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Bad Kung-Fu - Duel of the Tough: 56k flee.

booblet0booblet0 Registered User regular
edited March 2007 in Social Entropy++
hi. i have lurked forever. i now post. cool.

let's talk about bad kung-fu. nothing is better than a bad kung-fu movie.

vlcsnap-49221.png

duel of the tough is the best b-grade kung-fu movie ever made. ever.

it was directed by Godfrey Ho, largely considered the best of the worst b-grade kung-fu movie director of all time. he has since retired. sadface. if you ever see this dvd, buy it. buy it hard. this movie fucked your mom.

this is huang.

vlcsnap-41913.jpg

huang is a wandering monk-type-person who is given absolutely no character background or development whatsoever. all that can be derived about huang in the movie is that he is essentially a walking fighting machine. huang takes on a mission given to him by an injured buddhist monk to recover some buddhist scrolls that the evil dai-kiang has stolen from a non-specified and supposedly highly revered buddhist temple in canton, china. huang sets out on an adventure chock-full of ass kicking, henchman death, and poorly translated cantonese to faux-english in order to defeat dai-kiang and recover the scriptures.

this is chen:

vlcsnap-52278.jpg

chen is a lady masquerading as a man throughout the lands, presumably to make her traveling easier amidst relatively sexist feudal china, though the movie makes no such allusions and leaves interpretation (also, presumably) up to the viewer. she is apparently looking for revenge on the evil dai-kiang, whom huang is also pursuing. well, since they are both headed in the same direction, huang and chen meet up and decide to travel to dai-kiang's camp together, each for their own reasons. unfortunately for chen, huang knows that she is a lady, and unfortunately for huang, chen is not exactly accepting to his company. hilarity, and badly choreographed kung-fu fight scenes, ensues.

by the way, this is dai-kiang:

vlcsnap-22283.jpg

look how evil he is. he has a throne and everything.

this movie is terrible. i mean it's just fucking terrible in every way that a bad early 80s kung-fu movie needs to be. it's got it all. nut shots:

vlcsnap-38209.jpg

poorly choreographed kung-fu fight scenes involving armies of henchman prancing about in a lord-of-the-dance-like display:

vlcsnap-45156.jpg - it's supposed to be night time in this shot. who would've guessed?

fuckin':

vlcsnap-19750.jpg - you can't tell, but huang and chen are fuckin'.

it even has minibosses and shit:

vlcsnap-5348.jpg

and really, REALLY bad camera work:

vlcsnap-12157.jpg - this is what the shot looks like. it stays in this position for like 2 mins while chen and huang yak it up about revenge.

and super-saiyan-esque powering up, note the steam floating up from huang's head:

vlcsnap-21365.jpg

this is how dai-kiang dies:

vlcsnap-25724.jpg

what the fuck.

in short, if you find this movie in the shit-bin at wal-mart, you are doing yourself a disservice by not picking it up.

booblet0 on
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    WhippyWhippy Moderator, Admin Emeritus Admin Emeritus
    edited March 2007
    fantastic

    Whippy on
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    CriticalCritical Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    My Mom is a spectacular person. She would not fuck this movie.

    She only fucks AIDS infested garbage-men.

    Critical on
    edesig.jpg
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    khanatekhanate Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    The hair makes my headasplode.

    khanate on
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    Forever ZefiroForever Zefiro cloaked in the midnight glory of an event horizonRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    That last picture

    I am saving it forever

    Forever Zefiro on
    2fbg9lin3kdl.jpg
    XBL - Foreverender | 3DS FC - 1418 6696 1012 | Steam ID | LoL
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    SoulburnerSoulburner Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    This is a quality thread.

    Soulburner on
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    WhippyWhippy Moderator, Admin Emeritus Admin Emeritus
    edited March 2007
    a fine, fine first post

    that'll do, pig

    Whippy on
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    MarathonMarathon Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Well, way to ruin the end for me.
    Some of us did not know what happened to dai-kiang yet.

    Marathon on
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    SASA Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Lets watch some ol' Sonny Chiba and make out.

