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Dumbest insult in history?

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  • HybridHybrid South AustraliaRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    One day at school a year or two back, I was wearing a Tool shirt, because we had a "wear whatever the hell day" instead of having to wear out uniforms. One of these little bastard kids who had been pissing of me and my friends for a while that year came over and then said I really was a tool, like my shirt said.

    I informed him that not only did he obviously have nothing better then that, that if I was wearing a shirt that said Tool on it in big letters in public odds are I'm not gonna find it offensive to be called one.

    Hybrid on
  • EchoEcho ski-bap ba-dapModerator mod
    edited March 2007
    Aldo wrote: »
    It's the avatar

    Aw, he wasn't insulting you. :(

    Might have been the hair. :P

    Echo on
  • HybridHybrid South AustraliaRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Echo wrote: »
    Aldo wrote: »
    It's the avatar

    Aw, he wasn't insulting you. :(

    Might have been the hair. :P

    hey there pretty lady with all your hair and

    OH MOTHER OF GOD ITS A MAN!

    :P

    Hybrid on
  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Hybrid wrote: »
    Echo wrote: »
    Aldo wrote: »
    It's the avatar

    Aw, he wasn't insulting you. :(

    Might have been the hair. :P

    hey there pretty lady with all your hair and

    OH MOTHER OF GOD ITS A MAN!

    :P

    With a beard with a beard!

    Well this surely explains a lot, most men with long hair don't have it all shiny and stuff.

    Aldo on
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Septus wrote: »
    JJ wrote: »
    I don't fucking know why this was but you say "kitchen" ad she'd go nuclear.

    Cleaning Woman!!!!!

    Holy crap YES!

    Xaquin on
  • HappylilElfHappylilElf Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    According to Google after an exact phrase search for "dumbest insult it history", the dumbest insult in history was "hamburjier". I do not understand this.

    Maybe this chat log it comes from will explain it better?

    cfl> hamburjier was the dumbest insult ever
    Enemy> it was money cuz he is stupid
    Odin> what'd you do to UL?
    Enemy> rofl brakk'
    cfl> u made him speechless after the dumbest insult in history ):
    Enemy> i made him cry
    Odin> how?
    Enemy> he was so mad at me
    Odin> i beat him up yesturday in dz, he didn't cry though
    cfl> they were trash talking each other in blue the entire game
    Enemy> cuz i was talking shit about him zoldan nether his trisexual relationship
    cfl> than enemy> HAMBURJIER
    Odin> oh, i had nopubchat
    cfl> then he is quiet

    No, no it doesn't.

    I'm so totally a hamburjier?

    HappylilElf on
  • Casual EddyCasual Eddy The Astral PlaneRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Actually I remember when I was little I had a friend named Michael Gavin. My 2 older brothers thought it was hilarious that he had 2 first names. They said, without end, that had two names in one, or that he was two names in one guy. For some reason this bothered me immensely and I hated it a lot. It was the most moronic insult ever but I got real steamed about it. I have 3 first names but I didn't realize that at the time.

    My brothers also convinced me at one time that my parents found me in a dumpster in china. Of course, I'm blond and caucasian and my family's never been to china but it still upset me greatly.

    Casual Eddy on
  • ZimmydoomZimmydoom Accept no substitutes Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Xaquin44 wrote: »
    Septus wrote: »
    JJ wrote: »
    I don't fucking know why this was but you say "kitchen" ad she'd go nuclear.

    Cleaning Woman!!!!!

    Holy crap YES!

    When one of my female friends starts giving me shit I tell her to "Go wash my dinner, woman!"

    Zimmydoom on
    Better-than-birthday-sig!
    Gim wrote: »
    Zimmydoom, Zimmydoom
    Flew away in a balloon
    Had sex with polar bears
    While sitting in a reclining chair
    Now there are Zim-Bear hybrids
    Running around and clawing eyelids
    Watch out, a Zim-Bear is about to have sex with yooooooou!
  • Casual EddyCasual Eddy The Astral PlaneRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I have some friends that go to all girls college.

    I periodically ask them how "Giving Birth to Babies 101" and "Intro to Cooking and Cleaning" are going.

