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NFL: Jets Undone By Rogue Ass
Sweeney Tom
try The Substanceit changed my lifeRegistered User regular
try The Substanceit changed my lifeRegistered User regular
WEEK 5 IS IN THE BOOKS
Patriots beat Broncos
In a classic matchup between two future Hall of Fame QBs, the Patriots beat the Broncos in New England. It was mostly the work of Tom Brady and the good (!) NE defense that gave them the lead. The Patriots defensive MVP for the game was Ninkovich, with 2 forced fumbles, one coming off a sack of Peyton Manning. The Patriots MVP for the game was Bronco RB Willis McGahee, who not only botched a clutch catch, but also fumbled a clutch run that would have made the game, at the very least, closer.
Saints beat Chargers
The Chargers were doing fine this season, and the Saints, plagued by the aftermath of Bountygate, came in win-less. But what matters most about this game isn't that the Saints got their first win of the season, or that Rivers threw another interception, or the fucked-up ending 3 minutes full of bullshit, or even how awful the AFC West/Worst is. What matters is Drew Brees broke Johnny Unitas' record, and threw a TD pass for a 48th straight game. The last time Brees didn't throw a TD pass in a game was Oct. 4, 2009, against the Jets. Too bad Sean Payton had to miss it because lol Bountygate.
Texans beat Jets
In a game closer than it deserved, the Texans beat Jets in large part due to Mark Sanchez interceptions and Rex Ryan being too dense to realize that the Sanchez experiment failed and that Tim Tebow just wins games. Every day that Sanchez is still employed by the Jets is another day the Patriots thank Satan that they're in the same division. Matt Schaub, how do you feel about your team being 5-0 for the first time in Texans history?
Vikings beat Titans
Chris Johnson's good-games-in-a-row counter reset to 0, as he continues to grossly underwhelm (24 yards, 15 carries, 1 fumble). Let's see if he'll blame this game on his offensive line too. Matt Hasselbeck started for the first time in a good while, and threw the only Tennessee TD. But it wasn't enough for the Titans to stop Christian Ponder, healthy Adrian Peterson, Percy Harvin, Chris Kluwe, and their own lackluster defense.
49ers beat Bills
It wasn't as bad as them beating the Jets, but it was still pretty bad. The Alex Smith doubters will still be doubters, and Jim Harbaugh will still be taking anger management classes, but a (predictable) win's a win. Also, 49ers beat the franchise record for most yards in a game with 621. The previous record was 598, in '92. Against the Bills.
Seahawks beat Panthers
Because the only thing worse than Russell Wilson is Cam Newton.
Bears beat Jaguars
Blaine Gabbert sucks, and Jay Cutler just wins games. Bears have 5 defensive touchdowns off of interceptions for the season so far, and look on pace to shatter the single-season record of 9.
Steelers beat Eagles
In a battle of which Pennsylvanian team sucked worse, ironically neither team was the reason the Eagles lost. It wasn't the return of Mendenhall that did them in. It wasn't Vick dying for your sins that did them in. No. Instead, the Eagles succumbed to the greatest witchcraft ever: Andy Reid's clock management.
Colts beat Packers
In a Luck-y turn of events, the Colts came back to take the lead with an amazing clutch performance team-up between Andrew Luck and Reggie "are you guys glad I re-signed now?" Wayne, topped off by a Packers missed field goal attempt that would make Billy Cundiff laugh.
Giants beat Browns
That really says it all.
Falcons beat Redskins
RG3 died for our sins, suffering a minor concussion. Not even the efforts of the Kirk Cousins Experience could save them from defeat.
Dolphins beat Bengals
Ravens beat Chiefs in the lowest-scoring disappointment of the week, 9-6.
SECOND WEEK OF REAL REFS BEING BACK
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL
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Patriots beat Broncos
In a classic matchup between two future Hall of Fame QBs, the Patriots beat the Broncos in New England. It was mostly the work of Tom Brady and the good (!) NE defense that gave them the lead. The Patriots defensive MVP for the game was Ninkovich, with 2 forced fumbles, one coming off a sack of Peyton Manning. The Patriots MVP for the game was Bronco RB Willis McGahee, who not only botched a clutch catch, but also fumbled a clutch run that would have made the game, at the very least, closer.
Saints beat Chargers
The Chargers were doing fine this season, and the Saints, plagued by the aftermath of Bountygate, came in win-less. But what matters most about this game isn't that the Saints got their first win of the season, or that Rivers threw another interception, or the fucked-up ending 3 minutes full of bullshit, or even how awful the AFC West/Worst is. What matters is Drew Brees broke Johnny Unitas' record, and threw a TD pass for a 48th straight game. The last time Brees didn't throw a TD pass in a game was Oct. 4, 2009, against the Jets. Too bad Sean Payton had to miss it because lol Bountygate.
Texans beat Jets
In a game closer than it deserved, the Texans beat Jets in large part due to Mark Sanchez interceptions and Rex Ryan being too dense to realize that the Sanchez experiment failed and that Tim Tebow just wins games. Every day that Sanchez is still employed by the Jets is another day the Patriots thank Satan that they're in the same division. Matt Schaub, how do you feel about your team being 5-0 for the first time in Texans history?
