Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
edited February 2012
Ah yeah. I mean I like being a bartender but I definitely wouldn't do it for no money. Only nearly no money.
I am feeling good because I just got back from seeing Rammstein for the first time. I saw things tonight I ain't never seen before.
Brovid Hasselsmof on
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Garlic Breadi'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm aRegistered User, Disagreeableregular
I'm probably gonna have to up my Zoloft dosage when I go back to the doctor in March
It's helped a lot with my anxiety, definitely better than I was before, but not where I should/want to be. Like, I went out today and saw friends and their friends (strangers) for the first time in 2 months or so, and my anxiety wasn't all "DIFFERENT ENVIRONMENT! HAVE SOME STOMACH CRAMPS" I felt fine, but I still was feeling anxiety when it came to conversation and inserting myself in it
Guys I went snowboarding today. Me and some friends from work and from other game companies got together and got on a bus that runs on grease and oh my god.
I only went down the hill twice but oh my goodness. I had so much fun.
facetiousa wit so dryit shits sandRegistered Userregular
I went snowboarding once.
I got a brief lesson, got some practise on the bunny slopes.
Felt pretty confident.
And then my first time on a proper hill I kept falling, but as I went along I got more comfortable and toward the very bottom I was able to maintain my balance and started picking up some speed coming into the very last turn, which curved downward to where you get on the lifts.
I came in on my heel side, caught my edge, fell back HARD, hurting my wrist as I reached back to stop myself and banging the back of my head on ice. My hat and gloves both flew off like 15 feet away from the impact.
As I was lying there, wondering if my wrist was broken and/or if I had a concussion, the safety person came up and called on their radio to bring in the gurney. He told them the location of my fall: "Suicide Corner."
Even in my dazed state I had to side-eye that name.
And then they pulled me behind a snowmobile which kicked snow into my face and I got an x-ray and had to wear a cast on my wrist for weeks.
.. I haven't been snowboarding since.
"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
Lost Salientblink twiceif you'd like me to mercy kill youRegistered Userregular
edited February 2012
GG, I totally understand where you're coming from with the pros and cons, and I think sometimes it's just not worth your sanity and well-being to keep doing what you're doing. I just finished six months where I was working not only my regular job at the kindergarten, but two additional private lessons four days a week, as well as studying full-time, and as a result I basically drove myself into the ground. The extra cash inflow was nice, and I felt bad telling my private lessons that I wouldn't be able to continue on, but I was going out of my mind with stress, lack of sleep, and lack of leisure time.
So, basically, don't do that.
Also when I was working in Chicago I was closing at two a.m., commuting home and waking up at 8 to apply for better jobs and I ended up slicing my thumb almost to the bone twice!
Lost Salient on
"Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
So I just got back from work and after we had closed I sat down with my boss and told him what was up
He was really cool about it and said he totally understood, that I'd be welcome back any time I felt up to it, and he hoped to keep seeing me as a customer (which he will)
It's a big weight off my mind to not have to worry about it any more
I was feeling pretty shitty earlier, because I haven't been sleeping well and I flaked out on going to an album launch that I wanted to go to because my social avoidance got the better of me - but then my lady came online and made me feel better because she pretty much had the exact same situation with going out tonight. She's back on Tuesday, I'm so damned excited.
I'm probably gonna have to up my Zoloft dosage when I go back to the doctor in March
It's helped a lot with my anxiety, definitely better than I was before, but not where I should/want to be. Like, I went out today and saw friends and their friends (strangers) for the first time in 2 months or so, and my anxiety wasn't all "DIFFERENT ENVIRONMENT! HAVE SOME STOMACH CRAMPS" I felt fine, but I still was feeling anxiety when it came to conversation and inserting myself in it
Hey, I don't really know you and I know my opinion may be unwelcome so please don't take offense or whatever. Feel free to totally ignore me but this is just a thing I'm thinking. But maybe it's a good thing to still be feeling a low level of anxiety if you are at least functioning? I know it's not pleasant, I used to have serious anxiety issues a few years back so please don't think I'm belittling how difficult it is. But if you just up the drugs to totally numb it what happens when you come off them?
Maybe you can take the opportunity of feeling reduced anxiety to try and develop techniques for dealing with it. To stop feeling anxious about the anxiety, as it were.
