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Self defense for my lady friend.
billwill
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
My girlfriend is 4'11", like 90 pounds. She's petite, to say the least.
We're in college and she recently started driving. She has to park off campus, a few blocks away, because there are never any spaces on campus.
I've been parking in this area for a few years, and while overall it's fine, it's not the best area. There are a few homeless people wandering around sometimes, and I have seen broken glass on the ground from when people have broken into cars.
So we're looking at self-defense options for her. No gun, no knife (for obvious reasons). It seems to boil down to pepper spray or a stun gun. I, however, know nothing about the two. Pepper spray seems like the better option, because she can spray him from a distance and then run, but I'm not sure. Anyone have some advice for which one to go with? Or maybe a different option I haven't considered?
We're in college and she recently started driving. She has to park off campus, a few blocks away, because there are never any spaces on campus.
I've been parking in this area for a few years, and while overall it's fine, it's not the best area. There are a few homeless people wandering around sometimes, and I have seen broken glass on the ground from when people have broken into cars.
So we're looking at self-defense options for her. No gun, no knife (for obvious reasons). It seems to boil down to pepper spray or a stun gun. I, however, know nothing about the two. Pepper spray seems like the better option, because she can spray him from a distance and then run, but I'm not sure. Anyone have some advice for which one to go with? Or maybe a different option I haven't considered?
I hate you and you hate me.
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Are your schedules so different that you can't walk with her? You don't have to be a big, imposing guy: just being more than one person will help.
A cellphone is probably the best thing to carry. Taser laws vary from state to state I believe, be sure to check them if you're going that route. Personally I believe the only help a stun gun or spray will do is provide some measure of comfort rather than actually being useful in a real situation.
She usually always walks with me. I'm 6'4", used to play for the football team; unfortunately we don't offer that service. The university used to have a shuttle but it was cut last year for budgetary reasons. There will be unfortunately one day of the week that she will have to walk alone.
That is a valid point. Certainly anything that requires her to be up close and personal will not be very useful, as she can easily be overpowered. That's why I'm leaning towards pepper spray. It seems easy to access, has a long range, and is extraordinarily debilitating.
Or it's going to piss the person off even more. It's not quite as debilitating as you think it is.
The only way I can see it not being as debilitating as I think it is is if she misses the assailant's eyes/face. Which is a moot point. If the pepper spray makes contact with the eyes, the person may become angrier, but he's not going to be able to see.
Look, I'm not saying I need a self defense weapon so we can have the ability to stroll through ghetto neighborhoods without fear. There's obviously a very real possibility that whatever we get will be ineffective because of user error. But that's inevitable. As a last resort, I don't see why she shouldn't get a self defense weapon.
My Backloggery
A situation that you're talking about isnt going to be a stand up fight, its going to be an ambush...and even big guys who are professional fighters wind up losing.
There are some simple straightforward rules that everyone should follow...
1. Trust the hairs on the back of your neck. If you're in a situation that you feel nervous about - don't tell yourself you're being silly. Listen to that instinct. Whats the worst that can happen if you listen to it? You look silly to a random stranger?
2. The best defense tool is a good pair of sneakers. Seriously - Run away. Do not stand and fight if you have the option to haul ass. Anyone willing to randomly brawl on a street corner is already unhinged - don't hang around to see how far unhinged they are. The only time you should even think about standing to fight is when someone is there to take your life - and even then, fight enough to run the fuck away. Don't hang around to curb stomp them or turn them into hamburger.
3. Nothing you own is worth your life or their life. Do not get gunned down for a wallet or even your car. That being said, do not gun someone down for your wallet or your car. Items can ALWAYS be replaced - we can't fix dead.
4. Weapons - there are lots of opinions on weapons - get informed and come up with your own. I will offer you this one observation - whatever weapon you carry . . . pepper spray, tasers, knives or guns - carry them with the ultimate knowledge that you may be at the end of that every same weapon. If you cannot handle that, do not carry the weapon.