Vikings beat Titans
Chris Johnson's good-games-in-a-row counter reset to 0, as he continues to grossly underwhelm (24 yards, 15 carries, 1 fumble). Let's see if he'll blame this game on his offensive line too. Matt Hasselbeck started for the first time in a good while, and threw the only Tennessee TD. But it wasn't enough for the Titans to stop Christian Ponder, healthy Adrian Peterson, Percy Harvin, Chris Kluwe, and their own lackluster defense.
49ers beat Bills
It wasn't as bad as them beating the Jets, but it was still pretty bad. The Alex Smith doubters will still be doubters, and Jim Harbaugh will still be taking anger management classes, but a (predictable) win's a win. Also, 49ers beat the franchise record for most yards in a game with 621. The previous record was 598, in '92. Against the Bills.
Seahawks beat Panthers
Because the only thing worse than Russell Wilson is Cam Newton.
Bears beat Jaguars
Blaine Gabbert sucks, and Jay Cutler just wins games. Bears have 5 defensive touchdowns off of interceptions for the season so far, and look on pace to shatter the single-season record of 9.
Steelers beat Eagles
In a battle of which Pennsylvanian team sucked worse, ironically neither team was the reason the Eagles lost. It wasn't the return of Mendenhall that did them in. It wasn't Vick dying for your sins that did them in. No. Instead, the Eagles succumbed to the greatest witchcraft ever: Andy Reid's clock management.
Colts beat Packers
In a Luck-y turn of events, the Colts came back to take the lead with an amazing clutch performance team-up between Andrew Luck and Reggie "are you guys glad I re-signed now?" Wayne, topped off by a Packers missed field goal attempt that would make Billy Cundiff laugh.
Giants beat Browns
That really says it all.
Falcons beat Redskins
RG3 died for our sins, suffering a minor concussion. Not even the efforts of the Kirk Cousins Experience could save them from defeat.
Dolphins beat Bengals
Ravens beat Chiefs in the lowest-scoring disappointment of the week, 9-6.
SECOND WEEK OF REAL REFS BEING BACK
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL
Sweeney Tom on
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Steam
When I got off work, I checked the score and the Chargers lose 31-24.
What the fuck, Chargers. What the fuck happened? How do you keep finding new ways to disappoint me?
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Haha. I'm pretty busy on Sundays (especially with 4PM kickoffs) so I missed most of the first half and third quarter. I was sitting in the bar on campus killing some time until my next meeting and I watched the last 4 minutes of the 3rd and most of the 4th. Just ugly. I really don't think we'll get rid of Gene Smith, but I really, really wish we would. In that case, I would say Mularkey has to go as well (which sucks - it'll be two places the guy never got a fair shake). Actually do a complete retooling of the office for a "rebuild" not "Fire GM, keep HC." "Fire HC, Keep GM" nonsense.
If you follow some of the beat guys on twitter and the news, it sounded like the locker room finally got ugly. I'd say good, but now I'm hoping everyone gets fired and we get a new GM with his shiny, brand new, #1 overall pick.
It's a tough time to be a Jags fan.
Also, fucking hating fantasy this year. Keep benching big performances.
Also also, for shame @Sweeney Tom for not @ChrisWarcraft -ing beside his pic in the OP. So what if he doesn't come around anymore.
I love me some cee-lo, so I figured it couldn't have been that bad
but mother of god, what the fuck
why would you even bother to get him and not even have him sing
I just hunted it down, figured it wouldn't be that bad.
but wow it's terrible. It's not even a song. It's just annoying.
edit: It was so bad I watched the SNF intro to get it out of my head.
Play Fanduel. One Day Fantasy Leagues use my referral
Be my friend on Magic Online! Dogbone19 is me.
The important thing is I have their defense in my cash money league, and they are making me dolla dolla bills yo.
Secret Satan 2013 Wishlist
I agree with him completely.
In my other league I had a decent game, but ran up against Bradshaw, Julio Jones, and Aaron Rodgers.
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Steam
Bears, Packers, Bears, Rams, Texans, Packers
Words cannot express how tough that will be to end the season...
You mean Titans, right?
Packers and Rams are very beatable teams and I doubt Chicago sweeps anyone in their division. If the Vikings stay healthy they should get through that stretch 3-3 or better.
I should probably get some sleep
Steam
The Panthers played the Panthers. The Panthers still lost.
Fair enough. Ponder seems to be gaining confidence with every game. After last year though, I am still having a hard time trusting the Defense and we are going to need them in order to hit that 3-3 mark for that stretch.
Steam
His passes had some zip, unlike those dead fish Cassel throws.
Cheering any player getting hurt is pretty classless. I'm really tired of Cassel, but wouldn't wish for his brains to get scrambled.
Also, they need to bring the touch count down a bit for Charles. They're gonna wear him out.
Zip?
Passes?
for?
mcp, daytime drinking isn't a healthy Monday habit.
Unless you're a Browns fan
Secret Satan 2013 Wishlist
It's like Raiders fans chanting Bruce Gradkowski's name when JaWalrus was still starting. You're pretty much in the shitter no matter what if you've sunken that low.
That is terrible enough to give Quinn a shot.
or hell, let Stanzi play. I don't really care, I'm just sick of Cassel.
It could always be worse.
They could be chanting for Favre to come out of retirement.
Secret Satan 2013 Wishlist
You should take that deal
yknow, given that they've scored approximately infinity points and have given up like 7
I'm kinda terrified to run into them in the postseason if we make it there
How is it a question? KC should have said yes a month ago.