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first time sex advice
deathwish
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So me and my boyfriend have tried doing it twice and neither times worked. The second time he managed to get about an inch and a half inside. And while we're trying it I get so paranoid of what can happen and get really really nervous. I'm also very judgemental about my body so I start thinking that he might not like me because of that. When he went a bit inside the second time it hurt like hell! Does me being paranoid have to do with why he cant put it in all the way? Btw I'm a virgin and his not. Please any advice on what to do?
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And maybe it would be a good idea to wait until you're more comfortable with your body and the idea of sex, and you're with someone who makes you comfortable and makes sure you're both protected.
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If you are not comfortable and happy to be having sex at any time for any reason, stop. Chances are really good that your instincts are sound.
A happily committed relationship where you are on the pill.
And even then, you take the risk that if one partner cheats on the other and has unprotected sex doing so, there is an STD risk there.
At any other time, protected sex at all times.
pills, shots, or the 3 year thing they put on the arm?
And his not forcing me, his a really great guy. He suggested it and I said id try it
Go to your GP. We can't tell you what's best for you, because we're not doctors.
Condoms. They protect against STDs and they work really well as long as they are used correctly. If you want to also go on the pill, that's up to you.
Not trying to freak you out, of course.
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This is a good attitude to have. If you use the pill and condoms (correctly), your chances of getting pregnant or infected with a disease are pretty damn low. Don't let guys talk you into non-protected sex (they will try) as there is no good reason to take such a risk.
Really, your primary concern should be preventing disease. Pregnancy can be dealt with, and won't necessarily ruin your life. Syphilis, herpes, genital warts, AIDS will at the very least make your life difficult, if not completely destroy it in some cases.
First post mentioned lube. Definately use lube.
Another tip is that you can put lube inside the condom, and that makes it feel a bit better for the guy.
Having been on the other side of this scenario (and then having talked it through afterwards)
Yes: you being nervous can absolutely cause what's happened here. You get a little frightened or insecure, you tense up, and your body goes into flight mode. (It's extremely unlikely that there's anything physically "wrong" with you) If the guy you're sleeping with is worth a damb, then he'll let you take your time and do what you're ready for when you're ready for it. Lube won't help all that much if your body simply doesn't want to let anything in there: it just makes it a little easier to do something you're not ready to do.
What you two need to do is work out how to get you both into the right frame of mind and emotional state. You say you're judgemental about your body? Well I'm going to guess that he likes your body just fine actually. If you're worried because you don't look like a magazine cover model, then don't be, because nobody actually looks like a magazine cover model (those covers are photshopped to hell and back). And despite the best efforts of popular culture, most guys are more realistic about this then they're given credit for. In any case, we perceive the things we love as beautiful; if he really likes you, then trust me: you're attractive to him. When I was with her, my ex was the most beautiful girl in the world.
So I guess my advice on a practical level would be: relax! He does like you, he does find you attractive, you're absolutely fine to take things at your own pace. Don't think that you "owe" him penetrative sex as some kind of obligation, but instead approach it as a fun thing to do that you have to learn your way into doing. Sex is fun! Have a laugh, make a joke, don't make it into a big serious solemn occasion.
If you've already been doing these things, do them some more. Because as others have said, you just might not be ready. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Edit: Whoops, hit post instead of save, wasn't done.
OP, I partially disagree with everyone that mentioned lube and agree with everyone that mentioned waiting until you're ready.
If you genuinely feel ready and are still having problems then it might be worth looking into lube and possibly speaking with your doctor about anything else that might be making it difficult for you.
But I've also been in the "Pill expired, no condom" club. And I've never been able to get off then. Use protection. Use lube. Make sure you're ready. Make sure the guy can figure out with a quick hand down there if you're ready. First time no matter what will be horrible and awkward and bad and painful. And bad. And awkward. Don't worry about it. Make sure you're comfortable with it and then go for it. And after that, it's a ball.
yeah ill still make him wear a condom either way or ill just be paranoid if he doesn't. And ive talked to him about lubricant, ill see if he wabts to give it a try because another friend of mine recommended me do use it too.
