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Relationship / Car Advice
Cpunk
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So my car recently bit the dust. I've been looking into used car loans, but they either have too high of a minimum, or require a car new enough to cost a fair amount of money, and have around a 6% APR.
My girlfriend of a little over a year really likes the Fiat 500. She's been following it since before it was available in the US, and wants to get one in a few years when she can afford it.
I checked it out and it's actually a pretty good deal. $15,500 with 0% APR, about $250 a month, which I can afford (my rent is a lot cheaper than hers). I test drove it and really like it, and I want to get it.
The problem is, she's kind of pissed. She says the only reason I even knew about it is from her talking about it, and feels that me getting one now would somehow diminish the joy when she gets one eventually.
I really want the car. Am I being an asshole for not looking around for something else? Is she being selfish for getting mad about me getting the car? Is there some way to frame this so make her less upset?
My girlfriend of a little over a year really likes the Fiat 500. She's been following it since before it was available in the US, and wants to get one in a few years when she can afford it.
I checked it out and it's actually a pretty good deal. $15,500 with 0% APR, about $250 a month, which I can afford (my rent is a lot cheaper than hers). I test drove it and really like it, and I want to get it.
The problem is, she's kind of pissed. She says the only reason I even knew about it is from her talking about it, and feels that me getting one now would somehow diminish the joy when she gets one eventually.
I really want the car. Am I being an asshole for not looking around for something else? Is she being selfish for getting mad about me getting the car? Is there some way to frame this so make her less upset?
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If you want to frame this in a way that lets you both get Fiats, talk about the experience of choosing, customizing, buying, and financing a car in a holistic sense. Point out that your experience of buying one will be very different than her's. Right now, she might be conceiving of it as "He is buying my car! WTF!" but in reality, it's not like that at all. Don't buy into her emotionally charged view of things but do be sympathetic. It sucks that she has to watch you do it first. But also offer a different perspective- maybe this is an experience you guys can share.
This is probably what I'll try. It might just be that she'll be upset for a while and I just have to let her get over it. But I really do want her to be excited with me, it'd be my first new car, and kind of a milestone.
Difference, though, is that cars are updated every year. The Fiat 500 you buy this year is going to be much different than the Fiat 500 she buys in some random future point. Plus, if actually being able to ride in one for 2, 3, 5 years before buying one diminishes her enjoyment that much, I'm skeptical that she's actually that excited. It's like, when you buy a new car, you think "yeah! I'm awesome! I'm the only one with this car!" and then you see it everywhere and you realize that tons of people own your exact car.
Talk it over with her and tell her that you're not buying it to spite her, but rather because her enthusiasm encouraged you to give it a shot and you completely agree with her. If it's the best small car out there, and it's just what you're looking for, it's silly to buy an entirely different car that you like less. She didn't call "dibs," but it sounds like you honestly were impressed with the car and that it's true that she clued you into the car itself. Credit where it's due, but a car is just a car.
To me, your best option is to sit down and explain to her why you want the Fiat, that it's not about "one upping" her or any of that crap...and if she wants to stay upset, then let her. She isn't your wife, it sounds like she does't even live with you...you should make the best financial decision for you.
Are you absolutely, positively sure that you understand her feelings and that you have not misinterpreted the situation?
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
That being said it shouldn't be a big fight. It's just a car. What I would suggest is to look around and see if you can find anything that you like just as much. If that really is the car for you then she should be willing to suck it up.
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If it matters to her that much, let her win this one.
That said, this is the kind of disappointment that adults need to be able to deal with. You could try to make her a bit more comfortable by demonstrating a willingness to explore other options. You don't necessarily have to pursue another option to the end, but take an open-minded approach and see what else is out there.
Not that I think there's anything terribly wrong with getting the Fiat anyways, but if you find something else that you also like and it sidesteps this headache why not, eh? Test driving some other cars with her seems like a good next step to me.
I don't understand how such petty and pathetic people like that woman function in the real world. What a loser she is. Her husband isn't far off.
to the OP - Buy it if it makes sense and you like the car. She'll either get over it, in which case you have an awesome car, or she won't get over it, in which case you should consider whether you really want a relationship with her. Someone who actually seriously gets upset about something like this isn't worth knowing, let alone being in a relationship with.
Darian, it's a multi-thousand dollar decision, honestly if he's happy with it he shouldn't side step.
As to the, you would never have heard of them if it wasn't for me argument, it's bullshit, you wouldn't have thought of that.
Really, she's going to be pissed, and there is very little you can really do. Tell her thankyou for the suggestion, and that you are getting it anyway, she will get over it.
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I can completely and utterly understand the reaction, here. Part of it is a utility concept, i.e. that both parties here would be missing out on breadth of utility to both drive the same, sub-sub-compact, tiny car. In the context of a relationship that has a future, the OP buying this car would rationally mean that she wouldn't buy the exact same car when it came time for her own purchase.
Honestly, it feel like a kind of goose-y move to preempt someone else's plans in a way that, essentially, thumbs one's nose in a "look at me, I did it first!" kind of way.
And aside from all that, the Fiat 500 has been a pretty critical disappointment. It hardly holds a candle to the European models that made a name for the company. OP, you're honestly better off looking at other models for both your own and your girlfriend's sake.
Of course, all of this is pretty moot if you don't see a future in the relationship.
You do realize that you're basically stealing an experience from her that she's been looking forward to for years, right? I don't mean to be a goose, myself, but I can understand why she's upset. Mostly I think that there's an undercurrent of uncaring for her feelings and desires that is the real issue.