    Casual Eddy on
  • Jon 118Jon 118 Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I know a guy who's entire vocabulary of insults consists of 'Yer mum' and 'you look at pig porn'.

    He's weird.

    Jon 118 on
  • TarranonTarranon Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Actually I remember when I was little I had a friend named Michael Gavin. My 2 older brothers thought it was hilarious that he had 2 first names. They said, without end, that had two names in one, or that he was two names in one guy. For some reason this bothered me immensely and I hated it a lot. It was the most moronic insult ever but I got real steamed about it. I have 3 first names but I didn't realize that at the time.

    My brothers also convinced me at one time that my parents found me in a dumpster in china. Of course, I'm blond and caucasian and my family's never been to china but it still upset me greatly.

    When I was little my sister once convinced me that I was the Antichrist. I spent the rest of the week worrying about it and basically trying to figure out how to escape destiny.

    Tarranon on
    You could be anywhere
    On the black screen
  • YarYar Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I was playing Halo 2 online against what I figured to be a couple of kids about 10 - 12 yrs. old. I won the match but in the post-game they were tlkaing all kinds of trash. I quit out fairly quick, and then got a voice message from one of them: "Hey, I'm really sorry for all those things I said. I hate to tell you this, but um, you have SS. Suckiness Syndrome."

    Yar on
  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Suckiness Syndrom...wow, that's almost cute. :P

    Aldo on
  • Jon 118Jon 118 Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Aldo wrote: »
    Suckiness Syndrom...wow, that's almost cute. :P

    I wonder how long it took for them to come up with that?

    Jon 118 on
  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS regular
    edited March 2007
    The Cat wrote: »
    In first year of high school I had some guys giving me shit. Just the usual 'faggot lol'. So I proceeded to administer a beating. That's how I like to remember it anyway. In retrospect, I was probably just a whirlwind of loosely coordinated slaps, but they backed off and didn't bother me again. Probably didn't want any 'faggot lol' disease.

    That's pretty much what all Grade 8 fights look like, as I recall :P

    t feral REAL MEN SMOKE AND DRINK AND KILL DEER WITH THEIR TEETH

    But the ones worth keeping are the ones who simply pay someone else to smoke and drink and kill deer with their teeth for them, so that they can play golf instead.

    ViolentChemistry on
  • PsychoLarry1PsychoLarry1 Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    After the first year of college I sat around with some friends from high school talking about high school. We happened to mention a really dumb girl from the school. I say that she is as dumb as a brick. My friend tries to one up me by saying she is "as dumb as a brick that failed the brick test!"

    PsychoLarry1 on
  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Zimmydoom wrote: »
    Xaquin44 wrote: »
    Septus wrote: »
    JJ wrote: »
    I don't fucking know why this was but you say "kitchen" ad she'd go nuclear.

    Cleaning Woman!!!!!

    Holy crap YES!

    When one of my female friends starts giving me shit I tell her to "Go wash my dinner, woman!"

    but have you seen 'Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid'?

    Xaquin on
  • WitchdrWitchdr Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Zimmydoom wrote: »
    Wow, yeah middle school is pretty dumb. High School is so much better, take it from me. Anyways, this is how I replied to Carson's stupidity:
    Eric wrote:
    You know Carson; we all sprang from apes, you just didn't spring far enough
    That still makes me chuckle.

    Careful there. Reveling in your own burn is asking to get burned yourself.

    I'm not reveling, i'm just chuckling at it as it stunned him almost speechless. I say almost as he was still spluttering a bit in disbelief. You see, i'm one of those guys who always thinks up the really good come-backs about 10-20 minutes after the argument.

    Your come-backs are horrible, which i guess works out great for this thread.

    Now for me, one perticular conflict always sticks out, it starts with a bad come-back and ends with the one of the most horrid things you can say to a person's face.

    This was back in high school, in study hall, which is randomly assigned so people of all grades and levels are together. One kid, raised his hand and asked the teacher, (and i use quotes because this is really what he asked) "Isn't the capital of the United States New York?"

    Now we were all shocked that someone could be so stupid, but my buddy Casey was more verbal about it then the rest of us simply saying " That is possibly the dumbest thing i've ever heard"

    To which the kid replies with "You're the dumbest thing ive ever heard!"

