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Having a baby, need your brains (And we don't have health insurance)
Actinguy1
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Greetings, super friends!
My wife and I just found out we're going to have a baby, which we're very excited about...but it's suddenly occurred to us that we don't know shit about babies or pregnancies, etc. We also don't have health insurance right now. So advice and tips in all those areas would be very helpful!
That's the tl;dr version. Here's the details:
I'm 29, and a federal govt employee (GS-12). I'm also an Iraq war veteran (Air Force). She's 26 and a stay-at-home wife...she was a nurse, supporting me while I went to school, and now that I have this job she doesn't have to go to work anymore. We live in Maryland, I work in DC. We've been married for one year. We were trying the whole time for a kid, but found out it would be very difficult because my wife has PCOS, so we're very happy. She's somewhere between 3-5 weeks along. Of course we're not planning to tell friends and family until 8-10 weeks. By my wife's calculation, she'll be due in late April, early May.
Of course my govt. job comes with benefits, but I didn't worry about it when I was hired because we still had my wife's insurance through her job. I figured we'd switch to my benefits once she quit her job. But when I started doing the paperwork, I discovered we had literally missed the cut-off date by one day. So now we have to wait until open enrollment. I think the last open enrollment was last November (I was hired this past May.) So will the next enrollment be in November again? Any way to get it earlier? What about getting insurance outside of my employer? Or free healthcare, clinics, etc? Until I CAN get insurance through my job of course. As I mentioned, my wife doesn't work so she obviously doesn't have any income if that's a concern for free (or cheap) healthcare. I have a good income, but we also live in a very expensive area of the country.
Other stuff...we rent a four-bedroom house, so we have plenty of room. We also have two indoor cats, both declawed. We both live kind of far from our families (We live in Maryland, my family's in Pittsburgh, hers is in California.)
Think that's about it! Any knowledge you have on pregnancies, babies, and healthcare/insurance will be very much appreciated!
My wife and I just found out we're going to have a baby, which we're very excited about...but it's suddenly occurred to us that we don't know shit about babies or pregnancies, etc. We also don't have health insurance right now. So advice and tips in all those areas would be very helpful!
That's the tl;dr version. Here's the details:
I'm 29, and a federal govt employee (GS-12). I'm also an Iraq war veteran (Air Force). She's 26 and a stay-at-home wife...she was a nurse, supporting me while I went to school, and now that I have this job she doesn't have to go to work anymore. We live in Maryland, I work in DC. We've been married for one year. We were trying the whole time for a kid, but found out it would be very difficult because my wife has PCOS, so we're very happy. She's somewhere between 3-5 weeks along. Of course we're not planning to tell friends and family until 8-10 weeks. By my wife's calculation, she'll be due in late April, early May.
Of course my govt. job comes with benefits, but I didn't worry about it when I was hired because we still had my wife's insurance through her job. I figured we'd switch to my benefits once she quit her job. But when I started doing the paperwork, I discovered we had literally missed the cut-off date by one day. So now we have to wait until open enrollment. I think the last open enrollment was last November (I was hired this past May.) So will the next enrollment be in November again? Any way to get it earlier? What about getting insurance outside of my employer? Or free healthcare, clinics, etc? Until I CAN get insurance through my job of course. As I mentioned, my wife doesn't work so she obviously doesn't have any income if that's a concern for free (or cheap) healthcare. I have a good income, but we also live in a very expensive area of the country.
Other stuff...we rent a four-bedroom house, so we have plenty of room. We also have two indoor cats, both declawed. We both live kind of far from our families (We live in Maryland, my family's in Pittsburgh, hers is in California.)
Think that's about it! Any knowledge you have on pregnancies, babies, and healthcare/insurance will be very much appreciated!
Actinguy1 on
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Did you have them declawed yourselves, out of curiosity?
As for insurance, like others have said, you should be eligible for enrollment now since you have a life changing event. As for other options, you're a Vet? You should qualify for VA benefits right? I'd look into getting healthcare through there as well, even just for secondary.
You might want to look in getting insurance through both workplaces and using one as primary and the other as secondary. This will reduce your costs a lot too, usually.
definitely call your he. although at least at my job the qualifying life event is the birth of a child so be aware you may not be able to add until open enrollment. although open enrollment usually is changes for the next calandar year so don't go into effect immediately so definitely check with them to see if there's any way to get it added right away.
