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[Cards Against Humanity] With your host, Guy Smiley! Round 5!

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    DarkewolfeDarkewolfe Registered User regular
    For some reason "my humps" makes me giggle the most. Maybe because I can easily envision Fergie working the register.
    Yeah. Work it.

    What is this I don't even.
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    Majestic GoatMajestic Goat Registered User regular
    The picture of a kid opening the new Happy Meal toy package, and suddenly an icepick launch right into his eye just kills me.

    So here you go, icepick lobotomy. I hope you enjoy your McJunk!

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    blahmcblahblahmcblah You pick your side and you stick - you don't cut and run when things get ugly. Registered User regular
    YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.

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    CerberusCerberus Registered User regular
    Never saw that one winning! Just goes to show how the winner really does depend on other peoples sense of humour and personal experiances.

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    tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks OaklandRegistered User regular
    blahmcblah wrote: »
    YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.
    SPAWN MORE OVERLORDS.

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    daniantdaniant Columbus, OhioRegistered User regular
    I have decided I need to be more of an asshole to win this game.

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    towndrunk34towndrunk34 Registered User regular
    daniant wrote: »
    I have decided I need to be more of an asshole to win this game.

    Basically the entire point of this game

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    LaemkralLaemkral Captain Punch King Chester, VARegistered User regular
    Really, if you want to win this game you must abandon all traces of niceness and morality. Your friends should actually look at you with a slight air of disgust when all is said and done. It's especially twisted when the two highest scorers are dating/married, then you can mock them for deserving each other...the sickos.

    Avatar courtesy of MKR, and the strip I appeared in.
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    Majestic GoatMajestic Goat Registered User regular
    Well you are playing Cards AGAINST Humanity, not Cards FOR Humanity. Did you expect some ponies singing and baking cookies?

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    daniantdaniant Columbus, OhioRegistered User regular
    I have a more wacky sense of humor than dick sense of humor.

    But I guess if you can't beat dicks you should join them.

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    FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    Thanks you, Majestic Goat! Your choice came swiftly and without prejudice.

    Shiny New Toys finds himself on the board with a single, solitary, stupid point. Alliteration!

    board05.png

    Cerberus, get down from there, you'll hurt yourself!

    Can anyone usurp this god-like being by give the best answer to this?

    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, __________ will be our currency.

    Anybody wanna GAMBLE? Salvation122 probably does. But he can't. Both because he has no points, but also because he's going to sit in our sound-proof booth for this round! When he emerges, he must pick his most favourite answer in the whole, wide world.

    BEGIN!






    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment
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    CerberusCerberus Registered User regular
    Figgy wrote:
    Cerberus, get down from there, you'll hurt yourself!

    Can anyone usurp this god-like being by give the best answer to this?

    God like being? Awesome... unless it's Nurgle!

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    tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks OaklandRegistered User regular
    More like Offler.

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    Majestic GoatMajestic Goat Registered User regular
    I have a good one for this

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    Salvation122Salvation122 Registered User regular
    OH HO HO HO

    GIVE YON CARDS TO ME

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    Shiny New ToysShiny New Toys where am i? its dark in hereRegistered User regular
    Yey I got a point! I only really have one card that makes sense for this.

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    FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    Time is up, you dirty vagrants. Looks like the Card-o-Tron is paying for itself yet again, as it selects the least appropriate answer. Or the most. Whichever is worse.


    boardtop-1.png

    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, pixelated bukkake will be our currency.
    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, Count Chocula will be our currency.
    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, anal beads will be our currency.
    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, Shaquille O'Neal's acting career will be our currency.
    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, genital piercings will be our currency.
    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, unfathomable stupidity will be our currency.
    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, serfdom will be our currency.
    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, man meat will be our currency.
    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, hot cheese will be our currency.
    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, winking at old people will be our currency.
    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, flightless birds will be our currency.
    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, pulling out will be our currency.
    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, white privilege will be our currency.
    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, the chronic will be our currency.
    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, licking things to claim them as your own will be our currency.
    In 1000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, amputees will be our currency.

    boardbot.png

    Salvation481012, get out of that sound-proof booth! Somebody smack him, he can't hear me. It's time to pick the winner!



    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment
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    RiusRius Globex CEO Nobody ever says ItalyRegistered User regular
    I thought Count Chocula was pretty funny.

    Then I got down to "licking things to claim them as your own" and just lost it. Straight and funny.

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    tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks OaklandRegistered User regular
    I hope unfathomable stupidity doesn't turn into currency. That would make me extremely sad.

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    AnialosAnialos Collies are love, Collies are life! Shadowbrook ColliesRegistered User regular
    If the judge picks mine they are a fool!

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    FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    If you guys ever need your current hand sent to you because you lost track, don't be ashamed to send me a PM. It's just a simple cut and paste for me.

    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment
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    Majestic GoatMajestic Goat Registered User regular
    Man meat should become our currency of the world NOW.

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    Salvation122Salvation122 Registered User regular
    I'm leaning towards Count Chocula but I'm not sold yet

    Debase yourselves before me to curry favor

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    CayrusCayrus Consul Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!Registered User regular
    edited March 2012
    I think if man meat were a currency, half the world's population would become VERY thrifty.

