Three Card Confessional

Rankenphile

it's like Three Card Monte, but with lies and truths

post three things

one is true
two are lies
never reveal which is which



1. I once tried to kill a rat with a shovel, but it dragged itself away by its front legs.
2. I once kicked a toddler right in the guts.
3. I've never been in a fight.

I Win Swordfights

this is boring to me now

I Win Swordfights

why can't i awesome my own posts

TheStig

This thread title is misleading. I was getting all ready for some old timey English

The Lovely Bastard

i've paid to have sex with a morbidly obese prostitute just to figure out the physics of the situation.

i've been crucifed

my first errection happened as i helped a lady breastfeed a baby during my dead cousin's karate class

Meiz

1. I double clothesline a girl once.
2. I'm a psycopath.
3. I've never been arrested.

PiptheFair

The Lovely Bastard wrote: »

i've paid to have sex with a morbidly obese prostitute just to figure out the physics of the situation.

i've been crucifed

my first errection happened as i helped a lady breastfeed a baby during my dead cousin's karate class

all of these seem likely honestly

Sweeney Tom

I hate you all
I've had sex all the time since birth and I'm even having sex while typing this
I have a fear of driving, and have never even made an attempt at going for my license, and likely never will.

The Lovely Bastard

PiptheFair wrote: »

The Lovely Bastard wrote: »

i've paid to have sex with a morbidly obese prostitute just to figure out the physics of the situation.

i've been crucifed

my first errection happened as i helped a lady breastfeed a baby during my dead cousin's karate class

all of these seem likely honestly

this is the point, pip

Druhim

Matt, I'm just going to assume #1 is true.

The Lovely Bastard

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

I hate you all
I've had sex all the time since birth and I'm even having sex while typing this
I have a fear of driving, and have never even made an attempt at going for my license, and likely never will.

stop making this so easy, sweens

also stop postin' with a full butt

End

The Lovely Bastard wrote: »

i've paid to have sex with a morbidly obese prostitute just to figure out the physics of the situation.

i've been crucifed

my first errection happened as i helped a lady breastfeed a baby during my dead cousin's karate class

this last one is oddly specific

Shabooty

how do you even help a lady breastfeed?

do you hold it in place or?

A Dabble Of Thelonius

Coaching, mostly.

The Lovely Bastard

maybe it's the true one, @end

or maybe i'm the master of three card monte

i'm from the streets, dogg

philly represent

Sir Platypus

tweak the nipple a bit

Sweeney Tom

The Lovely Bastard wrote: »

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

I hate you all
I've had sex all the time since birth and I'm even having sex while typing this
I have a fear of driving, and have never even made an attempt at going for my license, and likely never will.

stop making this so easy, sweens

also stop postin' with a full butt

I can't help that everything I sit down on is dick

sarukun

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

The Lovely Bastard wrote: »

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

I hate you all
I've had sex all the time since birth and I'm even having sex while typing this
I have a fear of driving, and have never even made an attempt at going for my license, and likely never will.

stop making this so easy, sweens

also stop postin' with a full butt

I can't help that everything I sit down on is dick

I feel like you might have SOME ability to help that

unless you're like, I don't know, Mr. Magoo.

BusterK

1. Robert Carlyle once accidentally spit a sunflower seed on me.

2. I have personally witnessed Cardboard Tube recite Hamlet's soliloquy to the lead girl in the Twilight parody movie Vampire's Suck

3. I'm gonna be on television as a guy who thinks a cursed doll has been following him his entire life.

The Lovely Bastard

sarukun wrote: »

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

The Lovely Bastard wrote: »

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

I hate you all
I've had sex all the time since birth and I'm even having sex while typing this
I have a fear of driving, and have never even made an attempt at going for my license, and likely never will.

stop making this so easy, sweens

also stop postin' with a full butt

I can't help that everything I sit down on is dick

I feel like you might have SOME ability to help that

unless you're like, I don't know, Mr. Magoo.

brb calling alan moore with a good idea for the next league of extraordinary gentlemen

Sweeney Tom

sarukun wrote: »

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

The Lovely Bastard wrote: »

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

I hate you all
I've had sex all the time since birth and I'm even having sex while typing this
I have a fear of driving, and have never even made an attempt at going for my license, and likely never will.

stop making this so easy, sweens

also stop postin' with a full butt

I can't help that everything I sit down on is dick

I feel like you might have SOME ability to help that

unless you're like, I don't know, Mr. Magoo.

Dicks to the left of me
Dicks to the right of me
Dicks beside me
Dicks above me
Dicks under me
Dicks unto me
Dicks to my north
Dicks to my south
Dicks to my east
Dicks to my west
Dicks betwixt me
etc

sarukun

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

sarukun wrote: »

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

The Lovely Bastard wrote: »

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

I hate you all
I've had sex all the time since birth and I'm even having sex while typing this
I have a fear of driving, and have never even made an attempt at going for my license, and likely never will.

stop making this so easy, sweens

also stop postin' with a full butt

I can't help that everything I sit down on is dick

I feel like you might have SOME ability to help that

unless you're like, I don't know, Mr. Magoo.

