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Clingy/Controlling girlfriend

12346

Posts

  • iRevertiRevert Tactical Martha Stewart Registered User regular
    Paper after everything we've said I don't think there is anything new we can say. Get out of it, buy a plane ticket home and call a taxi and leave. Make up an excuse if you have to about a family issue or whatnot if need be but if it were me I'd pack, load, and leave right then and there.

    I'm really hoping that this is a wake up call to you seeing that she could inflict harm to you indirectly with her lies. Pack up and leave and end things with her for good. You owe her NOTHING and holidays be damned the thing that matters the most is your health and safety.

    Do what this entire thread has been saying and END IT with her.

  • KarlKarl Registered User regular
    She's currently crying because she wants to be married within,6 years, and I won't ask her to marry me right now, which makes me a bad person. She says that because I have been with her for a year and don't want to marry her, I am a child. I wouldn't be that concerned, except she got me to spend Christmas with her family in another state, and I am legitimately concerned she will try to get the males in her family to believe I hurt her, and they will try to hurt me in return. I wish I was armed to defend myself. That is not a joke. I want a firearm, because I am afraid for my safety.

    This whole thing tonight staryed because she saw an ad for porn and punched me and I got upset, which I clearly shouldn't have.

    Now she is alternating between wanting me to sleep in another room,.and getting mad at me the moment I actually do.

    She keeps saying I won't talk to her about getting rngaged, then when I try to,.she just gets mad because even though we talk, my mind hadn't suddenly changed.

    And she wonders why I dont like her to.drink.

    Oh good fucking Lord, run lad. Run. This has now become phyisical abuse and you're afraid for your safety. Whatever it takes, get out.

    Would she really make up lies about you hitting her?

    YOU'RE ALL BABIES.
    SO MUCH POTENTIAL TO WASTE.
    Koshian wrote: »
    JOKE'S ON YOU
    MY POTENTIAL IS ALREADY WASTED
  • iRevertiRevert Tactical Martha Stewart Registered User regular
    Karl wrote: »
    She's currently crying because she wants to be married within,6 years, and I won't ask her to marry me right now, which makes me a bad person. She says that because I have been with her for a year and don't want to marry her, I am a child. I wouldn't be that concerned, except she got me to spend Christmas with her family in another state, and I am legitimately concerned she will try to get the males in her family to believe I hurt her, and they will try to hurt me in return. I wish I was armed to defend myself. That is not a joke. I want a firearm, because I am afraid for my safety.

    This whole thing tonight staryed because she saw an ad for porn and punched me and I got upset, which I clearly shouldn't have.

    Now she is alternating between wanting me to sleep in another room,.and getting mad at me the moment I actually do.

    She keeps saying I won't talk to her about getting rngaged, then when I try to,.she just gets mad because even though we talk, my mind hadn't suddenly changed.

    And she wonders why I dont like her to.drink.

    Oh good fucking Lord, run lad. Run. This has now become phyisical abuse and you're afraid for your safety. Whatever it takes, get out.

    Would she really make up lies about you hitting her?

    The fact that he is this concerned about it should be enough of an answer to that.

    Cambiata
  • The Black HunterThe Black Hunter Registered User regular
    A gun in a household as unstable as yours is a horrible fucking idea. You feeling like you need one is reason enough to leave and never ever look back. You getting upset at her hitting you is also very stupid. I almost feel like you're joking here, that is ass backwards.

    Fuck love, love is not enough. You need to leave. Long lasting relationships are built on so much more than butterflies in the stomach

    For the love of god don't marry the girl, just because she's the first girl who's slept with you doesn't mean she'll be the last. Getting engaged just to prove something to her is the dumbest thing I've heard.

    Leave, no more excuses, you will ruin your life with this chick if you don't take action.

    ArbitraryDescriptorEsseeLadyM
  • V1mV1m Registered User regular
    Karl wrote: »

    Would she really make up lies about you hitting her?