While that is true to some degree, it' not like he's heading off by himself for a summer in Rome or something - it's a (very tiny) object that they both can experience together. Some couples would see this as a chance to bond together by picking out the color they both like, adding roadside assistance to their insurance together, etc.
I don't think there's any "right" action here. Personally speaking, I would ask yourself just how much you want this car, because she definitely sees this as you co-opting her dream. Whether or not this seems logical to you, it is a fair reaction on her part. It's also fair of you to say, "Too bad. This is the car I want." I guess it's just a matter of priorities.
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I'd be interested in how serious this relationship is, honestly. If this is a planning-long-term relationship, this is absolutely a pretty insensitive move. A car is a utilitarian, necessary and personal thing. The fact that the 500 is pretty much subpar for things like moving and multiple-passenger long-term comfort, a longer-term family planning perspective says that it is redundant and useless to own two of them. In a very real and practical way, the OP getting a 500 may necessitate that his girlfriend gets something other than a 500, which is a really crappy and thoughtless thing to do.
It isn't a vacation (I initially thought to make that comparison and decided against it), it's an integral investment in one's day-to-day life that lasts, hopefully, upwards of a decade. If nothing else, there needs to be a real conversation about the practical aspects of such a choice. This whole thing radiates selfishness, to me.
I mean, one of my dreams is to own a R34, which is a very non-practical car. If my partner went out and bought one for herself, you can believe that I'd be feeling like my feelings were pretty neglected and ignored.
I suggest two things to maybe make the situation easier.
A. Give credit for bringing the 500 to your attention.
B. Here in Europe the 500 can be be bought with all sorts of customizations meaning two 500's will hardly ever be identical. If the same is possible in the US then make sure to point that out and maybe go with something different than she would or include her in the process almost making it her car as well.
So admit that you know it's what she wanted, and then make sure the car you get is exactly the one she would have wanted?
I completely agree with The Crowing One, don't do this unless you're sure this relationship has no future. Because I know if my boyfriend had done this to me, I would definitely doubt that there was going to be any future. It's not just the practical issues to consider, there's also the symbolism of the thing.
There has to be more to this story. He bought a new car without talking to her about it first?
I don't know if a Fiesta is cheaper, it probably won't be. It's a class up from the Fiat 500. A more accurate comparison would be the Ford Ka.
Having said that I have a 2011 Fiesta and it is hands down the nicest car I've ever owned. It has a great clutch and gearbox, silky smooth steering, good sized rear seats with plenty leg room, a large boot for a car its size and even a trip computer. As for fuel efficiency I measured my MPG across an entire tank of fuel last time and got 35 MPG, considering I'm not a very economical driver and make lots of short trips that's pretty damn good.
As for your gf, it should be the sort of thing where any normal person would suffer a moment of being a little put out by it and then shrug it off and see the upside. She will get to try it for free and see how it works out for you for a couple of years of ownership. She is being pretty immature and you shouldn't have to forgo something you want just because she feels her not having something means you shouldn't have it either. This isn't high school, adult relationships involve give and take.
That is not exactly what I meant.
1. Of course the GF know that he knew she wanted one. It's described in the OP. My suggestion is to give her credit for this giving her an opening to seeing this as a positive.
2. I said nothing about getting the exact car she wants. Are you familiar with the 500 at all? One of the points about that car is the unlimited options to personalize it thus meaning he can go for a 500 that is much different than the one she dreams of or he can include her so much it pretty much becomes their car.
Finally let me say this. I don't really see why the GF is upset in any way. It's not like the is a limited supply of 500's so in no way is there anything stopping her from eventually having one. If anything it just shows the OP agrees with her taste in cars so making this is a bad thing seems rather silly.
In the US, the 500 barely has any options at all. You mostly just get to choose what color it is.
I think the OP should look at other cars. Not because of the girlfriend drama or anything, but because I don't think the version the US got is a very good car.
So my point of view is probably now quite obvious
Well then yeah, thats totally understandable. But in that situation, its not really that he drives a Mustang and she doesn't like it, its that he did something fucking stupid and since she couldn't undo the mistake, she at least can make sure he doesn't benefit from it.
That makes sense. Smart lady.
Ford Fiesta base model is $13.5, Fiat 500 is $15.3k per Truecar.com
Truecar is generally pretty close to the best deal you'll manage to find. Why would anyone pay 2k more for a Fiat 500? Worse gas milage, smaller, less reliable. I say this as a guy that has a Chrysler product (Challenger) but I accept dealing with the less than super awesome reliability just because it looks cool. I can't deny that a Ford nowadays is one of the most reliable cars you'll get, especially the Fiesta.
Seriously though I'm not trying to take a dump on your car choice or say you're dumb for wanting a Fiat 500, but the US version really is pretty bad compared to the Euro and it has been doing horribly here for a reason.
Is.
Ridiculous.
Buy what you want, this is straight up jealousy.
Is that so? I'm in the UK so I didn't know how the US models were priced. In that case OP it's a complete no brainer. Even if I could get the Sporty Arbath version I would still go for the Fiesta. It comes down to that old cliche from top gear, if I was choosing a car for a thrash around a racetrack, it'd be the Fiat, but as a car to live with every day and drive on roads and actually do stuff in? Fiesta, 100%.
Also financing terms are a gross indicator of how difficult a car is for a dealer to move.
Exactly, $2k is a large chunk of change. Even more so considering the cheaper car in this case is actually the better one.