    SA on
    WoW: Revash (Cho'Gall)
    3DS: 5241-1953-7031
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    El Jeffe's BitchEl Jeffe's Bitch Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    When I see the second picture I see the eyebrow gif.

    What have I become!

    El Jeffe's Bitch on
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    AHH!AHH! Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    SA wrote: »
    Lets watch some ol' Sonny Chiba and make out.

    Hell yes. The Street Fighter movies are the main attraction to me and my friend's monthly "shitty fighting movies" night.

    AHH! on
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    The_RatThe_Rat Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    toughso1.jpg
    First reaction ^

    Also, Dragon's Infernal Showdown is another quality shitty Wal-mart kungfu flick. It has magnet battles, and tons of wonderful Brucesploitation.

    The_Rat on
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    booblet0booblet0 Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    another good one is the original drunken master, not the 90s remake, one of jackie chan's very first films. oh man is it bad.

    DrunkenMaster_DVDcover.jpg

    booblet0 on
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    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited March 2007
    wow, never heard of this movie, I'll definitely look for it.

    But you wanna talk bad kung fu? Seriously, I've brought it up before and I'll probably bring it up again, but you really, really can't beat Crippled Masters.

    Picture this. One dude has no arms. Okay, he's got a little chicken wing-sized stub for one arm, but otherwise, nada.

    The other dude? No legs. Okay, he's got legs, but they are honest-to-god atrophied to the point where they literally look like flaky-as-fuck skin on bone. Nasty fucking shit. Can't support his weight, or even move them at all. So he folds them up underneath him and walks around on his hands.

    For serious. No special effects involved, two straight-up crippled dudes.

    And together, they are unstoppable.

    The dude with no arms is a fucking master of staff fighting. Fucking wings the thing around with his leg and his tiny little chicken wing stump, straight up badass motherfucker. And the dude with no arms, well, he's got crazy crazy upper body strength and will leap out of trees onto his enemy's heads and just pummel the fuck out of them.

    Such a great fucking movie.

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
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    SASA Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Rank


    I want your gaybies.

    SA on
    WoW: Revash (Cho'Gall)
    3DS: 5241-1953-7031
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    GreenGreen Stick around. I'm full of bad ideas.Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Swastika tent

    Green on
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    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited March 2007
    okay, go for it. There's a few in the closet you can grab, just leave the wall-eyed one. He's kinda my favorite.

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
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    Der Waffle MousDer Waffle Mous Blame this on the misfortune of your birth. New Yark, New Yark.Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    wow, never heard of this movie, I'll definitely look for it.

    But you wanna talk bad kung fu? Seriously, I've brought it up before and I'll probably bring it up again, but you really, really can't beat Crippled Masters.

    Picture this. One dude has no arms. Okay, he's got a little chicken wing-sized stub for one arm, but otherwise, nada.

    The other dude? No legs. Okay, he's got legs, but they are honest-to-god atrophied to the point where they literally look like flaky-as-fuck skin on bone. Nasty fucking shit. Can't support his weight, or even move them at all. So he folds them up underneath him and walks around on his hands.

    For serious. No special effects involved, two straight-up crippled dudes.

    And together, they are unstoppable.

    The dude with no arms is a fucking master of staff fighting. Fucking wings the thing around with his leg and his tiny little chicken wing stump, straight up badass motherfucker. And the dude with no arms, well, he's got crazy crazy upper body strength and will leap out of trees onto his enemy's heads and just pummel the fuck out of them.

    Such a great fucking movie.
    Holy shit, that movie's real?!?

    I thought I fucking imagined it.

    Der Waffle Mous on
    Steam PSN: DerWaffleMous Origin: DerWaffleMous Bnet: DerWaffle#1682
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    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited March 2007
    no man, it's fucking real, and it's fucking hilarious.

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
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    SASA Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    okay, go for it. There's a few in the closet you can grab, just leave the wall-eyed one. He's kinda my favorite.

    Its all or none.

    Homies gotta stick together.