    Hahaha no of course not, what do you take her for?

    She'll make up lies about him raping her

    Cambiata
  • NamrokNamrok Registered User regular
    V1m wrote: »
    Karl wrote: »

    Would she really make up lies about you hitting her?

    Hahaha no of course not, what do you take her for?

    She'll make up lies about him raping her

    No joke. I was once with a girl who I suspect was BPD among other diagnosed comorbid issues. It started off with her wanting to quit sex. Ok. Then she began to reflect on all the sex we had already had over a year of dating. Then she said she felt violated. Then she said she felt raped. I got the fuck outta dodge before she could take that train of thought any further. Se had a shakey grip on reality and i was not going to wait for her to flip what was always enthusiastically initiated by her sex into me raping her over and over again and telling everyone that.

    I was also lucky enough for her to have had another chump lined up. So she forgot all about me. That probably helped too. Its surprising how those sorts of people always have a backup plan.

  • FyndirFyndir Registered User regular
    You have been attacked already and you are afraid for your safety in general. You need to get out of that location, and out of that relationship, as soon as possible.

    UsagilonelyahavaSkeith
  • ArbitraryDescriptorArbitraryDescriptor Registered User regular
    edited December 2012
    Oh good, now she's hitting you and coercing you to propose. If my past relationship with an equally horrible woman is any indication, then you should only have to put up with this for another year before you wise up.

    Have fun ring shopping because you were convinced that a little security was all she needed. Once you've proposed she'll have that piece of mind and things will go back to how they were in the beginning.

    Spoiler: This is only going to get worse. I know that's hard to fathom, being that you probably couldn't imagine it being as bad as it is now, but it will.

    Everyone has given you sound advice (leave her immediately). I just wanted to add some bonus advice:

    Pay no mind to her crocodile tears. You are a concept to her, not person. She will find her next victim in a heartbeat, and she will under no circumstances actually take her own life.

    ArbitraryDescriptor on
    Essee
  • WybornWyborn GET EQUIPPED Registered User regular
    I am shaking. Reading this topic terrifies me. I'm trying to imagine what I would do if I had any inkling of my little brother going through something like this, and I am not sure I would stop short of going down and moving his shit out for him.

    I am terrified for you.

    You are scared. You think you can't run.

    Run. Run, god damn it! Run!

    dN0T6ur.png
    Cambiata
  • WassermeloneWassermelone Registered User regular
    Agreed with Tarnok. Just get out of there. Leave now. Take a plane or bus and just go.

  • CalicaCalica Registered User regular
    Also, the fact that I have stayed with her really doesn't make me feel very smart. Like, goddamn, I'm an idiot.
    You are not an idiot. She has exploited a known bug in the human brain, and it's not your fault in the same way that it's not your fault if someone breaks into your locked house. Sure, you feel dumb now, but that's 100% hindsight talking. When I was in a similar place to where you are now, my therapist told me repeatedly, "You couldn't have done anything other than what you did, and it is not your fault."

    What really sucks is that I do love her. She is just driving me away with how she treats me. I know she would probably be happy with me if she didn't do this stuff to me. :(
    Love is not enough. No one is worth throwing away your own health and happiness for. As other posters have said, no one can make this girl happy, because her problems are internal and they run deep.

    After this is over, you will feel an incredible weight lift and you will marvel at how unhappy you used to be, and you will thank your lucky stars you got out. It might take a while to feel that way, but it will happen. Get therapy. It helps.

    Jedoc wrote: »
    The GOP cares about babies until they're born, soldiers until they're in need of care, and families until they interfere with stockholder dividends.
    Essee
  • StormwatcherStormwatcher Blegh BlughRegistered User regular
    Things Paper should have in mind:

    You're a great guy, she is sick;
    No sane and healthy relationship is like that at all;
    Being cheated in the past does not justify her abusive behavior;
    Nothing you ever did justify her abusive behavior.
    You don't really love her, you've been brainwashed to adore her like in a cult;
    You will find a better person, and even if you don't, better alone than with that person;
    She will do all the horrible things you're imagining, and probably worse.

