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One of Many. NOW WORKING! - thanks for the help

matsutakematsutake Registered User
edited April 2012 in Artist's Corner
Here is comic that was meant for the thread. Comments welcome.

matsutake on

Posts

  • FANTOMASFANTOMAS Flan ArgentavisRegistered User regular
    as weak as an OP can be, no art, no text?

  • m3nacem3nace Registered User regular
    edited April 2012
    It looks like he tried linking from his desktop? Tell us if that's the case so we can guide you through uploading your pics here.
    edit: just noticed you made another thread in H/A matsutake.

    m3nace on
  • matsutakematsutake Registered User
    Here is the actual comic. An attempt to satirize the Christian view of geological time with a bit of jab at the church hierarchy.
    VvUt5.gif


  • FANTOMASFANTOMAS Flan ArgentavisRegistered User regular
    With all the best intentions, and the premise of "tough love", I will say the following:

    -Dude, get your shit together, mkay.
    EXTREMELY simple stuff, like actually connecting the branches in the tree graphic, from there, to the escence of the "joke" itself, it just doesnt feel like a comic, and... you have something else to post ?

  • EncEnc A Fool with Compassion The Land of Flowers (and Dragons)Registered User regular
    What are you looking for here? Critique? Just to share?

  • matsutakematsutake Registered User
    Thanks for the feedback. I do have other more traditional comic stuff. I was looking for both critque and a place to share. Tough love is OK. I wasn't trying to be super sophisticated in photoshop just trying to place the ark within the context of a phylogentic tree, which to me didn't seem all that bad of an idea. I'm not sure what you mean by feel like a comic- care to elaborate? Anyways, I will post more later and like I said I invite the feedback as I am still developing ideas and a style.

  • EncEnc A Fool with Compassion The Land of Flowers (and Dragons)Registered User regular
    Well, in the context of your Noah piece there are a lot of reasons it does not come off as comic-y. Before anything else, though, there is confusion with your message. What are you trying to convey? A hate of Sunday school teachers, pastors, and Worship Leaders? A hate of religion? Poking fun at the evolution vs creation argument? The absurd qualities of the Ark story? A lot is going on here and none of it really lines up for a coherent message. First thing you got to do with any comic is have a focused message and have your visuals and writing give context to that message. Pick one of these themes and run with it, but not all of them. Else nothing really is conveyed.

    Second, people tend to read top down in every language, and left to right in English. With that in mind, the first thing we see is the punchline in this comic (presumably the taxonomic locations of religious types). I would then have to look down further to see the rest of the tree and context, which is awkward for parsing.

    Third, the punchline is really overstated and hateful. Regardless of content, you would probably get the point across better by just listing their locations and the genus you are associating them with, rather than openly stating they live in shit. This is not to pull punches, clearly the audience you are aiming for would be aligned with you on this opinion, but in order for something to be funny in this way you have to have the context explain the situation, rather than detailing it out. A better option to do the same thing might be to break down the slimes and molds into sub-fields to show context. Or to make the implication a visual gag and show images of each genus with a comedic depiction of a sunday school teacher associating with slimes. Show, don't tell. This applies to both writing and drawing. The way you have it here, you could just have saved time and made a blog post that "Sunday School Teachers are shitty" to convey you opinion. And even if you agree, that's really not funny unless you make some visual gag or amusing way to convey that.

    Fourth, this is designed more similarly to an info-graphic than a comic, which is great. But if you look at XKCD, which does a lot of "comics" in the form of infographics, you might notice that they tend to include many many more jokes than the main one. In the context of your piece, you might include other biblical beasts and legends that are a bit wonky on the chart in probably locations. An example is this comic: [ http://www.xkcd.com/1040/ ]. There are lots of gags going on here, but also lots of interesting information. Infographics need to do both in order to be worth reading and appreciated.

    Fifth, and final from me, is it is way to big to take seriously as a comic, especially with the amount of unused space in the gradient. You should design for the medium, and online you are looking to fit your entire image in one screen at your weakest viewer's screen. This si why most people these days design their comics to be seen on smaller resolutions (typically about 800 wide and 800 tall will fit on a computer, but that is still the high end for comic size and depends on context). If you have to scroll, you want to make sure that the scrolling helps convey the message in some way. For a multi-panel comic, this can be a pacing medium to hide the gag or make a scene more intense. For a one panel thing like this, you want to make sure the entire thing can be immediately seen and understood.

    There isn't really enough art to go about reviewing yet, maybe post some more so the folks here can help you out there. This should be enough to chew on for actual content, for now.

  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    so the joke is

    religion is bad?

  • zollmaniaczollmaniac Registered User regular
    If you have to explain the joke, then it's not a good joke.

    Also, in this case, the explanation comes off as very hostile to the reader and even if they agree with you, it feels like you're calling them too stupid to get the joke. Tell your joke (ENC explained a lot of ways to improve conveying it) and the audience you are trying to hit will understand it.

  • matsutakematsutake Registered User
    This is what forums are for. The feedback is very helpful. Especially Enc's detailed comments which are appreciated because I can use them to improve layout and message. The message is toe clouded and I think this idea could work but with a more focused approach. I like the idea of showing vs telling which is crucial to achieving the joke without beating the reader over the head. Once more into the breach.

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