I'm probably not explaining myself very well and you may have already heard all this before so I'll shut up. Like I said I hope my comments aren't out of place and I'm sorry if they are. I think you're a pretty cool dude and I want you to get happier.
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DepressperadoI just wanted to see you laughingin the pizza rainRegistered Userregular
haha, man you ain't gotta be so apologetic about your suggestions!
I much prefer being numb/vaguely pleased with everything that happens, rather than being filled with low-level anxiety constantly.
sure I turn into a useless gibbering wreck when I'm off them, but thems the breaks
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Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
Man I just don't want him to think I'm stomping in here being all "rah, drugs are bad let me list the ways to fix your life because I know all!"
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I Win Swordfightsall the traits of greatnessstarlight at my feetRegistered Userregular
graduating from high school was literally the best thing that ever happened to me.
man, you know what i just realized? if i hadn't been talking to my ex after i had taken all that vicodin and ambien to say goodbye, and she hadn't called 911, and i had been successful
i wouldn't be alive right now to experience all the joy and excitement going on in my life right now
that's some heavy shit
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Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
edited February 2012
I think like that about one of my best mates who killed herself aged 21.
Life got so much better for me in the years since then. I can't help wondering if she'd failed that time and was still here, would she finally be happy.
But they're dark thoughts and I don't like em.
Brovid Hasselsmof on
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DepressperadoI just wanted to see you laughingin the pizza rainRegistered Userregular
hey you guys
isn't life graand
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weather man bobEl HefferAssholeville USARegistered Userregular
Life is one of a kind for sure.
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Lost Salientblink twiceif you'd like me to mercy kill youRegistered Userregular
I'm probably gonna have to up my Zoloft dosage when I go back to the doctor in March
It's helped a lot with my anxiety, definitely better than I was before, but not where I should/want to be. Like, I went out today and saw friends and their friends (strangers) for the first time in 2 months or so, and my anxiety wasn't all "DIFFERENT ENVIRONMENT! HAVE SOME STOMACH CRAMPS" I felt fine, but I still was feeling anxiety when it came to conversation and inserting myself in it
Hey, I don't really know you and I know my opinion may be unwelcome so please don't take offense or whatever. Feel free to totally ignore me but this is just a thing I'm thinking. But maybe it's a good thing to still be feeling a low level of anxiety if you are at least functioning? I know it's not pleasant, I used to have serious anxiety issues a few years back so please don't think I'm belittling how difficult it is. But if you just up the drugs to totally numb it what happens when you come off them?
Maybe you can take the opportunity of feeling reduced anxiety to try and develop techniques for dealing with it. To stop feeling anxious about the anxiety, as it were.
I'm probably not explaining myself very well and you may have already heard all this before so I'll shut up. Like I said I hope my comments aren't out of place and I'm sorry if they are. I think you're a pretty cool dude and I want you to get happier.
Oh, don't worry about it!! I don't take offense at people trying to be helpful
You might be right; I dunno, this is all pretty new to me. I mean, I'd love to not need the drugs and all, but after trying to "fix" it for so long and getting nowhere, it's what I turned to.
But yeah it's kind of an ongoing circle at times. Like when I was driving home yesterday I got depressed that I had anxiety with everyone, and then I got depressed that I was getting depressed because I'd been doing so good
I dunno how I'm gonna be when I come off of them eventually. I'm hoping not too bad, but like I said this is the first time I've dealt with this stuff
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Garlic Breadi'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm a bitch i'm aRegistered User, Disagreeableregular
I've been having so much trouble getting up in the morning this past week and I can't remember if it started before I finished my Ativan prescription or not
I'm just so tired in the morning but then I've been staying up later. Gotta get my schedule fixed again
I got a brief lesson, got some practise on the bunny slopes.
Felt pretty confident.
And then my first time on a proper hill I kept falling, but as I went along I got more comfortable and toward the very bottom I was able to maintain my balance and started picking up some speed coming into the very last turn, which curved downward to where you get on the lifts.
I came in on my heel side, caught my edge, fell back HARD, hurting my wrist as I reached back to stop myself and banging the back of my head on ice. My hat and gloves both flew off like 15 feet away from the impact.
