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Clingy/Controlling girlfriend

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Posts

  • iRevertiRevert Tactical Martha Stewart Registered User regular
    Or perhaps he offered it as a way to show that other people are echoing what he might be saying or isn't able to say. To point out to you that there is more than one voice saying the same thing that he has said.

  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    Except that no, you can't. I am the moderator of this part of the forum. I said get out of this thread. You have no business here.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • iRevertiRevert Tactical Martha Stewart Registered User regular
    I'd also like to interject one other thing.

    People don't change, they just modify their behavior.

  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited December 2012
    Robot Santa, kick @PaintMeBlue from this thread. Set phasers to nuke.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
    Tox
  • GethGeth Legion Perseus VeilRegistered User, Moderator, Penny Arcade Staff, Vanilla Staff vanilla
    Affirmative ceres. "PaintMeBlue" is no longer allowed to post in this thread.

  • GethGeth Legion Perseus VeilRegistered User, Moderator, Penny Arcade Staff, Vanilla Staff vanilla
    Information propagation is slow. Many voices speak at once. We do not understand how you function without consensus, @PaintMeBlue.
    Infracted @PaintMeBlue (2 points for 30 days) for "Kicked from thread: Not welcome"

  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Well, sad to see it come to this but if he's willing to give her this much control, nothing's going to change any time soon. He's been thoroughly brainwashed, and for the time being it's just going to be too painful for him to face up to how thoroughly he's been controlled.

    belruelotterav-1.jpg
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    Robot Santa, set phasers to nuke.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • GethGeth Legion Perseus VeilRegistered User, Moderator, Penny Arcade Staff, Vanilla Staff vanilla
    Affirmative ceres. Setting force level to 'lethal'.

  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited December 2012
    Paper Monitor, we welcome your requests for advice and help. What you cannot do is bring your fight here. If you cannot break up with her, I pray you get therapy until you can.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
    Cambiata
  • GethGeth Legion Perseus VeilRegistered User, Moderator, Penny Arcade Staff, Vanilla Staff vanilla
    Affirmative ceres. "PaintMeBlue" is no longer allowed to post in this thread.

  • JeedanJeedan Registered User regular
    edited December 2012
    i hate how people can jump to conclusions so quickly without knowing both sides of a story. i'm sure if any of you felt lied to for multiple months about many things by a SO, you would have trust issues too. Controlling, yes, abusive, no.

    Being controlling is abusive. Hope this helps.

    Jeedan on
    CambiataCalica
  • WassermeloneWassermelone Registered User regular
    People can change and get help if they have the right support and him leaving would be ten times worse than staying and getting help as well.

    Ah, there it is. So he is being held hostage under the threat of your psychological break. No one should have to be in that position. If you like him at all, let him go.

  • iRevertiRevert Tactical Martha Stewart Registered User regular
    edited December 2012
    I know even though she can't post she is still going to read because lets face it people don't just walk away that easily so I'll put this out there.

    First and foremost you being exiled from this thread is all on you, it has nothing to do with "Paper" simply put you went about coming in here and posting things that are not welcome. You went about this the wrong way, if you had of come in here and said

    "I'm papers SO and I'm hurt that people would say these things about me and I'd like to explain myself" we would have heard you out. Then you could have stated your case and it would have been a bit more welcome. As is you did all the wrong things.
    i hate how people can jump to conclusions so quickly without knowing both sides of a story.

    We are "Help and Advice" thus we provided our help and advice based on what we have been told. However that being said in any topic where abuse is implied or mentioned the answer is always the same "Terminate relationship, distance self, and move on"
    i'm sure if any of you felt lied to for multiple months about many things by a SO, you would have trust issues too.

    Trust issues are one thing, what you have been doing is flat out following the guidebook of how to recognize abuse.
    Controlling, yes, abusive, no. You can say the justifications are excuses all you want, but having trust issues with girls are things A LOT of girls have, maybe not to the extreme, but many do.

    There is a limit to what that paranoia warrants, as said in the thread if you read it abuse comes in many forms this fell into the emotional abuse up to the point where you laid hands on him. If you also read back you can see many people pointing out the warning signs of what was happening and what might (and in fact did) occur.
    Also, when you've been in abusive relationships, sometimes you can project what was done to you onto a new partner, that doesn't make it right but working through it with a therapist does.

