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Bullying

BedigunzBedigunz Registered User regular
edited October 2012 in Social Entropy++
So I caught this story on CNN:

Bullied Canadian Teen's Story

Needless to say, I was pretty bummed out. So this thread is to talk about bullying we have seen, how bullying has affected us, and even stories of us bullying others.

I bullied someone once in middle school. I think I do so because I was bullied so it was different to be the bully. I realized how shitty it felt and apologized to the guy in high school and he was cool with it. Ever since, whenever I see someone being shitty I call them out because I goddamn hate bullies.

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Posts

  • FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    sometimes i'm sympathetic to the "some freaks deserve it" view, which i realize is reprehensible as fuck and not actually a coherent or worthwhile position to take, but it's an easy reaction to weirdness

    but kids being driven to suicide and the persistent horrible way this stuff seems to manifest itself nowadays makes me think maybe kids are dealing with an entirely different permutation of harassment then we did as kids

    and that sux

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  • Fire TruckFire Truck I love my SELFRegistered User regular
    Not really bullying but one of the construction worker types I work with on a daily basis just likes to give people shit and play pranks to pass the time. He's gotten called out on it a couple times by the bosses, and always stops for a day or two before he gets bored and does the same stuff.

    I do not understand how this dude who is older than me and has kids thinks he's demonstrating acceptable behavior.

  • Sweeney TomSweeney Tom Registered User regular
    Speaking as a person who almost was driven to suicide because of the actions of others, I can safely say that anybody who would treat others differently than they wish to be treated themselves can go fuck off. Everybody is perfect, and everybody deserves to be treated as such.

  • Mr FuzzbuttMr Fuzzbutt Registered User regular
    My school got sued because a kid got bullied and the parents claimed the school wasn't doing enough to protect him.

    They clamped down pretty hard on bullying after that.

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  • FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    everybody ain't perfect

    i would never accept being a dick to someone because of gender/orientation/any legitimate aspect of their lives. but i remember once a girl wore a super graphic anti-abortion t-shirt to high school and i made her cry, and i wonder, is that really just as bad as making fun of a gay kid

    or hypothetically if someone is an absolute creepazoid, is that really as bad? i reckon the problem is that evaluating whether someone is a creep or not can't be objective and therefore will never be a good metric for whether or not it's okay to bully someone

    i dunno i just feel like social pressure manifests itself in different ways and that's not always inherently bad

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  • DarmakDarmak RAGE vympyvvhyc vyctyvyRegistered User regular
    Speaking as a person who almost was driven to suicide because of the actions of others, I can safely say that anybody who would treat others differently than they wish to be treated themselves can go fuck off. Everybody is perfect, and everybody deserves to be treated as such.

    Nobody is perfect, but we all deserve to be treated equally.

    Some people I work with are bullied and people will talk shit about them behind their backs and that really pisses me off. I'll defend them and I try to be nice to them even if they're goddamned annoying. Nobody wants to be the friendless weirdo that everyone dislikes.

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  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    Well fandy, I would say there is a difference in telling someone that their beliefs are wrong compared to telling someone that they are a bad person for their beliefs.

  • BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
    edited October 2012
    i was systematically bullied for years in school until i had several nervous breakdowns and was moved from an all boys comprehensive to a mixed private school where i was suddenly popular and not even harrassed once

    the bullies have bumped into me years later and been like 'oh i want to say how sorry i am for treating you like shit'

    fuck them they aint getting my forgiveness for making my life misery (first day of school i was handcuffed to the bus seat and given a bloody nose just because i was 'the new kid' and it only got worse from there; spat on, called names, shit stolen every single day)

    Beasteh on
  • JayKaosJayKaos Registered User regular
    I think I bullied someone in junior high for like two weeks before a teacher yelled at me about it. It was after I'd spent a year in a class with none of my friends and several people who hated me and I guess I just didn't want to be the lowest rung on the ladder anymore. I wish I could find that kid and apologize but I don't even remember his name.

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  • WeaverWeaver Who are you? What do you want?Registered User regular
    edited October 2012
    I went to so many different school growing up, being an army brat. I'd always get bullied at first until I'd finally sock somebody in the face, then people would just leave me alone.

    So glad there was no internet while I was in school.

    Weaver on
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  • KadithKadith Registered User regular
    One time I almost got into a fight with a cop's son because he was being a bully on the soccer field.

    That is really my only bully story.

    Although I guess how my roommates/friends treated me last year might count as bullying idk.