As I was lying there, wondering if my wrist was broken and/or if I had a concussion, the safety person came up and called on their radio to bring in the gurney. He told them the location of my fall: "Suicide Corner."
Even in my dazed state I had to side-eye that name.
And then they pulled me behind a snowmobile which kicked snow into my face and I got an x-ray and had to wear a cast on my wrist for weeks.
.. I haven't been snowboarding since.
Yeah, never put your arms back when falling
Lesson numero uno
It also really helped that it was snowing a shitton while we were there, all completely fresh white powder. It was awesome.
facetiousa wit so dryit shits sandRegistered Userregular
I really want to go snowboarding again sometime to redeem myself (also because it was fun until the crash and I think I'm a lot more coordinated these days and would fare much better). Just never get the chance.
Also I am officially completely fucking sick of my job. Pro tip: if you get a cup of soup from the salad bar, eat half of it and realise you can't finish it, don't dump it back into the pot.
Especially not within two minutes of the salad bar guy filling up the pot with fresh soup.
Because of that kid (he wasn't even that young! I'd guess like 12-13 or so) I not only had to throw away a whole bunchload of perfectly good chicken noodle soup, I had to actually cook more noodles I would otherwise not have needed to make. Because what I absolutely need is even more work. I totally don't already have more to do than anybody else in the restaurant, no siree.
"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
I never learned how to snowboard because the girl who was supposed to teach me how broke up with me less than a week before christmas.
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miscellaneousinsanitygrass grows, birds fly, sun shines,and brother, i hurt peopleRegistered Userregular
Man, I think today is the first time I can actually post in this thread!
I'd been sick off and on all week, missed classes, missed events, fell behind on deadlines, but I'm feeling well again, and I had a genuinely good day today for the first time in a long while.
One of my friends is in the top-tier choir at our school, and they were putting on a performance today directed by the former chair of the music department, who is now the associate dean of the School of the Arts at our sister campus in Qatar. Anyways, my friend had me do three ink illustrations based on quotations from the director as a parting gift, which she presented to him at the end of a very lovely and impressive concert in the local cathedral. I got mentioned by name, plus I got a paycheck for it- it's been a while since I've had any paid art work and I'd forgotten how nice it feels to get money for doing the thing you enjoy and are good at.
I spent the afternoon grocery shopping- it's good to have food in the house again.
Then this evening I got together with a small group of friends for an Academy Awards potluck (I made a delicious fruit salad). It was an enjoyable night of good conversation and entertainment, with no social anxiety or nothin(!)
I've got an art project idea that I'm super excited to pitch tomorrow, and I am well and truly tired (and looking forward to not going to bed at 7am), so I'm going to peruse the Oscars thread a bit and then sleeeeep.
After months of pretty severe lower back and leg pain (especially the sciatic nerve), pain in my sides, my right shoulder blade and a chest tightness on my right side, I got a professional massage for the first time today
It felt pretty goddamned amazing
Some of the chest tightness is creeping back now, hours later, I'm hoping getting a good night's rest will help relieve some of this
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Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
I climbed outdoors for the first time yesterday. It was a beautiful sunny day way warmer than February should be and we did two routes, and it was so exciting to actually be climbing rock instead of coloured plastic. The second route got pretty terrifying as all my instincts were screaming you are a ground animal, this is not a position you should be in and I had a wee nervous breakdown but still got to the top without falling off. Best I've felt in ages and now I just want to get onto more rock asap.
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TonkkaSome one in the club tonightHas stolen my ideas.Registered Userregular
I feel good, I went to a hockey game, then I got drunk, and then I got more drunk, and now I am waiting for pizza.
I really need to get started on these mood journals because holy shit.
It wouldn't be so bad if my perceptions of 'good' and bad moods wasn't ao out of whack either.