Dicks to the left of me
Ding dongs to the right
Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you

BusterK

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

sarukun wrote: »

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

The Lovely Bastard wrote: »

Sweeney Tom wrote: »

I hate you all
I've had sex all the time since birth and I'm even having sex while typing this
I have a fear of driving, and have never even made an attempt at going for my license, and likely never will.

stop making this so easy, sweens

also stop postin' with a full butt

I can't help that everything I sit down on is dick

I feel like you might have SOME ability to help that

unless you're like, I don't know, Mr. Magoo.

Dicks to the left of me
Dicks to the right of me
Dicks beside me
Dicks above me
Dicks under me
Dicks unto me
Dicks to my north
Dicks to my south
Dicks to my east
Dicks to my west
Dicks betwixt me
etc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Wl_uQOABxg

sarukun

Fantastic.

Is that fucking Arj Barker?

HyperBallad

I once got off to Titanic
I used to cyber on Gaia online
I have all the 50 shades of grey books lined up on my bookshelf.

Antimatter

BusterK wrote: »

1. Robert Carlyle once accidentally spit a sunflower seed on me.

2. I have personally witnessed Cardboard Tube recite Hamlet's soliloquy to the lead girl in the Twilight parody movie Vampire's Suck

3. I'm gonna be on television as a guy who thinks a cursed doll has been following him his entire life.

well i mean you're never going to be on television

Dichotomy

- this statement is true
- this statement is false
- this statement is... also false? I dunno where I was going with this this isn't really a logic puzzle

Abracadaniel

1. I send photos of my dong to a forumer

2. I've been arrested

3. They Might Be Giants once dedicated a song to me

Moriveth

Smart Hero wrote: »

1. I send photos of my dong to a forumer

Wait, you send them? Like an ongoing thing?

I'm picturing a series of PMs

8/16/12 - slightly to the left
8/17/12 - standing tall!
8/18/12 - 'the worm'

BusterK

Antimatter wrote: »

BusterK wrote: »

1. Robert Carlyle once accidentally spit a sunflower seed on me.

2. I have personally witnessed Cardboard Tube recite Hamlet's soliloquy to the lead girl in the Twilight parody movie Vampire's Suck

3. I'm gonna be on television as a guy who thinks a cursed doll has been following him his entire life.

well i mean you're never going to be on television

</3

Kwoaru

I keep trying to think of things to post but I don't want to put an actual secret in and I can't think of any minor secrets I haven't already posted

The Lovely Bastard

to be fair cruz

it is you

Framling

Moriveth wrote: »

Smart Hero wrote: »

1. I send photos of my dong to a forumer

Wait, you send them? Like an ongoing thing?

I'm picturing a series of PMs

8/16/12 - slightly to the left
8/17/12 - standing tall!
8/18/12 - 'the worm'

Abracadaniel

Moriveth wrote: »

Smart Hero wrote: »

1. I send photos of my dong to a forumer

Wait, you send them? Like an ongoing thing?

I'm picturing a series of PMs

8/16/12 - slightly to the left
8/17/12 - standing tall!
8/18/12 - 'the worm'

I can't confirm or deny the accuracy of this as it would defeat the purpose of the post!

8===D

#pipe

In my first game of ice hockey, I got into a fight with another first timer

My first ever job was chopping vegetables at a salad bar in a mall food court

I was once delivered 50 pints of ice cream for writing a pun on twitter

Abracadaniel

#pipe wrote: »

In my first game of ice hockey, I got into a fight with another first timer

My first ever job was chopping vegetables at a salad bar in a mall food court

I was once delivered 50 pints of ice cream for writing a pun on twitter

you're welcome

The Lovely Bastard

i'm actually kind of bummed people already know the dwarf and ice cream truck stories, they'd be stellar ones to throw in

alas:

i've once rested my wiener on a dude's foot during spring break as he was drunkenly getting his nipple pierced with a safety pin

i've taken enough lsd that i wandered off onto a balcony and thought i was mussolini

i've never gone on a date just because i was hungry and wanted to justify not cooking

Kwoaru

I once jerked it in class

I farted in an elevator full of people

I've never had a car accident

Tommy2Hands

i dunno what to post

i dunno what to post

wait i have an idea

Dex Dynamo

I once chopped a mole off my dick with an xacto knife
I walked on a friend one time jerking it on my computer, to discover he had been doing so in secret for months
I once got propositioned for sex by a stranger in cat ears at an anime convention

Antimatter

BusterK wrote: »

Antimatter wrote: »

BusterK wrote: »

1. Robert Carlyle once accidentally spit a sunflower seed on me.

2. I have personally witnessed Cardboard Tube recite Hamlet's soliloquy to the lead girl in the Twilight parody movie Vampire's Suck

3. I'm gonna be on television as a guy who thinks a cursed doll has been following him his entire life.

well i mean you're never going to be on television

</3

i've been clicking your sig at least every other day, don't even