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No, it's referencing the idea that we have no control over the circumstances of our birth. 'There but for the grace of God' and all that jazz. The highway is an important icon in American culture. The joke draws attention to the fact that many different people travel the highway every day, each with their own status and origin, neither of which they had a hand in. You were born on a highway, you aren't like everyone else, you aren't fixed to a single spot. Maybe your lack of a place of birth indicates that you have an ability to shape your identity and status far beyond most. Most people are passing through on the highway, you were born there.
Or maybe the calendar is saying that your birth is miraculous. You were born on a highway, an incredibly unsafe place to have a baby. Most accidents happen on highways after all. Yet here you are. You have beaten the odds.
No, it's referencing the idea that we have no control over the circumstances of our birth. 'There but for the grace of God' and all that jazz. The highway is an important icon in American culture. The joke draws attention to the fact that many different people travel the highway every day, each with their own status and origin, neither of which they had a hand in. You were born on a highway, you aren't like everyone else, you aren't fixed to a single spot. Maybe your lack of a place of birth indicates that you have an ability to shape your identity and status far beyond most. Most people are passing through on the highway, you were born there.
Or maybe the calendar is saying that your birth is miraculous. You were born on a highway, an incredibly unsafe place to have a baby. Most accidents happen on highways. Yet here you are. You have beaten the odds.
You've single handedly invented the discipline of Bad Joke Criticism. Get a college lecture hall and 100 students pronto. Probably publish a few papers.
and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
but they're listening to every word I say
No, it's referencing the idea that we have no control over the circumstances of our birth. 'There but for the grace of God' and all that jazz. The highway is an important icon in American culture. The joke draws attention to the fact that many different people travel the highway every day, each with their own status and origin, neither of which they had a hand in. You were born on a highway, you aren't like everyone else, you aren't fixed to a single spot. Maybe your lack of a place of birth indicates that you have an ability to shape your identity and status far beyond most. Most people are passing through on the highway, you were born there.
Or maybe the calendar is saying that your birth is miraculous. You were born on a highway, an incredibly unsafe place to have a baby. Most accidents happen on highways. Yet here you are. You have beaten the odds.
You've single handedly invented the discipline of Bad Joke Criticism. Get a college lecture hall and 100 students pronto. Probably publish a few papers.
It certainly brings a whole new meaning to Humorous Observations.
As one of the last of his dying breed in the 21st century, a traveling salesman was working his way through a rather idyllic suburban neighbourhood and lamenting his lot in life. With the sun playing a wistful dance through white picket fences and the wind softly pulling the last dying leaves of Autumn to the ground, he approached his final house of the day and possibly his career.
Stepping through the gate, he closed the latch at the same time an alarming *CRASH* sounds from the living room of his prospective client. Banging on the door, he shouted, "Hello? Is everyone ok? Is anybody hurt?"
And then the door opened to a shocking scene.
The room itself was in total disarray with broken mirrors and flatware against the walls, styrofoam spilling out of shredded furniture and the distinct smell of burning toast.
A woman was lying face down, naked and one hand in an open pizza box, grasping the last slice of pepperoni and what looked like cauliflower. A small coyote was perched on her back, slowly using it's teeth to comb a series of gummi bears out of her hair.
When the salesman finally registered the room, he looked to find a young man, no more than twelve, standing in front of him. The boy had a ripped shirt, soiled underwear, a lit cigar in his mouth and possibly some sort of flour on the majority of his face.
"Oh my God! Son, are your parents here?!?"
The boy took the lit cigar out of his mouth, did a quick squeeze-and-sniff on his nose and simply said:
No, it's referencing the idea that we have no control over the circumstances of our birth. 'There but for the grace of God' and all that jazz. The highway is an important icon in American culture. The joke draws attention to the fact that many different people travel the highway every day, each with their own status and origin, neither of which they had a hand in. You were born on a highway, you aren't like everyone else, you aren't fixed to a single spot. Maybe your lack of a place of birth indicates that you have an ability to shape your identity and status far beyond most. Most people are passing through on the highway, you were born there.