Something like this:
http://www.misdefenseproducts.com/Expandable-Batons-Clubs-Bats-p-1-c-605.html?gclid=CI_J4O79_K0CFQpV7Aod40PgwQ
Obviously, shop around for reviews for things like this.
Until the guy grabs it from the sub-5' girl and beats the shit out of HER with it. Bad idea.
If her life isn't on the line she doesn't need something for self-defense. All that will do is escalate a robbery to a deadly force situation which is a huge no-no.
Pepper spray is not as effective as you seem to think it is. A handful of people are completely crippled, but most people can still function enough to seriously injure the person you described.
A stun-gun isn't a taser. It's definitely not something I'd carry for self defense.
Honestly, if her life isn't in danger, she's best just giving them what they want and filing a police report. If her life is in danger, neither of those tools is something I'd bet my life on. Either BJJ or a knife are the only things I'd trust, and their effectiveness drops significantly with the introduction of more than one assailant.
Comment #4
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Mace/ Pepper Spray (Honestly I've heard so many pros and cons against one or the other that I'm not even sure if it matters if you buy one or the otherO, is probably all she needs. But even then, there's nothing she's going to do if she gets attacked unaware.
Basically it's all about presence and awareness. If you look like a victim, you'll be a target. If you're aware of your surroundings, you can avoid bad situations.
Also, if she does get pepper spray, make sure she knows how to use it. Nothing worst then fidgeting with the safety and not being able to use it when you need it.
All the fun of a pistol combined with the eye searing justice and non-low lethality of pepper spray!
Also maybe one of those loud alarms? Something to scare the person off? Pepper spray might not be very intimidating, but a loud noise sure to draw attention might be.
EEPs got it right, be aware, dont put yourself in those situations and listen to your gut. Staying in shape and running away from confrontation is just smart. Our master who is in amazing shape, has been doing martial arts for 35 years and has an amazing self defense course will still give up his wallet if confronted with a armed attacker, no matter how skilled you are shit happens and money is not worth your life.
If your school doesnt have a safe walk or escort program (male escorts... hmm) start one, I bet your GF isnt the only one with those concerns.
If you're going to buy her pepper spray, look into gels/foams to reduce the likelihood that a breeze causes her to mace herself, and investigate the claimed strength. She's still going to need to be practicing her first 2 tools though anyways; she shouldn't allow her vigilance down just cause she has pepper spray on her keyring or in her purse.
I don't know, Esh. A friend of mine who recently became a cop had to either take a taser or pepper spray as part of his training, and from the way he describes being pepper sprayed....
Type/brand of pepper spray could come into play, but he basically said it was the worst thing he ever experienced.
The brand of pepper spray I bought for my wife is quite flammible and can shoot out a nice long jet of flame.. not that I recommend setting people on fire, even in a self defense situation I think the law would side with the perp.. unless the spicy side of the pepper spray wasnt having an affect.
If you want to go this route (I do not personally recommend it), a taser is the more effective of those two options according to the best data I'm aware of (at least, as far as police-issue tasers & pepper spray go). Just be aware that these are very much lethal weapons.
I completely with these two points.
I got mugged before for forcibly ignoring my instincts that something was wrong, and when I tried to fight my attackers who initially just wanted my cellphone, I end-up losing more stuff and got pretty beat-up.
If your girlfriend is attacked, it's likely that she's going to be caught off her guard. It doesn't matter what weapon you're carrying around if you don't have the chance to employ it.
My university had one, and it was basically a bunch of volunteers who wanted some exercise. People could call the number, and a guy and a girl would come pick you up and escort you where you need to go. They wore reflective clothing, had walkie talkies, etc.
I took this myself and it is a very good defense system to learn. But unless she learns to be super effective a 90 pound woman is going to have a really hard time defeating even a guy my size (5'10" 160lbs).
As said before, give them the wallet or whatever if they want it. I was told this in Krav as well. Unless they are only their to take your life or the life of your loved one(s) then give them what they want.