    You should escape while you're still alive and physically unharmed, the psychological damage you suffered already is probably still manageable.

    Steam: Stormwatcher | PSN: Stormwatcher33 | Switch: 5961-4777-3491
    camo_sig2.png
    Essee
  • tarnoktarnok Registered User regular
    edited December 2012
    Let us know what's going on Paper, I'm a little worried about you.

    edit: For some reason new posts aren't sending this to the top of the forum. Is this a feature I don't know about?

    tarnok on
    Wii Code:
    0431-6094-6446-7088
  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
    Also, the fact that I have stayed with her really doesn't make me feel very smart. Like, goddamn, I'm an idiot.

    What really sucka is that I do love her. She is just driving me away with how she treats me. I know she would probably be happy with me if she didn't,do this stuff to me. :(

    You need to understand that the fact that you love her has nothing to do in this situation. No one is trying to invalidate your feelings towards her.

    What you need to understand is that you are unhappy, and despite loving her, being with her will make you continue to be unhappy.

    You just need to get the fuck outa dodge friend.

    Essee
  • wiltingwilting Registered User regular
    edited December 2012
    She's currently crying because she wants to be married within,6 years, and I won't ask her to marry me right now, which makes me a bad person. She says that because I have been with her for a year and don't want to marry her, I am a child.

    My sister and her husband were together for nearly twelve years before they got married. You don't get married because a certain amount of time has passed, or because of some imaginary timetable in somebody's head, or because you are being pressured into it. Somebody who cries because of these things is the exact wrong person to marry. You get married because the person is right, and the circumstances are right. Neither are true in this case.

    Paper, do not get a gun. Just get your butt back to your family home, make sure you have everything of importance that belongs to you that might be in hers, and let her know from a distance that it is over and not to contact you in a simple, clear, polite but no room for argument way.

    wilting on
  • YaYaYaYa Decent. Registered User regular
    literally nothing that has happened to you is acceptible and there is no other way to say it

    please, listen to people who are actually trying to help you and care about you even though you're just words on a monitor

    I will never meet you, I may never even be in the same state with you, but I want you to be safe and I'm worried for you

    so, please, leave and be safe and happy

    CambiataKristmas Kthulhu
  • BradicusMaximusBradicusMaximus Pssssssssyyyyyyyy duckRegistered User regular
    Reading this thread makes me quite sad. You need to leave, dude. I have a family member who has an on and off relationship with a woman that treats him like crap. He takes it though because it's his first major relationship (he is 30+ fwiw) and he is afraid he can't find someone else. Despite our best efforts to dissuade him, they're still together. Reading all of this, it really seems like you're in the exact same boat. I'm not sure what advice you're fishing for since every person in this thread has told you to get the fuck out, but it's all you're going to see. This isn't going to get any better for. Just look at your replies. That is in no way the response of a person in a healthy relationship. ITS GOING TO GET MUCH WORSE

  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    edited December 2012
    Paper please let us know when you are home safely. I know I'm not the only forumer watching this thread with increasing apprehension for your well being.

    Cambiata on
    While it doesn't seem that any rich were eaten. It definitely feels like a soup course with broth made from rich stock - bouillonaire if you will - was had.

    My Dragon Age Origins Let's Play

    YaYaExtreaminatusKristmas Kthulhu
  • LibrarianLibrarian The face of liberal fascism Registered User regular
    Paper, in your last post you made clear that you are afraid she might stage something that might actually threaten your life.
    If this isn't a last straw then I don't know what is.

    I really can't say anything that has not already been said, but you need to get away as soon as possible, try to crash with some friends or your family and tell them to block contact to your soon to be ex. Get away, get a change of perspective.
    Keep us informed.

