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FiggyFighter of the night manChampion of the sunRegistered Userregular
You're over thinking it. The woman you spoke to is correct. Just keep spending time together.
So, what do you mean by a "step further?" Sex? You don't need to verbally broadcast your intentions for intercourse before doing so. There is no status shift that you need to make clear before moving into that territory. Everything should be entirely organic.
I know some people are going to come in here and say you need to sit down and have a talk about where your relationship is going and that you wish to become monogamous or something, but I disagree completely. That is in no way organic, romantic, or fun.
Just keep spending time together. If you haven't already, make a move toward some form of intimacy (I get the feeling from your post you've held off on everything). I don't mean to say you need to have sex today. But have you kissed this woman?
Pulling her in for a kiss at the right time says the exact same thing as sitting her down for "the talk," and you'll both have a lot more fun doing it.
If she pulls away or says she wants to be friends, so be it. Having a chat beforehand wouldn't have changed that.
EshTending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles.Portland, ORRegistered Userregular
What Figgy said. You're way over thinking this. Besides, six years isn't that much of a difference. Just do what you normally do. There's no set of rules or regulations on how to act in or approach relationships.
Yes, you need to use a word like "Date". Don't go into this half-assed if you want to date her. Next time you get a chance, just say "I'd really like to take you out to dinner". Age is just a number.
What figgy said. Really, honestly, treat it just like past relationships. Someone older doesn't mean anything really. As schuss said, age is just a number.
not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
If you end up in a relationship, there's a high probability she'll want to marry you and have babies ASAP given her age. At 24, you might not be prepared for that.
If you end up in a relationship, there's a high probability she'll want to marry you and have babies ASAP given her age. At 24, you might not be prepared for that.
That's probably jumping the gun a little bit. I don't think being 30 and female means automatically that she'll want to marry and have babies.
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EshTending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles.Portland, ORRegistered Userregular
If you end up in a relationship, there's a high probability she'll want to marry you and have babies ASAP given her age. At 24, you might not be prepared for that.
This is one of the most untrue, goosey things I've ever seen said on these forums.
As someone who is 35 and who regularly dates people in their 30s, Kitch is incredibly off base with this idea. WAY off base.
Yeah, I can pretty much say Figgy has the right idea. Just to clarify though, your married friend's advice, while not bad, can end you up in the friend zone if you don't make yourself clear. I get that you say you have tried to communicate how much you enjoy hanging out, but verbal communication is pretty open to interpretation and easy to misunderstand.
Find an appropriate moment (or create one) and go in for a kiss. That will be the best communication you can hope for here.
That said, as someone who has mostly dated older women, there are some things you may want to think about. Namely, what you are looking for in a relationship? I am not saying to sit down and talk this stuff out with her, I mean you, yourself, should try and get a firm idea of it. It's one thing if you are just looking for casual dating/sex, but you mentioned being head over heels, so its a question worth asking yourself.
I only say this because, and everyone is different so don't take this out of context, but its worth considering that biological clocks often start ticking louder in the 30's. Depending on regional/familial culture, this can be a thing that will come up, sooner rather than later, if you are in a serious relationship with an older woman. Obviously this can eventually come up in any relationship, but 30 is often the mark of "getting old" for women in American culture, which, while silly, is still a thing expressed through popular culture and other social institutions. Just food for thought.
Social goosery aside, age is really a mental thing after a point, so it really only matters as much as you (and her) choose to let it matter.
My wife is 7 years older than me. When I started dating her, I felt kinda intimidated because of this but I quickly found out that if age is not a big deal, as time goes by you won't see her as your older girlfriend... simply as your girlfriend.
The more important issue is that you're on the same page on big subjects: Politics, religion, money, education, kids...
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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, ModeratorMod Emeritus
I don't think it's inorganic to say "I really like you and I love spending time with you." I think you should proceed as normal for you. If you would normally talk to her about it, do that. If you would normally let things just develop, do that. You should be yourself, because that's who she's spending all this time with.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
If you're the kind of person who is more comfortable saying "I'd like to give you a kiss" before you kiss someone, then that's who you are. Arguably, if you're in a position to say that to someone, the person should make it somewhat clear that it's OK and that they're into you, and that you're the kind of person who talks about things before doing them.
I've always talked about these types of things before doing them. The only time it's happened where I started it, I said something first to make sure I was OK. I would rather say "I'd like to kiss you" and have them say "I'm not really into you" than go in for a kiss and be rejected. Or kiss and have it be weird and then find out they don't like me that way. Awkward!