Another note, Pepper-spray is far more effective if the target does not see it coming. If the situation arises, the spray should be lifted, aimed, and discharged. Telling an assailant that you have Pepper-spray or even holding it on them and threatening to use it is just going to give the assailant opportunity to raise a defense (shielding face, grabbing at spray). Another thing people don't realize is that when you spray somebody with Pepper-spray, you're going to be somewhat exposed to the irritant as well. A good training class should prepare them for this.
Scream for help
Break away from grab
Scream for help
Spray assailant
Scream for help
Run away
Scream for help
Based on my experience this is very far from the truth. A legitimate professional fighter (Someone who's been pro 2-3 years and has a decent winning record) will destroy average joe shmoe within 50lbs, and can definitely deal with someone within 100lbs.
Obviously weapons, multiple attackers etc throw that out the window. Nothing is more dangerous than trying to fight 2 people or someone with a weapon, no matter who you are.
As a combatives instructor, I'm going to say Krav Maga is better than nothing, but it's not the magical pill some people make it out to be. You can learn BJJ or wrestling and incorporate a lot of dirty shit and be just as effective.
Contrary to what a lot of people here are saying, self defense works, if it's legit. I've seen it work firsthand. I've also seen people try things like Ikikiyo grips at bars and get knocked the fuck out.
More important than learning self defense is learning to avoid the situation all together. If your life isn't on the line, don't put it on the line. Give them what they want, run away, do whatever it takes. If it's a life or death situation, you need to be prepared to handle it as such.
Also - Tasers are the worst thing ever invented fuck that shit I'd rather get maced every day for a week than get tasered again.
Cardio is her best option for safety.
Is a 90lb female going to toss a 160-200lb man away easily after a few weeks of BJJ? Fuck no.
Could a 90lb female shut down a 160-200lb man for several minutes while screaming for help after a few weeks of BJJ? Definitely.
Could a 90lb female choke out a 160-200lb man after a few years of BJJ? Definitely.
Self defense doesn't turn you into steven seagal. You're still going to get banged up and hurt, but in a 1-1 unarmed attacker scenario, a little knowledge goes a long way.
[edit] That said, avoiding confrontation is the best course of action. The only time you should fight is if you have no other choice.
But that's only if your life is threatened. Otherwise just hand over whatever it is they want and go about your business. Playing Rambo is a terrible idea.
I like the idea of an air horn a lot. I think we'll just go with that. Now to just find one small enough to fit into her ridiculously small purse.
I did it and it was pretty empowering. It's basically a mix of situational awareness, with a ton of practice of having people approach you at different angles, and how you can back off and be prepred to run. Plus the class was taught by a local cop who gave a bunch of good advice to prevent theft, and where muggings and crimes in our town tend to occur.
As repugnant as it may seem to you and your good lady, a handgun might just be the best option. Demonstration and use of pepper spray might not stop some meth-head looking for cash to buy more meth. A gun would stop him. Period. I know it's a serious option that needs in-depth consideration, but if you're worried about her safety and are unsure of what kind of threat she could face, then I would recommend something that can handle all situations. Demonstration of a gun may give pause, but if not - open fire and defend yourself as the law allows.
Assuming you're in the US then you have the right to put the ultimate justice-maker in the hands of your girlfriend. I may be expressing my views a little strongly here, so take what I type with a grain of salt, but you should protect the ones you love with all that you can.
If a weapon is completely out of the question then people above me have given several good options; I just hope they prevent or stop a determined attack.
The OP specified no guns and no knives.
If you're looking for self-defense in a life or death situation there is no other acceptable alternative. If flight is not an option, you can't put your life in the hands of the enemy hoping that non-lethal tools will prevent them from using lethal tools on you.
That's awesome, but it's not what the OP asked for. She's going two blocks off campus where Bill saw some broken glass on the ground. Guns and knives are extremely unwarranted in this situation.
I wasn't going to post in this thread again as it seems to be resolved, but this statement is ridiculous. I suggest you get yourself properly pepper-sprayed or tazed before you make up your mind about "non-lethal tools".
People tend to underestimate pepper spray because there's a lot of cheap, ineffective knockoffs, and because it has "pepper" in the name and pepper is delicious. It's more like "set your face on fire for ten minutes spray".