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woe is me/women ain't easy
oldsak
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Well, I never thought I would join the ranks who come to the forum to pour out their relationship woes, but I'm at a point where I feel an overwhelming need to reach out, and everyone is still asleep.
I suppose I shall begin at the beginning.
I met my girlfriend my Junior year at college. She was a Sophomore. We were both young and naive. It was my first relationship, and we lost our virginity to each other. We had a rocky start, initially breaking up 3 months into the relationship, which was right before winter break. We spent that break talking on the phone every day, and reunited when we returned to school. We broke up again for a couple days about a month after that. Or rather, I thought she had broken up with me, but she intended for it to be a "break" so she could re-evaluate our relationship. Finally, she broke up with me late November of my Senior year after a month of not returning my phone calls and only calling if she needed something.
After that month, I was done. I didn't want to see her, but she kept insisting on coming over. I believe this mostly resulted from her wish to avoid a guy with whom I was very good friends, but was also obsessed with her and over winter break revealed to me that he was in love with her and she him (apparently unbeknownst to her). I did manage to get out, meet some girls, and enjoy college for a little while, but the second day I was back from winter break, I threw a party which she attended. She pretty much stayed over for the next few days and needless to say, we were back together. I lost the aforementioned friend over it. It is a shame as I have known him since 3rd grade, but I haven't like him for that long so I cut my losses and moved on.
Now I know it sounds like I've taken a lot of abuse from this girl, and I have, but I haven't always been the awesome guy I am now so she's had to put up with a lot herself.
So I graduated, she took classes over the summer and I decided to stay in New York permanently. We couldn't see each other as often before, our relationship wasn't as carefree, but we were adjusting.
A few weeks into her fall semester, a close friend (for whom I've had feelings and she I, and who has been there for me when things with my girlfriend were not going so smoothly) reveals to me that she saw my girlfriend making out with a guy at a party. Her girlfriend also tells me (albeit reluctantly) that she came by the place of the party the next day (where the guy lived) and found his roommate asleep on the couch. The reason he gave is that he was sexiled from their room.
Upon hearing this, I was of course devestated. Had a little pity party, got drunk, and made a mess. I confronted her about it the next day and she flat out denied it. She told me the guy had tried to make out with her but she shut him down and then spent a lot of time on his computer downloading songs. Now she had told me about this night before. She told me about how crazy the party was and that she felt bad because she passed out in the roommate's bed and he had to sleep on the couch. So I was willing to accept what she told me.
Fast forward to the end of her senior year, she doesn't take me to her Senior Ball. I don't mind, I didn't go to mine and it made her fairly upset that I didn't go and take her with me. After she graduates she moves back home with her mother for a while, comes up to visit me a few times. I go to see her. We work it out. She's finally back in New York now. We're doing well for the most part. We hit our bumps here and there but I'm at a point where I'm willing to work things out.
Last night, the friend who told me about my girlfriend's earlier indiscretion says she knows of at least a few other times it's happened. She tells me at Senior Ball she was making out with her date and that both she and her girlfriend saw her. That others of my friends have seen her making out, but no one has wanted to tell me. That she didn't want to tell me cause she was afraid I might not believe her.
So here I am thie morning, I can't go back to sleep. Obviously I feel I should confront my girlfriend about it, though I may not be able to do so today as it's my uncle's birthday and I'll be having dinner with him. I couldn't do it earlier as there was a rave at her loft last night, and while she was on duty and supposed to stay sober, she's probably still exhausted.
When I see her I imagine I'll be straightforward and get right to the heart of the matter. I don't really know any other way to handle it or that I would want to handle it.
I'd appreciate any words of advice, kind words, similiar stories, or anything else you might think helpful. Sorry it's been quite the long read, and thanks in advance.
I suppose I shall begin at the beginning.
I met my girlfriend my Junior year at college. She was a Sophomore. We were both young and naive. It was my first relationship, and we lost our virginity to each other. We had a rocky start, initially breaking up 3 months into the relationship, which was right before winter break. We spent that break talking on the phone every day, and reunited when we returned to school. We broke up again for a couple days about a month after that. Or rather, I thought she had broken up with me, but she intended for it to be a "break" so she could re-evaluate our relationship. Finally, she broke up with me late November of my Senior year after a month of not returning my phone calls and only calling if she needed something.
