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I suck at talking
VivaVizer
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Seem to have issues trying to talk for 30 seconds at times and I'm not really sure why. I can do carefully prepared speeches with a long period of practice, but holy fuck do I get tongue tied in other situations.
My biggest concern is that in the future, I might have to present something to a manager and I'll come off as angry and unbalanced. Because when I get tongue tied, I also get flustered and angry at myself which tends to make everything worse.
Generally not an issue when dicking around with friends but have a real issue whenever I feel I need to present something and be professional.
Maybe the issue is nerves. Not really sure.
But I need to stop it. Any tips?
My biggest concern is that in the future, I might have to present something to a manager and I'll come off as angry and unbalanced. Because when I get tongue tied, I also get flustered and angry at myself which tends to make everything worse.
Generally not an issue when dicking around with friends but have a real issue whenever I feel I need to present something and be professional.
Maybe the issue is nerves. Not really sure.
But I need to stop it. Any tips?
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My recommendation would be to focus on slowing down while you're talking. I do that too and it feels like I'm talking slowly enough that people would find it strange, but when I compare it to how people talk normally I'm really not. If you have doubts about it try recording yourself doing it and see how it sounds on playback.
Do your best not to worry too much about making mistakes. If it's a small mistake just ignore it and move on. If it's significant enough that whoever you're talking to might have trouble understanding what you meant, pause for a brief moment and say something like "I mean [word]" or "[word], rather" or whatever.
It'll probably take some practice; I still frequently forget to do it. However, when you get used to it you should have a much easier time in those situations.
xbl - HowYouGetAnts
steam - WeAreAllGeth
Going to try to chill not get as flustered and slowing down. Any other tips?
Slowing down always helps me, also preparing beforehand for professional situations to alive nervousness is totally normal.
Generally though, I decide it is easier to just stop talking for a second or two and reset.
Assuming this is more about professional situations and not casual small talk with managers, I recommend writing more things down and having notes for yourself on certain topics that you know you'll have to report in on or whatever it is.
Usually its a disorganization of thought getting in the way, or a surprise question that makes me start to falter. If someone throws something at me, I learned to actually say "hold on, let me think" instead of jumping in and having to back track. You may think the silence is damning, but its better to give yourself 20seconds than to talk in circles. I can also slow myself by focusing on mannerisms (for instance, not saying like) as practice. I usually play with these when talking in casual, but intellectual conversation with a friend.
Any sized city should have a bunch of different clubs that meet at different times.
For the on-the-fly situation take a few seconds to outline what you're going to say. If you need to jot down a 3-4 point list to help keep you focused on message. And practice. It gets easier. Personally I prefer to stand, or pace a little, and I like to have my hands occupied, but these may just be personal tics.
I might not always follow it word for word but I'd at least have some to fall back on.
Biggest couple of my hangups that others noticed, is that I tried to fill the "dead air". You fill things with "likes, umms, annnnds," which makes it should more informal. Having a little bit of a pause is OK. In fact, it's probably better as pauses can be used to create an impact.
As a guest or first timer, there isn't a cost, maybe even a couple times, but if you joined a group, you're looking at $75 +dues for attending ($2-3 a time). Depends on the group and how they organize the fees. But you get formal work books for organizing your speech, making a point, body language, vocal variety, research, visual aids, etc. It's definitely worth an hour or two of your time for one visit.
Practice with strangers. Strangers make great marks. Seriously. Just strike up a conversation with people you're near. The guy bagging your groceries. The check out clerk. A person next to you in line for coffee. These exchanges will probably only last 30 seconds tops, which fits your criteria, and since they are likely strangers you'll rarely see again, any awkwardness is a big who cares.
You never know what a stranger will say when you ask, "Hey nice hat, where'd you get that?"
It could be, "Cool, Target." Tough customer, but you can respond nicely. Or it could be, "Thanks, my mother gave it to me as a reminder of our trip to Spain!" Now we're cooking. "I've never been, how did you find Spain?"
Either way, you'll be forced to think of things to say and adapt to changing conversation scenarios. Most importantly, I find people that are very outgoing with strangers tend to have little issues with nerves and public speaking. True, some people are freaked out by the LARGE crowds of public speaking, but in general if you're good with random folks and developing small talk, you'll be more calm talking clearly in other situations.
Warframe: TheBaconDwarf
Don't think of these as "presentations" so much. Almost every presentation I've ever made or attended can be renamed an "explanation" or "ceremony." I'm guessing you are mostly talking about explanations here?
A presentation is a very stifling word. You don't present stuff to your friends, when they are wrong and you are right, though, you are quick to explain why to them. That is what you are doing with your bosses, peers, coworkers, underlings, what have you. It's an explanation.