    So a high school Jr (16-17 Years old) used a 2nd grade come-back

    My friend who is a real fucking dick replies with the following " well at least my dad isn't dead"
    Casey knew FOR A FACT that the kid's father had died half a year ago.

    needless to say the room was shocked.

    Witchdr on
    "Look, all I know is that this cord was plugged into my house and your house was glowing like the freakin' sun. So, I put two and two together there and decided that you're pissing me off." -Carl Brutananadilewski

    In regards to the advocates of his former empire: “I was going to have them all executed… the Royal Advocate talked me out of it.” -Shadowthrone (Emperor Kellanved)

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  • alataralatar Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Dumbest insult ive ever been handed was when visiting a preschool and a todler ran up and yelled "you have a bit penis" then proceded to laugh,
    i replied with a confused look, damn straight

    best burn ive ever been handed.
    in grade 8 a friend and i were making fun of one of our friend that was dating a 250lb girl.
    his reply was.
    "after school today im going to be having sex. what will you be doing?"
    we shut up after that.

    alatar on
  • JJJJ DailyStormer Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Oh man Witchdr.

    I'd love to go back in time and be in that room.

    JJ on
  • JJJJ DailyStormer Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    alatar wrote: »
    Dumbest insult ive ever been handed was when visiting a preschool and a todler ran up and yelled "you have a bit penis" then proceded to laugh,
    i replied with a confused look, damn straight

    best burn ive ever been handed.
    in grade 8 a friend and i were making fun of one of our friend that was dating a 250lb girl.
    his reply was.
    "after school today im going to be having sex. what will you be doing?"
    we shut up after that.
    yeah, but it's sex with a 250lb girl. Sex itself is no big deal it's who you have sex with.

    JJ on
  • TreelootTreeloot Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    A few weeks ago after school I was picking up can and bottle recycling bins with the environmental club. Suddenly, one kid walked into the hall, and yelled "Man, it's hella dark out here". We just kinda stood there in awkward silence with a few snickers. The kid then told a girl to "shut up bucket head", and went back in the classroom.

    Treeloot on
  • Casual EddyCasual Eddy The Astral PlaneRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    JJ wrote: »
    alatar wrote: »
    Dumbest insult ive ever been handed was when visiting a preschool and a todler ran up and yelled "you have a bit penis" then proceded to laugh,
    i replied with a confused look, damn straight

    best burn ive ever been handed.
    in grade 8 a friend and i were making fun of one of our friend that was dating a 250lb girl.
    his reply was.
    "after school today im going to be having sex. what will you be doing?"
    we shut up after that.
    yeah, but it's sex with a 250lb girl. Sex itself is no big deal it's who you have sex with.

    ...not when you're in 8th grade.

    Casual Eddy on
  • alataralatar Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    you dont look at the mantel when you poke the fire

    alatar on
  • GunstarGunstar Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    JJ wrote: »
    alatar wrote: »
    Dumbest insult ive ever been handed was when visiting a preschool and a todler ran up and yelled "you have a bit penis" then proceded to laugh,
    i replied with a confused look, damn straight

    best burn ive ever been handed.
    in grade 8 a friend and i were making fun of one of our friend that was dating a 250lb girl.
    his reply was.
    "after school today im going to be having sex. what will you be doing?"
    we shut up after that.
    yeah, but it's sex with a 250lb girl. Sex itself is no big deal it's who you have sex with.

    ...not when you're in 8th grade.

    I'd still be pretty impressed. I'm pretty sure if you have sex with a girl over 200 lbs it's considered a threesome.

    Gunstar on
    greencall.gifredfist.gif
    Xbox : gunst4r
  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Gunstar wrote: »
    I'd still be pretty impressed. I'm pretty sure if you have sex with a girl over 200 lbs it's considered a threesome.
    fatty-jokes or on-topic reply

    choices choices choices...

    Aldo on
  • Golden YakGolden Yak Burnished Bovine The sunny beaches of CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Dumbest insult ever was handed to a friend of mine after he made a 'yo momma' joke at this one guy (this was in, like, grade 6):

    "You're so fat, when you step on paper, it shatters!"

    Thing is, kid who said this was at least 150 pounds heavier than my friend. Although I suppose that's not the saddest part of that joke, really...

