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Avenue for Ventilation

BrnzBrnz Registered User new member
edited August 2012 in Help / Advice Forum
Hey guys! Posting from a random account to avoid any chance of being traced/linked but yeah, just need to get something off my chest. Apologies in advance for posting *yet* another relationship/girl thread - I know these pop up every so often and the advice is always the same - but I have taken all of the stuff you guys have said over time to heart and am well on the road to recovery. Just need to vent a while and maybe hear some opinions so please bear with me!

Anyway, this story involves me, girl A, and guy X. We were introduced to each other (having moved into the same city for study/work) and quickly ended up in the same circle of friends. I did notice that girl A was somewhat cute, but always kept a bit of distance because A and X were recently a couple and they just broke up, although they remained extremely close friends.

Now, since we've known each other, they have ostensibly remained 'close friends' and never anything else, and have vehemently denied anything more. About a year in, guy X even sort of suggested that I go out with A, partly so that he would know that she has moved on and that he can comfortably do the same. I laughed it off but took it as a sign that they were actually fully separated.

After that, whether intentionally or not, I did end up getting pretty close to A, talking and hanging out pretty often. Again, given how close A and X still were, I was wary, but gave in to feelings in the end and, after giving myself a bit of time to make sure that it wasn't just a transient crush/physical thing, confessed my feelings to her. Having done this sort of thing, failed and recovered before, I went into it prepared for all consequences, or so I thought.

We ended up having a long conversation where I spoke as honestly as I could, told her that I unequivocally liked her, and made no false promises, hoping to take things as they come along. She ended up having a significant amount of emotional/relationship baggage that, logically would be huge warning signs for me if I were to be with her, but in the heat of the moment, I was prepared to ignore everything to give things a try.

It then turned out that, for the past year and a half, she and guy X have been on and off, with her always being the one who put more effort into trying to save/maintain the relationship. For reasons unknown, X had always insisted that they keep their relationship a secret to everyone, even their closest friends. In the end, X apparently ended things once and for all (roughly a month before our conversation), which was why she was still heartbroken and not ready to like anyone else etc etc. Nevertheless, she felt that they were still too close as friends to let such things come between them, and hence they were/are still spending lots of time together (??!)

I've faced rejection before, and am doing reasonably fine with the 'whatever, I'm awesome' route. She did maintain during our talk that she still wanted to be friends, and that we should continue to hang out/play games as usual, although as is par for the course she's been conveniently busy since. So yeah, nothing new.

What really set me off, and still frustrates me, is that A and X decided to hide their relationship in the first place. I feel slightly betrayed and upset that they would individually deny anything of the sort (again, guy X did suggest that I go after her), and I understand that whether or not someone's attached may not prevent me from developing feelings for her, but knowing would have stopped me from acting on them, or I would take steps to curb them before they grew. We're all still friends, and I do respect them, but there are moments where I just feel annoyed at them/the situation.

Sorry for complaining about something that's no doubt been discussed a million times, but I just needed an avenue to bitch about a really messy situation that I just can't get my head around.

Brnz on
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