular
    Rolo wrote:
    Macro9 wrote:
    I don't care about grammar considering I ain't very good with it myself. What I am interested in is someone who likes being bound and gagged and transported across state lines.
    My self-summary

    im a girl with real curves and I'm very comfortable in my own skin! I'm really sexual and adventurous definitely no boring sex for this woman!! I currently live in the Albany Mobile Homes community with my four year old son Tye and five year old son Jamal. im not only looking for "the one" for me but also my kids. they need a respectible father figure.

    I'm passionate and live life to the fullest. i go hard for the man in my life and im definitely a ride or die chick. im looking for somebody like me, romantic, sexual and EMPLOYED! ive sworn off deadbeats, so dont bother!

    I make EVERYTHING and EVERYONE look good!!! But remember Im not just your arm candy!

    I am sexy, curvy, and single

    What I’m doing with my life
    I live off of section 8 and food stamps.

    I also sell (AND USE A LOT OF) sex toys. I like men who know their way around vibrators, handcuffs, gags, anal-beads, bondage straps, collars, whips, paddles, muzzles, clamps, to name a few.

    I’m really good at

    Sex, making out, drinking, cooking, being a mother,
    The first things people usually notice about me
    My sexy curves and eyes

    Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

    I don't really read much, but I love to pick up a Cosmopolitan at the grocery store to learn how to please my man! ;)

    I don't have cable, but I'm always borrowing movies or digging through the 2 for 5 bin at Walmart!

    I love to cook, and always have a fully stocked kitchen (thanks, Benefit card!). I don't like any of that vegetarian crap, give me real food! I'm from Virginia so i like dirty southern food, especially anything fried.

    I usually listen to country or rap! LIL WEEZY!

    The six things I could never do without
    sex
    my sons
    bud
    my neighbors wireless internet connection hehee
    good food
    did i mention sex?

    My god.

    She sounds absolutely perfect. A bum with children living in a trailer park and she has the necessary sexual kinks that I require in a prospective mate.

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    VivixenneVivixenne Remember your training, and we'll get through this just fine. Registered User regular
    edited December 2011
    I don't really read much, but I love to pick up a Cosmopolitan at the grocery store to learn how to please my man! ;)

    girl if you goin' to Cosmo for sex tips, you ain't gonna be that good at sex

    just sayin'

    EDIT: props to her though for being comfortable with her looks and situation

    Vivixenne on
    XBOX: NOVADELPHINI | DISCORD: NOVADELPHINI #7387 | TWITTER
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    FutoreFutore Registered User regular
    Vivixenne wrote:
    wait

    WAIT

    she doesn't USE the sex toys she SELLS, does she

    because that sentence made me grimace something fierce

    There's also a lot of mention of sex right next to mention of her children. Now, I'm not hinting at some sort of incestuous tendencies and perversions. But she may be the type of mother that would continue having sex even when she hears her sons coming home from school. And definitely the type that would be annoyingly persistent about screaming during sex

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    Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    Futore wrote:
    Vivixenne wrote:
    wait

    WAIT

    she doesn't USE the sex toys she SELLS, does she

    because that sentence made me grimace something fierce

    There's also a lot of mention of sex right next to mention of her children. Now, I'm not hinting at some sort of incestuous tendencies and perversions. But she may be the type of mother that would continue having sex even when she hears her sons coming home from school. And definitely the type that would be annoyingly persistent about screaming during sex

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXAJtHiydtM

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    FutoreFutore Registered User regular
    Vivixenne wrote:
    I don't really read much, but I love to pick up a Cosmopolitan at the grocery store to learn how to please my man! ;)

    girl if you goin' to Cosmo for sex tips, you ain't gonna be that good at sex

    just sayin'

    EDIT: props to her though for being comfortable with her looks and situation

    Universal Cosmo Sex Tip: ALWAYS PUT A THUMB IN YOUR MAN'S BUTT.

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    FutoreFutore Registered User regular
    Cosmo wrote:
    DO NOT EVER NOT PUT YOUR THUMB IN YOUR MAN'S BUTT.

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    FutoreFutore Registered User regular
    HE LOVES IT BUT DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU

    -Cosmo, from every list of sex tips they've ever published

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    Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    Put a thumb in his butt

    and if he don't nut?

    Put two in his butt

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    crwthcrwth THAT'S IT Registered User regular
    sneak a third thumb in there if you can

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    Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    the two thumbs-in-the-butt while blowing him

    we call that the Siskel & Ebert

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    BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
    maybe i should just go out and meet peoplelshfhekhwpffahahahaa

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    As7As7 Registered User regular
    I've been dating someone I found via OKC for the last 4 months or so but I feel as though I've already sent all the other good matches messages and or been on dates with them so I've been using the site more casually.

    Received a couple odd messages from women, recently. Tip, ladies: tell me something about yourself or ask me a question. Messages that are, essentially, "hi, say words to me," are not all that enticing (unless you're hot like woah).

    XBOX Live: Arsenic7
    Secret Satan
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    cabsycabsy the fattest rainbow unicorn Registered User regular
    Vivixenne wrote:
    I don't really read much, but I love to pick up a Cosmopolitan at the grocery store to learn how to please my man! ;)

    girl if you goin' to Cosmo for sex tips, you ain't gonna be that good at sex

    just sayin'

    EDIT: props to her though for being comfortable with her looks and situation

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTQnUTgLssI

    cosmo did at least teach me at a young age about the virtues of moisturizer and sunscreen, so... props for that I guess?