After that month, I was done. I didn't want to see her, but she kept insisting on coming over. I believe this mostly resulted from her wish to avoid a guy with whom I was very good friends, but was also obsessed with her and over winter break revealed to me that he was in love with her and she him (apparently unbeknownst to her). I did manage to get out, meet some girls, and enjoy college for a little while, but the second day I was back from winter break, I threw a party which she attended. She pretty much stayed over for the next few days and needless to say, we were back together. I lost the aforementioned friend over it. It is a shame as I have known him since 3rd grade, but I haven't like him for that long so I cut my losses and moved on.
Now I know it sounds like I've taken a lot of abuse from this girl, and I have, but I haven't always been the awesome guy I am now so she's had to put up with a lot herself.
So I graduated, she took classes over the summer and I decided to stay in New York permanently. We couldn't see each other as often before, our relationship wasn't as carefree, but we were adjusting.
A few weeks into her fall semester, a close friend (for whom I've had feelings and she I, and who has been there for me when things with my girlfriend were not going so smoothly) reveals to me that she saw my girlfriend making out with a guy at a party. Her girlfriend also tells me (albeit reluctantly) that she came by the place of the party the next day (where the guy lived) and found his roommate asleep on the couch. The reason he gave is that he was sexiled from their room.
Upon hearing this, I was of course devestated. Had a little pity party, got drunk, and made a mess. I confronted her about it the next day and she flat out denied it. She told me the guy had tried to make out with her but she shut him down and then spent a lot of time on his computer downloading songs. Now she had told me about this night before. She told me about how crazy the party was and that she felt bad because she passed out in the roommate's bed and he had to sleep on the couch. So I was willing to accept what she told me.
Fast forward to the end of her senior year, she doesn't take me to her Senior Ball. I don't mind, I didn't go to mine and it made her fairly upset that I didn't go and take her with me. After she graduates she moves back home with her mother for a while, comes up to visit me a few times. I go to see her. We work it out. She's finally back in New York now. We're doing well for the most part. We hit our bumps here and there but I'm at a point where I'm willing to work things out.
Last night, the friend who told me about my girlfriend's earlier indiscretion says she knows of at least a few other times it's happened. She tells me at Senior Ball she was making out with her date and that both she and her girlfriend saw her. That others of my friends have seen her making out, but no one has wanted to tell me. That she didn't want to tell me cause she was afraid I might not believe her.
So here I am thie morning, I can't go back to sleep. Obviously I feel I should confront my girlfriend about it, though I may not be able to do so today as it's my uncle's birthday and I'll be having dinner with him. I couldn't do it earlier as there was a rave at her loft last night, and while she was on duty and supposed to stay sober, she's probably still exhausted.
When I see her I imagine I'll be straightforward and get right to the heart of the matter. I don't really know any other way to handle it or that I would want to handle it.
I'd appreciate any words of advice, kind words, similiar stories, or anything else you might think helpful. Sorry it's been quite the long read, and thanks in advance.
oldsak on
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No, seriously, if she cannot be honest to you about things such as making out with other guys, and lies to you repeatedly about it, why do you bother? Just turn your back and move on.
She has already lost your trust. Even if you forgive her now and work things out, in the future you will always have doubts about her when something like this happens, and it will drive you crazy and it will drive what is left of your relationship into the mud.
Get out while you can.
That comment would be less stupid if you A) had some way of knowing which of the two girls is lying and
He heard it from more than one person that his girlfriend made out with someone. Doesn't come across as a lie to me, especially when the people he heard it from have no apparent reason to lie to him (whereas his girlfriend does).
That friend and her girlfriend saw that, I think it's rather obvious that they'd work together no matter what.
*edit: or, you know, what VC says. <_<;
No apparent reason to lie to him? Did you not read his post?
Just have one of your friends call you the next time this is happening and then go there and see it for yourself. Mind you, if you do see it, it might be best to wait to confront her as you'll probably be very (understandably) pissed.
