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KalTorakOne way or another, they all end up inthe Undercity.Registered Userregular
An Irishman, an Englishman, and an Indian Chief go fishing together in a large rowboat, in a medium-sized lake. Everyone has good luck, two or three big fish each. They stay out in the middle of the lake until sunset. On the way back to shore, as the sky purples and turns to night, they all sing a song.
sandwich goes to a bar, the barkeep yells at him "hey! get out of here! you're still banned!"
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KalTorakOne way or another, they all end up inthe Undercity.Registered Userregular
A dog goes into a bar. He is wearing an eyepatch. The dog says to the bartender, "Have you heard the one about the one-eyed dog?"
The bartender, who is deaf in one ear, thinks the dog is making fun of him. He asks him to leave. The dog says, "Don't you have a sense of humor, deafie?"
At the end of his shift, the bartender is tired of all the jokes. Today it's a one-eyed dog. Yesterday it was a horse with rickets. The day before: ants. He lives above the bar, in a small room. He spends the night alone there, listening to his battery-operated radio, which picks up only a bad jazz station. He listens to bad jazz with his bad ear.
A man goes into a bar. He has a dog with him. The dog is wearing an eyepatch.
The man says to the bartender, "Ask me about my dog."
Unfortunately, the bartender does not hear him, because he went deaf in one ear as a child. He serves a woman at the other end of the bar. When he comes around to the man with the dog again, the man orders an imported beer. He forgets what he was going to say about the dog.
An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist are staying for the night in a hotel. Fortunately for this joke, a small fire breaks out in each room.
The physicist awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel's wine list does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher, he puts out the fire with one, short, well placed burst, and then crawls back into bed and goes back to sleep.
The engineer awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel's room service list (pizza menu) does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher, and adding a safety factor of 5, he puts out the fire by hosing down the entire room several times over, and then crawls into his soggy bed and goes back to sleep.
The mathematician awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on a blackboard installed in the room, does some quick calculations. Jubilant, he exclaims "A solution exists!", and crawls into his dry bed and goes back to sleep.
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There is engine trouble, and one of the wings catches on fire. The plane starts to go down.
Luckily, there are enough parachutes for everyone. Evacuation is orderly.
get get the hell out of there.
Cause the parrot says mean things, and the gorilla is really strong.
Who's limerick ended in line two.
HER TAMPON WAS A PUMPKIN TOO!
THIS MONSTROUS CREATURE WILL DESTROY US ALL
The pharmacist says, "We have nothing for ducks here."
The bartender, who is deaf in one ear, thinks the dog is making fun of him. He asks him to leave. The dog says, "Don't you have a sense of humor, deafie?"
At the end of his shift, the bartender is tired of all the jokes. Today it's a one-eyed dog. Yesterday it was a horse with rickets. The day before: ants. He lives above the bar, in a small room. He spends the night alone there, listening to his battery-operated radio, which picks up only a bad jazz station. He listens to bad jazz with his bad ear.
......
My ass.
No.
No.
I am only fooling. I love my wife.
The first one orders a beer.
The second orders half a beer.
The third, a quarter of a beer.
The bartender says "You're all assholes", and pours two beers.
STEAM!
damn it why did i laugh at this.
STEAM!
Because it was funny
STEAM!
He works it out with a pencil.
Eventually, the scientist got sick of his clone and pushed him over a cliff.
The next day he was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.
What does a gay horse eat?
Once you go black
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow blower?
A man runs over a lady in his truck, whose fault is it?
STEAM!
I'm trying to stay in this thread and the satans thread to stay out of the connecticut thread
STEAM!
What did the prism say to the light beam that ran into him?
The doctor says "I save lives, it's important that I keep living" and jumps out of the plane.
The lawyer says "I'm the smartest person on this plane, the world would be worse off without me" and jumps out of the plane.
The priest looks at the kid and says "I have lived a good life, go save yourself my son"
The kid replies "I don't think we need to worry"
"Why's that?"
"Because the smartest person on this plane just jumped with my backpack".
The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."
The cop looks skeptically at them and asks for them to open the trunk.
Upon inspection, the officer asks, "Did you guys know you have a dead cat back here?"
Schrodinger, now irritated says, "Well now I do."
STEAM!
how many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
this joke brought to you by Anton Chekhov
STEAM!
Shine on, you crazy diamond.
STEAM!
*does the gesture of picking loose tobacco off of tongue*
An optimist says the glass is half full
An engineer says the glass is twice as large as it needs to be
STEAM!
The physicist awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel's wine list does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher, he puts out the fire with one, short, well placed burst, and then crawls back into bed and goes back to sleep.
The engineer awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel's room service list (pizza menu) does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher, and adding a safety factor of 5, he puts out the fire by hosing down the entire room several times over, and then crawls into his soggy bed and goes back to sleep.
The mathematician awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on a blackboard installed in the room, does some quick calculations. Jubilant, he exclaims "A solution exists!", and crawls into his dry bed and goes back to sleep.
STEAM!
All the sailors were marooned
STEAM!
A guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. "What do you call that?", asks the bartender. "I call him Tiny, because he's my newt!"
A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar.
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.
A priest, a rabbi, a nun, a doctor, an engineer and a blond walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, what is this, some kind of a joke?"
BED TIME!
STEAM!