Looking for Feedback on New Webcomic Series

DualShockDumpsterDualShockDumpster Registered User
edited February 2012 in Artist's Corner
First off let me say that I will not be spamming our work here every week and that I would just like to hear feedback from other artist on what they think of our new series.

My partner and I just started a Webcomic Series simply named DualShock Dumpster. Our plan is to simply make fun of certain aspects in gaming culture. We just unveiled our first strip which basically makes fun of the currently ongoing promotion between Sony & Taco Bell. If you haven't heard of this promotion, Taco Bell is giving away the PlayStation Vita every 15 minutes, but you have to buy this 5 dollar burrito box that contains a code you must enter online to win. Anyway we plan on doing more comics similar to the one you are about to see, and we would love any feedback or advice any of you other artist and writers may have.

tacobellstrip3.jpg

DualShockDumpster on

Posts

  • ninjaininjai Registered User regular
    edited February 2012
    a few things from me as a person who knows nothing at all about making comics ... (srsly cuz I suck at it)

    1. what is his nose doing? like... i don't understnad what his happening with his nose shape other than this:
    DrEvazan.jpg
    2. What is he doing? I literally can't tell what his happening.

    A. Looks at taco.
    B. Watching soap opera on Hulu?
    C. UFO Abduction?
    D. doesn't want to eat burritos.

    You explained what was happening, that's fine. The image by itself doesn't tell me anything.

    3. I'm assuming that's a toilet? How is it moving? Is it in his living room? IDK about you, but I don't own 4 clocks.
    I get what is intended, but it isn't conveyed very well IMO for the reason I listed above, I don't feel this scenario necessitates a time lapse delivery.

    4. Ginger.

    ninjai on
  • squidbunnysquidbunny Registered User regular
    Is he ... constipated from the burritos? I second Ninjai's confusion. Even with the background you provided about the contest I'm having a hard time extrapolating meaning, let alone a structured joke...?

    The art's not terrible though. Fair amount of personality & fluidity. I kind of hate the blurred backgrounds, though, and I'd personally just use less contrast back there to pop your characters out into the foreground.

    header_image_sm.jpg
  • Thanks for the feedback guys, and yes he is constipated thus being on the toliet. If I can better explain the comic it would be...

    A. Looks for code on Taco Box
    B. Enters code for what appears to be the thousandth time onto his personal laptop
    C. Feels defeated after losing once again.
    D. Proceeds to eat more Tacos to repeat steps A-B

    Basically we were making fun of the possibility that someone would want a Vita so bad they would subject themselves to something like this. We used the prospect of a PlayStation Fanboy who desperately wants to upgrade from a PSP (note the PSP shirt/hat and PS posters on the wall)

    We originally had a lot of text planned and were going to separate each panel, but we wanted it to show time lapsed while the background shows different posters and a full bathroom we wanted it to appear like the guy would constantly be back on the toliet because eating too much Taco Bell can be pretty messy.

    Thanks again for the constructive criticism though guys :).

  • ZombieLeeZombieLee Registered User regular
    I actually found it really funny. If I were going to improve upon it I would:

    a) Not have the time lapse of one frame of reference occur in what is seemingly one very long room (different posters behind him at different times)
    b) Set up one frame before the time lapse which explains the set up, I had no idea what was going on until I read your back story. Something like

    sY7iM.gif

    Disclaimer: I am not good at drawing
    Disclaimer: I do not write comics
    Disclaimer: I have always wanted to draw out comic advice
    Final Disclaimer: I only now noticed that the way I drew the speech lines makes it look like the guy is dancing

    w4UP3.png
  • ZombieLee wrote:
    I actually found it really funny. If I were going to improve upon it I would:

    a) Not have the time lapse of one frame of reference occur in what is seemingly one very long room (different posters behind him at different times)
    b) Set up one frame before the time lapse which explains the set up, I had no idea what was going on until I read your back story. Something like

    sY7iM.gif

    Disclaimer: I am not good at drawing
    Disclaimer: I do not write comics
    Disclaimer: I have always wanted to draw out comic advice
    Final Disclaimer: I only now noticed that the way I drew the speech lines makes it look like the guy is dancing

    Thanks ZombieLee and all criticism and feedback is welcome, it gives us more room for improvement. What's funny about your quick version is that is sort of how the original concept came about. This was the original concept.
    Screen 1 Two Guys having a conversation

    Guy 1 "Hey dave did you hear Taco Bell is giving a PlayStation Vita away every 15 minutes"

    Screen 2 Same two guys having a conversation

    Guy 2 "Wow dude, I wonder if Jacob knows about this."

    Screen 3 Same two guys having a conversation

    Guy 1 " Who the fuck is Jacob?"

    Screen 4 Same two guys having a conversation

    Guy 2 "Just this guy I know who loves PlayStation a little too much"

    Screen 5 Jacob's house

    Jacob sitting on a toliet eating a taco with a bunch of taco bell boxes on the ground.
    Possibly show him sitting on a mountain a shit or get creative with whatever works.

    Notice we had plans to make it a bit more vulgar and crude, but we decided we wanted to try to get the point across without showing dialogue. Not all of our comics will be this way though.

    Anyway thanks again for the feedback!

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