OK, here's my 2 cents on this (backed up from talking to some women, including my GF):
Women, especially older women, often want a Man. Not a "You belong in the kitchen wench" man, but someone who is confident in themselves and makes at least some of the moves. I used to be the friend->hookup half-asser, and it really leads to a lot of awkwardness and delay. Just go for it, because often that's all a woman who likes you is waiting for. I know we're in the age of equal rights etc. etc., and that doesn't mean you have to pay all the time or enforce traditional gender roles, but understand that a lot of women grow up always secretly wanting to be swept off their feet by Prince Charming. You might think "that's not me", but it is man, IT IS. The crappy thing about brave and bold moves like this is that the confidence often comes AFTER the action itself, as saying "I want to take you to dinner" may be fraught with absolute terror, but as soon as it's out of your lips, you'll be happy you said it - even if she says no.
You may be thinking "But schuss, rejection sucks!" Yes Billy, yes it does, but wasting a shit-ton of time thinking of someone as a half-friend/half-love interest sucks a lot more, as you could have been enjoying your appreciation for each other or relaxing and just being friends while finding someone new. Anyhow, I see way too many threads here where someone just needs to make a move, but they screw things up by waiting too long or trying to be secure knowing the person likes them. Relationships should not be safe, they should be scary, exciting and amazing. Don't pine for the fjords, go climb them (or jump off of them? Not sure where I was going with this metaphor other than including fjords)
It's not like you stop believing in romance when you're 30, you just realize what modern romance is. It isn't necessarily "I got a horse driven carriage to carry us to our date", but often "Hey, I picked up some wine and nice sandwiches, let's go on a hike and a picnic, I'll carry everything".
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FiggyFighter of the night manChampion of the sunRegistered Userregular
If you're the kind of person who is more comfortable saying "I'd like to give you a kiss" before you kiss someone, then that's who you are. Arguably, if you're in a position to say that to someone, the person should make it somewhat clear that it's OK and that they're into you, and that you're the kind of person who talks about things before doing them.
I've always talked about these types of things before doing them. The only time it's happened where I started it, I said something first to make sure I was OK. I would rather say "I'd like to kiss you" and have them say "I'm not really into you" than go in for a kiss and be rejected. Or kiss and have it be weird and then find out they don't like me that way. Awkward!
It's just as awkward to ask and be rejected as it is to try and be rejected.
And I imagine it's far more exciting/romantic/fun/whatever if you don't narrate.
I dated a girl off and on at almost exactly the same age range for a long time. There is no special guide book for it, as there isn't much difference, and if anything it's easier... because by 30, there's a good chance they know what they are looking for... so if you've made it as far as you have, she's probably already checked a number of boxes off her list of "things I am looking for in boys".
From there, and taking it to the next level, depends a lot on her personality and brain chemistry. The whole issue of babies and settling down is interlocked heavily in how generally satisfied they already are with life. The less satisfied they are, in my opinion, the more likely they are going to (eventually) seek to fill that void with a family.
Don't tell someone you want to kiss them before you do it, because that makes you an awkward doofus. Learn to ready behavior and body language.
If she goes out of her way to hang out with you and she is generally very responsive to your questions and requests that's a pretty good sign in your favor.
If you end up in a relationship, there's a high probability she'll want to marry you and have babies ASAP given her age. At 24, you might not be prepared for that.
This is a pretty lolsey statement. It was in my 20s that I really wanted to get married and have lots of bebbies (though I'd never tell a guy that). In my 30s I find I don't care any more about getting married (I mean I might eventually, just that I don't feel any particular hurry), and no longer want kids.
"excuse my French
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
For quite some time, I've had occasion to espouse the value of being explicitly forthright with what you want out of a relationship and how you feel about another person. Being able to comfortably use the word "date" in a sentence when asking someone out projects a lot of social confidence, and moreover, it can cut through a lot of uncomfortable ambiguity. If anyone was going to disagree with the collective wisdom contained so far in this thread it would probably be me...
...however, I don't get the impression you have a problem with this. You're not trying to decode some hidden meaning from Facebook messages or asking for help to construct the perfect text message, which is usually the sort of warning sign of someone who has communication issues. You're also not asking how to "ambush-date" someone. Some men, particularly men with low confidence, will ask a girl if she wants to "hang out" or somesuch as a low-key, low-risk means of initiating some one-on-one time. That sort of thing is tremendously inconsiderate because it sucks for the girl to discover half way through her first drink that a friendly happy hour is actually a surreptitious date; I don't get the impression from you that this is your M.O., however.
