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Not Feeling So Good
RT20AK
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I have seen some very helpfull comments in the past by posting a problem here so I thought I might just ask something that has been bothering me lately. Excuse my spelling / English if it is not correct.
I am turning 20 very very soon. It is supposed to be great for many people but everytime I think about getting older, I get into a very dispirited mood. Ever since I would say I was 17 and had to worry about what I wanted to be when I grew up I have dreaded my birthday.
To be honest, I feel pretty much sick to my stomach thinking that another day has passed me by. I am not a kid anymore.
From my perspective, I feel that the best part of my life is almost over, if still around, and that life from this point on really has only one place to go, but down. I constantly think about how my youth, which is extreamly important to me, will eventually be gone. Also, how the people I care about the most will eventually die. Shocking all this is I know.
I recieved a Birthday card from my father that reads something along the lines of,
"I am always thinking about you. The World is yours for the taking. Make it happen"
I have slightly mentioned to them what I have been going through and they seems to worry about me sometimes. These words that he wrote probably has more of an impact on me then he knows. For some reason, these words make me feel sad.
It seems like only a few days ago my parents were helping me move into college but I am already in the middle of my sophmore year and about to be a junior next year. I had a difficult first year in college but my second year has been pretty good, but still lacking in some areas.
I am sorry if I am not being clear in whats wrong, because I am really having a hard time knowing myself. To summerize my feelings, I feel like my life has passed me by already, and I get deeply distraught everytime I think about time.
I don't know what kind of advice I can recieve that would be helpfull. I have been seriously considering talking to someone on campus about this issue because I don't want this issue to concider to bother me.
I am turning 20 very very soon. It is supposed to be great for many people but everytime I think about getting older, I get into a very dispirited mood. Ever since I would say I was 17 and had to worry about what I wanted to be when I grew up I have dreaded my birthday.
To be honest, I feel pretty much sick to my stomach thinking that another day has passed me by. I am not a kid anymore.
From my perspective, I feel that the best part of my life is almost over, if still around, and that life from this point on really has only one place to go, but down. I constantly think about how my youth, which is extreamly important to me, will eventually be gone. Also, how the people I care about the most will eventually die. Shocking all this is I know.
I recieved a Birthday card from my father that reads something along the lines of,
"I am always thinking about you. The World is yours for the taking. Make it happen"
I have slightly mentioned to them what I have been going through and they seems to worry about me sometimes. These words that he wrote probably has more of an impact on me then he knows. For some reason, these words make me feel sad.
It seems like only a few days ago my parents were helping me move into college but I am already in the middle of my sophmore year and about to be a junior next year. I had a difficult first year in college but my second year has been pretty good, but still lacking in some areas.
I am sorry if I am not being clear in whats wrong, because I am really having a hard time knowing myself. To summerize my feelings, I feel like my life has passed me by already, and I get deeply distraught everytime I think about time.
I don't know what kind of advice I can recieve that would be helpfull. I have been seriously considering talking to someone on campus about this issue because I don't want this issue to concider to bother me.
RT20AK on
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Shogun Streams Vidya
I kinda felt the same for a bit, but now I feel there is plenty of time to do things. Remember how long it took to get to the age of 20? You know that you can pay off a loan on a house in 20 years, and you'll only be 40? Life may seem to be going by fast, but not every day has to have an "event" in it. Some days are just good for having done nothing.
I have heard from many people and many places that college and this time is the best time of my life. Every year that passes I feel like I am one year closer for my youth to ending. When this best time in my life ends, it gets worse. This scares me. People around me are changing. Things aren't the same.
I usually go out to eat with my family and open my presents with everyone around but everyone had something else to do that day. So I went home got way to drunk and spent the night crying....don't do that. Go out and have a good time with your friends and family.
This same person said that those people are pathetic, because he said "I expect to lead a fucking awesome life." Why can't you? School would be over and you'd have a source of income to do whatever you want.
Personally, I can't wait until college is over. I'm doing so much work right now, it's not even funny. I barely have any time to socialize at all. But I love doing it, and I wouldn't rather be doing anything else. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just continue on doing what you want to do. Besides that, there's not really another point to a life with no regrets (which I assume is what you want to lead).
And "boo" to the people who took easy majors and party all the time. I'm working my ass off, loving it, and will reap the benefits for the rest of my life. There's no reason you can't do the same. Things change all the time, that's life... but I can guarantee you will feel so much better.