    You have zero right to project that onto someone past relationships or not. The second you do the person you are projecting to has every right in the world to walk away from you. Just because you went through it doesn't mean this person has to. By doing this you are not better than the person who did those things to you.
    Plus, anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds are not ones to prevelnt violent behavior, they just happen to help things not get out of control.

    Quite frankly if your taking those you shouldn't be drinking, not to mention that it goes against the instructions of those medications. This is not an excuse for what you did, that is all on you. Frankly by striking him you should be arrested for domestic violence as that is what would have happened if the roles had of been reversed. Perhaps if he did have you charged with domestic violence for that you would have seen the light, but I doubt it.
    Some people can't handle their emotions well when they drink, so they choose not to, but if they fuck up and do drink to much once, they shouldn't be persecuted for it.

    Yes they should, if a man drinks to much and abuses a woman does that give him a free pass? No. This is no exception.
    People can change and get help if they have the right support and him leaving would be ten times worse than staying and getting help as well. If someone wants to change, they can.

    People don't change they just modify their behavior. To what extent is up for debate but I can attest first hand as can many others that it won't change and it will only get worse. To be quite frank his health and safety is far more important to him then yours is. His number one priority should be himself. For him to distance himself from you and let you work out whatever complexes and issues you have is the best thing.


    What you need to understand is that there have been numerous people who have gone through abuse far worse than this that have posted in this thread, they know the warning signs, they know how it progresses, and they also know how horrible it is. These people have all stated the same thing and that has been for him to walk away.

    The fact that you got the boot from this thread rests squarely on your shoulders and not his, you handled things poorly and ANYONE who entered into this thread doing what you did would have been treated the same way. Notice how in all these pages things have been quite serious and on topic? Yeah.

    Paper, nothing you have done is wrong. She has zero right to project that this was your fault or any of that.

    Let me explain something to you "Blue" I went through quite possibly the most soul shattering, trust breaking experience any man can go through. I had a engagement end due to the girl I was with cheating on me while I was deployed, to say I am no longer trusting is an understatement. I'm jaded and I do not try to hide this, but make no fucking mistake what happened in a past relationship has ZERO relevance and bearing on future relationships.

    If a girl I'm dating leaves her computer on with me alone with it I don't look at her personal info, if she leaves her phone near me I don't touch it, if I'm alone with her personal property I don't look through it. If she tells me she is going to go hang out with a male friend from work I tell her to have fun and give me a call, and if she's going out with her girlfriends to have a girls night out I tell her to have fun and be safe.

    You know why? Because I'm a mature responsible adult. I have a healthy fucking relationship with any SO I have, what has happened in the past is in the past. Yeah I have that little voice that says "hey this is off" but if someone does something that I question or don't trust I ASK THEM and deal with it.

    Flat out if paper does decide he has the testicular fortitude to walk away from you then you need to put on your big girl panties and deal with it. You (Blue) have no one to blame but yourself in your actions, you decided to drink and then to strike him, you decided to dig through his personal effect/history, and those things no matter how you try to justify it you did. At any point you could have just said "nope this isn't right" and not done them.

    If he walks away learn from it and use it to better yourself. I do hope for whatever its worth you get help, but in the meantime Paper has no obligations to you and doesn't have to stay if he feels threatened. If you actually cared for him you'd acknowledge this, but somehow I highly doubt that this will be the case and you'll do all you can to retain your punching bag so you can offload all your faults onto him to explain them.

    iRevert on
    MulletudeEsseeCambiata
  • iRevertiRevert Tactical Martha Stewart Registered User regular
    edited December 2012
    People can change and get help if they have the right support and him leaving would be ten times worse than staying and getting help as well.

    Ah, there it is. So he is being held hostage under the threat of your psychological break. No one should have to be in that position. If you like him at all, let him go.

    This statement is just foreshadowing onto what her next excuse will be when he actually attempts to end things with her.

    iRevert on
    WassermeloneDoctorArchV1mspool32
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    I'm closing this thread. @Paper Monitor, if you would like to post an update please PM me and we'll discuss it.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
This discussion has been closed.