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About three quarters through the segment I was doing ~15 MPH when a large tree branch came crashing down across the trail directly in front of me! I slammed on my brakes, but there was not nearly enough time to stop: my bike hit the tree and I went flying over the bars. My body scraped the tree as I flew through the air, and when I landed on the ground something felt weird.
I looked down and could not believe what I saw: the lower half of my bib shorts were completely ripped open.
For those of you who are not aware, nothing is worn underneath bib shorts. The shorts have a built-in padded chamois in the butt area, but up front there’s nothing between you and the world but a very thin and lightweight piece of Lycra.
So I stood up. My junk was completely exposed, but my first thought was how pissed I was that my KOM attempt was ruined. After a second or two I realized I had, um… bigger problems. I tried tucking everything back into the side of the shorts that was not ripped, but as soon as I moved all my bits and pieces came spilling back out.
The reality of the situation was sinking in: I was about a mile from the parking lot, and I had absolutely no means of covering myself.
There was really nothing much I could do but hop back onto my bike and ride it out. At first I tried riding with one hand on the bars and the other over my manhood, but after a minute of that I said, “Aw, screw it!” and just rode normally.
When I got to the bottom of the Gravity Destroyer climb (which leads up to the parking lot) I thought, “Ah, what the hell!”, and decided to go for a new KOM on that segment (I was currently 2nd overall).
There is quite a bit of time spent out of the saddle on this climb, and every time I stood up… well, you can picture the scene. I can’t even imagine what someone coming down the trail from the other direction would have thought. I probably would have cheerfully said something blithe, such as “Beautiful morning, yeah?!”
Anyway, as I closed in on the end of the segment my frame-mounted bike pump caught a branch and popped off. Grrr. Oh well, I can think of a couple of other things that would have been far worse to catch on a branch yesterday! I reached down and grabbed it (the pump, pervert) as fast as I could, and carried it in my hand the rest of the way. That incident cost me about 5 seconds, so I was surprised when I saw that I still tied for the KOM! With a clean run I should be able to improve my time by at least 5 seconds.
The mountain bike parking lot is shared with people who use the dog park. Of course there were about a half-dozen people enjoying the park with their dogs as I emerged from the woods. I must have been quite a sight as I awkwardly hobbled over to my truck sweating, bleeding and holding my hand over my crotch.
Well, that was not exactly how I planned for yesterday’s ride to go! At least I didn’t wind up in the ER… or jail.
There's a couple of really avid bitcoins users that use our forum. Whenever we make mention of it it shows up on the bitcoin forums about a day or two later. They do the whole smug "these guys are so dumb" and then ronya or someone comes and lays the shit down on them and then the thread dies.
bowen on
not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
There's a couple of really avid bitcoins users that use our forum. Whenever we make mention of it it shows up on the bitcoin forums about a day or two later. They do the whole smug "these guys are so dumb" and then ronya or someone comes and lays the shit down on them and then the thread dies.
i beg your pardon
i do not post on the bitcoin forums
+1
21stCenturyCall me Pixel, or Pix for short![They/Them]Registered Userregular
There's a couple of really avid bitcoins users that use our forum. Whenever we make mention of it it shows up on the bitcoin forums about a day or two later. They do the whole smug "these guys are so dumb" and then ronya or someone comes and lays the shit down on them and then the thread dies.
There's a couple of really avid bitcoins users that use our forum. Whenever we make mention of it it shows up on the bitcoin forums about a day or two later. They do the whole smug "these guys are so dumb" and then ronya or someone comes and lays the shit down on them and then the thread dies.
i beg your pardon
i do not post on the bitcoin forums
" He said, [virtually] fondling his gold bitcoins.
There's a couple of really avid bitcoins users that use our forum. Whenever we make mention of it it shows up on the bitcoin forums about a day or two later. They do the whole smug "these guys are so dumb" and then ronya or someone comes and lays the shit down on them and then the thread dies.
i beg your pardon
i do not post on the bitcoin forums
" He said, [virtually] fondling his gold bitcoins.
Actually, IIRC, there was a guy who wanted to mint physical bitcoins, made of brass, Silver and Gold, for 100 bitcoins or something.
There's a couple of really avid bitcoins users that use our forum. Whenever we make mention of it it shows up on the bitcoin forums about a day or two later. They do the whole smug "these guys are so dumb" and then ronya or someone comes and lays the shit down on them and then the thread dies.
i beg your pardon
i do not post on the bitcoin forums
" He said, [virtually] fondling his gold bitcoins.
"...besides, it is a member of a Bitcoin webring, with threaded comments" he muttered resentfully. It was a small but vital difference he thought
Freedom for the Northern Isles!
+2
ChanusHarbinger of the Spicy Rooster ApocalypseThe Flames of a Thousand Collapsed StarsRegistered User, Moderatormod
There's a couple of really avid bitcoins users that use our forum. Whenever we make mention of it it shows up on the bitcoin forums about a day or two later. They do the whole smug "these guys are so dumb" and then ronya or someone comes and lays the shit down on them and then the thread dies.
i beg your pardon
i do not post on the bitcoin forums
" He said, [virtually] fondling his gold bitcoins.