Let 'em eat fucking pineapples!
Don't let other people dictate the terms of your own life.
And this is very important, you are only as old as you feel; trite, but true.
just look at these forums, all the old grouches aren't necessarily the most chronologically advanced.
The day I feel it's beneath my dignity to play in the snow, or hang out with my friends and party or any other number of fun things I'll hang it up.
All getting older should mean is that you do fewer stupid things because you learned from past mistakes and that when it counts (i.e. at work) you can be relied upon to do what needs doing.
Unless what your afraid of is losing the excuse of youth to explain dumb behavior.
meaning, whatever you're studying in college now is fine, but you probably won't ever actually work in that field. you'll move on to something else and end up doing something you didn't think you would be doing.
20 is still pretty much being a teenager. you get drunk, you party, you do stupid things. no one really takes you seriously in the business world until you get closer to 30, and lots of other jobs won't trust you with real responsibility until your mid 20's (i'm talking about jobs that aren't retail)
so just have fun. nothing serious is going to happen until you get older anyway.
Even when I talk to other friends in my classes and I know that they are freshmen, one year yonger then me, I am envious of that. I feel like I am having a mid life crisis almost, way earlier then I should. My parents tell me I have so much to look foward to in my life, but all I can think about is the time that has passed me by already.
These forums are really good for help in this sort of thing though. You've come to the right place.
Let 'em eat fucking pineapples!
Seriously.
Do you expect to start tuning to the Easy Listening radio station soon, and watching Matlock or something?
It's all a mindset, dude.
most of all, most of all
someone said true love was dead
but i'm bound to fall
bound to fall for you
oh what can i do
You want some sort of a guiding light, a path to fall at your feet, well that's not going to happen.
Thanks for your reply. You are very true. Some parts of my lifestyle have to change. I think this will help me feel better if I get rid of some old habits.
I found it helpful for me to make a plan at that point, a rough sketch of where I wanted my life to be when I died, and what I wanted above all other things to accomplish before I left the world. After determining what I wanted at the end, the middle, my life and the things I need to accomplish seemed clear. I stopped feeling that my days were being wasted, because I worked hard every day to make sure that I moved towards my goal.
Things always change. Everything alive must change or die. So it is our responsibilty to take control of our change that we can direct it towards what we want to do. If we don't control our changes, then we are just floating in a sea of other people's desires, doing what they want, and being what they want us to be. It is wasteful to change without direction and hope that our needs and personal desires will be satisified by acciedent.
By moving forward in our own plan, our own heart, we naturally find people who are moving in the same direction, who's foward momentum helps move the things around them in a similar direction. It is like geese migrating, where a group effort makes the journey easier for everyone. But to join with the flock, you need to want and choose a direction. Then nothing is wasted. You move and are carried towards your goal with others, your efforts helps theirs naturally.
What is time when you are moving forward with it? It is nothing, and ceases to exist. It is like a hot air balloon in the wind, moving forward, with its riders in only stillness and peace. Do not be afraid of your destination, everyone's journey must come to an end. Embrace where you want to be, mark the line from here to there, and set your life in motion.
Raven said, "Good start".
I would have to agree with this. I kind of got depressed when I heard people tell me "high school is the best 4 years of your life!" and then "college is the best 4 years of your life!" and I kind of went into both expecting a little more than what I ended up receiving...
...but! I only just turned 20 as well (February) and I've come to realize that above all, I have wonderful plans to go through with and places to travel to and people to meet in my lifetime...and if these years aren't doing for me what I want them to, well...I'm just going to have to make the best of them that I can. I also tend to think that people who refer to college as "the best time of their life", really don't allow themselves to take the opportunity to experience anything beyond that. It's like a comforting, fond memory to go back to - "ah, the good ol' days!"...I decided for myself, though, that if I want adventure/excitement in my life, or if I want to make an aspect more interesting...I'll do it...and I won't drag my feet, thinking it can't get any better than it once was. I refuse to get stuck with the mentality that "the best part of my life happened already"...because really, I've just barely lived a quarter of my life yet, and how would I know?
In the last year I have been getting closer and closer to my major (Civil Engineering) and more and more excited about it. I don't think I've ever been so excited about anything before, and it makes me feel very happy and really motivates me.