Frankly, if "hey, I really like spending time with you, can we do this again soon?" really is the sort of thing you'll say to her in person, you're doing fine. You can still cut through some ambiguity and project confidence by saying something as simple as, "Hey would you like to go on a date this Friday?" but even if you don't, it's not like you're doing it wrong or anything.
Just thought I'd share that perspective in case it helps boost your own self-confidence when relating with this person.
For quite some time, I've had occasion to espouse the value of being explicitly forthright with what you want out of a relationship and how you feel about another person. Being able to comfortably use the word "date" in a sentence when asking someone out projects a lot of social confidence, and moreover, it can cut through a lot of uncomfortable ambiguity. If anyone was going to disagree with the collective wisdom contained so far in this thread it would probably be me...
...however, I don't get the impression you have a problem with this. You're not trying to decode some hidden meaning from Facebook messages or asking for help to construct the perfect text message, which is usually the sort of warning sign of someone who has communication issues. You're also not asking how to "ambush-date" someone. Some men, particularly men with low confidence, will ask a girl if she wants to "hang out" or somesuch as a low-key, low-risk means of initiating some one-on-one time. That sort of thing is tremendously inconsiderate because it sucks for the girl to discover half way through her first drink that a friendly happy hour is actually a surreptitious date; I don't get the impression from you that this is your M.O., however.
Frankly, if "hey, I really like spending time with you, can we do this again soon?" really is the sort of thing you'll say to her in person, you're doing fine. You can still cut through some ambiguity and project confidence by saying something as simple as, "Hey would you like to go on a date this Friday?" but even if you don't, it's not like you're doing it wrong or anything.
Just thought I'd share that perspective in case it helps boost your own self-confidence when relating with this person.
I agree with this wisdom.
It seems you are at the point now where you have no reasonable avenues other than to start smooching or otherwise send off pings to see how much she is into you, and something as simple as using terminology like "date" can really get to the heart of the matter. You just need to take note of how she responds to it, and distinguish between enthusiasm and politeness. Unless she is just paralytically shy, you'll get a correct message based on her reaction.
This is probably a more sensible (and cooler) approach than "uhh, can I kiss you??"
OP - you sound like you have it together. Kudos. Don't get hung up on age. It really is just a number.
My advice would be to keep spending time together, but I would not be afraid to ask about taking it to the next step, which I understand to be "dating exclusivity" or "going steady" for the kids.
If you don't make your intentions known, she might take that to mean you don't want anything more than what you have now, which might mean she will continue to look elsewhere for a "relationship"
“Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro—I'm Broda!”
Just want to jump in and say I've been though a very similar experience, I met a woman 7 years older than myself and over time we got into a relationship. The age difference was never a thing for me, in fact I liked it, she was more mature and easy going than my previous girlfriends. Even when we broke up we were able to remain friends. I'd say go for it OP, 7 years isn't much difference in the grand scheme of things, and you'll probably find there's a lot to like about being in a relationship with a lady with more life experience than you.
If you're the kind of person who is more comfortable saying "I'd like to give you a kiss" before you kiss someone, then that's who you are. Arguably, if you're in a position to say that to someone, the person should make it somewhat clear that it's OK and that they're into you, and that you're the kind of person who talks about things before doing them.
I've always talked about these types of things before doing them. The only time it's happened where I started it, I said something first to make sure I was OK. I would rather say "I'd like to kiss you" and have them say "I'm not really into you" than go in for a kiss and be rejected. Or kiss and have it be weird and then find out they don't like me that way. Awkward!
It's just as awkward to ask and be rejected as it is to try and be rejected.
And I imagine it's far more exciting/romantic/fun/whatever if you don't narrate.
Like I said, it depends on the person, and you shouldn't change who you are just because someone on a forum says the other way is "more fun." To me, it's much less of a sting for someone to explicitly say "Uh, no, I don't feel that way about you" than to be rejected as I'm trying something. And when I hear "yes," I find it much more romantic/exciting/fun to revel in the anticipation that everything is in the clear and you know the feeling is reciprocated.
There's nothing wrong with either approach and the OP should do that which he is most comfortable. If the girl is so opposite whatever his preferred style is, that's also important to find out.
