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Bad Kung-Fu - Duel of the Tough: 56k flee.
booblet0
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
hi. i have lurked forever. i now post. cool.
let's talk about bad kung-fu. nothing is better than a bad kung-fu movie.
duel of the tough is the best b-grade kung-fu movie ever made. ever.
it was directed by Godfrey Ho, largely considered the best of the worst b-grade kung-fu movie director of all time. he has since retired. sadface. if you ever see this dvd, buy it. buy it hard. this movie fucked your mom.
this is huang.
huang is a wandering monk-type-person who is given absolutely no character background or development whatsoever. all that can be derived about huang in the movie is that he is essentially a walking fighting machine. huang takes on a mission given to him by an injured buddhist monk to recover some buddhist scrolls that the evil dai-kiang has stolen from a non-specified and supposedly highly revered buddhist temple in canton, china. huang sets out on an adventure chock-full of ass kicking, henchman death, and poorly translated cantonese to faux-english in order to defeat dai-kiang and recover the scriptures.
this is chen:
chen is a lady masquerading as a man throughout the lands, presumably to make her traveling easier amidst relatively sexist feudal china, though the movie makes no such allusions and leaves interpretation (also, presumably) up to the viewer. she is apparently looking for revenge on the evil dai-kiang, whom huang is also pursuing. well, since they are both headed in the same direction, huang and chen meet up and decide to travel to dai-kiang's camp together, each for their own reasons. unfortunately for chen, huang knows that she is a lady, and unfortunately for huang, chen is not exactly accepting to his company. hilarity, and badly choreographed kung-fu fight scenes, ensues.
by the way, this is dai-kiang:
look how evil he is. he has a throne and everything.
this movie is terrible. i mean it's just fucking terrible in every way that a bad early 80s kung-fu movie needs to be. it's got it all. nut shots:
poorly choreographed kung-fu fight scenes involving armies of henchman prancing about in a lord-of-the-dance-like display:
- it's supposed to be night time in this shot. who would've guessed?
fuckin':
- you can't tell, but huang and chen are fuckin'.
it even has minibosses and shit:
and really, REALLY bad camera work:
- this is what the shot looks like. it stays in this position for like 2 mins while chen and huang yak it up about revenge.
and super-saiyan-esque powering up, note the steam floating up from huang's head:
this is how dai-kiang dies:
what the fuck.
in short, if you find this movie in the shit-bin at wal-mart, you are doing yourself a disservice by not picking it up.
let's talk about bad kung-fu. nothing is better than a bad kung-fu movie.
duel of the tough is the best b-grade kung-fu movie ever made. ever.
it was directed by Godfrey Ho, largely considered the best of the worst b-grade kung-fu movie director of all time. he has since retired. sadface. if you ever see this dvd, buy it. buy it hard. this movie fucked your mom.
this is huang.
huang is a wandering monk-type-person who is given absolutely no character background or development whatsoever. all that can be derived about huang in the movie is that he is essentially a walking fighting machine. huang takes on a mission given to him by an injured buddhist monk to recover some buddhist scrolls that the evil dai-kiang has stolen from a non-specified and supposedly highly revered buddhist temple in canton, china. huang sets out on an adventure chock-full of ass kicking, henchman death, and poorly translated cantonese to faux-english in order to defeat dai-kiang and recover the scriptures.
this is chen:
chen is a lady masquerading as a man throughout the lands, presumably to make her traveling easier amidst relatively sexist feudal china, though the movie makes no such allusions and leaves interpretation (also, presumably) up to the viewer. she is apparently looking for revenge on the evil dai-kiang, whom huang is also pursuing. well, since they are both headed in the same direction, huang and chen meet up and decide to travel to dai-kiang's camp together, each for their own reasons. unfortunately for chen, huang knows that she is a lady, and unfortunately for huang, chen is not exactly accepting to his company. hilarity, and badly choreographed kung-fu fight scenes, ensues.
by the way, this is dai-kiang:
look how evil he is. he has a throne and everything.
this movie is terrible. i mean it's just fucking terrible in every way that a bad early 80s kung-fu movie needs to be. it's got it all. nut shots:
poorly choreographed kung-fu fight scenes involving armies of henchman prancing about in a lord-of-the-dance-like display:
- it's supposed to be night time in this shot. who would've guessed?fuckin':
- you can't tell, but huang and chen are fuckin'.it even has minibosses and shit:
and really, REALLY bad camera work:
- this is what the shot looks like. it stays in this position for like 2 mins while chen and huang yak it up about revenge.and super-saiyan-esque powering up, note the steam floating up from huang's head:
this is how dai-kiang dies:
what the fuck.
in short, if you find this movie in the shit-bin at wal-mart, you are doing yourself a disservice by not picking it up.
booblet0 on
0
Posts
She only fucks AIDS infested garbage-men.
I am saving it forever
XBL - Foreverender | 3DS FC - 1418 6696 1012 | Steam ID | LoL
that'll do, pig
Some of us did not know what happened to dai-kiang yet.
3DS: 5241-1953-7031
What have I become!
Hell yes. The Street Fighter movies are the main attraction to me and my friend's monthly "shitty fighting movies" night.
First reaction ^
Also, Dragon's Infernal Showdown is another quality shitty Wal-mart kungfu flick. It has magnet battles, and tons of wonderful Brucesploitation.