If you know what you "want" to do, but aren't excited about it, try to learn as much as you can about the field and what you can do with it. If it really is something you're interested in you can raise your interest from "Meh" to "Threat Level: Midnight".
If you don't know what you want to do, just remember, you have years ahead of you to find it!
Like everyone else above has said, if older people are convincing you that your current time period is the "best time of your life you'll ever have" that means that they probably didn't enjoy life very much afterwards. Of course it's normal to think of how cool things were "back in the day", but you also have to be excited for the future.
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I still look back on my high school/university years with a fondness, but I was broke back then. You get to your 20's and (ideally) you're working, making money, and have a little more freedom to move around and do stuff that you didn't in your "youth".
Seriously, in my experiences, my 20s have been way better than my teen years, hands down.
I was in that situation as well. What I have since come to realise is that I was believing a generalisation. For some people, college is the best time of their life. For others, it's a just a necessary detour on their way to something better.
If you aren't taking full advantage of the 'college experience' it's probably because it's not really your thing. You're getting depressed because you're not doing all the stupid college stuff media and your peers has led you to believe you should be wanting to do, but do you really want to do that stuff?
If there are things that you genuinely feel like you are missing out on, why not try and take part in them?
I find both of those quotes to be pretty true myself. When I think of all the times I've had and things I've done since I turned 20, I sometimes wonder if I had any fun at all the first in the first 20 years. Of course I did though.
But at 27 I can now say fully, that I had no idea what I was in store for in the next 7 years.
As that Baz Luhrmann song says, as cheesy as it sounds:
"Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life,
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t."
Honestly, ive heard most of that stuff before, but from my parents, and teachers, and old people, and it just never made sense because it was so long ago for them it just seemed like nostalgic rambling. But to talk to people whove actually dealt with this shit recently, and are still dealing with it now the same as i am, made it all the more poignant. And honestly for about the last week ive really had a more positive outlook on life.
And i mean, youre probably going to read that, and its probably not going to have any effect on you, and thats fine. I mean, everyones different. And maybe ive just had shitty friends up until now, but it just felt really good to know that hey, even in 10 years, i still wont know what the fuck im doing, I still wont know who i am and i still probably wont have shit figured out. But then again, ill just be like every other person who's being truthful to themselves.
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Looking back at some of the things that I think has made me feel this way
My freshmen year of college, I go to a school out of state far away from my home state and did not know anyone. Made good friends with 3 people, but 2 do not go to this school anymore. I live with one now. I lived in a dorm my freshman year with kids who had different interests then me, and I was feeling lonely. However I am now living in a house with 6 people and have become great friends with all of them. It has gotten a lot better.
As a sophmore up untill really a few weeks ago I still did not know what I want to do when I try to get a job after college. My two favorite classes are history and english, yet I do not want to become a teacher or lawyer. I was thinking in majoring in english and buisness or maybe just minor in one. I have not decided and I think this not knowning what I want to do at such a late stage is really bothering me.
I have at this day changed my lifestyle. Mostly deleting any computer games I had on the computer that were getting to the point that were stopping me from achieving my goals. Somoe on this topic said "Embrace what you want to be. Mark the line from here to there and set your life in motion." This is a very powerfull statement along with mostly everything you all have said. I enjoy so many other things. I played two sports in high school for 4 years and have signed up in a basketball league and other rec sport leage as of last night. Last 4 months I have been working out a lot which as made me feel better.
However, something happened that really bothered me this morning. I recieved another card from my mother saying "Life's a trip son, hope you always enjoy the ride...... and you never forget the way home." When I finished reading it i tears started to bottle up in my eyes. It was sent with an old picture of me and her when I was probably 8. Time has passed so quickly and it really bothers me. As you all said I should be feeling great, but the emotions I felt from reading this card and seeing the picture pretty much sum up how I am feeling.
Thanks again for all your replies.
Chin up, things are just getting better for you and I wish I was in your shoes.
My body doesn't work as well as it did when I was 20, but that doesn't bother me much because it's never been much of a body, frankly. Also, there are plenty of health-freak 40-year-olds who are healthier than the average 20-year-old.
I do think you might want to do something.... original... next. Like travel, or an interesting job. I've known quite a few young people who get depressed because they don't look forward to their adult life. And the reason is, their society offers a dull, consumeristic existence as the only option. If they have the courage to try the things they love (art, for example) they are much happier.