Also it's probably too late for this but usually a spouse losing a job or losing insurance is also a qualifying event so you should have been able to make changes at that point.
she should really not change it at all, but if she has to, she should wear a mask too
Definitely start on prenatal vitamins, preferably ones with DHA.
I'm not an expert on VA benefits, but if you don't qualify for medicaid you probably don't qualify for VA assistance. Check an see if there's a program in your state that assists with pregnancy appointments for uninsured mothers. I think open enrollment starts in Oct for Feds (at least thats what I remember from the deluge of Metro ads). Your wife should probably see a doctor at least once (at least to confirm pregnancy) and to make sure things are going ok. The cost of pocket isn't going to bankrupt you.
You said your wife is 3-5 weeks along--pregnancy is measured from the date of last menstration, not conception date, so she's probably later along than that (assuming her missed period is what alerted you).
(and almost every vet qualifies for VHA coverage, IIRC)
I think "pregnancy" is one of the qualifiers. But like I said, OP should triple check on that with the VHA.
If you are the sole supporter of your household, you should either get life insurance if you don't have it, or consider upping the amount if you do. If something should happen to you, she will need enough to live on while she finds a job, and she will need to be able to pay for day-care services also. Work out a reasonable amount based on your income, expenses, cost of living in the area, and so on, and get you some life insurance.
As others have said, your wife should not be around the litterbox. From now on, that's YOUR job.
You might want to wait to announce to people for a little longer. By the 18-20 week checkup, they may be able to detect a heartbeat, and if they can at that time, chances of miscarriage drop by about 90%. (If they can't it isn't necessarily bad news, the baby just might not be cooperating and they will try again in a few weeks). Nonetheless, many couples use that as a "when to tell the families" marker.
Be sensitive to your wife's needs/wants. When/if morning sickness kicks in, she might not want to have food, smell food, or be around food. That's pretty normal, just try to be cool about it. Let her eat whatever she thinks she can stomach. I think I went 2 months on grapes, saltine crackers, and almonds. Just keep taking that vitamin and do what you can. If she asks for something, do everything you can to provide, as you will earn major brownie points.
Choose your obstetrician carefully. You do not HAVE to pick the first one you see. Write out a lot of things that are important to you (vaginal delivery/C-section? medication? breastfeeding/bottle feeding?) See how your OB feels about ALL these things, no matter how trivial they seem. Don't commit until you find someone you're comfortable with - it's okay to switch. Make sure the office is convenient enough for you, because towards the end you will be having checkups every 4 weeks.
Go with her to her checkups. It's your baby too, and she'll be happy to have you there for support.
And most of all, feel free to completely disregard any advice anyone gives you for any reason. Just because your mother/the newspaper/some random person on the internet says to do something doesn't mean it's necessarily the right choice for you. Do what is best for your family and your baby, based on your situation.
The usually quoted length of time to wait to tell lots of people is about 12-13 weeks (the first trimester) because rates of spontaneous miscarriage are very low after that. By 18-20 weeks, they'll be doing sonograms that can tell you the sex of the baby, so it's way past heartbeats. A heartbeat can sometimes be detected as early as 6 or 8 weeks, and usually by around 12 at the latest.
If you have friends or family who are very close, you might want to tell just a few (ones that can keep quiet) earlier, because it provides a support system in the event there is an early complication.
Once you get past the first trimester. start looking for car seats, strollers, and the like. Make sure you get the approved car seat and figure out how to strap it in and buckle up the little one A.S.A.P.- I think you can get a ticket for an improper car seat, but you also have to remember that the seat is the only thing keeping your baby from bouncing around like a rubber ball should the worst happen.
There's a special kind of diapers that you might think about looking for- they have a small notch cut out for the umbilical cord leaving to rest in, until that dries up and falls off.
When she does have it, you'll want to keep the cats away from the baby for a while, with lots of hand-washing.
I know a lot about this stuff because I became an uncle two weeks ago... so most of the talk around the house has been about baby stuff...