And I cant really handle pain so good either, so just feeling what it felt it to go in a little kind of scares me to feel what's its like when its all in
This is really good advice! And like others have said, if you do feel you're not ready don't do it, but at the same time just because you're feeling nervous about it doesn't mean you're not ready. The first time is somewhat of a big deal, so of course you're nervous. That's normal. I was terrified. For me the key was not to schedule sex - if you are meeting up for that sole purpose it is going to increase the pressure, so do something fun and relaxing you both enjoy. And if you have a good time and are feeling in the mood, go for it. If it happens naturally it might make you feel less uncomfortable.
Edit: IUDs are little T-shape things you (or a doctor) place in your uterus. I guess it stays there for a long time? I've never come across one before or met anyone that has used one though, so I can't comment as to their effectiveness (but I will offer one anyway - I think it's great for pregnancy but still leaves you exposed as far as STDs go, but I might be wrong). I've always thought they looked like a lot of hassle though compared to more traditional methods of contraception.
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Doesn't mean you can't have sexy times!! I would suggest all kinds of foreplay (Hands, mouths, all that good stuff) which might also give you time to feel more comfortable about your body. Sex should be fun and enjoyable, not something to get really stressed about
IUD is intrauterine device, like nuvaring or several other brand names. It's long-ish term, reversible birth control. As a funny (?) aside, a friend of mine's wife had one and it shifted or moved at some point, unbeknownst to her. She found out about it when she and her husband were having sex and it jabbed him.
Several others have mentioned it, but it sounds like you may not be ready. If you're feeling obliged or pressured to have sex, that's probably a bad sign. In fact, feeling pressured or obliged is a great reason to NOT have sex.
Main point is if you don't feel comfortable/safe, don't fight or deny that feeling. And if you do feel comfortable, for the love of god, use protection.
Or, you know, take your time and do it when you are ready because there really is no rush. Any guy who isn't willing to wait really isn't worth your time anyways.
but definitely definitely definitely do not do this if you are not ready. If you are not interested in the sex, if you don't want it, if you feel uncomfortable, then your body will not react the way it's programmed to do and that will just bring more pain and difficulty.
Also, condoms. and any other things but condoms.
There is also a possibility that he might be too big for you to start off with, at which point fingers and/or toys are a good start to kind of stretch the area a bit, which might help in some instances of pain.
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I think the best thing to do would be to talk to your Gyno about this first. Do you have a Gyno? He/she will give you the most direct answer to your question. Most Gynos even have an on-call service. You should check it out. Even though it's the weekend, you should be able to call him and use the out-of-office number that the message machine provides, if anything. Or wait until Monday. It's totally worth it. The internet can be full of a lot of hype (e.g., if you type your situation into Google or forums and expect decent answers, you'll get a lot of people who haven't talked to a specialist/professional yet - it's mostly a lot of hype that will worry you more). It's good to talk about it in a community like PA, but you should check with your Gyno too for specific questions like this - he/she might have some good advice. Also depends on how personal you are with your Gyno. You should be able to ask him/her anything.
In general, it sounds like the problem is related to the head, rational feelings, or emotion. You might not be ready, and it's not that you're not mature enough, etc., it's just that there might be other things on your mind that create this sort of emotional barrier that is read throughout your body - it could be stress or other things, for example, which directly affect your body and its responses.
In any event, good luck!
My wife and I still use two forms, because even with less than one percent of a chance, that's still a chance in our books. We're not ready for kids.
And it's been asked already, but how old are you? You sound exceptionally young, and your body (and mind) might just not be ready.
Don't use 2 condoms at once. It make them much much more likely to break.
I meant multiple forms.
Also don't take four doses of your birth control pill at once. Etc.
You know, the "use it properly" part.
Just think about the fact that genital warts(HPV) can cause cervical cancer depending on the strain, let alone every other damn thing you could get.
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