Obilex Works on a comic- Superman: Unforgiven

Obilex

Hey guys, so my cousin is pretty good when it comes to thinking up really good story-lines and we decided to collab a little on this project.

Here's the first page so far, i'm not really messing with the text much, so whatever is there as far as that is a placeholder for now.



more pages to come!

Linespider5

Dig the layered edges of the frames. Kind of a sort of Dave McKean feel that gives it a certain physicality in terms of the materials. Colour looks pretty good, but you may want to clean up the silhouette edges, especially the middle one. You've got a vibrancy going on that deserves strong contrast for silhouettes and shadows.

farbekrieg

superman has such an iconic profile, in the last silhouette i wouldnt be able to guess that is him out of context

i know you arent seeking feedback on the words, so feel free to disregard this next comment

but im compelled to mention superman worrying about himself doesnt ring true to his character

Spectre-x

farbekrieg wrote: »

superman has such an iconic profile, in the last silhouette i wouldnt be able to guess that is him out of context

i know you arent seeking feedback on the words, so feel free to disregard this next comment

but im compelled to mention superman worrying about himself doesnt ring true to his character

Yeah, Superman doesn't worry about becoming vulnerable. He ought to worry about the sun's death killing all life on earth and endeavour to fix it.

Faded_Sneakers

This frankly sounds more like a cool story that would be cooler if it were not using an already established character like superman to sell it to the audience.

You dont need superman to be the main character for the theme you have so far to be interesting or engaging.

As for the artwork, Im not sure what youre trying to tell with it. Meaning ... if i read the text without any artwork do I take away the same thing as I do with the artwork. At the moment while the artwork is okay visually, it adds nothing to the story being told. Feels more like a visual place holder.

MKR

Superman would spin around Jupiter and pull gasses over to the sun to top it off. Or just zip out to the asteroid belt and start towing things to the sun. And he would be coordinating carefully with scientists on Earth to make sure he's not putting too much fuel in. I doubt he would go 4 billion years and not keep the sun going, knowing how important it is to his existence.

Like @Faded_Sneakers said, this would work better if you made your own character. Even using some of Superman's attributes as a basis works. "A less confident, more vulnerable Superman" seems like a good starting point.

Spectre-x

Alternately if the sun is dying due to old age, Superman would help evacuate the earth and move to a new system with a yellow sun. If the sun is dying prematurely, Superman will fix it. If not, Superman will move.

MKR

I'm sure after 4 billion years Earth has quite a few colonies built with Superman's help. I doubt Superman is hurting for yellow suns near his favorite humanoids. And it's a long time for him to not find an alternate source of power for interstellar travel.

Nic

Yeah, I really have to echo the 'Make it not Superman' sentiment. Superman has such a vast history in being an optimist and interstellar problem solver that this doesn't suit the character very well at all.
The concept itself though I really like, a superhero facing the end of his career, the loss of his power. It's interesting enough that you could invent a superhero just for the story and work in the details of his back story gradually as you progress, which could do much better to enhance your character than simply having Superman flash back to other Superman adventures. Any hint at a back story can be used to build a reader's interest in and attachment to your character, or the world around him.
With Superman, what's to share? He has no dark secrets that haven't already been explored and resolved. He's already died at least once. There's very little in terms of revelations to be had about the character, no real room for surprises.

Linespider5

Nic's right on this one. This is good work. It doesn't need to be Superman. Make this guy your own. :^:

m3nace

I don't agree completely about Superman's optimism, for instance he always gets kind of depressed when it's about belonging somewhere. Like in that Wednesday Comics story, where he goes crying to Batman about lacking a sense of belonging. And in the Swamp Thing Superman crossover "The Jungle Line" (or something like that) where he faces his own inevitable mortality in a hallucination, and goes all "I don't belong here" about the world of the dead (kryptonians). But yeah, the sun is a problem that's too easy for Superman to solve, it's not an inevitable defeat really.
Maybe go with Captain Marvel instead, he's got the mentality of a teenager and is pretty emotionally unstable in most deconstructionist stories.

Godfather

I did think it was funny how Superman's first reaction to the Sun going out was that he would lose his powers instead of all Earth life going extinct

farbekrieg

On the other hand, i say keep superman, but play up the asshole component to watch the nerd rage as people like me cry that isnt sooooopermans!

i mean he is a super dick after all?

Linespider5

People are capable of hating bathrobes? Bathrobes are awesome.

Oh, wait. Superman's bathrobe should've had a cape on the back. Olsen should've known better.