Don't tell someone you want to kiss them before you do it, because that makes you an awkward doofus. Learn to ready behavior and body language.
Again, different strokes. I've had the awkward "we're saying goodbye now and I'd like to do something but we're just kind of looking at each other" moment and I've said "I'm going to kiss you goodnight" and the girl gave me a big smile and said "I'd like that very much." I was not an awkward doofus and I certainly didn't get the impression she didn't like it. And, of course, I brought it up because it seemed obvious to me from the body language.
I think this extends to other elements in the relationship to. It's good to talk about your intents and where your comfort zones are. What's next, you just "go for sex" without talking about it? You just assume they're totally cool with everything intimate without talking about it? Doesn't every advice columnist say "say something" and don't all therapists say "work on communication"?
You should feel comfortable saying what you're thinking when you're in a relationship. And if the OP is very unsure of where he stands and what his next steps are with the girl, he should feel comfortable just saying "I like you in that way and would like to take you out for a date." He shouldn't twist and turn in self doubt.
My girlfriend is older and it's never been a problem. I occasionally tease her about it, but that's it.
Ask this girl out on a date and unless it totally sucks text her a couple hours later saying you had a really great time and you'd like to see her again. Don't be ambiguous about letting her know you like her. Despite what you might think people older than yourself aren't particularly good at mind reading and she might not be able to intuit exactly what you're communicating in a nonverbal way.
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EshTending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles.Portland, ORRegistered Userregular
Yeah, I can pretty much say Figgy has the right idea. Just to clarify though, your married friend's advice, while not bad, can end you up in the friend zone if you don't make yourself clear.
This "zone" doesn't exist. It's a concept invented by gooses to perpetuate misogynistic goosery.
Yeah, I can pretty much say Figgy has the right idea. Just to clarify though, your married friend's advice, while not bad, can end you up in the friend zone if you don't make yourself clear.
This "zone" doesn't exist. It's a concept invented by gooses to perpetuate misogynistic goosery.
I disagree, though sorry if the term comes across as offensive. To clarify, if you spend too much time with another person, male or female, without clearly communicating your feelings, it can easily be misinterpretted as disinterest or only interested in being friends. This may very well lead to the person looking elsewhere, which is normal, healthy behaviour, and shifting their interest in you to be more friend oriented. Once at this point, many people are less likely to pursue a relationship as that is one of the more common ways to lose a good friend.
Back on topic, go for it Daemonian! Make sure to let us know how it goes.
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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, ModeratorMod Emeritus
I've definitely been "friend zoned" by guys because I was shy; this is not exclusively a term used by misogynists.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
If you end up in a relationship, there's a high probability she'll want to marry you and have babies ASAP given her age. At 24, you might not be prepared for that.
This is a pretty lolsey statement. It was in my 20s that I really wanted to get married and have lots of bebbies (though I'd never tell a guy that). In my 30s I find I don't care any more about getting married (I mean I might eventually, just that I don't feel any particular hurry), and no longer want kids.
Yeah, generalizing like that is pretty goosey. That said, you could probably make a case for "it's more likely that a single woman at 30 is thinking more about settling down than the 21 year olds you are used to".
Regardless, finding out what the other person wants out of a relationship is one of the more important things to do before you go too far. Don't back off of a relationship because you're afraid what they want won't be what you want- find out for yourself and if it's what she wants is not compatible with where you are now then go from there.
But did we contribute enough to this thread for you to think about us while having sex?
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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, ModeratorMod Emeritus
This is the most important question.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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sportzboytjwsqueeeeeezzeeeesome more tax breaks outRegistered Userregular
GJGJ. Wife is 6.5 older than I. We're pretty happy. Good luck.
Walkerdog on MTGO
TylerJ on League of Legends (it's free and fun!)
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ShadowfireVermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered Userregular
Penny Arcade! Massive success was had! Happiness levels through the roof!
We had an absolutely fantastic time together today. We stood at my car as I was leaving tonight and I just said that, for the entire day, I couldn't stop thinking of how I didn't want to be anywhere else or with anyone else. She smiled, took my hand, and said me too. A wonderful kiss ensued.
I left all that "semantics" bullshit behind and acted like my usual me, and said only what I really wanted to say, in my words and behavior. Lesson learned: just go with it in your usual genuine, honest way.
Posts
So, what do you mean by a "step further?" Sex? You don't need to verbally broadcast your intentions for intercourse before doing so. There is no status shift that you need to make clear before moving into that territory. Everything should be entirely organic.