I can has cheezburger, yes?
special diapers for newborns is dumb. start with size 1 swaddler types and just fold down the front until the stump falls off. unless you have a premie, newborn diapers are for suckers.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxoplasmosis#Pregnancy_precautions
If you end up having to take this baby to delivery without insurance (which you shouldn't as this event should permit you to update your coverage or you could seek coverage via VHA) then make sure to communicate with hospital well before due date to sort out cost. We've 80/20 insurance and OB was around $450 (pre-pay) plus copays, and normal vaginal delivery was around $4K, C-section would've been a couple thousand more. If you can negotiate beforehand you could likely get a similar fee schedule even while uninsured. If you deliver first without pre-negotiating, your kid and wife will be discharged without seeing a bill and then 2 months later you'll get 5 figures of bills coming from OB, hospital lab, and anesthesiologist.
You just don't want to be in the position with a new baby where you need to be running out and buying boxes of diapers constantly.
Your wife can sign up for Amazon Mom which gets you some discounts on diaper subscriptions, and a free Amazon Prime account for a couple months - which you might just end up keeping, Amazon Prime is sweeeeeeet.
What To Expect When You're Expecting is a highly pouplar pregnancy book, and has an accompanying website.
Don't bother buying a lot of newborn/first year stuff new. Kids grow out of that stuff way too fast. Garage sales and second hand stores ftw. You wanna buy a onsie from Carters for 6 bucks or get last years style from a garage sale for 25 cents?
The only thing you absolutely must buy new is your car seat. DO NOT buy one used, you have no idea what sort of hidden defects it might have from prior wear and tear.
anyone can sign up for amazon mom, not just the mom.
clothes are weird. our guy jumped through sizes really early, i think he was in 6 months for like 2 weeks. but it really depends on how big your baby winds up. I wouldn't buy any clothes until you have a shower (if you are having one) you will probably get a ton of shit there, though most of it will be the tiny stuff.
I'm not suggesting you buy each size by the thousands, but you'll almost certainly use 3-400 of every size above newborn. Spreading that cost out is handy.
Is your wife going to remain a stay-at-home? Because if you guys are planning on her adding income to your household you'll need to look into infant/toddler/child care. FYI.
Get your wife a boppy body pillow as she goes through her second trimester. They cost forty bucks on Amazon, and it's my wife's favorite thing I've ever gotten her, including her engagement ring.
Do things early. Set up the crib, wash some newborn cloths, pack a hospital bag, install the carseat, all weeks in advance. We've got twins so we had to be extra prepared, but still, you'll be very glad you did. As annoying as it might be to give yourself extra work while your wife is pregnant... imagine how much more annoying that extra work will be when you're both exhausted looking after a newborn.
Do read a book or two; information is your friend.
Fill up the DVR or buy some seasons of television on DVD.
--LeVar Burton
i also use the amazon subscribe thing. the thing with not stocking up is you save on space. little babies have so much crap associated with them that unless you live in a house with a lot of storage space. yes you can easily use that many, but keeping 2-3 large ass boxes of diapers for each size is going to be a huge space hog.
We used it in lieu of a crib for a long time because the baby had reflux, and it helped a lot.
This guarantees that we don't end up with an excess that we aren't using.
Our two cats are pretty anti-social when the babies are around. They both have their claws since we don't de-claw, but if there's a baby in the room then they'll generally leave and go find somewhere else to relax.
EDIT: Also apply for every single government program that you can. You never know what kind of aid you may qualify for.
Anyway, I have a one year old! I've done way too much baby research and you can PM me anytime with questions.
Be wary of "What to Expect when you are Expecting", it will tell you everything that can go wrong when very little of that typically does go wrong. so you can get pretty freaked out.
Try to enjoy the remainder of your life w/o kids. Especially now when the wife is still not showing, and moving around is still easy for her. Once you have a kid, you can still do the stuff you want, but it becomes more complicated.
Later on, closer to your 3rd trimester, most hospitals will offer a birthing class that will give you a lot of good information. Some peopel find these classes to be terrible, or a waste of time, but so far I have found it to be extremely useful. Getting to see whats coming up, and what to expect has been very reassuring for my wife and I who are expecting in October.
Go to the appointments if you can, your wife will appreciate the support. And when i say go, i don't mean just be present, be a participant.
Be informed, ask lots of questions for your doctors, read some stuff. There are some great websites out there with info on what is happening each week with the baby, its pretty crazy stuff!