    Brad R. Torgersen says:

    Librarian,

    Go read what I said about not arguing with third graders.
  • V1mV1m Registered User regular
    edited December 2012
    @Paper Monitor

    You OK mate? did you get safe? is there anything we can do to help?

    V1m on
  • AthenorAthenor Battle Hardened Optimist The Skies of HiigaraRegistered User regular
    Yeah, @Paper Monitor, keep us updated, please?

    (sending out a proper bat-signal)

    He/Him
  • InxInx Registered User regular
    @PaperMonitor

    I want you to reread this thread, because you're going to see something I said, and hopefully you'll notice that that shit is coming true because you want to get a gun to defend yourself. You should not feel the need to defend yourself from the woman you love. EVER. PERIOD. FULL STOP.

    What you need to do is get the FUCK out of there, tell EVERYONE what's really going on. Show your mother and father this thread. Show your friends this thread. Show this thread to the police when you file the restraining order.

    Because I want you to file a restraining order.

    You're not an idiot. I broke up with my awful girlfriend twice because the first time didn't stick because I didn't have a support structure to keep me from thinking about it afterwards. I felt like an idiot too. You're not an idiot, though. You're a prisoner. It's different.

  • Paper MonitorPaper Monitor Registered User regular
    I'm doing ok. I was just overreacting the other night because I was drunk.

  • iRevertiRevert Tactical Martha Stewart Registered User regular
    I'm doing ok. I was just overreacting the other night because I was drunk.

    I highly doubt this.

    Once again it seems you are attempting to rationalize things.

    Essee
  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    I'm doing ok. I was just overreacting the other night because I was drunk.

    Unlike others in this thread, I haven't been in an outright abusive relationship, but I came close once. When I had an emotional reaction to something, it was because I'm an irrational creature/I must be on my period/etc. When he had an emotional reaction to something, it's because I did something wrong to make him emotional. Every bad thing led back to me.

    The relationship ended when he had decided something for me that I had initially agreed to, but later not feeling things entirely right between us I had said, essentially, "I have decided to put that thing off for an unspecified time in the future." He immediately broke up with me and I haven't heard from him since.

    I cried for a week at least, I'll admit. Probably longer. But the funny thing was that after only a few days I also felt this tremendous weight lifted from my chest. Even while I was crying for the things I had hoped for in our relationship, part of me said "I'm FREEEEEEE!"

    While it doesn't seem that any rich were eaten. It definitely feels like a soup course with broth made from rich stock - bouillonaire if you will - was had.

    My Dragon Age Origins Let's Play

  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    Sorry, that story seemed like a non-sequitur. What brought it to mind is that you're talking about yourself the way I did during that relationship. The bad feelings he raised were my fault because I "overreacted."

    And once you're no longer under the sway of that person who makes you believe every bad feeling you have is your own fault, some time after having broken up with her (or gotten her to break up with you, by refusing her rules), then you'll wipe your brow and grin to yourself about your narrow escape.

    There will be other women in your life, but right now that doesn't seem like a comfort because you don't want to love anyone but her, maybe. You love her and you don't want to let it go. But you need to let it go, for both your sakes.

    While it doesn't seem that any rich were eaten. It definitely feels like a soup course with broth made from rich stock - bouillonaire if you will - was had.

    My Dragon Age Origins Let's Play

    Essee
  • RainfallRainfall Registered User regular
    I'm doing ok. I was just overreacting the other night because I was drunk.

    Paper, no matter how you feel, please listen.

    She hit you, and then you felt bad because you got upset about it.

    She hit you, then you felt bad.

    She hit you.

    This is abuse. This isn't a playful hit, because the moment you said 'hey, don't hit me,' she should have apologized, even if it was a playful hit(and I doubt that it was,) it's on you to determine how that blow made you feel, and it clearly wasn't a positive hit.

    You are being abused, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

    She hit you.

    Please, please, please get out, man. This situation is not okay or your fault on any level, and the only thing you can do to improve your situation is to leave her, because she is abusing you, which is very hard to argue now that you're at the point where she is hitting you and you are the one feeling bad about it.