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Sars_BoyRest, You Are The Lightning.Registered Userregular
Hurph humph harumph
this has been the worst month
i had things going pretty well for me and it all kind of spiraled out when things with the girl i was seeing (not even dating, really) went south and triggered me bumming myself out/blaming myself for everything/feeling like an idiot. it's crazy how one tiny event can make me depressed for a whole month.
then i went on a school-sponsored retreat thing at the behest of some friends who had good experiences with it and i think the biggest thing that i got out of it was that i just plain don't like myself that much right now. i am constantly fearing that the people who are my friends secretly hate/resent me without reason, i never feel like i deserve anything. i get (unreasonably) bummed out around people's happiness. it's not even like my life is in a shitty place right now: i have friends that love me and are there for me, i'm going to college in a great city. yet i can only ever focus on how (in my mind) i am a non-contributing leech on everyone's time and efforts.
my use of weed as an anti-depressant has quickly turned from something i would joke about to something i depend on to have a good time/be around others.
i've made an appointment with my school's counseling dept. so hopefully something positive comes of that. i've never done any sort of counseling/therapy before.
Posts
Are you being literal here? Because what the fuck.
If they had to cut us checks every week I don't imagine they'd be open long
I basically did it because these people are friends and I thought being a bartender would be cool but in the end the cons outweigh the pros
I am feeling good because I just got back from seeing Rammstein for the first time. I saw things tonight I ain't never seen before.
It's helped a lot with my anxiety, definitely better than I was before, but not where I should/want to be. Like, I went out today and saw friends and their friends (strangers) for the first time in 2 months or so, and my anxiety wasn't all "DIFFERENT ENVIRONMENT! HAVE SOME STOMACH CRAMPS" I felt fine, but I still was feeling anxiety when it came to conversation and inserting myself in it
I only went down the hill twice but oh my goodness. I had so much fun.
I am also so incredibly sore aaaaaaaaughhh
hey satan...: thinkgeek amazon My post |
I got a brief lesson, got some practise on the bunny slopes.
Felt pretty confident.
And then my first time on a proper hill I kept falling, but as I went along I got more comfortable and toward the very bottom I was able to maintain my balance and started picking up some speed coming into the very last turn, which curved downward to where you get on the lifts.
I came in on my heel side, caught my edge, fell back HARD, hurting my wrist as I reached back to stop myself and banging the back of my head on ice. My hat and gloves both flew off like 15 feet away from the impact.
As I was lying there, wondering if my wrist was broken and/or if I had a concussion, the safety person came up and called on their radio to bring in the gurney. He told them the location of my fall: "Suicide Corner."
Even in my dazed state I had to side-eye that name.
And then they pulled me behind a snowmobile which kicked snow into my face and I got an x-ray and had to wear a cast on my wrist for weeks.
.. I haven't been snowboarding since.
Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
So, basically, don't do that.
Also when I was working in Chicago I was closing at two a.m., commuting home and waking up at 8 to apply for better jobs and I ended up slicing my thumb almost to the bone twice!
"Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
So I just got back from work and after we had closed I sat down with my boss and told him what was up
He was really cool about it and said he totally understood, that I'd be welcome back any time I felt up to it, and he hoped to keep seeing me as a customer (which he will)
It's a big weight off my mind to not have to worry about it any more
"Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
Hey, I don't really know you and I know my opinion may be unwelcome so please don't take offense or whatever. Feel free to totally ignore me but this is just a thing I'm thinking. But maybe it's a good thing to still be feeling a low level of anxiety if you are at least functioning? I know it's not pleasant, I used to have serious anxiety issues a few years back so please don't think I'm belittling how difficult it is. But if you just up the drugs to totally numb it what happens when you come off them?
Maybe you can take the opportunity of feeling reduced anxiety to try and develop techniques for dealing with it. To stop feeling anxious about the anxiety, as it were.
I'm probably not explaining myself very well and you may have already heard all this before so I'll shut up. Like I said I hope my comments aren't out of place and I'm sorry if they are. I think you're a pretty cool dude and I want you to get happier.
I much prefer being numb/vaguely pleased with everything that happens, rather than being filled with low-level anxiety constantly.
sure I turn into a useless gibbering wreck when I'm off them, but thems the breaks
man, you know what i just realized? if i hadn't been talking to my ex after i had taken all that vicodin and ambien to say goodbye, and she hadn't called 911, and i had been successful
i wouldn't be alive right now to experience all the joy and excitement going on in my life right now
that's some heavy shit
Life got so much better for me in the years since then. I can't help wondering if she'd failed that time and was still here, would she finally be happy.