And finally, Congratulations! Your in for a heck of a fun ride!
For the father side, thats you, it doesnt matter if sun tzu wrote a book about babies, you dont completely need it, all you need is some common sense, and follow your wife´s lead, I tried that method, I have a beautiful 13yo girl, and no book can prepare you for the nightmare of changing diapers and being "vomited" on almost daily. Incredibly enough, you get used to it, Im not going to go as far as saying that its fun, but its an experience you will look back and be proud of it.
Like someone else said, whatever you buy in the first months, the baby will grow out of it inmediately.
Be with your wife when she gives birth, you cant do anything other than holding her hand, but it is important that you are there, you will regret it in the future if you are not.
And most important of all, ENJOY ! its a wonderfull time to enjoy, and while the first months of having a baby can be exhausting, its exciting and rewarding in a way that has no peer.
Yup. Just do a little bit at a time after the first trimester. Both because it's always more than you think, and just in case the baby comes early. That's why it's good to have a good supply - don't go overboard - of the consumables. If you're doing a shower, that's usually takes care of it. The general figure is 10 diapers a day.
Register at all the baby stores - even just a few items - so you get put on baby coupon lists.
Try to keep peppermints and ginger candy around for morning sickness. There's no real cure for nausea but those can provide some temporary relief. For what it's worth, I had a lot of luck with milk.
Your first doctor's appointment should happen at 8 weeks. At that time your wife can have a vaginal ultrasound and you get your first glimpse of the baby! After that you'll have appointments at least every 4 weeks, but they'll get more frequent as you get closer to the due date. Keep in mind that insurance often doesn't cover "optional" items like prenatal testing and ultrasounds, so if you're trying to cut costs this is something to think about.
Be really patient with your wife. When you're tired/moody/nauseous/sore/bloated/gassy/etc it's hard to be sympathetic to other people's problems. Just remember that she's going through a lot of changes and that she loves and appreciates you, even if she can't always show it. Make sure she gets some time with her female friends and that you get time with your buddies.
I would like to add, expect the unexpected.
Here is what I think *everyone* needs:
- Car seat (install early, like people say! And know how to tighten/loosen the straps... I gave up bugging my husband about the car seat, and guess which parents spent an hour and a half in the parking lot on the day of discharge...)
- Onesies
- Diapers & changing equipment
...that's pretty much it. Stroller? Never used it. Crib? Never used it... well, I am using it, but only to store my excess pillows/cushions. (Luckily it was free). Oh, there are things I've used in place of those - but not everyone's using what I'm using. However, I will say that most mothers I know *do* use the Rock'n'Play that Quoth linked to. It's a simple, but very useful piece of equipment in my opinion.
So, my recommendation is actually to hold off buying things until you find you need them. We have a small apartment, so I did this anyway to avoid filling up valuable space, and I feel we've saved a lot of money by buying things only as needed. Many stores are open late-night for the odd emergency, after all.
But DO buy that car seat.
I was told by my OB based on every u/s I had that my daughter would be of above-average size, had a huge head... she ended up having a head in the 5th percentile and being of below-average size overall. She was in newborn diapers for two months. Size 1 would've been too large on her to begin with - when I did finally move her up, the tape almost met in the middle. I only took 0-3 month clothes with me to the hospital, and they swallowed her whole. Again, expect the unexpected.
I think the only other thing I would add are - if your wife plans to breastfeed, she should be prepared for how tough it is. Not to scare her - but to inform her. In fact, I would've liked to have been better prepared for all of the (often nasty) afterbirth stuff in general. There is SO much focus on pregnancy and birth, yet it's those two or three weeks post-partum that I think are the worst.
Do not sweat insurance. If you live in the state of Maryland, you are covered by the state for all pregnancy issues under the department of Health and Mental Hygiene (if you don't have insurance of course). I have a guy on the inside I just shot a text too. As soon as I get some info of where to go/what to do, I'll let you know.
Also, congrats on the baby!
So, I found this - no reply yet from my friend, but it felt worth mentioning.
http://mmcp.dhmh.maryland.gov/SitePages/Medicaid Medical Assistance Overview.aspx
Basically, it's Medicaid - but the state of MD covers pre and post natal care as an 'extra'. You just have to visit a local office and apply.