Actually, IIRC, there was a guy who wanted to mint physical bitcoins, made of brass, Silver and Gold, for 100 bitcoins or something.
@ronya you misunderstood (more like I mistyped) I meant you come in when they come here and start their nonsense, you post in the threads here and then it dies. Their forums are a sad place.
not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
@ronya you misunderstood (more like I mistyped) I meant you come in when they come here and start their nonsense, you post in the threads here and then it dies. Their forums are a sad place.
NO I AM OUTRAGED BY YOUR INSINUATIONS RRRRR
(not really, no. Worry not, o footman.)
+1
GonmunHe keeps kickin' me inthe dickRegistered Userregular
@ronya you misunderstood (more like I mistyped) I meant you come in when they come here and start their nonsense, you post in the threads here and then it dies. Their forums are a sad place.
NO I AM OUTRAGED BY YOUR INSINUATIONS RRRRR
(not really, no. Worry not, o footman.)
I SHOULD LEAD AN ATTACK ON THE FORUMS FOR LORDERON
not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
I wish I lived in Canadia like 21st where they have moved beyond such silly things as pants.
We don't wear any clothing at all in Canada.
Which reminds me, I need to call the city to pick up all the frozen bodies of pedestrians who tried to walk to work naked in -20 degree.
You'd think we would take a page out of the penguin's book and huddle together during those types of commutes.
Coincidentally I am now planning to write a new self help book for the Canadian 2013 winter market, tentatively titled "The Wisdom of Penguins: How the Frozen South can teach the Frozen North about life, love and communism"
Freedom for the Northern Isles!
+3
ChanusHarbinger of the Spicy Rooster ApocalypseThe Flames of a Thousand Collapsed StarsRegistered User, Moderatormod
One flaw in my plan to put myself to sleep with scotch last night is having scotchy burps this morning.
Allegedly a voice of reason.
0
21stCenturyCall me Pixel, or Pix for short![They/Them]Registered Userregular
ChanusHarbinger of the Spicy Rooster ApocalypseThe Flames of a Thousand Collapsed StarsRegistered User, Moderatormod
I always wanted to move back home to Michigan, but now that they're basically North Arkansas, I might as well just move to Toronto or something.
Allegedly a voice of reason.
0
TTODewbackPuts the drawl in ya'llI think I'm in HellRegistered Userregular
I had a couple of delightfully risque dreams last night that would have made a Chu blush.
Also, going to the Alabama State vs. Troy basketball game tonight.
Also hoping to be able to see some meteorites tonight.
Bless your heart.
0
21stCenturyCall me Pixel, or Pix for short![They/Them]Registered Userregular
if Iwere to play Spore, would you guys be interested in the saga of the toilet-monsters?
Posts
Sadly, no. Pants are still required most places.
WHEN WILL THE OPPRESSION END
What are those "pants" you speak of? It sounds like an ancient artifact we have moved beyond with our tubular hypercloth finery.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
@japan
Yah. The Economist had a podcast reference to the above
For all the dissapointment, making creatures was immensely fun.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
There's a couple of really avid bitcoins users that use our forum. Whenever we make mention of it it shows up on the bitcoin forums about a day or two later. They do the whole smug "these guys are so dumb" and then ronya or someone comes and lays the shit down on them and then the thread dies.
How very dare you sir. Pro wraslin' is the highest form of artistic expression man can aspire to.
i beg your pardon
i do not post on the bitcoin forums
" He said, fondling his gold bitcoins.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
<---- Longest reigning PPV Pick'Em champ last year. :P
Which reminds me, I need to call the city to pick up all the frozen bodies of pedestrians who tried to walk to work naked in -20 degree.
Actually, IIRC, there was a guy who wanted to mint physical bitcoins, made of brass, Silver and Gold, for 100 bitcoins or something.
Edit: https://www.casascius.com/
25 bitcoin coins are electroplated with gold.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
That would be amusing :P
NO I AM OUTRAGED BY YOUR INSINUATIONS RRRRR
(not really, no. Worry not, o footman.)
You'd think we would take a page out of the penguin's book and huddle together during those types of commutes.
I SHOULD LEAD AN ATTACK ON THE FORUMS FOR LORDERON
Coincidentally I am now planning to write a new self help book for the Canadian 2013 winter market, tentatively titled "The Wisdom of Penguins: How the Frozen South can teach the Frozen North about life, love and communism"
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
When you guys start doing that I'm moving to Canada. :winky:
gone girl
Also, going to the Alabama State vs. Troy basketball game tonight.
Also hoping to be able to see some meteorites tonight.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
Look, I know you're from Quebec and all but why would I want to hear a tale about you on the pooper? :P
what the f
You don't? You've clearly never rode a bus during rush hour.
Run it in CF, make it some kind of forum game. It'll be great.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
How would that work?
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
She's going to school for her PhD. Apparently that shit's not easy breezy.