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and being a cowboy, the first thing he does is go to the saloon, that's just what you do in cowboy towns
the saloon is totally empty except for the bartender, who's standing and cleaning his glasses
so the cowboy saunters over to the bar
'I've been in a lot of cowboy towns, and I know the only reason for an empty saloon is that there's a hangin' in the town square today. who's the unlucky man?' the cowboy asks.
'a fella by the name o' Brown Paper Bag Pete.' the bartender says.
'Brown Paper Bag Pete? what's his schtick?' says the cowboy (one of the rarer Jewish cowboys). the bartender puts down his glass and starts pouring a whiskey for the cowboy.
'well, Pete would go around wearing a vest made out of a brown paper bag, chaps made out of brown paper bags, hat made out of a brown paper bag and so on.' the bartender says, sliding the whiskey over to the cowboy. the cowboy takes a sip of whiskey.
'hmm. sounds like a mighty dangerous individual. what're they hangin' Brown Paper Bag Pete for?'
the bartender reaches for another glass and says
'Rustlin' '
+18
smof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
I am simultaneously proud and ashamed of all of you.
Oli is laying in bed dying. He has but hours to live, and suddenly he smells his wife Lina's rhubarb pie.
He loves that fresh baked pie.
Oli drags himself out of bed and down the stairs to the kitchen, and as he reaches up for the pie to have one last taste before moving on to his sweet reward Lina smacks his hands away
"Now Oli you leave that alone, that's for the funeral!"
and being a cowboy, the first thing he does is go to the saloon, that's just what you do in cowboy towns
the saloon is totally empty except for the bartender, who's standing and cleaning his glasses
so the cowboy saunters over to the bar
'I've been in a lot of cowboy towns, and I know the only reason for an empty saloon is that there's a hangin' in the town square today. who's the unlucky man?' the cowboy asks.
'a fella by the name o' Brown Paper Bag Pete.' the bartender says.
'Brown Paper Bag Pete? what's his schtick?' says the cowboy (one of the rarer Jewish cowboys). the bartender puts down his glass and starts pouring a whiskey for the cowboy.
'well, Pete would go around wearing a vest made out of a brown paper bag, chaps made out of brown paper bags, hat made out of a brown paper bag and so on.' the bartender says, sliding the whiskey over to the cowboy. the cowboy takes a sip of whiskey.
'hmm. sounds like a mighty dangerous individual. what're they hangin' Brown Paper Bag Pete for?'
the bartender reaches for another glass and says
'Rustlin' '
When I tell that joke in person, I can drag it out for like ten, fifteen minutes. It's brutal.
So one time this guy is speeding down a lonely section of interstate and just happens to pass by a billboard where a state trooper has setup a speed trap.
So the Trooper turns on his lights and pulls the guy over, and ask for his license and registration and says "You know your were going almost 75 miles per hour, where were you going in such a hurry?"
The man looks at him and says "Well you see I'm late to work at the hospital"
The officer says "OH really? What do you do at the hospital?"
The man frowns and says "Well, it's kind embarrassing but I'm and rectum stretcher"
"What does that job entail?" asks the officer.
"Well see, first I start by getting one finger in there, and work it around a little until I can get in two, then tree and four, and so on until I can get my arms in there, then what I do is keep going until it's about up to about six feet"
"What in god's name do you do with a six foot asshole?" The Officer says.
"Well" Says the man "You give him a radar gun, a uniform, and put him behind a billboard.|"
ButtlordFornicusLord of Bondage and PainRegistered Userregular
my favorite version of the add kids joke is to just cut the joke off halfway and go right to the punchline
how many kids with add does it take to you wanna go ride bikes?
+2
Suicide SlydeHaunts your dreamsof mountains sunk below the seaRegistered Userregular
My wife is always bugging me. She says we're a borIng couple. So yesterday she says "Take me someplace I've never been." So I take her to the kitchen. Baddaboom.
The other day I bent over the bar and my stool got pushed in. Blammo.
I think there's more to this one but I don't care to remember it right now.
Posts
This will be here until I receive an apology or Weedlordvegeta get any consequences for being a bully
I use that joke all the time.
your dad could never quite bring himself to love her
"Lina," he says "why are ya naked?"
"I don't have any clothes, Oli" Lina says
"Thats not true" says Oli and he walks over to the closet
"See? Here's your red dress and a your green dress and Sven and your blue dress"
They're both a Sikh in arms!
The Bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
all are offended by what they see.
OK that one is actually pretty great
an irishman, a black guy, and a jew walk into a bar
what a fine example of a racially integrated neighborhood
Bah! How can one joke in such plebian conditions?
What do you do with a dead chemist?
Baryum.
History will absolve me!
so a cowboy walks into a cowboy town
and being a cowboy, the first thing he does is go to the saloon, that's just what you do in cowboy towns
the saloon is totally empty except for the bartender, who's standing and cleaning his glasses
so the cowboy saunters over to the bar
'I've been in a lot of cowboy towns, and I know the only reason for an empty saloon is that there's a hangin' in the town square today. who's the unlucky man?' the cowboy asks.
'a fella by the name o' Brown Paper Bag Pete.' the bartender says.
'Brown Paper Bag Pete? what's his schtick?' says the cowboy (one of the rarer Jewish cowboys). the bartender puts down his glass and starts pouring a whiskey for the cowboy.
'well, Pete would go around wearing a vest made out of a brown paper bag, chaps made out of brown paper bags, hat made out of a brown paper bag and so on.' the bartender says, sliding the whiskey over to the cowboy. the cowboy takes a sip of whiskey.
'hmm. sounds like a mighty dangerous individual. what're they hangin' Brown Paper Bag Pete for?'
the bartender reaches for another glass and says
He loves that fresh baked pie.
Oli drags himself out of bed and down the stairs to the kitchen, and as he reaches up for the pie to have one last taste before moving on to his sweet reward Lina smacks his hands away
"Now Oli you leave that alone, that's for the funeral!"
When I tell that joke in person, I can drag it out for like ten, fifteen minutes. It's brutal.
So the Trooper turns on his lights and pulls the guy over, and ask for his license and registration and says "You know your were going almost 75 miles per hour, where were you going in such a hurry?"
The man looks at him and says "Well you see I'm late to work at the hospital"
The officer says "OH really? What do you do at the hospital?"
The man frowns and says "Well, it's kind embarrassing but I'm and rectum stretcher"
"What does that job entail?" asks the officer.
"Well see, first I start by getting one finger in there, and work it around a little until I can get in two, then tree and four, and so on until I can get my arms in there, then what I do is keep going until it's about up to about six feet"
"What in god's name do you do with a six foot asshole?" The Officer says.
Steam - NotoriusBEN | Uplay - notoriusben | Xbox,Windows Live - ThatBEN
Nord:
Two Dunmer walk off a cliff.
Dunmer:
They land on a Nord.
who's there
jesus and he's here to save your soul
who's there
dave
dave who
dave's grandmother's alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she no longer recognizes him
orange you glad I didn't say banana
dave's not here man
i'm dave
It was in tents
STEAM!
very
interrupting cow
I have told this one before, where instead of the punchline I just walked away and didnt see the person for three days
Its me man open up the door I got the stuff
STEAM!
how many kids with add does it take to you wanna go ride bikes?
The other day I bent over the bar and my stool got pushed in. Blammo.