  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2012
    Bullying sucks, but as an adult you need to let go of that shit. When I was in Jr. High I was a scrawny fuck and really averse to confrontation, so I'd get bullied frequently and one of the girls in my neighborhood could be a bully at times. I don't remember how it started, but she ended up punching me and dragging me across the road by my hair in front of several classmates and friends. Was it humiliating at the time? Sure. If I ran into her today would I still resent her? Fuck no. That was ages ago and she was a dumb kid back then. I got over it and there's no reason to believe she grew up to be a bully. Let that shit go and move on with your life instead of letting it trap you. The only person you're hurting is yourself.

    Druhim on
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  • LegbaLegba Registered User regular
    edited October 2012
    I was bullied pretty consistently for about 15 years. I remember when the Columbine shootings happened my first reaction was "that's terrible" and my second reaction was "but I totally get it."

    The worst part of being bullied is that it sends you into a negative spiral. You're bullied so you don't socialize much. You don't socialize so you're an easy target for bullying. Etc etc. It's really hard to break out of that pattern - and even if you do, people who don't know you that well (i.e. your bullies) might keep acting the same way towards you for years onwards.

    Now a days, occasionally when I talk to someone about bullying they go "why would anyone bully you? You're not weird at all," which I hate.

    Legba on
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  • JunpeiJunpei Registered User regular
    edited October 2012
    As a bully and general ruffian I find this persecution of my chosen lifestyle disgusting.

    Junpei on
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  • Sweeney TomSweeney Tom Registered User regular
    Druhim wrote: »
    Bullying sucks, but as an adult you need to let go of that shit. When I was in Jr. High I was a scrawny fuck and really averse to confrontation, so I'd get bullied frequently and one of the girls in my neighborhood could be a bully at times. I don't remember how it started, but she ended up punching me and dragging me across the road by my hair in front of several classmates and friends. Was it humiliating at the time? Sure. If I ran into her today would I still resent her? Fuck no. That was ages ago and she was a dumb kid back then. I got over it and there's no reason to believe she grew up to be a bully. Let that shit go and move on with your life instead of letting it trap you. The only person you're hurting is yourself.

    Pretty much this.

    Life's really just way too short to spend time holding grudges.

    Druhim
  • Sara LynnSara Lynn Registered User regular
    I was bullied a lot, but I don't hold it against them as an adult. A lot of them grew up to be shitty adults, but I don't have to deal with them on a regular basis so who cares.

    I still have awful self-esteem which I'm sure is tied to all the torment I endured, but I can't go back and change it. Just need to learn how to deal with it now.

    Unfortunately I work in an environment where bullying is pretty commonplace and if I wast considered a favorite I'd get a lot more shit than I have already. Though in the 3 years I've worked there I've been made fun of for my mental illnesses, acne, and whatever else. As an adult it's hard to deal with I think because you assume at this age everyone has grown out of that kind of behavior.

  • Fire TruckFire Truck I love my SELFRegistered User regular
    I got beaten up a few times in elementary school. For some reason us honors class kids in the 2nd grade had recess with the 3rd graders, and they were not kind.

    I asked my dad for advice, and he said, "You gotta stand up to 'em! Tell those big kids they're assholes and they can kiss your ass."
    The next day I was dangled off the playground by my ankles and got in trouble for swearing (the bullies got in trouble too)
    In retrospect my dad was probably high as balls when he told me to do that, and had forgotten I was a very literal-minded child.
    also Dru is right. Gotta try to let that shit go. Forgiveness and maturity makes life a hell of a lot easier.

  • LegbaLegba Registered User regular
    Druhim wrote: »
    Bullying sucks, but as an adult you need to let go of that shit. When I was in Jr. High I was a scrawny fuck and really averse to confrontation, so I'd get bullied frequently and one of the girls in my neighborhood could be a bully at times. I don't remember how it started, but she ended up punching me and dragging me across the road by my hair in front of several classmates and friends. Was it humiliating at the time? Sure. If I ran into her today would I still resent her? Fuck no. That was ages ago and she was a dumb kid back then. I got over it and there's no reason to believe she grew up to be a bully. Let that shit go and move on with your life instead of letting it trap you. The only person you're hurting is yourself.

