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Emotionally Lost, Looking for Support (Threadcromancy? Yes, But For Good News)

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Posts

  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    JackKieser wrote: »
    All of this is very different from what everyone else IRL has been telling me (possibly because they are biased, I will admit). I'd like to write more, but I'm on my iPod, and typing on this thing sucks.

    What I will say, though, is that (maybe to due a deficiency in my communication) the worries I've been reading seem overblown. I wanted justice, or the feeling of it, and I got it. I think thats why I feel better now: because I don't have a reason to have her actions affect my emotional state anymore. I already got an eye for an eye, so I'm good. I may have wanted her to never feel happiness ever again last week, but that was because of my own misery; it seemed proportional and fair that if I couldn't be happy, neither should she be able to. But now?

    I already know she's crazy, depressed, anxious, and alone. Why should I care what happens from now on? If she gets better, good for her; she's not getting me back either way, even if she comes crawling on her knees begging. If she gets worse, well, she's not my problem anymore.

    Sure, it might have been "bad" for my emotional state to be tied to hers (and I have serious reservations about that claim, for long, complex reasons not related to my ex), but I don't have that tie anymore, not that I can feel. If it comes up again, sure, I might have an issue, but I'm not terribly worried about that. Right now, I'm much, much more concerned about my future and my development as an individual.

    I wish I could impress upon you how not healthy most of this is.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • JackKieserJackKieser Registered User regular
    Please try, because I don't see how not caring anymore is unhealthy :/

  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited October 2012
    JackKieser wrote: »
    Please try, because I don't see how not caring anymore is unhealthy :/

    Reveling in things like "an eye for an eye", "wanting justice", "why should I care what happens now because she's in the same boat that I am...", having fantasies about her "crawling on her knees begging".

    It's obvious you're still very wrapped up in this and that you harbor some really unhealthy ideas on how you've "gotten better". If it was anything but the case, you'd let this thread die and ask for it to be locked. It might not be a bad idea either to do that and then seek professional help rather than looking for advice here when none of us can offer you what you truly need.

    EDIT: I mean, not even two weeks ago you had to have someone literally watch over you to make sure you didn't do something stupid and what got you out of that was hearing about your ex's misery? Super, super not good.

    Esh on
    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • minirhyderminirhyder BerlinRegistered User regular
    Guys, his girlfriend left him with no warning to go shack up with some douche, leaving him alone and in pain.

    I think hate and pleasure in the bitch's misfortunes that were directly caused by her leaving the OP is to be expected.
    As long as you don't get carried away, and start following her around to make sure she's still miserable, or something irrational like that.

    I think the fact that this helped him move on is a sign that he's not going to be taking this in an irrational direction.
    If knowledge of her resulting misery is what it took for him to get closure and move on from the terrible ordeal, so be it. Let's not label him a hateful psycho because of his fairly normal negative feelings towards the person who hurt him so much.

  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    minirhyder wrote: »
    Guys, his girlfriend left him with no warning to go shack up with some douche, leaving him alone and in pain.

    I think hate and pleasure in the bitch's misfortunes that were directly caused by her leaving the OP is to be expected.
    As long as you don't get carried away, and start following her around to make sure she's still miserable, or something irrational like that.

    I think the fact that this helped him move on is a sign that he's not going to be taking this in an irrational direction.
    If knowledge of her resulting misery is what it took for him to get closure and move on from the terrible ordeal, so be it. Let's not label him a hateful psycho because of his fairly normal negative feelings towards the person who hurt him so much.

    First off, you don't know anything about the guy she started seeing after she left him, so I don't think calling him a "douche" is productive or again, healthy. Also, calling her a "bitch"? Again, you're feeding the OP's issues. He hasn't moved on, not by a longshot. If he had, this thread wouldn't be going after this long.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • JackKieserJackKieser Registered User regular
    I never said that I have fantasies of her crawling back to me; I said that I wouldn't take her back, even assuming she did. and a friend didn't come over to watch me out of fear that I was going to do something stupid. She came over because I was depressed and beating up on myself for irrational reasons; she was cheering me up. That's why I think some of this is me not communicating well.

  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    Jack, I'm glad you've come so far with the help of this community.

    I think it's time for this thread to end. It's several months old and no longer has much to do with the OP. Congratulations, you've graduated.

    Feel free to make new threads in Help/Advice if you need advice on something specific, and I encourage you to use SE to chat and keep up with people.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
    Druhim
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This discussion has been closed.