Yeah you don't really get to say "we aren't doing anything!" and then have expectations like it is some kind of weird trap that you're setting for your partner, that just ain't cool
I'm horrible at romance, but the one thing I have learned is that whenever a girl says "we don't need to do anything for valentines" or "don't get me anything" you better fucking get them something or do something
+5
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Muse Among MenSuburban Bunny Princess?Its time for a new shtick Registered Userregular
I spent an hour and a half of Valentines day having various painful things being done to my mouth via my orthodontist. Worst Valentines Day ever.
:winky:
Its the least erotic thing ever. The orthodontist's son works there as a receptionist, keeps trying to flirt with me when I go (not that he really can because his father, the ortho, is always in the room) and I wonder why be bothers. I'm fighting back baby tears from the pain, why are you doing this?
What in hell is your orthodontist doing that's painful? I had my braces on for like, five years and it never hurt more than a dull ache for a day after being tightened (or whatever you call it)
I have sensitive teeth (with enamel issues these past years) and a small mouth, most dentists/orthos do not have equipment small enough for my jaw, so the tools that other people can tolerate quite comfortably are painful to me. I'm prone to bleeding as a result. While my braces don't really bother me too much after having them done, the actual appointment can be quite painful.
I don't think the guy's a sadist, I think he's unlucky that the girl he keeps trying to flirt with has such a bad time with his dad. And tries to flirt with me anyway because the only time he can talk to me is when I'm in the chair. If it weren't painful it would be pretty funny.
It was a trap, and like all women in relationships, she laid it for you to blunder into.
yes. all women.
yes you. you reading this. you.
you do this too.
+2
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Blake TDo you have enemies then?Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered Userregular
edited February 2013
Renzo. I will be the middle guy for you.
She's complete normal to want things, such as chocolate strawberries, and she can also be sad that she doesn't get them.
However, it is completely unfair to you for her to have wants and really strong desires to have things without telling you especially if she is telling you specific things to buy.
On top of that, having changing wants, while normal is unfair on the person you are asking.
It's also pretty fucking crazy that you legitimately forgot as small a thing as strawberries and she's taking it like a sign that your love is doomed
Nah.
That I can understand. She obviously had been looking forward to them, they're delicious, and they mean something to her and renzo, which is cool and sweet. She just set a bunch of expectations, which were both changing, and unknown to renzo so it was hard for him to meet them.
I spent an hour and a half of Valentines day having various painful things being done to my mouth via my orthodontist. Worst Valentines Day ever.
:winky:
Its the least erotic thing ever. The orthodontist's son works there as a receptionist, keeps trying to flirt with me when I go (not that he really can because his father, the ortho, is always in the room) and I wonder why be bothers. I'm fighting back baby tears from the pain, why are you doing this?
What in hell is your orthodontist doing that's painful? I had my braces on for like, five years and it never hurt more than a dull ache for a day after being tightened (or whatever you call it)
I have sensitive teeth (with enamel issues these past years) and a small mouth, most dentists/orthos do not have equipment small enough for my jaw, so the tools that other people can tolerate quite comfortably are painful to me. I'm prone to bleeding as a result. While my braces don't really bother me too much after having them done, the actual appointment can be quite painful.
I don't think the guy's a sadist, I think he's unlucky that the girl he keeps trying to flirt with has such a bad time with his dad. And tries to flirt with me anyway because the only time he can talk to me is when I'm in the chair. If it weren't painful it would be pretty funny.
Oooh, okay, that makes sense. My wife also has a small mouth, my dentist refused to work on her unless she gets jaw surgery first so she just found a different one.
To preface this, many relationships are different and without knowing the people involved I can only offer my own perspective so please take it with a grain of salt.
In long lasting relationships I'd say it's pretty normal for things that one might consider to be "relationship traditions" to be forgotten as the years go by. The important thing is for the traditions to never become more important than the relationship itself. A tradition slipping away does not indicate that someone loves you less (well, not in cases where it was accidentally forgotten, at least). In fact, it's almost inevitable that over the years traditions will be forgotten.
Also, relationships are emotional things, and people can get upset over little things from time to time. Especially if they fear the little thing represents a bigger thing in some way. The important thing is to communicate these fears along with their hopes/fears for the future of the relationship and to enjoy your time together.
Lastly, you do seem to want her to be happy and to enjoy Valentine's Day. So since it seems you aren't able to pursue your original plans at the moment, the best course of action would be to use this time to find some way to obtain both chocolate and strawberries and then turn it into a couples activity to combine the two and talk about your relationship (including the stuff above about traditions slipping away and such).
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Blake TDo you have enemies then?Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered Userregular
Also, part of the reason she might be still in there is because she feels genuinely ridiculous for making a big deal over this now and she feels ashamed.
Everyone is different though and this may not be the case.