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At first I considered tracking down other people who would've been privy to my my girlfriend's indiscretions and could add weight to my friend's story, but ultimately to pursue that course just seems so base to me.
I think it's quite a far stretch to think she would lie to him because she wants him to break up with her so she can move in. Even a further stretch to say her girlfriend would not only collaborate in such a lie, but would take it further and say they had sex. Seems a bit off to me.
It still doesn't matter. The damage is done.
You've never seen that done?
Edit: You have to realise that to most people, lying isn't all that bad a thing. It doesn't require all that much justification.
Before you go rushing at your girlfriend with accusations and such, you need to be much more sure there is something going on. As far as I can tell, you've had a little jealousy poked by one (pretty dubious) source with a motive to lie, and have now convinced yourself that something is going on. As someone pointed out, just because her friend backed her story up does not = 2 independent sources. It could easily = female hive mind.
Until you either see her cheating for yourself, or get some real corroboration - this girl says everyone knows about it...well get everyone talking, most of all people who have no connection with or dislike the friend who originally told you.
I agree.
I have seen my girlfriend lie to friends before, but it's usually to get out of some obligation so she can hang out with me, or so that her friends don't think she's blowing them off to hang out with me. I've never witnessed any major lies as far as I know though. Still, I have often wondered why she wasn't just honest in many circumstances.
The friend I've known to be a brat, manipulative, mean (though not to me), and I know that she has cheated on her girlfriend (though I believe she's also confessed it). It's hard to say if she's a liar, and if she would lie to me. I'd say she's been pretty loyal. I suppose I should add she was under the impression I would break up with my girlfriend after college (I did consider it briefly) and was none too please when I did not. She is however in a committed relationship with a girl she's living with.
Man, I sure can pick them. At least my life isn't boring.
It seems like your relationship has a lot of drama maybe your happy in the relationship. But if your not take this as an out and stop wasting your time with this girl.
If your happy and you want to stay in this relationship and you feel that you can trust your girlfriend. Then trust her. Don't confront her with your friends accusations. She'll deny it anyway and you won't learn anything new.
I doubt your going to be able to find out the truth in this situation. Just make a decision on what you want. And good luck.
Also, please, make up with your friend. Friends since 3rd grade, and you lose that over a girl? I'm sorry, I know it's something that happens often (again, your experience with her is almost identical to mine), but that makes it no less stupid. Get talking to him again.
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561197970666737/
It already seems that your trust for your significant other is beginning to wane, and without trust a relationship is very unstable.
My dad married the first girl he dated, they've been together for almost 30 years now.
"The easiest way to find an exception is to make a grand generalization."
-SOLUTE
Congrats, dumbest post I've read of the day. Hi5, and go fuck yourself. I'm very happy right now with the first girl. She's sitting right next to me now, in fact, resting on my shoulder.
Oh and your anology is the worst thing I've ever heard. I mean, holy shit, did you SERIOUSLY just compare women to cars?
Just because your first relationship started with reckless sexually-driven motives before you actually knew the girl, it doesn't mean everyone else is that way.
oldsak, what I haven't heard you say anything about so far is your current relationship situation with this girl, minus the uhh... accusations of infidelity. I mean, are you happy?
I'M A TWITTER SHITTER
...errr, okay, I guess.
Fixed that for you.
People should realize that it's unlikely you should marry the first person who you have a relationship with. People are rarely that lucky.
It's stupid to use that as a reason to dump the first person you're with. You may be one of the rare few.
First, he'd have to hunt this guy down somehow. In New York.
Second, *see above post*
Finally, let's look at the possible responses here:
"Yes, I made out with your girlfriend"
- Problem solved. Or he could be screwing with you for the hell of it. Who knows?
"No, I did not"
- There is no incentive for someone you just met and are accusing of something to tell you the truth.
"That's none of your damn business"
- Denying to testify is not an admission of guilt.
"Later we fucked like twenty times in a barn"
- ???
PSN/XBL: dragoniemx
I'M A TWITTER SHITTER
I ended up confronting her about it. She said she was blacked out that night and didn't remember anything past the ride to the ball, so she honestly couldn't say. We then got to talking about the issues in our relationship and she decided we needed to break up so she could find herself. So anyway, that's that.