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Ask me about being transgendered
Metalbourne
Inside a cluster b personalityRegistered User regular
Inside a cluster b personalityRegistered User regular
You know, in case you have any questions or anything.
Also because I like talking about myself so much.
Also I hear that there are other trans people like myself in the world. I suppose they can answer questions too, if they want.
Also no guardian articles please
edit: please don't avoid asking a question out of fear of offending. Its better to learn how to ask a question properly than it is to never know the answer to it.
Also because I like talking about myself so much.
Also I hear that there are other trans people like myself in the world. I suppose they can answer questions too, if they want.
Also no guardian articles please
edit: please don't avoid asking a question out of fear of offending. Its better to learn how to ask a question properly than it is to never know the answer to it.
Metalbourne on
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do you get annoyed when someone you just met or you don't know very well comes right out and asks if you're transgender?
cuz it seems like an assumption, right - like someone asking me "are you Korean" instead of just asking me where I'm from
but what is a polite and respectful way to ask, if it's purely out of curiosity (and I'm totally okay not getting an answer cuz it's personal and you fear it may lead to all kinds of conversations you might not want to get into)?
naturally this answer would vary from person to person but it is actually something I am curious about
Well, me personally, I don't come across this question enough, because people know I'm trans. I get asked what my preferred pronoun is and, on occasion, whether I'm a boy or a girl.
Piece of advice, don't ask that second one because its kind of intrusive and offensive.
Education.
I don't mean I bust out the slides and shit while they're calling me a "faggot" but by interacting with people and showing them that I'm human.
But basically, how do you know you are transgendered? I ask because ok I was born into a female body so I call myself female, but I don't have this innate feeling of 'femaleness'. I only know I'm female because of my biology. I can't perceive how there would be another way to judge it.
I guess I can ask this to non-trans people as well, do people have some definite feeling of being one gender or another? Cos I don't. But I have always been kind of a 'tomboy' and do not dress or generally act 'like a girl' so I don't know if my own identity is just a bit screwy and that's why I can't get my head around it.
Maybe this doesn't make sense. Oops.
There was never a "for sure" time when I knew, but when I had a pretty sure idea that I was trans I tried to kill myself because I wasn't "man enough" and knew I never would be "man enough"
But finally starting my transition many years later really helped my outlook and quality of life.
not always wondering if they're transgender, mind, but just wondering if they're a dude or a lady, normally because I couldn't get a good look at their face
I never ask about it because knowing one way or the other has no impact on my life
but I guess you're saying that asking if someone (anyone, really) is a boy or a girl can be kinda mean, and yeah I totally get that and agree
thanks for answering!
wait, no. What are the preferred terms, and what's the difference between transgendered and transsexual? What words are disrespectful?
This is probably a problem on my end, but I figure a shaming by the commons is appropriate...
I have a friend who I grew up with and is transgendered, and has been for a few years now. She seems happy, all that. However, I haven't talked to her in at least 6 years now, if not longer, because she asked me if I was attracted to her from a strange event 3 years earlier. I couldn't tell if it was serious or not, but I do know she is gay at this point - never once did I get the impression that she was attracted to guys, before or after. There were other things that caused us to drift apart, of course, but she's one of only a few friends from my childhood that I don't still try to talk to occasionally. I find it awkward on a few levels. I find myself fine with drag queens and the rest of the LGBT movement, though my mind kinda goes ick at some thoughts... I just want to see everyone happy, despite my personal tastes.
Am I overreacting? (The answer is probably yes, but I've never talked to anyone about this.)
Huh?
No really. Spell it out for us.
She's requesting that people not link articles on the topic from The Guardian.
I don't, I think. I was born into a male body and I guess I never questioned that, but I feel as if I don't have any attachment to my gender/sex other than "peeing standing up is convenient". Societal ideas about what boys should like and how men should behave have also never really clicked with me. But those are social constructs and not actually tied to gender/sex. I have an identity, sure, but I'm not sure I have a gender identity?
I don't feel a particular dissonance though, or at least not the sense that I should have another body. I just don't feel it means much to me as a person.
Disclaimer: I'm not an expert on this at all and I realize I'm probably talking from a position of privilege. If anything I said comes off as incredibly ignorant, then, well it probably is, but it's in no way meant to be disrespectful
I think that's the hardest part. If I didn't feel like a guy, for whatever reason, I don't think I'd have the courage or fortitude to become transgendered, and those who have gone through that process (as horrible and as liberating as it is) have my complete support. Because damn, if it isn't already hard enough being male or female.. adding a 4-bit system of complexity on top of it must be agonizing at times.