    It can be hard to let go. My life got waaaaaay better after I moved away and reinvented myself, but even now when I witness someone being willfully ignorant of their bullying or blaming the victim, it brings those memories up and I get pissed off all over again. Heck, there was a children's film out a few years ago where the main character, a young girl, was bullied and I basically had a nervous breakdown just watching it. Straight up shellshock. Hands shaking, uncontrolable crying, that kind of thing. Shit hit me hard.

    I don't hold any grudges against the people who bullied me, and I actually think my life is kind of awesome at the moment, but it's not easy to let those experiences go.

  • Fire TruckFire Truck I love my SELFRegistered User regular
    Legba wrote: »
    Druhim wrote: »
    Bullying sucks, but as an adult you need to let go of that shit. When I was in Jr. High I was a scrawny fuck and really averse to confrontation, so I'd get bullied frequently and one of the girls in my neighborhood could be a bully at times. I don't remember how it started, but she ended up punching me and dragging me across the road by my hair in front of several classmates and friends. Was it humiliating at the time? Sure. If I ran into her today would I still resent her? Fuck no. That was ages ago and she was a dumb kid back then. I got over it and there's no reason to believe she grew up to be a bully. Let that shit go and move on with your life instead of letting it trap you. The only person you're hurting is yourself.

    It can be hard to let go. My life got waaaaaay better after I moved away and reinvented myself, but even now when I witness someone being willfully ignorant of their bullying or blaming the victim, it brings those memories up and I get pissed off all over again. Heck, there was a children's film out a few years ago where the main character, a young girl, was bullied and I basically had a nervous breakdown just watching it. Straight up shellshock. Hands shaking, uncontrolable crying, that kind of thing. Shit hit me hard.

    I don't hold any grudges against the people who bullied me, and I actually think my life is kind of awesome at the moment, but it's not easy to let those experiences go.

    Getting pissed at bullying isn't the problem. The problem is holding on to that resentment against the specific people who bullied you. It is by no means easy to let go of, but it's part of growing past it.

    Druhim
  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Yeah, I certainly didn't mean to suggest that you shouldn't get upset when you see bullying as an adult. Just that it's not healthy to hold a grudge against kids that bullied you a decade or two (or in my case three) ago. But the kind of shit that Sara has to put up with at work both from her co-workers and from customers is bullshit.

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    Legba
  • LegbaLegba Registered User regular
    Well in that case we're talking about two different things; I've let go of any resentment towards specific people, but the effects of years of bullying are with me even now, years after the last time anyone could have been said to bully me. It's not just a matter of letting it go.

  • Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    I was bullied quite a bit in middle school but I never was beat up.

    Somehow I didn't get bullied much in High School. I guess I just kept to myself unless I was hanging out with the drama kids, and they were cool.

  • bowtiedsealbowtiedseal Registered User regular
    I was bullied a bit as a child for being very very shy. And I had other kids call me racial epithets and tug on the corners of their eyes (for Asian eyes I guess?). I definitely carried it with me through my mid-teenage years but I've let it go since then, except for some lingering effects on my self-esteem.

  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    I got picked on a bunch, but I never got beat up or anything like that.

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  • Fire TruckFire Truck I love my SELFRegistered User regular
    Legba wrote: »
    Well in that case we're talking about two different things; I've let go of any resentment towards specific people, but the effects of years of bullying are with me even now, years after the last time anyone could have been said to bully me. It's not just a matter of letting it go.

    oh yeah. Formative experiences are formative. If a couple decades down the road, the largest consequences of you being bullied are that you don't allow bullying to go on around you and you are more tolerant of others, all while not holding grudges, that shows greater strength of character than hating the people who were awful to you, s'all I'm saying.

  • LegbaLegba Registered User regular
    edited October 2012
    Honestly, I was thinking more of the nervous breakdown while watching a children's movie. I never really understood how a trigger works untill then, but now I'm all for plastering trigger warnings all over stuff. That shit is nasty.

    Legba on
  • TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    edited October 2012
    I was bullied for being a soft-spoken, sensitive kid who didn't play sports and liked to draw.

    First I tried just keeping my head down to avoid confrontation but that just seemed to increase the frequency and ferocity of the attacks. Next I began to the combat the bullying with humor which worked a little better and won me some sympathy and some friends but the worse bullies just tried all the harder to get a rise out of me.

    I'm pretty sure some of them took my gentle nature and aversion to sports as some sign that I was gay because I got called faggot more than anything else. Teachers never did shit because I never spoke-up to the authorities because to me this was all normal behavior and maybe it was my fault for being different.