    Cayrus on
    Former Secret Service Agent Nathaniel Ford in Call of Cthulhu: Whispers in the Darkness

    Henri Emmanuel Gratien St Pierre in Where No Man Has Gone Before

    Lord Augustus Cumberbatch in Eclipse Phase
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    CapfalconCapfalcon Tunnel Snakes Rule Capital WastelandRegistered User regular
    Rius wrote: »
    I thought Count Chocula was pretty funny.

    Then I got down to "licking things to claim them as your own" and just lost it. Straight and funny.

    This is pretty much the best answer.

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    MatevMatev Cero Miedo Registered User regular
    I also support "licking things to claim them as your own", though some of the others are pretty amusing too.

    "Go down, kick ass, and set yourselves up as gods, that's our Prime Directive!"
    Hail Hydra
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    Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    Anal beads. Man, you wouldn't be able to spend those fast enough. You'd have to end up trading them for hand sanitizer mostly I bet

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    Salvation122Salvation122 Registered User regular
    ANAL BEADS

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    FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    edited March 2012
    Okay, Salvation010101, is that your final answer? No? Too late! You said "Anal Beads." No givesies backsies.

    board06.png

    Another name on the board! Good work, Talnaior! And here comes the buzzer. Fuck it. I'm not even going to pretend to be surprised this time.


    Good. There it is. BONUS ROUND!

    Once again, your old pal Smiley will be judging this round and awarding five lucky contestants with a point. Or maybe you'll get more than one point because you're a baller, and you GAMBLED a point away?

    Contestants, you should have your new cards by now. Give me your best answer to the following question:

    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?

    I writhe in anticipation for this one, folks!


    Figgy on
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment
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    Shiny New ToysShiny New Toys where am i? its dark in hereRegistered User regular
    hey where did my point go? :(

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    FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    It's back by magic!

    Sorry, must not have saved the PSD last round.

    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment
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    Shiny New ToysShiny New Toys where am i? its dark in hereRegistered User regular
    Figgy wrote: »
    It's back by magic!

    Sorry, must not have saved the PSD last round.

    yey! no worries figgy.

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    DarkewolfeDarkewolfe Registered User regular
    What's going on in here?

    What is this I don't even.
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    Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    Darkewolfe wrote: »
    What's going on in here?

    All of the things.
    We are filling __ with __ to make __ and then __.

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    FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    Waiting on @Vanguard and also a slight hand blunder.

    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment
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    Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    Figgy wrote: »
    Waiting on @Vanguard and also a slight hand blunder.

    THROW ME UNDER THE BUS WHY DONT YOU?
    I mean... uh... you didnt name any.... *cough*
    How about them... sports teams?

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    FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    edited April 2012
    The answers are in! It looks like it's time for me to pick my five favourite children from the whole litter. I mean herd. I mean bunch. Bunch? That's not offensive, right? Bunch of grapes? Bunch of bananas? Yeah, let's stick with "bunch."


    boardtop-1.png

    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? An erection that lasts longer than four hours
    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Panda sex
    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Another goddamn vampire movie
    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Incest
    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Lactation
    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Harry Potter erotica
    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? A drive-by shooting
    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Hormone injections
    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Auschwitz
    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Friends with benefits
    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? A sausage festival
    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Same-sex ice dancing
    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Horrifying laser hair removal accidents
    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Switching to Geico
    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? The Gays
    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? A good sniff
    What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? Aaron Burr

    boardbot.png

    Let me think. I think I will throw a point over to dear old Cayrus, for certain. We all know how homophobic, yet oddly curious, Grandmas can be. One point for The Gays! And along those same lines, same-sex ice dancing would have a much similar effect. Anialos, this is your point!

    I am going to take Rius's submission of "a sausage festival" as entirely literal. And that's why it gets a point! Grandmas love sausage. All kinds! And a nice festival is just the place to find a lovely selection. Of course, that means large crows. And that's why it's disturbing.

    We'll give "Auschwitz" a point as well, because it's the name of the game! Cards for Auchwitz. Wait, no. That's not the name of the game. Too late, point scored, towndrunk34!

    And of course, what Grandma wouldn't be Grandma if she wasn't secretly thinking of a romp in the hay with her dearest relatives? But secretly. You know, so it's totally cool. [Matev scores a point with "Incest!" Feel free to plop that one down in your signatures, folks.

    Let's look at the board at the end of our bonus round!


    board07.png


    Moving right along, Rius is going to help me select the winner for the following question:

    What am I giving up for Lent?

    Those crazy Catholics! Let's begin!







    Figgy on
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment
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    tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks OaklandRegistered User regular
    Funny, I would have thought panda sex and HP erotica were lock-ins for sure that last round.

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    MatevMatev Cero Miedo Registered User regular
    By hook or by crook, I got a point!

    "Go down, kick ass, and set yourselves up as gods, that's our Prime Directive!"
    Hail Hydra
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    daniantdaniant Columbus, OhioRegistered User regular
    Goddamn it. If I can't win that question with panda sex, I'm not going to get a point in this game.

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