Specific tips
-Don't talk too fast. Keep yourself slow enough to be understood and try not to fluster.
-If you do need to stop for a second, that's alright. In fact, if you feel weird about it, you can lampshade it with a "ablahblah- heh, maybe I had too much coffee this morning, eh? Let's try that again." This sort of genuine reaction to your own nervousness can really break an awkward situation. Remember to smile.
-If you need to buy time or emphasize a point, repeat the sentence, but more slowly and with emphasis. Repeat the sentence, but more slowly and with emphasis. If you do it immediately like that, it doesn't sound like you're really repeating yourself, and it buys you a little time to think, not only because it takes longer, but because people expect a small pause after an emphasis like that.
-If you're talking about something you already know about, there's no reason to be nervous, because they're not going to ask you something you don't know. And if they do, then since you know all about it, you can assume the question they asked would be reasonable for you not to know. So, be confident, and realize you can wade your way through the conversation successfully on the merit of your own competence.
-Bring some water. This can also buy you time. You're not supposed to be talking while you're drinking.
This all applies to presentations and such. As far as just being able to competently converse with a human, I cannot recommend Hewn's advice enough.
Hmm, there's an idea.
I guess if I think about it more, my problem is fundamentally that while I know what I want to talk about, I just seem to have issues planning it out on the fly.
Like, I was thinking that I'll say "turn" but decided that word "curve" made more sense...but I was already started saying "turn" and ended up saying "turve".
I believe that is why I had no problem with public speaking when it is a piece that I practiced a lot and went over what I was going to say and when.
I would work on talking more slowly, though.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
Disclosure: I'm a member of Toastmasters. I disagree that speaking by yourself in the shower is just as effective. You'd need some significant imagination power to properly simulate speaking impromptu, in front of an audience, while minding your speech patterns - while by yourself in the shower. And you can't really give yourself an honest critique.
Speaking around friends doesn't really reflect how you would talk in professional setting.
I recommend Toastmasters or some other public speaking course/club.
Warning, schuss likes lists.
Key things to remember:
1. Energy! Keep yourself perky and the other people will pay attention.
2. Purposeful movement - don't just wave your arms around like some agitated italian (please don't infract me!), make movements that coincide with your speaking. "so I opened the door" *opening motion*
3. Eye contact - move between people in a conversation every 30 seconds or so. You don't want to skip around, but you want people to think you're just talking to them, as that makes them feel special. If you hate eye contact, just focus on the point between their eyes.
4. Interest - keep it up. If you aren't interested in what the person is saying, find some interesting part and explore it. Ask questions.
5. Simplicity - don't think off-message while you're talking, focus on the points you're trying to make. If you're thinking about dinner, you won't be able to stay focused enough to get your point across.
6. Structure - If you have to present to management, follow these rules to start -
A. Problem statement - what's going on? Timmy has fallen down the well?
B. History/Fleshing it out - We have many wells, and Timmy is not smart. This has been a continual problem. We've found we have 200% more uncapped wells vs. other farms
C. Options - We can leave Timmy down there, or we can cap the wells, or give Timmy a helium balloon (Note - NEVER PRESENT PROBLEMS IF YOU DON'T HAVE SOLUTIONS)
D. Recommendation - Remember, you aren't the manager or decision maker, but you can be if you build the consensus. We recommend pulling Timmy out of the well, then putting safety locks on the wells and a safety leash on Timmy. After Well re-education, we can take the leash off. We feel this is the best mix of cost effectiveness and empathy for this problem.
E. Action Items - After a decision has been reached, or if there's the search for more information, re-iterate what the plan is so everyone has one last chance to pile on.
Man, I've been in the corporate world way too long.
I don't think that I've ever thought about my breathing before. Maybe it'll make a difference.
Yes! Never be in a hurry. The key is to convey confidence, as you want to take people through a problem at a pace they understand. Over time, you'll learn how to vary tempo based on audience. Think about the pacing infomercials use - no information overload, just simple stepping stones towards a final goal.
I have a long history of not speaking perfectly, as I tend to speak quickly, occasionally mumble or have trouble with certain words ("ninety-nine" is a common one for me, as it tends to come out as "nah-ee-nine", and I realized during a crappy job in high school that I had trouble saying "credit card," too, which came out "creh-ih card"). If I slow down and pay attention to the words/syllables I know cause me trouble, I'm perfect! But it's hard to keep in the forefront of my mind and I tend to notice when I'm being lazy with it. When I notice me messing something up, which thankfully is now rare, I just say "bluuh" and start over, signaling that I got tongue tied. At most, people have smiled and I've continued. Most people care more about the content of what you're saying rather than whether you're speaking it perfectly.