    What saved me was that by high school I was the second-tallest kid in town and pretty heavy to boot. That meant that when I finally couldn't take it anymore and physically struck-back at some of my bullies I fucking leveled them. It didn't take long before they let me go. I changed to a much-better school for junior and senior year and did much better.

    At least in my day the bullying stopped when I got home from school. Now with Facebook and shit out there I don't know if I would have made a serious attempt on my life or not. I was pretty low for a long time but I just kinda toughed it out for my family's sake.

    TankHammer on
  • HellaJeffHellaJeff FAB FRESH RAIIINBOOWWWWWRegistered User regular
    Yeah I think there is a balance between bullying being a problem and children learning what they can do. In a bad way

  • BedigunzBedigunz Registered User regular
    I got a lot of racist stuff thrown at me (indian kid in small town Iowa) but it never really got to me in high school.

    Being small got me beaten up a lot through middle school. I was somewhat popular, albeit a little weird until about sophomore year. Then I became popular all of a sudden, but still would put a stop to bullying when I could.

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  • Fire TruckFire Truck I love my SELFRegistered User regular
    Legba wrote: »
    Honestly, I was thinking more of the nervous breakdown while watching a children's movie. I never really understood how a trigger works untill then, but now I'm all for plastering trigger warnings all over stuff. That shit is nasty.

    oh yeah, that shit absolutely blows.

  • Shazkar ShadowstormShazkar Shadowstorm Registered User regular
    i got bullied a bit in elementary school and shit and maybe early middle school

    but nothing crazy, i went to small private school from 3rd grade - 8th grade so there weren't even enough people for there to really be groups of people to pick on people, it was just like 1 or 2 douche kids who were bullying me

    oh

    but i forgot
    in like 1st grade i used to go to this afterschool program at the JCC or something cuz both my parents worked, and we'd take a car or something from there to the JCC, and it was with one other kid who was bigger than me
    who would apparently like bully the shit out of me and was violent
    my parents found out apparently because i was like trying to take toys with me because the kid was bullying me and like, give me toys or i'll hurt you more (and i didn't tell my parents)
    fuckin
    kids

    no HS bullying really, i dunno, again went to small private school for hs with like 100 ppl a grade, i don't know if bullying was ever much of a problem there, at least not like on tv

    poo
  • Munkus BeaverMunkus Beaver Registered User, ClubPA regular
    I was bullied by a kid in middle school who I am 90% certain that was doing it to hide his love for sweaty, naked dudes.

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  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Hearing about bullying gives me the perspective that I really didn't get it that bad. Yeah, it sucked a whole damn bunch, but I got through it. But when I was younger I was always very emotional and if I had to deal with some of the shit that you hear about now, I don't think I could have handled it and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here today.

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  • TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    edited October 2012
    When I run into former classmates as an adult I never harbor any animosity towards them. For the guys the worst I'll do is pretend to only vaguely remember them if they were a real shit. For the women I flirt with them until they recognize me. I'm much, much more attractive now than I was as a teen and it's amazing to see the look on their face when they realize i'm that guy they used to make fun of four no reason or publicly shame to feed their egos.

    It's all in fun. Those incidents were several lifetimes ago to me now so I no-longer feel pain or anger about it. It's more of a general disappointment in how people can be as kids.

    If someone were to apologize to me I would accept it.

    TankHammer on
  • Salty Milk Salty Milk Registered User regular
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  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    the hell?

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  • WhytherWhyther Registered User regular
    My school was really small-- 15-30 people in a grade and no more than 15 people in a class.

    That means that if someone was bullied they were basically bullied by their entire grade. There was one kid who got teased everyday in middle school, a lot of it from me. I was in a weird situation where I was both one of his best friends and his bullies. Luckily almost everyone grew up in high school and realized how terrible they were being and although he never became popular he at least got less shit.

    There was one day when it hit me like a load of bricks: this guy does not deserve the awful way I treat him. From that point on I made an actual effort to be a good friend to him and I still hang out with him every now and then, but I feel terrible every time I think back on middle school.

  • FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    The Geek wrote: »
    the hell?

    i am betting

    foolproof

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  • Der Waffle MousDer Waffle Mous Blame this on the misfortune of your birth. New Yark, New Yark.Registered User regular
    Its been over a decade and I still have massive issues when it comes to things like trusting people and maintaining friendships.

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  • Peter EbelPeter Ebel CopenhagenRegistered User regular
    I had it good. Not many worries.

    Fuck off and die.
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