I know some people are going to come in here and say you need to sit down and have a talk about where your relationship is going and that you wish to become monogamous or something, but I disagree completely. That is in no way organic, romantic, or fun.
Just keep spending time together. If you haven't already, make a move toward some form of intimacy (I get the feeling from your post you've held off on everything). I don't mean to say you need to have sex today. But have you kissed this woman?
Pulling her in for a kiss at the right time says the exact same thing as sitting her down for "the talk," and you'll both have a lot more fun doing it.
If she pulls away or says she wants to be friends, so be it. Having a chat beforehand wouldn't have changed that.
If you end up in a relationship, there's a high probability she'll want to marry you and have babies ASAP given her age. At 24, you might not be prepared for that.
That's probably jumping the gun a little bit. I don't think being 30 and female means automatically that she'll want to marry and have babies.
This is one of the most untrue, goosey things I've ever seen said on these forums.
As someone who is 35 and who regularly dates people in their 30s, Kitch is incredibly off base with this idea. WAY off base.
Find an appropriate moment (or create one) and go in for a kiss. That will be the best communication you can hope for here.
That said, as someone who has mostly dated older women, there are some things you may want to think about. Namely, what you are looking for in a relationship? I am not saying to sit down and talk this stuff out with her, I mean you, yourself, should try and get a firm idea of it. It's one thing if you are just looking for casual dating/sex, but you mentioned being head over heels, so its a question worth asking yourself.
I only say this because, and everyone is different so don't take this out of context, but its worth considering that biological clocks often start ticking louder in the 30's. Depending on regional/familial culture, this can be a thing that will come up, sooner rather than later, if you are in a serious relationship with an older woman. Obviously this can eventually come up in any relationship, but 30 is often the mark of "getting old" for women in American culture, which, while silly, is still a thing expressed through popular culture and other social institutions. Just food for thought.
Social goosery aside, age is really a mental thing after a point, so it really only matters as much as you (and her) choose to let it matter.
The more important issue is that you're on the same page on big subjects: Politics, religion, money, education, kids...
I've always talked about these types of things before doing them. The only time it's happened where I started it, I said something first to make sure I was OK. I would rather say "I'd like to kiss you" and have them say "I'm not really into you" than go in for a kiss and be rejected. Or kiss and have it be weird and then find out they don't like me that way. Awkward!
Women, especially older women, often want a Man. Not a "You belong in the kitchen wench" man, but someone who is confident in themselves and makes at least some of the moves. I used to be the friend->hookup half-asser, and it really leads to a lot of awkwardness and delay. Just go for it, because often that's all a woman who likes you is waiting for. I know we're in the age of equal rights etc. etc., and that doesn't mean you have to pay all the time or enforce traditional gender roles, but understand that a lot of women grow up always secretly wanting to be swept off their feet by Prince Charming. You might think "that's not me", but it is man, IT IS. The crappy thing about brave and bold moves like this is that the confidence often comes AFTER the action itself, as saying "I want to take you to dinner" may be fraught with absolute terror, but as soon as it's out of your lips, you'll be happy you said it - even if she says no.
You may be thinking "But schuss, rejection sucks!" Yes Billy, yes it does, but wasting a shit-ton of time thinking of someone as a half-friend/half-love interest sucks a lot more, as you could have been enjoying your appreciation for each other or relaxing and just being friends while finding someone new. Anyhow, I see way too many threads here where someone just needs to make a move, but they screw things up by waiting too long or trying to be secure knowing the person likes them. Relationships should not be safe, they should be scary, exciting and amazing. Don't pine for the fjords, go climb them (or jump off of them? Not sure where I was going with this metaphor other than including fjords)
Just ask her on a date, give her a smooch if she seems receptive, and go from there.
It's just as awkward to ask and be rejected as it is to try and be rejected.
And I imagine it's far more exciting/romantic/fun/whatever if you don't narrate.
From there, and taking it to the next level, depends a lot on her personality and brain chemistry. The whole issue of babies and settling down is interlocked heavily in how generally satisfied they already are with life. The less satisfied they are, in my opinion, the more likely they are going to (eventually) seek to fill that void with a family.
Don't tell someone you want to kiss them before you do it, because that makes you an awkward doofus. Learn to ready behavior and body language.
