I want to learn to cook!

Ranx

I'm TIRED of midnight microwave ramen! I want to fashion myself scrumptious meals to devour at will!
Where should I start?

potatoe

pastas
soups

Knob

a cookbook

Paku

grab an egg and just start doing some shit with it

Knob

have you tried putting your dong in a chicken

Orestes

Start at a cookbook, a grocery store, and perhaps a begginers cooking show. Learn metric to imperial ratios, follow directions to a "t", and you should do fine.

Omnicron9999

good eats

AWIY

mrpaku wrote: »

grab an egg and just start doing some shit with it

Both this and the chicken dong comment actually made me laugh

trentsteel

Yeah, pastas. Start with mac and cheese, kicking it up notches with herbs and slices of wiener, then move on to real pasta and experiment a lot and learn how to make it look pretty. Girls love guys that can make a meal look fancy schmancy.


SECRET:

Add liquid whip cream to any pasta or meat dish, just enough to change the color and she will orgasm in mouth/

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Knob

trentsteel wrote: »

SECRET:

Add liquid whip cream to any pasta or meat dish, just enough to change the color and she will orgasm in mouth/

it works even better if you use the whipped cream in a can

Homeless

you mean whipping cream?

the heavy kind?

tugga

you should build me a cake

Zombiemambo

Start with something basic and add the flavors that you see fit. Pasta is a great place to start.

trentsteel

Knob wrote: »

trentsteel wrote: »

SECRET:

Add liquid whip cream to any pasta or meat dish, just enough to change the color and she will orgasm in mouth/

it works even better if you use the whipped cream in a can

Knob you know my secrets?

Redeemer

Mac and cheese with little cut up hot dogs is really great

Ranx

So, Cookbook vs Blind dumb improvization: fight!

Homeless

how about they make babies

Regrettable

Just make scrambled eggs until you can get it to not curdle, gives you the confidence to try and make anything regardless of horrible taste. Or you could just eat nothing but Mi Goreng until the end of time.

Jordyn

ejaculate in whatever you cook.

Samurai Jack

Mac and cheese, plus Cream of Mushroom soup. Or most kinds of cream soups. In fact, mix Cream of Mushroom soup with anything. Anything.

Rankenphile

get Alton Brown's "I'm Just Here for the Food" and another book called What Einstein Told His Chef right now.

Neither of them are cook books, but both will teach you a lot about the basic,fundamental sciences behind cooking, which is very important. Plus, they've got a few good recipes in them and are fun to read.

trentsteel

Dude, buy some parsley flakes or cut them up yourself. oh i thought of a simple dish I did a few weeks ago impressed people and easy.

TWO frying pans



1: Salad: Cut up granny smith apples into cubes.
Cut up marble cheese into cubes.
Toss with mixed greens or normal lettuce.
Sprinkle with lemon or lime juice.
Pour some olive oil on it and mix it up till all is coated.

2: Main Dish: Fry porkchops, after you flip them, toss in slices of peppers tomatoes red onions etc.
At the last moment, pour in soy sauce, like a splash, then vodka, then some whip cream.

3. Side Dish: While cooking bacon on one pan boil some water in a pot.
When it boils add pasta.
Mix butter, milk and a bit of cream in when the pasta is done.
When the bacon is cooked, remove it and slice it up into little pieces.
Put everything on a plate. Sprinkle cheese on the pasta.
Sprinkle the cut up bits of juicy bacon onto the top of the pasta.




4. Success!

Jordyn

I made lasagna today, it turned out ok but I messed a few things up like one layer I totally forgot to put the cheese in, and then I used up all the semen too fast so it was only on the bottom later and I should use chopped spinach instead of leaf spinach because the leaf makes for a lot of needless chewing.

Dely Apple

Knob

sit on a ham until it's warm

Rankenphile

also, have you tried putting your dong in a chicken?

Redeemer

Jordyn wrote: »

I made lasagna today, it turned out ok but I messed a few things up like one layer I totally forgot to put the cheese in, and then I used up all the semen too fast so it was only on the bottom later and I should use chopped spinach instead of leaf spinach because the leaf makes for a lot of needless chewing.

Wait a minute

Paku

do you use fresh semen or the frozen kind jordyn

trentsteel

Jordyn wrote: »

I made lasagna today, it turned out ok but I messed a few things up like one layer I totally forgot to put the cheese in, and then I used up all the semen too fast so it was only on the bottom later and I should use chopped spinach instead of leaf spinach because the leaf makes for a lot of needless chewing.

I saw that

trentsteel

TWO frying pans



1: Salad: Cut up granny smith apples into cubes.
Cut up marble cheese into cubes.
Toss with mixed greens or normal lettuce.
Sprinkle with lemon or lime juice.
Pour some olive oil on it and mix it up till all is coated.

2: Main Dish: Fry porkchops, after you flip them, toss in slices of peppers tomatoes red onions etc.
At the last moment, pour in soy sauce, like a splash, then vodka, then some whip cream.

3. Side Dish: While cooking bacon on one pan boil some water in a pot.
When it boils add pasta.
Mix butter, milk and a bit of cream in when the pasta is done.
When the bacon is cooked, remove it and slice it up into little pieces.
Put everything on a plate. Sprinkle cheese on the pasta.
Sprinkle the cut up bits of juicy bacon onto the top of the pasta.




4. Success!



Someone name this meal for me

Rankenphile

how about "The Meal Thing From Last Page"?

KingSpike

One of the good things I learned from working at my university's cafeteria is just how easy it can be to cook something that tastes good and is easy. I worked in the "International" section, which basically meant we had meat + sauce + veggies + pasta or rice = damn good food. We'd cook them up in a wok and throw them on a plate. The rice or pasta would be cooked beforehand, but that's as easy as following the directions on the package.

Seriously, get a chicken breast, cut it up in to bite sized pieces. Grab some veggies, even just a pack of frozen stir-fry veggies. Put some vegetable oil or olive oil in a skillet or wok. Throw the meat in. After a few minutes throw the veggies in. Stir occasionally. Then add whatever sauce you want. Grab some soy sauce, Thai peanut sauce, sesame sauce, marinara, alfredo, whatever the hell you want. Put some of that in and let it all go for a little longer. If you're in doubt as to whether or not it's done, just let it cook for a few more minutes. Then throw it over the rice or pasta. You honestly don't even need that much sauce.

It's super easy, tasty and quick. Just think about it conceptually as the equation above and you'll be able to substitute any meat, veggie or sauce that you want. Do it over mashed potatoes instead of rice. Mega easy.

Framling

You need to find a girl that is easily impressed by simple cooking.

Like, spaghetti.

Jordyn

mrpaku wrote: »

do you use fresh semen or the frozen kind jordyn

homemade.

Fresh as it gets.

trentsteel

Rankenphile wrote: »

how about "The Meal Thing From Last Page"?

how about I love you etc.



EDIT: OH wait nvm I know you from warhammer

Framling

Wait, the lasagna was all ready to bake when I got home...

Paku

Jordyn wrote: »

mrpaku wrote: »

do you use fresh semen or the frozen kind jordyn

homemade.

Fresh as it gets.

i go that way when i can afford it because you can really taste the difference in the finished product i think

Redeemer

I think everyone should learn how to bake cakes

Jordyn

Framling wrote: »

Wait, the lasagna was all ready to bake when I got home...

Rankenphile

trentsteel wrote: »

Rankenphile wrote: »

how about "The Meal Thing From Last Page"?

how about I love you etc.



EDIT: OH wait nvm I know you from warhammer

i saw that