Or maybe the calendar is saying that your birth is miraculous. You were born on a highway, an incredibly unsafe place to have a baby. Most accidents happen on highways. Yet here you are. You have beaten the odds.
You've single handedly invented the discipline of Bad Joke Criticism. Get a college lecture hall and 100 students pronto. Probably publish a few papers.
It certainly brings a whole new meaning to Humorous Observations.
I thought Humorous Observations was what you call the doctor's notes when performing upper-arm surgery.
An old man is walking through the park one day, and notices a young boy helping himself to a large bag of candy in his lap.
He goes up and says "Young man, you shouldn't eat so much candy."
The boy replies "My grandpa lived to be 100"
"Oh? And did he eat candy?"
"No, but he minded his own fucking business."
Goatmon on
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NocrenLt Futz, Back in ActionNorth CarolinaRegistered Userregular
True story:
So I dontated blood at work one time and now Red Cross won't stop calling every three months since I'm O-. And I just got off the phone with them saying that I'll be donating today because I'm a rare vintage and tell my mom this.
Mom: "Oh? What are you?"
Me: O negative.
"Are you sure?"
Pretty sure... That's what I was in the navy.
"I'm O Positive. When did you become negative?"
Well, I've gotten pretty cynical these past few years...
So I dontated blood at work one time and now Red Cross won't stop calling every three months since I'm O-. And I just got off the phone with them saying that I'll be donating today because I'm a rare vintage and tell my mom this.
Mom: "Oh? What are you?"
Me: O negative.
"Are you sure?"
Pretty sure... That's what I was in the navy.
"I'm O Positive. When did you become negative?"
Well, I've gotten pretty cynical these past few years...
Listen here man. Don't tell dad jokes to your mom. It's a union thing and you're putting your dad out of business. Y'unnastand?
So I dontated blood at work one time and now Red Cross won't stop calling every three months since I'm O-. And I just got off the phone with them saying that I'll be donating today because I'm a rare vintage and tell my mom this.
Mom: "Oh? What are you?"
Me: O negative.
"Are you sure?"
Pretty sure... That's what I was in the navy.
"I'm O Positive. When did you become negative?"
Well, I've gotten pretty cynical these past few years...
Listen here man. Don't tell dad jokes to your mom. It's a union thing and you're putting your dad out of business. Y'unnastand?
It's true, most experts say that picking scabs is bad for you.
So I dontated blood at work one time and now Red Cross won't stop calling every three months since I'm O-. And I just got off the phone with them saying that I'll be donating today because I'm a rare vintage and tell my mom this.
Mom: "Oh? What are you?"
Me: O negative.
"Are you sure?"
Pretty sure... That's what I was in the navy.
"I'm O Positive. When did you become negative?"
Well, I've gotten pretty cynical these past few years...
Listen here man. Don't tell dad jokes to your mom. It's a union thing and you're putting your dad out of business. Y'unnastand?
It's true, most experts say that picking scabs is bad for you.
These jokes are getting so bad I want to protest them.
So I dontated blood at work one time and now Red Cross won't stop calling every three months since I'm O-. And I just got off the phone with them saying that I'll be donating today because I'm a rare vintage and tell my mom this.
Mom: "Oh? What are you?"
Me: O negative.
"Are you sure?"
Pretty sure... That's what I was in the navy.
"I'm O Positive. When did you become negative?"
Well, I've gotten pretty cynical these past few years...
Listen here man. Don't tell dad jokes to your mom. It's a union thing and you're putting your dad out of business. Y'unnastand?
It's true, most experts say that picking scabs is bad for you.
These jokes are getting so bad I want to protest them.
Maybe you could get the fencebuilders union to help you...picket?
So I dontated blood at work one time and now Red Cross won't stop calling every three months since I'm O-. And I just got off the phone with them saying that I'll be donating today because I'm a rare vintage and tell my mom this.