    Golden Yak on
    H9f4bVe.png
  • GunstarGunstar Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Aldo wrote: »
    Gunstar wrote: »
    I'd still be pretty impressed. I'm pretty sure if you have sex with a girl over 200 lbs it's considered a threesome.
    fatty-jokes or on-topic reply

    choices choices choices...

    actually on topic, but it's kinda the comeback. it was a friend recovering after being made fun of for having sex with a fat girl, he replied "i think that if she was over 200 lb it was considered a threesome."

    Gunstar on
    greencall.gifredfist.gif
    Xbox : gunst4r
  • Gorilla SaladGorilla Salad Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    So, yeah...Know this kid named Tim. Has never ever had a good comeback. All the examples...can't choose one.

    Gotta go!

    Gorilla Salad on
  • TarantioTarantio Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    I called someone an asshead as I was driving one day because I rarely get angry when I drive. Very little experience you see.

    "You jerks are so dumb you have deoxyribonucleic assheads!"

    Man, I love Diesel Sweeties.

    Tarantio on
  • AbsoluteZeroAbsoluteZero The new film by Quentin Koopantino Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Doc wrote: »
    A friend of a friend to my (other) friend, after he got off a really good burn:

    "So? You read books for fun."

    Then he got this smug look on his face like he was king of retard hill or something.

    I can't help but imagine the bar fly from Back to the Future III... Read for fun? The hell kinda fun is that?

    AbsoluteZero on
    cs6f034fsffl.jpg
  • Squirminator2kSquirminator2k they/them North Hollywood, CARegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    My friend Westy, my brother and I often use "Your mom" jokes on each other in an ironic fashion. It'll usually pop up several times in the course of a normal conversation, and it's become a sort of reflex to say it when the right moment arrives. About a fortnight ago, Westy recounted a story to us about how he nearly lost his job.

    His Manager was walking the factory floor with him and some work colleagues. They stopped to inspect a machine, and hios Manager said, "This machine's fucked."

    Westy's automatic response was, "So's your mum! OOOOHHHH!! ...Oh. Shit."

    His Manager looked at him for a moment, blinked, and said in a flat, monotonous voice, "That was cold." And they moved on.

    Squirminator2k on
    Jump Leads - a scifi-comedy audiodrama podcast
  • Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot OMG WRIGGLY T O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    That one would qualify to the best insult in history, I think

    Dread Pirate Arbuthnot on
  • Me Too!Me Too! __BANNED USERS regular
    edited March 2007
    I'm usually the one with the bad mom jokes, but there's the occasional "that's what she said", that actually works.

    EXAMPLE: In chem last year, my lab partner decides to take a sip of whatever we were using (non-toxic, but still fucking stupid). Anyway, he goes, "Huh. Tastes kinda salty." *insert the joke here*
    Also, when you hit somebody with something, really hard, what's the first thing they usually say? "Ow, that hurts!" "That's what..."

    At homecoming this year, there were six kids from the other school sitting behind my friends and I. In our brilliance, we tried pissing them off so they'd start a fight, since we were in the middle of the hometown side of the bleachers. I screamed the worst mom jokes, lost my voice for the weekend. Only good one, I think, was, "I gave your mom an Australian kiss last night. It's kinda like a French kiss, but down under!" After the game (we lost), a couple of the kids I was yelling at came up to me. Swear to god, this is what was said. "What the hell's your problem?" "I dunno. You have a problem?" "No, but y'know, our team won, so go ahead and have some fun, asshole." I couldn't help it. Had to say, "Alright, I will. Is your mom available this weekend?" Ran away, because they were about to kill me.

    Me Too! on
  • We_Be_1337We_Be_1337 Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    While not really an insult, I came up with this about 5 minutes ago talking to a friend. Under the same train of thought of answering any question with
    '--because you touch yourself at night!' I thought of something to reply to statements. "That's what they said about cornflakes"
    which is funny/stupid because no one, no where has ever said anything about cornflakes. Naturally this is something that gets funnier as it goes on for longer.

    We_Be_1337 on
    Sunset.jpg
  • VariableVariable Mouth Congress Stroke Me Lady FameRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    my friend in fifth grade... as a joke, he never actually tried to insult people with it.