But they're dark thoughts and I don't like em.
isn't life graand
I worked charcuterie and occasionally the butcher shop at a fancy grocery. Meat slicers! Don't fuck around with them when you're overtired!
"Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
I feel greeeat.
Oh, don't worry about it!! I don't take offense at people trying to be helpful
You might be right; I dunno, this is all pretty new to me. I mean, I'd love to not need the drugs and all, but after trying to "fix" it for so long and getting nowhere, it's what I turned to.
But yeah it's kind of an ongoing circle at times. Like when I was driving home yesterday I got depressed that I had anxiety with everyone, and then I got depressed that I was getting depressed because I'd been doing so good
I dunno how I'm gonna be when I come off of them eventually. I'm hoping not too bad, but like I said this is the first time I've dealt with this stuff
I'm just so tired in the morning but then I've been staying up later. Gotta get my schedule fixed again
Yeah, never put your arms back when falling
Lesson numero uno
It also really helped that it was snowing a shitton while we were there, all completely fresh white powder. It was awesome.
hey satan...: thinkgeek amazon My post |
I could barely be trusted to use one wide awake
Also I am officially completely fucking sick of my job. Pro tip: if you get a cup of soup from the salad bar, eat half of it and realise you can't finish it, don't dump it back into the pot.
Especially not within two minutes of the salad bar guy filling up the pot with fresh soup.
Because of that kid (he wasn't even that young! I'd guess like 12-13 or so) I not only had to throw away a whole bunchload of perfectly good chicken noodle soup, I had to actually cook more noodles I would otherwise not have needed to make. Because what I absolutely need is even more work. I totally don't already have more to do than anybody else in the restaurant, no siree.
Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
I couldn't get it into my head that you have better control if you lean forward
I'd been sick off and on all week, missed classes, missed events, fell behind on deadlines, but I'm feeling well again, and I had a genuinely good day today for the first time in a long while.
One of my friends is in the top-tier choir at our school, and they were putting on a performance today directed by the former chair of the music department, who is now the associate dean of the School of the Arts at our sister campus in Qatar. Anyways, my friend had me do three ink illustrations based on quotations from the director as a parting gift, which she presented to him at the end of a very lovely and impressive concert in the local cathedral. I got mentioned by name, plus I got a paycheck for it- it's been a while since I've had any paid art work and I'd forgotten how nice it feels to get money for doing the thing you enjoy and are good at.
I spent the afternoon grocery shopping- it's good to have food in the house again.
Then this evening I got together with a small group of friends for an Academy Awards potluck (I made a delicious fruit salad). It was an enjoyable night of good conversation and entertainment, with no social anxiety or nothin(!)
I've got an art project idea that I'm super excited to pitch tomorrow, and I am well and truly tired (and looking forward to not going to bed at 7am), so I'm going to peruse the Oscars thread a bit and then sleeeeep.
Keep up the good feelins, everyone!
It felt pretty goddamned amazing
Some of the chest tightness is creeping back now, hours later, I'm hoping getting a good night's rest will help relieve some of this
It has been a good day.
feeling bad
It wouldn't be so bad if my perceptions of 'good' and bad moods wasn't ao out of whack either.
this has been the worst month
i had things going pretty well for me and it all kind of spiraled out when things with the girl i was seeing (not even dating, really) went south and triggered me bumming myself out/blaming myself for everything/feeling like an idiot. it's crazy how one tiny event can make me depressed for a whole month.
then i went on a school-sponsored retreat thing at the behest of some friends who had good experiences with it and i think the biggest thing that i got out of it was that i just plain don't like myself that much right now. i am constantly fearing that the people who are my friends secretly hate/resent me without reason, i never feel like i deserve anything. i get (unreasonably) bummed out around people's happiness. it's not even like my life is in a shitty place right now: i have friends that love me and are there for me, i'm going to college in a great city. yet i can only ever focus on how (in my mind) i am a non-contributing leech on everyone's time and efforts.
my use of weed as an anti-depressant has quickly turned from something i would joke about to something i depend on to have a good time/be around others.
i've made an appointment with my school's counseling dept. so hopefully something positive comes of that. i've never done any sort of counseling/therapy before.
bleh.
Let us hang out. I will punch you in order to make you feel better.
That's how that works, right?