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Freaking about mortality

WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
edited August 2012 in Help / Advice Forum
Hello H/A, I've come to you before with technical stuff, but I've seen your responses to deeper qustions and hoping someone can help alleviate my brain.

Quick pre-cursor, I'm 33, I'm not the most successful, and my life has been stuck in a major lull for about 3 years. My father died and I was the one to step up and move out here to help my mom sell her place and move her with me back to Ontario. Fast forward thru a housing market crash, and I'm still stuck here in a progressively worsening employment and living situation.

I've never been one to freak out about mortality normally either, I was usually the opposite. Then about 3 weeks ago, it's like a switch flipped in my brain, and it's all I can think about. It's destroying my ability to sleep, I'm getting more and more depressed and lost and I cannot stop thinking about it. I've never really been religious , not that I've never been open to things in the universe far beyond my understanding, I just, I don't know , can't latch on to with faith. ( This is also new, I used to be able to have faith in at least abstract concepts.)

It's started to create this circle of I need to fix my life and do something about it, while simultaneously hitting me with paralysis over actually doing anything. So I just get stuck there lost in frightening thoughts about both a time when I will cease to exist in all forms and that I wasted the time I did exist.

Has anyone dealt with this, how did you get over it? Is 33 too late to revamp my life? I was a fairly excelled student in IT and tech before a divorce/some family deaths/bad luck took a big chunk of years away just surviving day to day.

I wish I could just go back to before when I didn't care about this. It's weird, when my life was at it's lowest, and I barely even wanted to live, I was more relaxed about actually being alive, now that I've corrected /begun a course towards maybe repairing this mess in the future and wanting to live, all I can think about is death. When I try and consider the future now, it's like my brain fast forwards everything, suddenly 40 feels around the corner and old age feels right behind it. Even knowing the irrationality of these thoughts isn't helping.

Tl:dr - I'm freaking out about mortality and restarting my life at 33.

Thank you for any help/advice you can share or even just for reading the late night freakout of a lost person.

Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
WiseManTobes on

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    BlindZenDriverBlindZenDriver Registered User regular
    1. Nothing wrong in thinking about Death. But of course it should not be all you do.
    2. You have taken part of the family in hard times. That is something to be proud about.
    3. Nobody can change everything in their life simultaneously. Focus on a few things at a time.
    4. You have loads of time to do all sorts of things except perhaps become a OL level swimmer. The years past may not have been as you once thought but for sure you will have gained knowledge and experience - for sure it's not all bad.
    5. I'm 42 and old age is a long long time away :-)

    Bones heal, glory is forever.
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    CabezoneCabezone Registered User regular
    People reinvent themselves at all ages. It's never too late.

    I think the mortality thing is something everyone struggles with from time to time. I've struggled with the concept of the END much in the same way you have from time to time. It eventually passes, I can only say it's something you shouldn't worry about as it's going to happen no matter what you do. Might as well worry about the sun dying out.

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    DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    One reason people often avoid making positive changes in their life is precisely because it can be uncomfortable to have to confront the reality of where your decisions have led you up to this point. It sounds like you're stressing now largely because you've decided to be more proactive in changing your life for the better. If you just ignore where your life is going "wrong" (as you perceive it, I'm not judging here) then it can certainly be less stressful in the short term, but those problems pile up and create more stress when you finally decide to confront them and try to effect positive change. So I think what you're experiencing is pretty normal considering what's going on in your life. As difficult as it can be, I'd recommend you keep pushing ahead with those positive changes even if they seem too much to deal with. To help with that, focus on specific changes that you can realistically effect through your own action and set reasonable goals.

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    Zilla360Zilla360 21st Century. |She/Her| Trans* Woman In Aviators Firing A Bazooka. ⚛️Registered User regular
    You say you're not religious, have you ever looked into Humanism? :

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humanism

    http://www.americanhumanist.org/

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humanistic_psychology

    It's basically atheism/agnosticism with chocolate sprinkles on top. Helped me deal with my fears surrounding mortality anyhow, and I'm much better at dealing with grief these days.

    Also, this book is fantastic if you've never explored philosophy before:

    http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-World-Exist-Existential/dp/0871404095/

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    RaernRaern Registered User regular
    It sounds to me a bit like the 'quarter-life crisis'. If I'm reading it right, you're worried about dying because you feel like changing course in life means you wasted some time, maybe years of time, and now you're starting over with that much less time on the clock.

    Except you're not starting over completely. You have experienced a number of things that will help you make better decisions from here.