    SA on
    WoW: Revash (Cho'Gall)
    3DS: 5241-1953-7031
  • Options
    booblet0booblet0 Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    wow, never heard of this movie, I'll definitely look for it.

    But you wanna talk bad kung fu? Seriously, I've brought it up before and I'll probably bring it up again, but you really, really can't beat Crippled Masters.

    Picture this. One dude has no arms. Okay, he's got a little chicken wing-sized stub for one arm, but otherwise, nada.

    The other dude? No legs. Okay, he's got legs, but they are honest-to-god atrophied to the point where they literally look like flaky-as-fuck skin on bone. Nasty fucking shit. Can't support his weight, or even move them at all. So he folds them up underneath him and walks around on his hands.

    For serious. No special effects involved, two straight-up crippled dudes.

    And together, they are unstoppable.

    The dude with no arms is a fucking master of staff fighting. Fucking wings the thing around with his leg and his tiny little chicken wing stump, straight up badass motherfucker. And the dude with no arms, well, he's got crazy crazy upper body strength and will leap out of trees onto his enemy's heads and just pummel the fuck out of them.

    Such a great fucking movie.

    hooooly shit that sounds amazing.

    who directed it? is it even possible to obtain?

    booblet0 on
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    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited March 2007
    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
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    GodfatherGodfather Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    booblet0 wrote: »

    by the way, this is dai-kiang:

    vlcsnap-22283.jpg

    look how evil he is. he has a throne and everything.



    booblet0 for Rookie of the Year.

    Godfather on
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    HomelessHomeless Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    i approve of this thread

    also i gotta find six goddamn bucks

    Homeless on
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    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited March 2007
    with shipping, it comes out to 9.65

    I just bought one for myself, and one for someone else

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
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    Kool-Aid GuyKool-Aid Guy Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    There was this kung fu movie that 3 Ninjas was a remake of

    Called The Young Dragons I think

    3 kids live on a farm with their crazy alcoholic kung-fu master grandfather

    The kids themselves are kung-fu masters, and one day the grandfather falls ill or something and they have to find their kung-fu grandmother in the big city

    Hilarity ensues as they try to order food at McDonalds and get tangled up with the mob

    Kool-Aid Guy on
    OH YEEEAAAAHHH
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    MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Meissnerd on
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    ArcticXCArcticXC Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    http://www.amazon.com/Tough-Guys-Kung-Fu-10pc/dp/B00007G1UM

    So I bought that years ago but only watched one of the movies so far. it was incredibly awesome/terrible. I remember some guy got his donger cut off and they fed it to a dog.

    http://www.amazon.com/Martial-Arts-Movie-Pack-Collection/dp/B0007DBJUU

    Apparently you can buy that with it for $35.

    edit- oh hay, that crippled masters movie is on the 10-set. I should watch that this weekend.

    ArcticXC on
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    GunstarGunstar Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Gunstar on
    greencall.gifredfist.gif
    Xbox : gunst4r
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    hambonehambone Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    So in Crippled Masters, the bad guy is a hunchback.

    And he kills a man by crushing him with his hump.

    And he deflects attacks with his hump.

    And when you hit is hump it goes *clang*, like armor.



    Also, one of the Crippled Masters has a mole with a good 3-4 inches of mole hair.

    On his face.

    hambone on
    Just a bunch of intoxicated pigeons.
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    booblet0booblet0 Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Gunstar wrote: »

    lol so hard at Black Belt Jones.

    that dude ran into the police car door like 6 seconds after it had been open. the fuck.

    booblet0 on
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    Kool-Aid GuyKool-Aid Guy Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I guess it's called Kung Fu Kids

    Awesome trailer:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gy36SkBFuRs

    SALAMI NUNCHUCKS

    Kool-Aid Guy on
    OH YEEEAAAAHHH
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    BorommakotBorommakot Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    The best super cheap kung fu movie I've ever bought has been The Guy With Secret Kung Fu. The two for a dollar bin has given me some of the greatest movies ever. Here's the review.