Mom: "Oh? What are you?"
Me: O negative.
"Are you sure?"
Pretty sure... That's what I was in the navy.
"I'm O Positive. When did you become negative?"
Well, I've gotten pretty cynical these past few years...
Listen here man. Don't tell dad jokes to your mom. It's a union thing and you're putting your dad out of business. Y'unnastand?
It's true, most experts say that picking scabs is bad for you.
These jokes are getting so bad I want to protest them.
Maybe you could get the fencebuilders union to help you...picket?
No thanks. I don't want to be involved in the buying and selling of stolen goods.
So I dontated blood at work one time and now Red Cross won't stop calling every three months since I'm O-. And I just got off the phone with them saying that I'll be donating today because I'm a rare vintage and tell my mom this.
Mom: "Oh? What are you?"
Me: O negative.
"Are you sure?"
Pretty sure... That's what I was in the navy.
"I'm O Positive. When did you become negative?"
Well, I've gotten pretty cynical these past few years...
Listen here man. Don't tell dad jokes to your mom. It's a union thing and you're putting your dad out of business. Y'unnastand?
It's true, most experts say that picking scabs is bad for you.
These jokes are getting so bad I want to protest them.
Maybe you could get the fencebuilders union to help you...picket?
No thanks. I don't want to be involved in the buying and selling of stolen goods.
Can I interest you in some stolen bads? What about some pretty OKs?
So I dontated blood at work one time and now Red Cross won't stop calling every three months since I'm O-. And I just got off the phone with them saying that I'll be donating today because I'm a rare vintage and tell my mom this.
Mom: "Oh? What are you?"
Me: O negative.
"Are you sure?"
Pretty sure... That's what I was in the navy.
"I'm O Positive. When did you become negative?"
Well, I've gotten pretty cynical these past few years...
Listen here man. Don't tell dad jokes to your mom. It's a union thing and you're putting your dad out of business. Y'unnastand?
It's true, most experts say that picking scabs is bad for you.
These jokes are getting so bad I want to protest them.
Maybe you could get the fencebuilders union to help you...picket?
No thanks. I don't want to be involved in the buying and selling of stolen goods.
Can I interest you in some stolen bads? What about some pretty OKs?
I'd watch out, if you keep up that business plan you'll receive some just fines.
There are almost 500 billionaires in the United States; the tragedy isn't that they have all of the goddamned money.
The tragedy is that not a single one of them is The Goddamned Batman.
Well, duh. None of THESE billionaire's saw their wealthy parents gunned down in front of them during a robbery gone wrong outside a theatre as a child, burning a hatred of criminals and a number of deep psychological issues into their young minds to give them an all consuming passion to expend their fortunes on vigilante justice.
I think you know what you need to do to rectify the situation. Here's a gun and a ski mask. Do what needs to be done.
So I dontated blood at work one time and now Red Cross won't stop calling every three months since I'm O-. And I just got off the phone with them saying that I'll be donating today because I'm a rare vintage and tell my mom this.
Mom: "Oh? What are you?"
Me: O negative.
"Are you sure?"
Pretty sure... That's what I was in the navy.
"I'm O Positive. When did you become negative?"
Well, I've gotten pretty cynical these past few years...
Listen here man. Don't tell dad jokes to your mom. It's a union thing and you're putting your dad out of business. Y'unnastand?
It's true, most experts say that picking scabs is bad for you.
These jokes are getting so bad I want to protest them.
Maybe you could get the fencebuilders union to help you...picket?
A vulture is at the airport and at the baggage check. He gives his suitcase to the steward, who notices the vulture also has a rather large carcass with him.
"I'm sorry sir, but you'll need to check that as well."
Posts
They have given you the greatest give that has ever been given.
What? There are jokes each day. Today is April 18, just like the calendar says.