Well, there are a few things that might lead you to believing you're transgendered.
First is body dysphoria. A lot of trans people have serious issues with their body. I was pretty disgusted with the fact that once I hit puberty I grew up to be all square and covered in hair. I've also had small anxiety attacks over touching my own penis. Kind of like how, if you've ever had a tick latch on and then you find it by feel, you're suddenly freaking out just a little? That's what having a penis is like for me. A weird alien...thing attached itself to my pelvis.
Another is self identification. For years, I didn't realize that I was comparing myself to women almost exclusively. "She's taller than me" or "she has nicer hips" or even, "I really like that outfit she's wearing and I've got to try to put something like that together when I get home" It's hard to explain, I guess.
A third is just an overwhelming desire or need to be that gender.
Someone made a thread about a guardian article that tube locked. I'm not going to comment on it.
Sounds like they need to find some friends.
I prescribe hugs.
Come here and get your hug Brainleech. Come back for your next hug in four hours.
Yeah, it seems like a fairly big thing, in the sense that if it's something a transgendered person would like to talk about, a real friend would show that interest and would talk about it with them? Not caring less is not really a normal reaction. Like, even if it's all completely fine with you, it's understandable that your friend would still want to talk about their experiences surrounding being transgendered.
Ok. That actually makes sense.
This is actually something that I have wanted to ask somebody for a really long time but never felt it was acceptable to ask, so thanks for the opportunity!
I have a friend who does this with polyamory, only he also talks about how he'll be fighting his personal civil rights movement like the LGBT community in 20 years. He finally stopped talking about it around me because I said my personal views were different and I had no issue with his lifestyle, but I couldn't give him validation.
I think that's what it comes down to - the person needs validation. If they start getting preachy then it's time to ask them to stop, but it really sounds like your friend needs support that they aren't getting. Just tell them in private that you are happy for them, are fully supportive, but that not making a big deal out of it will go further than singing it from the mountaintops - after all, we have enough guys and girls on the mountaintops singing how great they are, and some of them might do some bad things if they hear a harmonic that doesn't support their chord.
Ow.. that was a bad analogy.
Edit: Yeah.. the above poster has better advice - listen to what the person is saying and be supportive. @metalbourne, isn't counselling a part of the process as kind of a mandatory thing, or is that only in the US?
I'm polyamorous too, if we want to open that up
There's a laundry list of other indicators that other people might have, though. Those were just the ones that I felt.
I think that is thier goal but they are going about in a werid way as I think they have annoyed everyone I work with
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. For me, gender is kinda a continuum, in certain aspects of my life and/or situations I identify very strongly with being female, in others I lean towards slight femininity, androgyny, or even maleness. I don't know if that's a product of my education and choice of career (engineering/gvt contracting) or something that's innate (or the latter but expressed on during the former?), but there are definitely moments when I have a really hard time feeling like a female and having one of my coworkers/employees call me "Yes sir" doesn't feel awkward at all.
I have problems when people don't listen to my advice...
... over the course of a year...
and then support a guy who says that marriage is false and bad and implying my parents were wrong to be in a loving marriage for 35 years.. that's when I start having issue.
they are so small and delicate and studying individual links there is no evidence of mold lines or other ways they might have been joined together
is it magic
That really depends. I walked into planned parenthood and got a prescription for hormones that same day. That was in California. Here in Oregon, I'm finding that you need to have a letter from a psych.
(Actually, my entire English department was very LGBT friendly and it came up in almost all of my courses in a positive light. I'm very proud to have graduated from that program.)
The secret to lego's fine craftsmanship is their extremely tight tolerances and exacting precision. This is also why the blocks stay together so well.
she is trans, and i know this because this is my regular grocery store and like eight months ago she was presentin' like a dude but i've seen that shift over the past few months and now she wears make-up and got a lady's haircut and stuff
which takes crazy bravery because it means she's been at the same workplace for her transition and i imagine while the company is officially tolerant and all that some of her co-workers are probably douchebags about the issue
she actually passes really well and had i not previous knowledge i'd have not known the difference between her and a cis woman
so i wanted to like, compliment her and make her feel good but i was at a loss on how to do this directly ("hey, you pass really well! good job!" is atrocious)
so i was just like
non-specifically flirtatious and complimentary in the way i'd be to any pretty girl
she seemed pretty enthused about this!
was this the right move y/n and if n
how could i have done things differently
i dunno you didnt seem as much of a a jerk as you seem to think you were but maybe it was before my time
Also any recommendations for good/positive portrayals of transgendered people in tv or movies, especially documentaries? I'm always afraid of sounding ignorant when talking about this subject, and would like to know more.