    Please leave her. She hit you. You were afraid for your safety. This is not healthy. This is abuse. Leave her, protect yourself, and recover, get better, and keep being a good person without an abusive relationship dragging you down.

    EsseeCambiatazagdrobxThanatoSxToxKristmas KthulhuLegbaWassermelonespool32
  • EsseeEssee The pinkest of hair. Victoria, BCRegistered User regular
    edited December 2012
    I'm doing ok. I was just overreacting the other night because I was drunk.

    If this is really how you feel, that's funny, because it seemed more like you finally had a moment of clarity there. The way you reacted to her bullshit? Regardless of whether you were drunk? That was perfectly reasonable. Because it's actually that bad for her to be hitting you over A PORN AD. Like you have control over where there are advertisements? And the whole marriage ultimatum thing is awful, too (I know SOOO many people who have been in healthy relationships for even like 5 years and aren't married yet, including myself-- it's about preparedness, not relationship length). Don't even consider it. The last thing you need is to be legally bound to someone like this.

    I really want to stress something very important here: if you are ever afraid for your physical safety in a relationship (romantic or otherwise) with another person, it's time to break off that relationship. She has already hit you. She has also been constantly emotionally abusive, and that alone would be enough to end the relationship with her, but now she physically damaged your person. End it. If you think it's necessary, go ahead and explain to her family why you're breaking things off. If she or her family try to screw with you, there are legal channels you can go through to keep them away from you and off your property. To just get them off your property, you shouldn't even need a restraining order, just give them a verbal "leave now or I'm calling the cops" and then... call the cops. (This may vary slightly depending on where you live, but I'm pretty sure that should work in just about any jurisdiction.)

    Essee on
    Rainfall
  • AnomeAnome Registered User regular
    edited December 2012
    I'm doing ok. I was just overreacting the other night because I was drunk.
    No, you're not and no, you weren't. Being drunk allowed your brain to see through the fog of what this girl is doing to you. You were able to just feel your feelings without the part of your brain that rationalizes them away. Deep down, you know this isn't right. Please get out.

    I was in a borderline abusive situation years ago, not as bad as yours but headed in that direction, and the first time I took out my luggage and started packing to leave, I was drunk. He convinced me to stay the night, calm down, sober up, see his side, and I did (if I hadn't made him so mad he wouldn't have had to hit me and besides, in fighting back I bruised up his leg pretty bad so I should feel at least as responsible). It was another 6 weeks or so before I left for real. It never got physical again, but I also never felt safe with him again. The psychological stuff didn't let up, instead intensifying. He tried to make me afraid to leave but in a way, I'm glad that drunken night happened because it taught me to be more afraid of what might happen if I stayed.

    I've been following this thread since the beginning and finally had to say something. You're better than the situation you've found yourself in. Even if you're single for the rest of your life (and I can't emphasize enough how unlikely that is unless you decide to stay single for whatever reason) that's better than being where you are.

    Anome on
    CambiataEsseeRainfallKristmas KthulhuxThanatoSxLegbaWassermelone
  • xThanatoSxxThanatoSx Registered User regular
    I'm doing ok. I was just overreacting the other night because I was drunk.

    You don't do/say anything while drunk that you're not capable of doing/saying while sober.

    All being drunk does is lower your inhibition level for doing/saying x, y or z.

    Your subconcious (sp) is trying to tell you something that everyone in this thread has been saying - that you need to GTFO of this relationship.

  • V1mV1m Registered User regular
    I'm doing ok. I was just overreacting the other night because I was drunk.

    OK man, give us a shout when she uses a weapon on you, because that's coming next. I hope for your sake it's a blunt instrument rather than a sharp one.

  • PeasPeas Registered User regular
    edited December 2012
  • LadyMLadyM Registered User regular
    Paper. You were not overreacting. It is perfectly natural to feel upset AFTER SOMEONE HITS YOU.