If she goes out of her way to hang out with you and she is generally very responsive to your questions and requests that's a pretty good sign in your favor.
we also talk about other random shit and clown upon each other
This is a pretty lolsey statement. It was in my 20s that I really wanted to get married and have lots of bebbies (though I'd never tell a guy that). In my 30s I find I don't care any more about getting married (I mean I might eventually, just that I don't feel any particular hurry), and no longer want kids.
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
...however, I don't get the impression you have a problem with this. You're not trying to decode some hidden meaning from Facebook messages or asking for help to construct the perfect text message, which is usually the sort of warning sign of someone who has communication issues. You're also not asking how to "ambush-date" someone. Some men, particularly men with low confidence, will ask a girl if she wants to "hang out" or somesuch as a low-key, low-risk means of initiating some one-on-one time. That sort of thing is tremendously inconsiderate because it sucks for the girl to discover half way through her first drink that a friendly happy hour is actually a surreptitious date; I don't get the impression from you that this is your M.O., however.
Frankly, if "hey, I really like spending time with you, can we do this again soon?" really is the sort of thing you'll say to her in person, you're doing fine. You can still cut through some ambiguity and project confidence by saying something as simple as, "Hey would you like to go on a date this Friday?" but even if you don't, it's not like you're doing it wrong or anything.
Just thought I'd share that perspective in case it helps boost your own self-confidence when relating with this person.
I agree with this wisdom.
It seems you are at the point now where you have no reasonable avenues other than to start smooching or otherwise send off pings to see how much she is into you, and something as simple as using terminology like "date" can really get to the heart of the matter. You just need to take note of how she responds to it, and distinguish between enthusiasm and politeness. Unless she is just paralytically shy, you'll get a correct message based on her reaction.
This is probably a more sensible (and cooler) approach than "uhh, can I kiss you??"
we also talk about other random shit and clown upon each other
My advice would be to keep spending time together, but I would not be afraid to ask about taking it to the next step, which I understand to be "dating exclusivity" or "going steady" for the kids.
If you don't make your intentions known, she might take that to mean you don't want anything more than what you have now, which might mean she will continue to look elsewhere for a "relationship"
Like I said, it depends on the person, and you shouldn't change who you are just because someone on a forum says the other way is "more fun." To me, it's much less of a sting for someone to explicitly say "Uh, no, I don't feel that way about you" than to be rejected as I'm trying something. And when I hear "yes," I find it much more romantic/exciting/fun to revel in the anticipation that everything is in the clear and you know the feeling is reciprocated.
There's nothing wrong with either approach and the OP should do that which he is most comfortable. If the girl is so opposite whatever his preferred style is, that's also important to find out.
Again, different strokes. I've had the awkward "we're saying goodbye now and I'd like to do something but we're just kind of looking at each other" moment and I've said "I'm going to kiss you goodnight" and the girl gave me a big smile and said "I'd like that very much." I was not an awkward doofus and I certainly didn't get the impression she didn't like it. And, of course, I brought it up because it seemed obvious to me from the body language.
I think this extends to other elements in the relationship to. It's good to talk about your intents and where your comfort zones are. What's next, you just "go for sex" without talking about it? You just assume they're totally cool with everything intimate without talking about it? Doesn't every advice columnist say "say something" and don't all therapists say "work on communication"?
You should feel comfortable saying what you're thinking when you're in a relationship. And if the OP is very unsure of where he stands and what his next steps are with the girl, he should feel comfortable just saying "I like you in that way and would like to take you out for a date." He shouldn't twist and turn in self doubt.
Ask this girl out on a date and unless it totally sucks text her a couple hours later saying you had a really great time and you'd like to see her again. Don't be ambiguous about letting her know you like her. Despite what you might think people older than yourself aren't particularly good at mind reading and she might not be able to intuit exactly what you're communicating in a nonverbal way.
This "zone" doesn't exist. It's a concept invented by gooses to perpetuate misogynistic goosery.
Back on topic, go for it Daemonian! Make sure to let us know how it goes.
Yeah, generalizing like that is pretty goosey. That said, you could probably make a case for "it's more likely that a single woman at 30 is thinking more about settling down than the 21 year olds you are used to".
Regardless, finding out what the other person wants out of a relationship is one of the more important things to do before you go too far. Don't back off of a relationship because you're afraid what they want won't be what you want- find out for yourself and if it's what she wants is not compatible with where you are now then go from there.
Brilliant.
TylerJ on League of Legends (it's free and fun!)
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