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Friend Zone! any help much appreciated.
Rushmore87
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
I'll try to keep this short. In april 2010 i met through a mutral friend this girl on his birthday night out. She then joined our regular parties on xbox. A year past of us talking on xbox 3-4 nights a week, then we met again in person with friends and by this time i was into her. For personal reasons i had to put off asking her out then Feb just past i did and she said yes. Had 2 dates however i knew she had been hurt before and I have various medical conditions that kept me in special school and in hospital a lot so i dont have much confidence. So i didn't make a move as it were, I assumed i had more time and i thought we were close enough that it wouldn't be the clincher right away. I noticed her start to pull away, she was barely on xbox and replying to my texts. I asked her for the third date and to my surprise, at the time thinking it was last ditch attempt for her to talk to me, she said yes. She then ignored me for 2 months without giving me an answer on the day. I eventually asked what was up and she said she just wasn't in the right place. She said maybe in the future, my naive side kicked in and i hoped she was telling the truth and not just something to say.
After 5 months or so of just texting here and there and basically no xbox, i asked if she wanted to meet, she said yes. Went on 3 ''non dates'' and we got on better than ever before. No silences, no lulls, nothing. I asked if she would maybe consider trying again, she said she'd rather just keep meeting like we have been.
am i totally screwed or is there something i can do ? light flirting? etc ? to maybe build up the idea in her head. It's not like she wasn't interested in me at some point, i was just an idiot and didn't take the chance when i had it. I obviously won't mention dating again but if she's still willing to meet in the way we have been , which i hope she is, do you think its still possible?
any help is greatly appreciated. I will say i do care deeply about this girl, this is not just coming from a 'i wanna get off' kind of way, i've never felt about anyone like her. Which begs the question why i didn't kiss her on the actual dates, i was shy. Trust me, i was i could of been the person i am now with her back then, more than anything.
After 5 months or so of just texting here and there and basically no xbox, i asked if she wanted to meet, she said yes. Went on 3 ''non dates'' and we got on better than ever before. No silences, no lulls, nothing. I asked if she would maybe consider trying again, she said she'd rather just keep meeting like we have been.
am i totally screwed or is there something i can do ? light flirting? etc ? to maybe build up the idea in her head. It's not like she wasn't interested in me at some point, i was just an idiot and didn't take the chance when i had it. I obviously won't mention dating again but if she's still willing to meet in the way we have been , which i hope she is, do you think its still possible?
any help is greatly appreciated. I will say i do care deeply about this girl, this is not just coming from a 'i wanna get off' kind of way, i've never felt about anyone like her. Which begs the question why i didn't kiss her on the actual dates, i was shy. Trust me, i was i could of been the person i am now with her back then, more than anything.
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Either get used to being just friends with her, or let her go.
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If she says no, then too bad for her. The important thing is to ask her (if you really like her). People have gotten together from stranger circumstances.
3DS FC: 2148-8300-8608 WiiU: AgahnimD
Pretty much this. You don't want to become a Nice Guy, because that path just leads to pain and anger. What you need to do, OP, is determine if you are willing to be her friend with no agendas. This isn't an easy call to make, and it's possible that you can't. If you can't, then you need to either lay it out on the line with her, or just make a clean break. If you can, then this means that you need to be her friend. Which means that you need to drag out all your visions of what could have been out for the Ol' Yeller treatment. (And if you can't do that, see part one.)
Chalk it up to a learning experience - in the future, you'll know better.
Also, deep six the Friend Zone. It's a rather poisonous way to look at relationships, and it will do you more harm than good.
Be confident and self assured. You don't need to explain how you've changed or why things didn't work out last time. Just throw it out there, but then move on. No one likes Captain Linger.
3DS FC: 2148-8300-8608 WiiU: AgahnimD
Anyway. She doesn't want to be more than friends with you. Full stop. She told you directly. After 7-10 months of pining over her and getting a direct 'no', you need to just move on.
I don't know why you are suggesting he keep trying considering:
This is really super awful advice, OP, unless your aim is to make her uncomfortable and all but guarantee that she will want nothing to do with you, friendly or otherwise.
She has already given you her answer, in the very clearest of terms, and the only viable advice at this point is to do as @AngelHedgie suggests and determine if you are willing to be her friend with no agendas. If not, that is totally okay; there is nothing at all wrong with having your interest in someone me mainly/entirely romantic, and elect not to be friends with them if a relationship proves impossible or unlikely. You have to look out for yourself, just like she has to look out for herself.
She is not into you. If you want to be her friend, great. If not, also great. The way forward at this point depends entirely on your own comfort and needs.
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Because he played it wishy-washy. If you're going to put it on the line, then remember that fortune favors the bold. No "would you like", make your intentions clear. Just realize that this is a high risk maneuver, and there is a high chance that it will not end well.
Honestly, this is not a viable option in my opinion.
1. Not everyone you are into will reciprocate.
2. This does not reflect badly on them - we all want what we want, and that often does not align.
3. This does not reflect badly on you - you are still awesome, and the right person will see that.
4. So, don't give up!
Ask her out in no uncertain terms, get it out of your system, and if she doesn't respond move on.
3DS FC: 2148-8300-8608 WiiU: AgahnimD
Nailed it. While the fact that they had successful dates previously together raises his chances in my opinion, it is still very risky. Even if she says no, however, I think it would do the OP good and would cut the cords of amorous affection instead of letting it linger one way or another.
3DS FC: 2148-8300-8608 WiiU: AgahnimD
No matter what though, keep AngelHedgie's list in mind. There is nothing wrong with you if she isn't interested.
3DS FC: 2148-8300-8608 WiiU: AgahnimD
If you can't have her in your life if she's not on your dick, then you need to just...not have her in your life. Cuz she's not on your dick, and odds are she never will be.
unless your write up is missing something, it is like that. you went on a couple dates. she gave it a shot and wasn't into you.
she's still not into you. it might not be the way you wish things were, but she's done you at least one favor. you don't need to agonize over "what if?" it's not something she wants.
for the future, you can TALK about this stuff directly with people you're interested in. it works.
It's also one rung away from ladder theory.
Move on, that's that.