    "you're so fat, you can't fit in a box"

    Variable on
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  • ArikadoArikado Southern CaliforniaRegistered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Haha, this reminds me of high school in my AP Government class. Our regular teacher (who was an awesome 'Nam Vet) was out and we had Mr. Rose, who was a regular sub in those days and was known for being really funny in a nerdy kind of way. Now Mr. Rose is also a Brit teaching classes in SoCal to Hispanic, Asian and Black majority schools so there's bound to be some friction despite his awesomeness.

    Well, it just happened to be Joey the wannabe 'gansta' who was on his "piss everyone off" day. When I say "wannabe gansta" I mean the whole get-up with chains, cap, Nikes and the "walk." So at some point in class he refuses to do a reading assignment for some stupid reason and decides to be loud with his CD player, feet up on his desk and singing along to his music. Mr. Rose asks him repeatedly to turn it off but eventually caves in to sending him outside. Joey refuses and starts insulting Mr. Rose and the car he drives (he had a shitty 80something Escort with a taped up window).

    Mr. Rose wastes no time and slowly explains to Joey:

    "Well, Joey the Thug. You seem to forget that this place isn't your room in that appartment your parents bought. Or was it just your mother? Because any father with balls would have set you straight or kicked your ass years ago. But I guess there's nothing to worry because you'll be "gang banging" your way through college. That IS why you're here for, right? You're here in an AP class to get the grades so that Homeboy A&M will give a shit about letting you major in Tagging, correct? Am I hitting any chords with you or should I "bust my flow" on you?"

    *class laughter and cheering*

    Joey: "Naw I'm just saying that you...uh your uh...a crappy teacher..."

    He sat down in the back of the class and did his assignment. He never started shit and stopped being all fake gangsta. It was a glorious victory for sanity.

    Arikado on
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  • PorkChopSandwichesPorkChopSandwiches Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Arikado wrote: »
    Haha, this reminds me of high school in my AP Government class. Our regular teacher (who was an awesome 'Nam Vet) was out and we had Mr. Rose, who was a regular sub in those days and was known for being really funny in a nerdy kind of way. Now Mr. Rose is also a Brit teaching classes in SoCal to Hispanic, Asian and Black majority schools so there's bound to be some friction despite his awesomeness.

    Well, it just happened to be Joey the wannabe 'gansta' who was on his "piss everyone off" day. When I say "wannabe gansta" I mean the whole get-up with chains, cap, Nikes and the "walk." So at some point in class he refuses to do a reading assignment for some stupid reason and decides to be loud with his CD player, feet up on his desk and singing along to his music. Mr. Rose asks him repeatedly to turn it off but eventually caves in to sending him outside. Joey refuses and starts insulting Mr. Rose and the car he drives (he had a shitty 80something Escort with a taped up window).

    Mr. Rose wastes no time and slowly explains to Joey:

    "Well, Joey the Thug. You seem to forget that this place isn't your room in that appartment your parents bought. Or was it just your mother? Because any father with balls would have set you straight or kicked your ass years ago. But I guess there's nothing to worry because you'll be "gang banging" your way through college. That IS why you're here for, right? You're here in an AP class to get the grades so that Homeboy A&M will give a shit about letting you major in Tagging, correct? Am I hitting any chords with you or should I "bust my flow" on you?"

    *class laughter and cheering*

    Joey: "Naw I'm just saying that you...uh your uh...a crappy teacher..."

    He sat down in the back of the class and did his assignment. He never started shit and stopped being all fake gangsta. It was a glorious victory for sanity.

    Beautiful. I just cried a little.

    PorkChopSandwiches on
  • AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    My faith in mankind is kind of restored, thanks Arikado.

    Aldo on
  • AngelofVengeanceAngelofVengeance Registered User regular
    edited March 2007
    Stupid wannable gangstas. They are by far the most annoying social group in any institute of education (high school, college, etc). Except for emos, those people are annoying AND dumb. The emo subculture is my archnemesis. But yeah, gangsta wannabes are just dipshits really. Everytime I pass by one in the halls, I tell him to straighten his hat, tie his shoes, and pull his pants up.

    AngelofVengeance on
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