But you wanna talk bad kung fu? Seriously, I've brought it up before and I'll probably bring it up again, but you really, really can't beat Crippled Masters.
Picture this. One dude has no arms. Okay, he's got a little chicken wing-sized stub for one arm, but otherwise, nada.
The other dude? No legs. Okay, he's got legs, but they are honest-to-god atrophied to the point where they literally look like flaky-as-fuck skin on bone. Nasty fucking shit. Can't support his weight, or even move them at all. So he folds them up underneath him and walks around on his hands.
For serious. No special effects involved, two straight-up crippled dudes.
And together, they are unstoppable.
The dude with no arms is a fucking master of staff fighting. Fucking wings the thing around with his leg and his tiny little chicken wing stump, straight up badass motherfucker. And the dude with no arms, well, he's got crazy crazy upper body strength and will leap out of trees onto his enemy's heads and just pummel the fuck out of them.
Such a great fucking movie.
I want your gaybies.
3DS: 5241-1953-7031
I thought I fucking imagined it.
Its all or none.
Homies gotta stick together.
3DS: 5241-1953-7031
hooooly shit that sounds amazing.
who directed it? is it even possible to obtain?
Not only is it REAL
but Amazon has it for FOUR FUCKING BUCKS
http://www.amazon.com/The-Crippled-Masters/dp/B0000B1A4J/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-1029109-7834304?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1173326094&sr=8-1
even better!!!!!
You can get it with Kung Fu: THe Pinch of Death and Chinese Hercules for SIX BUCKS
http://www.amazon.com/Crippled-Masters-Kung-Fu-Chinese-Hercules/dp/B0000BV21V/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/104-1029109-7834304?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1173326094&sr=8-2
BOUGHT!!
booblet0 for Rookie of the Year.
also i gotta find six goddamn bucks
I just bought one for myself, and one for someone else
Called The Young Dragons I think
3 kids live on a farm with their crazy alcoholic kung-fu master grandfather
The kids themselves are kung-fu masters, and one day the grandfather falls ill or something and they have to find their kung-fu grandmother in the big city
Hilarity ensues as they try to order food at McDonalds and get tangled up with the mob
So I bought that years ago but only watched one of the movies so far. it was incredibly awesome/terrible. I remember some guy got his donger cut off and they fed it to a dog.
http://www.amazon.com/Martial-Arts-Movie-Pack-Collection/dp/B0007DBJUU
Apparently you can buy that with it for $35.
edit- oh hay, that crippled masters movie is on the 10-set. I should watch that this weekend.
Xbox : gunst4r
And he kills a man by crushing him with his hump.
And he deflects attacks with his hump.
And when you hit is hump it goes *clang*, like armor.
Also, one of the Crippled Masters has a mole with a good 3-4 inches of mole hair.
On his face.
lol so hard at Black Belt Jones.
that dude ran into the police car door like 6 seconds after it had been open. the fuck.
Awesome trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gy36SkBFuRs
SALAMI NUNCHUCKS
"The Guy With Secret Kung Fu" is actually two guys, brothers in fact, and their kung fu is no secret, it is in full effect as they fight to stop the oppression and corruption of the Ching Dynasty. Meng Fei ("Prodigal Boxer") is in top form as one half of the rebellious brothers as he fights corrupt judges, evil warlords, and some really big invincible zombie.
"Guy With Secret Kung Fu" has comedy, horror, and non-stop kung fu action!
NSFW Montage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1rHQ4m_fdo (2:47 and 3:34 are classics)
I'd post a picture of the video box cover, but it's of a couple characters that don't even appear in the film.
I really can't describe the film properly, not even the BadMovies.org summary does it justice. It's just one of those things you have to see to believe. Unfortunately, it's not available on DVD, and finding copies of it are nigh-impossible.
The film itself is nearly impossible to figure out on one viewing alone, it's so convulted, and the storyline is absolutely ridiculous, but the fighting scenes are actually quite well done.
Now, some of my favorite characters.
Rat Face!
The dude runs around in some bizzare little straw vehicle that looks like a rat. And he does drunken kung-fu.
The Watermelon Monster!
He's got razor-sharp teeth and can suck your energy out of you via your nipples.
Rosanne!
Honestly, this fat chick is never actually named in the movie, but it's hilarious to see her fighting style.
Granny!
She's a man, baby.
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
The first testament says "an eye for an eye." The second testament says "love thy neighbour." The third testament KICKS ASS!
It mixes kung-fu action and biblical prophecy, I must have this.
"The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it.†- Thucydides
Man, this movie is so bad. Jesus decides that he's had enough with preachin', and it's time to take the fight to the enemy.
Who is the enemy?
Lesbian vampires.
I shit you not. Jesus gets a haircut and some piercings, then fights some girls wearing terrible fake fangs and goth outfits.
Oh, and the whole thing is a rock opera, so it breaks into song at ridiculous points.
Seriously, it's awesomely terrible.
I've said it before and I'll say it again.
The entire training montage was seeing if he could walk up stairs on his hands.
IT IS TIME FOR.... THE GAME!!!!
At one point, the main character comes into a town populated by really really ultra stupid zombies. Lo and behold theres a pommel horse set up for him, and he proceeds to kick zombie ass by doing some spins on the pommel horse.
Priceless.