Gamesies Ep5 - "Wii Must Find U" (looking for opinions)

DrAndonuts

Yo guys. Haven't been on the forums too long, but I was wondering if I could get some feedback on the show "Gamesies" that I do. We just put up our 5th episode "Wii Must Find U", and I wanted to see what you guys thought:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjLgrzczIX0

I'm looking to hear what you think about the technical qualities of the show - the editing, writing, and show format. I want to know what you think works, doesn't work, what seems amateurish, what seems polished. Do you like the narrative format, interspersed with bits, or does it seem to jump around too much? I've been trying to improve the show with each episode, and would like to hear your thoughts, if you have any.

ceres

We don't allow links to anything on which you are not specifically requesting feedback, because sitewhoring. You may keep this thread up if you are specific about what kind of feedback you want, you keep it in this thread, and you link directly to the youtube video instead of your site.

DrAndonuts

Oh ok, I ran it by Tube, and he seemed fine with it. I changed the link to YouTube and updated specifically what type of feedback I'm looking for.

ceres

I am aware and it has been discussed.

TPSou

The main section seems really polished and even got some laughs from me and my partner, whoever's doing the filming is doing a damn fine job. Not too sure about the format with the little cutaways, they varied in quality with the little interview (what was your favourite game of 2012) section being fine but the stand-up and the 'games you might have missed' bits feeling a little amateurish and not in keeping with the rest. Also a few of the special effects (the Gamesies logo) seem a little wobbly.
Good job with the writing as well, it was entertaining.

DrAndonuts

TPSou wrote: »

The main section seems really polished and even got some laughs from me and my partner, whoever's doing the filming is doing a damn fine job. Not too sure about the format with the little cutaways, they varied in quality with the little interview (what was your favourite game of 2012) section being fine but the stand-up and the 'games you might have missed' bits feeling a little amateurish and not in keeping with the rest. Also a few of the special effects (the Gamesies logo) seem a little wobbly.
Good job with the writing as well, it was entertaining.

Gotcha - the Favorite Game bits are sent in from different people, so the video quality is usually all over the place. I do the filming on the narrative parts, so I've got a bit more control over those. I'll try and tweak up some of the special effects/logo and see if I can get them to be better looking.

Thanks for the comments, really appreciate it!

bean23

There is a lot of stuff going on - long show.

1. Lighting is an issue in your interiors. Several times your actor's faces can't be seen. This is something you can fix with better lighting, but that's expensive so a lot of people just do it with blocking. If you can't see an actor's features well, move them. Also, keep in mind that people cast shadows. For example, your guy on the couch was well lit in the one shot and then obscured in the later two-shot.

2. The shot of the Craigslist ad was shakey. It's hard to steady a camera in that close, so you could use a tripod or to avoid the screen refresh look (not bad on this one due to zoom in, but good to know for other shots), you could have used a static screenshot.

3. The Favorite Games segment has too slow an intro with just the Powerpoint. It should move more quickly and look better. Also, I'd kill the segments that are just text or at least have someone narrate them.

4. The writing has some funny stuff. I particularly liked Cody's freakout and "Suddenly Seymour". The only issue I have is that with the exception of Cody, the characters are kind of the same person (fun, gamer guy). I'd look for ways to include more quick characterization. Look at HAWP's characters. They keep things really tight over there with all of the recurring characters being very specific and recognizable. This will help your writing too as you can start writing to the characters. You have nice gags, but I don't have a since of who the characters are.

DrAndonuts

1. I agree. I tried to use mostly natural lighting, but some of the faces did come in a bit too dark. We have some basic lighting equipment now, so we're going make a better effort of keeping everything well-lit.

2. I tried to make that shot just a bit shaky, just so it wasn't completely static. If it was distracting, then I'll probably try to cut back on shots like that.

3. Gotcha - I've been wanting to jazz up the intro to that segment, so I'll either speed it up or change it completely.

4. If by Cody, you mean Andy, then thanks! That's me (I try to stay behind the camera mostly). I've been trying to write the characters to better differentiate them - Han being more self-centered, Blake as a Chris Farley type, Josh as a dryer with a little goofiness, and Andy as the straight-man (except this episode). I'll check out some eps of Hey Ash.

Thanks for the great feedback! Some really awesome stuff.

bean23

I'm glad I could help. This is something I'm into, so I'm going to give a little more feedback and the some general tips that helped me.

I can kind of see that in your characters now - after you explained it, but the opening of a bit has to really clearly nail the characters down. This is true of any sketch that you watch (think SNL - you KNOW those characters within 20 seconds of their arrival in a sketch). This means that with recurring characters they have to be melodramatic. So the self-centered character should probably at least start the first segment as super self-centered, the straight guy needs to be VERY perplexed/offended, and the Chris-Farley type as super goofy (which is hard to write and act - especially episodically). I'm guessing Josh is sort of the back-up straight man with just a touch of goofy ("Suddenly Seymour!). That works if you are going to have someone as goofy as Chris Farley and as sociopathic as Han. The reactions to that craziness give it more impact. They are the "lowlights".

Okay, here is a bit of advice that I get quite often before I publish and it annoys me when I do, but it is good advice: Keep it tight. (Which of course means edit it down to just the best stuff). My thought on this is "Film more, and edit even more". For example, sometimes an actor isn't going to give your gag a very good delivery. That's just going to happen sometimes, but a nice way to cheat on that is that your straight man might give you a great reaction to the gag, so if you film it twice to get a reaction shot, you have options about which shot to use.

Also, you have a lot of material, so your actors may not be as inclined to rehearse it all. Something I do is highlight each script for the punch lines during the read through and then I give a lot of direction at the read through about how the gag should work. The actors then know HOW to rehearse it while learning their lines instead of getting quick direction the day of filming - which as someone in front of the camera sometimes, I'm sure you appreciate is tough (both on you and the actor because when I'm directing I'm thinking about a million things).

Finally, at the same time that I say that you want to keep things tight, you shouldn't be afraid of longer lines/shots. This can make your comic beats funnier. . . there is a lot of tempo stuff to writing and it's hard to communicate. I recommend watching a bunch of sketch and looking for it. Pay special attention to sketches that break the usual mold.

Longterm, if you can find a talented, funny actress (maybe as a love interest), I think your writing will benefit from it.

Good stuff and I'll keep watching.