Island Name: Felinefine
**edit: spoilered so you can look at it tomorrow
Island Name: Felinefine
Or maybe the calendar is saying that your birth is miraculous. You were born on a highway, an incredibly unsafe place to have a baby. Most accidents happen on highways after all. Yet here you are. You have beaten the odds.
You've single handedly invented the discipline of Bad Joke Criticism. Get a college lecture hall and 100 students pronto. Probably publish a few papers.
but they're listening to every word I say
It certainly brings a whole new meaning to Humorous Observations.
I see now what the joke was.
Steam Switch FC: 2799-7909-4852
You know you're getting old when a dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.
This is pretty true considering how well he raids.
Stepping through the gate, he closed the latch at the same time an alarming *CRASH* sounds from the living room of his prospective client. Banging on the door, he shouted, "Hello? Is everyone ok? Is anybody hurt?"
And then the door opened to a shocking scene.
The room itself was in total disarray with broken mirrors and flatware against the walls, styrofoam spilling out of shredded furniture and the distinct smell of burning toast.
A woman was lying face down, naked and one hand in an open pizza box, grasping the last slice of pepperoni and what looked like cauliflower. A small coyote was perched on her back, slowly using it's teeth to comb a series of gummi bears out of her hair.
When the salesman finally registered the room, he looked to find a young man, no more than twelve, standing in front of him. The boy had a ripped shirt, soiled underwear, a lit cigar in his mouth and possibly some sort of flour on the majority of his face.
"Oh my God! Son, are your parents here?!?"
The boy took the lit cigar out of his mouth, did a quick squeeze-and-sniff on his nose and simply said:
"The fuck do you think?"
Holy shit, this is perfect
@a steak! you must bask in the glory of this perfect joke
I thought Humorous Observations was what you call the doctor's notes when performing upper-arm surgery.
He is bald, and has what he calls a "Wind-proof hat":
Yes, that is a tiny suction cup attached to the center of the hat.
He also keeps this with him, so if he asks my Grandma to do something and she says "When I get around to it":
I mean, it makes sense. He's mastered dad jokes, so it follows that he'd have upgraded to grandad jokes.
A procrastinator's work is never done
He goes up and says "Young man, you shouldn't eat so much candy."
The boy replies "My grandpa lived to be 100"
"Oh? And did he eat candy?"
"No, but he minded his own fucking business."
So I dontated blood at work one time and now Red Cross won't stop calling every three months since I'm O-. And I just got off the phone with them saying that I'll be donating today because I'm a rare vintage and tell my mom this.
Mom: "Oh? What are you?"
Me: O negative.
"Are you sure?"
Pretty sure... That's what I was in the navy.
"I'm O Positive. When did you become negative?"
Well, I've gotten pretty cynical these past few years...
Island Name: Felinefine
Listen here man. Don't tell dad jokes to your mom. It's a union thing and you're putting your dad out of business. Y'unnastand?
It's true, most experts say that picking scabs is bad for you.
These jokes are getting so bad I want to protest them.
Maybe you could get the fencebuilders union to help you...picket?
No thanks. I don't want to be involved in the buying and selling of stolen goods.
The tragedy is that not a single one of them is The Goddamned Batman.
Can I interest you in some stolen bads? What about some pretty OKs?
I'd watch out, if you keep up that business plan you'll receive some just fines.
Well, duh. None of THESE billionaire's saw their wealthy parents gunned down in front of them during a robbery gone wrong outside a theatre as a child, burning a hatred of criminals and a number of deep psychological issues into their young minds to give them an all consuming passion to expend their fortunes on vigilante justice.
I think you know what you need to do to rectify the situation. Here's a gun and a ski mask. Do what needs to be done.
It won't get better if you picket.
I wish the buck stopped here. I could sure use a few.
THESE ARE NOT JOKES, CALENDAR.
This calendar is failing at every one of its intended functions
A vulture is at the airport and at the baggage check. He gives his suitcase to the steward, who notices the vulture also has a rather large carcass with him.
"I'm sorry sir, but you'll need to check that as well."
The vulture is a little offended and says,