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    VivixenneVivixenne Remember your training, and we'll get through this just fine. Registered User regular
    edited December 2011
    As7 wrote:
    I've been dating someone I found via OKC for the last 4 months or so but I feel as though I've already sent all the other good matches messages and or been on dates with them so I've been using the site more casually.

    Received a couple odd messages from women, recently. Tip, ladies: tell me something about yourself or ask me a question. Messages that are, essentially, "hi, say words to me," are not all that enticing (unless you're hot like woah).

    maybe they think they are hot like whoa and believe that you can't WAIT to message them because they are so hot, ergo they do not have to do more than say hi

    (there are girls out there who actually think this way)

    Vivixenne on
    XBOX: NOVADELPHINI | DISCORD: NOVADELPHINI #7387 | TWITTER
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    VivixenneVivixenne Remember your training, and we'll get through this just fine. Registered User regular
    Cosmo once suggested a sexual position termed the "helicopter"

    where you are having sex pretty much like you do in missionary and then all of a sudden the dude on top just swivels his body around, like, horizontally 180 or 360 degrees with his cock still in her vajayjay

    I'm not describing it right but let me put it this way: it's called the helicopter

    your brain will fill in the blanks

    XBOX: NOVADELPHINI | DISCORD: NOVADELPHINI #7387 | TWITTER
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    Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    I've seen it

    It's hilarious

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    BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
    that sounds messy

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    FutoreFutore Registered User regular
    if you had a girl that was nice and tolerant enough for your goofy ass to be walking yourself on your hands in a circle

    she really deserves better than "the helicopter"

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    BroloBrolo Broseidon Lord of the BroceanRegistered User regular
    Vivixenne wrote:
    Cosmo once suggested a sexual position termed the "helicopter"

    where you are having sex pretty much like you do in missionary and then all of a sudden the dude on top just swivels his body around, like, horizontally 180 or 360 degrees with his cock still in her vajayjay

    I'm not describing it right but let me put it this way: it's called the helicopter

    your brain will fill in the blanks

    http:// i.imgur.com/ tGM25.gif


    nsfw obviously

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    LegbaLegba He did. Registered User regular
    edited December 2011
    I think I saw that in a porno once.

    e: There you go.

    Legba on
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    IpseDixitIpseDixit Treat me like a pirate And give me that bootyRegistered User regular
    edited December 2011
    Vivixenne wrote:
    Cosmo once suggested a sexual position termed the "helicopter"

    where you are having sex pretty much like you do in missionary and then all of a sudden the dude on top just swivels his body around, like, horizontally 180 or 360 degrees with his cock still in her vajayjay

    I'm not describing it right but let me put it this way: it's called the helicopter

    your brain will fill in the blanks

    My brain is trying it's darndest to fill in the blanks here

    I mean buh? I guess I can see it, but it seems very awkward and would take far too long

    ~edit Welp yah there's that

    IpseDixit on
    ipsesignew.jpg
    Flickr - PSN ID - IamTetsuo - Steam
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    FyndirFyndir Registered User regular
    edited December 2011
    My temptation to search for video someone attempting this is high.

    Edit:

    holy shit Rolo that is even more glorious than I could have imagined.

    Fyndir on
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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Futore wrote:
    HE LOVES IT BUT DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU

    -Cosmo, from every list of sex tips they've ever published
    Here is a list of what a few anonymous guys like specifically. Feel free to apply this knowledge to every guy, libreally.

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    VivixenneVivixenne Remember your training, and we'll get through this just fine. Registered User regular
    look, different strokes, different folks and all that

    but I do not see how that maneuver does anything (sexually) for either of the parties involved

    XBOX: NOVADELPHINI | DISCORD: NOVADELPHINI #7387 | TWITTER
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    BroloBrolo Broseidon Lord of the BroceanRegistered User regular
    Vivixenne wrote:
    look, different strokes, different folks and all that

    but I do not see how that maneuver does anything (sexually) for either of the parties involved

    well you get a good laugh out of it and probably a few pulled muscles

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    BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
    i only recently learned of the fascinating horror that is penile fractures

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    FutoreFutore Registered User regular
    say what, viv? don't you want to feel all the different sides of the cock

    doing all different things

    because it's all so varied and different and not just a dumb rod for prodding

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    VivixenneVivixenne Remember your training, and we'll get through this just fine. Registered User regular
    edited December 2011
    I'm not saying different stuff in bed isn't great

    but dammit the helicopter looks like an awful lot of effort for very little return

    Vivixenne on
    XBOX: NOVADELPHINI | DISCORD: NOVADELPHINI #7387 | TWITTER
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    LegbaLegba He did. Registered User regular
    The helicopter looks like something that is exclusively useful in a performance.

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    FutoreFutore Registered User regular
    Vivixenne wrote:
    I'm not saying different stuff in bed isn't great

    but dammit the helicopter looks like an awful lot of effort for very little return

    absolutely. i was agreeing with you. it's not like the penis is offering different sensations via that spinning motion. and it's not like you could possibly be spinning fast enough to achieve what some sex toys do when they spin

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Wait which part is the yucky looking part?

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    Garlic BreadGarlic Bread i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a Registered User, Disagreeable regular
    edited December 2011
    Bedlam wrote:
    Wait which part is the yucky looking part?

    Depends. For you? All of it

    Garlic Bread on
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