    "The Guy With Secret Kung Fu" is actually two guys, brothers in fact, and their kung fu is no secret, it is in full effect as they fight to stop the oppression and corruption of the Ching Dynasty. Meng Fei ("Prodigal Boxer") is in top form as one half of the rebellious brothers as he fights corrupt judges, evil warlords, and some really big invincible zombie.

    "Guy With Secret Kung Fu" has comedy, horror, and non-stop kung fu action!

    Borommakot on
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    FromAlpha2OmegaFromAlpha2Omega Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    At the risk of sounding like hyperbole, Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky is probably the gorriest, most overtop movie every made.

    NSFW Montage: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1rHQ4m_fdo (2:47 and 3:34 are classics)

    FromAlpha2Omega on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    DRUNKEN WU-TANG.

    I'd post a picture of the video box cover, but it's of a couple characters that don't even appear in the film.

    I really can't describe the film properly, not even the BadMovies.org summary does it justice. It's just one of those things you have to see to believe. Unfortunately, it's not available on DVD, and finding copies of it are nigh-impossible.

    The film itself is nearly impossible to figure out on one viewing alone, it's so convulted, and the storyline is absolutely ridiculous, but the fighting scenes are actually quite well done.

    Now, some of my favorite characters.

    dwutang2.jpg

    Rat Face! :D

    The dude runs around in some bizzare little straw vehicle that looks like a rat. And he does drunken kung-fu.

    dwutang3.jpg

    The Watermelon Monster!

    He's got razor-sharp teeth and can suck your energy out of you via your nipples.

    dwutang4.jpg

    Rosanne!

    Honestly, this fat chick is never actually named in the movie, but it's hilarious to see her fighting style.

    dwutang5.jpg

    Granny!

    She's a man, baby.

    DarkPrimus on
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    bloodyroarxxbloodyroarxx Casa GrandeRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I was going to say Riki-Oh is probably the best-worst movie.

    bloodyroarxx on
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    TiasTias Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    While browsing those amazon links I found this...

    B00007CVRX.01._SS500_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

    The first testament says "an eye for an eye." The second testament says "love thy neighbour." The third testament KICKS ASS!

    It mixes kung-fu action and biblical prophecy, I must have this.

    Tias on
    fenic0.jpg
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    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited March 2007
    six string samurai is pretty fucking sweet too

    Rankenphile on
    8406wWN.png
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    Liquid BlueLiquid Blue Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    boob you gotta order these movies so we can watch them

    ninjaturtlesssssscy3.jpg

    Liquid Blue on
    “We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them” - Thucydides
    "The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it.” - Thucydides
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    ReTardisReTardis Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Tias wrote: »
    While browsing those amazon links I found this...

    B00007CVRX.01._SS500_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

    The first testament says "an eye for an eye." The second testament says "love thy neighbour." The third testament KICKS ASS!

    It mixes kung-fu action and biblical prophecy, I must have this.

    Man, this movie is so bad. Jesus decides that he's had enough with preachin', and it's time to take the fight to the enemy.

    Who is the enemy?

    Lesbian vampires.

    I shit you not. Jesus gets a haircut and some piercings, then fights some girls wearing terrible fake fangs and goth outfits.

    Oh, and the whole thing is a rock opera, so it breaks into song at ridiculous points.

    Seriously, it's awesomely terrible.

    ReTardis on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    GOJIRA!GOJIRA! Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Its hard to beat Gymkata.

    I've said it before and I'll say it again.

    The entire training montage was seeing if he could walk up stairs on his hands.

    gym5.jpg

    IT IS TIME FOR.... THE GAME!!!!


    At one point, the main character comes into a town populated by really really ultra stupid zombies. Lo and behold theres a pommel horse set up for him, and he proceeds to kick zombie ass by doing some spins on the pommel horse.

    gymkata.jpg
    Priceless.

    GOJIRA! on
    "We are cursed," said Iyad Sarraj, a Gaza psychiatrist and a human rights activist. "Our leaders are either Israeli collaborators, asses, or mentally unstable."
    Sounds vaguely familiar...
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