    Listen . . . just imagine if a girl you knew (if you were still "allowed" to know girls--ugh) was telling you all this.

    In fact, imagine if your current girlfriend was just a friend, and she was telling you about a boyfriend treating HER like this. "He gets mad at me when I talk to other guys, even waiters or retail clerks." Is that right? "He goes through all my messages and demands that I cut off contact with all my male friends." Is that right? "He hits me." Is that right?

    Love is not enough. Please, please listen to me. You cannot fix this person. You need to leave her. You need to cut of contact with her.

    DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PROPOSE TO HER. That whole thing is stupid and fucked up beyond belief. I cannot even put into words how ridiculous her expectations are. Completely absurd.

  • mrt144mrt144 King of the Numbernames Registered User regular
    She's currently crying because she wants to be married within,6 years, and I won't ask her to marry me right now, which makes me a bad person. She says that because I have been with her for a year and don't want to marry her, I am a child. I wouldn't be that concerned, except she got me to spend Christmas with her family in another state, and I am legitimately concerned she will try to get the males in her family to believe I hurt her, and they will try to hurt me in return. I wish I was armed to defend myself. That is not a joke. I want a firearm, because I am afraid for my safety.

    This whole thing tonight staryed because she saw an ad for porn and punched me and I got upset, which I clearly shouldn't have.

    Now she is alternating between wanting me to sleep in another room,.and getting mad at me the moment I actually do.

    She keeps saying I won't talk to her about getting rngaged, then when I try to,.she just gets mad because even though we talk, my mind hadn't suddenly changed.

    And she wonders why I dont like her to.drink.

    End it already.

  • PaintMeBluePaintMeBlue North CarolinaRegistered User new member
    i hate how people can jump to conclusions so quickly without knowing both sides of a story. i'm sure if any of you felt lied to for multiple months about many things by a SO, you would have trust issues too. Controlling, yes, abusive, no. You can say the justifications are excuses all you want, but having trust issues with girls are things A LOT of girls have, maybe not to the extreme, but many do. Also, when you've been in abusive relationships, sometimes you can project what was done to you onto a new partner, that doesn't make it right but working through it with a therapist does. Plus, anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds are not ones to prevelnt violent behavior, they just happen to help things not get out of control. Some people can't handle their emotions well when they drink, so they choose not to, but if they fuck up and do drink to much once, they shouldn't be persecuted for it. People can change and get help if they have the right support and him leaving would be ten times worse than staying and getting help as well. If someone wants to change, they can.

  • iRevertiRevert Tactical Martha Stewart Registered User regular
    Well it looks like she was digging through his phone and history and found this thread in his history.

    Cambiata
  • PaintMeBluePaintMeBlue North CarolinaRegistered User new member
    shockingly, he told me and said i was welcome to defend myself...so, there's that

  • iRevertiRevert Tactical Martha Stewart Registered User regular
    edited December 2012
    Step 1 of defending yourself, identify yourself.

    Going into it without doing so clearly is not a good way to go about things.

    iRevert on
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    Do not ever, EVER come into a thread where violence has occured, I do not fucking care who you are, and try to tell the OP that it is okay or ever, under any circumstances justified.

    Don't identify yourself. Don't bother. If that is what you have to say you are not welcome in this thread.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
    DruhimMulletudeEsseeYaYaGonmunToxCambiataKristmas KthulhuCalica
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    And you know what? If someone does have issues with self-control when they drink and they know that, then yes they SHOULD be persecuted when they drink once a month. That is not fucking up. No one is slipping you the business. YOU are making a conscious decision to put alcohol in your mouth and swallow it. If you cannot control what goes in your mouth then you are an alcoholic. Either way, you should not be subjecting other human beings to that. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
    MulletudeWassermeloneEsseeUsagiGonmunToxCambiataKristmas KthulhuCalicaspool32
This discussion has been closed.