    My own philosophy includes the whole 'no regrets' thing. It may be a bit of a cliche, but there's no point regretting the past. You can't change what happened, only try to make things right in the present, or make better choices next time. And learning from the experiences you've had is a good way to make better choices moving forwards. Thinking like that has made me see life more as a series of challenges and a chance to do better each time a new challenge comes along. You'll never be successful if you're too afraid of failing to try at all.

    Also cliche I guess, but you can't change the fact that you will eventually die. The only time you can gain for yourself is by not wasting life worrying about the inevitable.

    I hope this pile of cliches helped. These things are said so often for a reason, they're some of the keys to understanding life when you get down to it.

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    Jam WarriorJam Warrior Registered User regular
    It's never too late to improve your life. NEVER. The days gone are gone, but the days to come are still there and you can absolutely make them the best they can be.

    I know it's not always easy in the American health system where cost becomes a factor, but have you ever spoken to a doctor about these feelings? Therapy of some kind might be helpful to get your jumbled thoughts in line and clear up some brain space for actively getting things done.

    If not professional aid, then any kind of talking out of these things always helps. These worries (we ALL get sometimes to a greater or lesser degree) are always amplified beyond what they should be by letting them bounce around in our skulls without an outlet. I'm betting just typing them down here for us helped right? If you can find someone (friend, family) to sit down with and have a good unburdening session to that would probably help.

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    WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    Hey all, Thought I'd give an update ( I should have sooner, but , well , freaking out etc). I'd like to thank everyone so far, lots of great points, and even just talking and having a response alone helped, which was also pointed out.

    So it's slightly improved , and gotten worse, and I don't know how to even explain it, but will try. I took it all as a sign I've got to make a change, and I'm pretty sure it's from having life be in a pointless lull for so long. I understand I'm helping family where no one else could, but I still can't help feeling like I wasted so much and should be doing/have done more. Realizing that I looked to make a change, now after a week of calling/figuring out, I realized I have very little idea how to even make those changes. I know I need to try and get back into the singles scene, but an ex-divorcee who's been single for a decade, suddenly becomes just a tiny ball of anxiety even trying to figure out where to begin.

    I've leaning towards re-schooling as soon as possible, probably something in Ontario, have decided no matter what my choices are I need to get both me and my Mother there. There is multiple work opportunities there, as well as basically all the family. But trying to figure out where to go/take/what type of computers nowadays is also pretty overwhelming compared to when I last schooled for it, I'm just having trouble figuring out what to even lean towards.

    Also, it's more of just a side note/something I've been finding is the one thing I can help delude myself with ( Delude being the wrong word, more something to cling to with hope while knowing the predicitons are all on the generous side) is any future science prediction articles I can find, so if anyone has any of those to share, those have been helpful also. ( Singularity, Extended Ages, and the like, basically anything that involves an extension)

    TL:dr summary, Realized the thoughts won't just stop, and distraction/furthering all that will help. So how does someone long out of the dating scene re-enter it, and what would be the more stable sections of tech nowadays, hardware, software, IT, programmer, etc?
    And any tips on making your brain stfu and leave you alone for a few hours is helpful too, cause it's still affecting every single thought and warping my entire thought process still.

    Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
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    Capt HowdyCapt Howdy Registered User regular
    edited August 2012
    Death is pretty simple; either you die and there is what there was before you were born, which is nothing, you go to heaven or hell, you become a ghost, or you're reincarnated. Or some weird shit we haven't really considered. Point is, the worst is hell. Which is still pretty ambiguous.

    Sure nothingness sounds like the worst, but truthfully, you won't know. This should give you no more pause than imagining life before you were born. Its the same thing.

    As for your life being a waste; bullshit. Everything we have ever done or experienced has shaped you into the person you are at this moment. That is not a waste. Even if you are a terrible person, you still had to go through all that to realize it. (Not that you are, but you get my point)

    Wanting to be more/better is something we will all go through. I can promise you that. Now you are at a point that you have to think and decide what that is. Honestly, it sounds like a really healthy and positive thing to think about.

    You are at a cross road that all people should find themselves. Now you choose your path. Forget the scary afterlife, just as you have forgotten the time you did not exist. Now is the time for the present, molded by the past, which will be you future.

    Capt Howdy on
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    StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    There are literally tons of people who made major contributions to humanity at an old age. Major change is certainly HARDER as you age and get a family, job, and bills; but it's not impossible if you do it smartly and work at it.

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