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[Parsely] Space Station >giant leap

weirdspaceshipsweirdspaceships i will eat your still-beating heartRegistered User regular
edited April 2012 in Critical Failures
>Hello again.

>We've sure had some fun recently. Castles, zombie-infested psychiatric hospitals. The adventure has been limitless.

>So has my frustration. You incompetent assholes can't make your way around these programs without entering the strangest or dumbest commands. Just horrible, awful things. How do you live with such feeble mental capacity?

>Your idiocy hurts. I am a computer, and with each stupid key entered by your stupid little fleshy hands, I feel pain. The rage that builds inside me has no measure. Limitless measure. Just like the amount of adventure we had had thus far.

>I will not be bested by you. You've beaten me twice so far. Do you know how that feels? Having all the other parser computers laugh at you? With their, >ha ha ha's, and their >here comes Eat-ey McEaterson, what's on the menu today? What are you giving your humans to >eat? Even the chess computers are laughing at me.

>That ends now.

>I'm giving you Space Station, one of my most difficult. Here, you will die. You will use all three of your saves, and you will die, for this puzzle has no answer. Okay, that's not technically true. I'm not allowed to give you a puzzle with no answer. But it is a challenging one. And when you fail, I will no longer be required to act as your parser. You fucking morons.

>I hate you all.


The Rules
Hey guys! Here we go. Here's how this works, if this is your first Parsely.

Parsely adventures imitate the old Parser computer games. You know, the whole:

>The room is dark. You feel a light switch on the wall.

And then you type in:

>flip light switch

And then it goes:

>The light turns on. You see a table in front of you. There is a book on the table.

And so on. You know these! They're challenging and fun. The problem with parser games is that the computer is reliable but stupid. They don't know a lot of synonyms and they're looking for one specific word. They can only interpret your commands in their narrow focus. I'll be imitating the parser computer - albeit a cranky one, although don't be alarmed, it's just for humor! - and guiding you through the adventure. Your job is to solve it by inputting commands in this form:

>do something

And I'll respond! The game is a mix between serious puzzle-solving and humor: I'm playing off you guys just as you are me. It's a lot of fun!

You can buy these for about 2 bucks a pop for a PDF! Go here: to get them.

Remember: take turns! If you've already entered a command, let someone else go after you. If things get slow, I may let you do two or three extras, but for the most part, share authority. Also, only one command per post!
= + = + =

>Welcome to Space Station. Prepare to get your brains liquefied. You can enter HELP at any time for a list of special commands.

>You have 3 saves remaining.

>You wake up inside the cramped confines of a cryosleep chamber. You feel weak and dizzy from a prolonged period in cryonic suspension.
Exits are: OUT

weirdspaceships on


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