To preface this, many relationships are different and without knowing the people involved I can only offer my own perspective so please take it with a grain of salt.
In long lasting relationships I'd say it's pretty normal for things that one might consider to be "relationship traditions" to be forgotten as the years go by. The important thing is for the traditions to never become more important than the relationship itself. A tradition slipping away does not indicate that someone loves you less (well, not in cases where it was accidentally forgotten, at least). In fact, it's almost inevitable that over the years traditions will be forgotten.
Also, relationships are emotional things, and people can get upset over little things from time to time. Especially if they fear the little thing represents a bigger thing in some way. The important thing is to communicate these fears along with their hopes/fears for the future of the relationship and to enjoy your time together.
Lastly, you do seem to want her to be happy and to enjoy Valentine's Day. So since it seems you aren't able to pursue your original plans at the moment, the best course of action would be to use this time to find some way to obtain both chocolate and strawberries and then turn it into a couples activity to combine the two and talk about your relationship (including the stuff above about traditions slipping away and such).
I think this is some pretty good advice.
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VivixenneRemember your training, and we'll get through this just fine.Registered Userregular
Also, part of the reason she might be still in there is because she feels genuinely ridiculous for making a big deal over this now and she feels ashamed.
Everyone is different though and this may not be the case.
I would put money down that this is absolutely the reason she is still in that room (or at least, that she was in there for such a long time crying). She was initially disappointed and felt bad, then she felt bad for feeling bad, and now she's mortified that she has allowed feeling bad about feeling bad ruin your night.
Changing expectations is normal, but expecting them to be fulfilled when you haven't told someone that they have changed is a little silly. That said, for the past few years this was a thing that you guys did that she obviously thought was sweet and had become a tradition, so it could be that she also didn't feel the need to vocalize it.
It's a little misunderstanding, it's kinda sweet that she thought it was tradition enough that it wouldn't need to be explicitly stated, but she DID overreact and there's that, too. More than anything, she is probably feeling super guilty at having managed to make a mountain out of a bump in the carpet and ruin y'alls night.
General protip: the reason anyone is crying is changing basically every minute from the time they start to the time they finish. It is never always about just one thing the whole way through, it is also about how they feel about how she REACTED to things.
Wow, thanks for all the advice guys. I really appreciate it. It's good to hear everyone's perspectives. It helps to frame all this.
Right after Grey Ghost's response, we talked. And we discovered that we had very different expectations for today, and that we were pretty shit at communication for the past week.
So she thought we were doing something, and I didn't, and uh oh.
And you guys are right, she's not upset about the lack of fruit, she's upset about the lack of effort due to the aforementioned misunderstanding. She (rightfully) wanted to feel like a lady, and thought that I understood that we were doing a thing tonight. And my lack of effort seemed like I just didn't give a shit about what she wanted. And I can understand that.
I still think the amount of reaction is a little much, but I am basically an unfeeling cyborg, so my barometer for such things may be off.
So we're going to work on our communication, which we both know is something that needs work.
It feels good to have people to talk to. Thanks again.
And in case you guys were wondering, she wasn't crying for 3 hours. She was just sad. Down.
Still, no fun. And she definitely doesn't think our love is doomed.
And some of y'all were spot-on. It's about the tradition and taking part in the holiday "ritual" that's important.
I got her some semblance of dinner, so that has improved things dramatically. And she approves of the idea of me doing something special for her in the next few days. So we'll do more patching up then too, I hope.
Whew. Now I can sleep. In the bed instead of on the couch.
Saw Warm Bodies. It was cute. Dunno about the girl I saw it with... when we're talking about some outside topic it's okay, but I feel like she's very interested in talking about her life and not at all interested in hearing about mine. Kind of a turn off.
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Zonugal(He/Him) The Holiday ArmadilloI'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered Userregular
Roommates & I just finished Cabin in the Woods.
I love that film, and really, isn't that the point of Valentine's Day?
Man based on past experiences with exes if someone I was dating did that much of a reaction over such an uncommunicated thing Id be out the door. It sounds cold hearted but honestly just no thanks anymore.
Nothing. Matters.
+4
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eddizhereScrubber Than A SpongeScrubtown, USARegistered Userregular
I was single this Valentine's Day and instead of being mopey and cynical about it I wanted to do something challenging and fun. I put a post on facebook offering to write a poem for anybody who wanted one, all they had to do was like the post and I'd send them at least four lines before the day was done.
I wrote 22 poems (including one sonnet and four haikus) and like eight of them were in iambic pentameter. I sent out fourteen cards with some of the shorter poems or just to those for whom I saw a card they'd really like. I wrote about 115 lines total.
I wouldn't have considered myself much of a poet before today but I wrote 22 poems in 12 hours that were tailored to my individual friends. I learned a whole bunch, made some people feel nice, and got to be productive on a rather long day in.
League of Legends: Plutoniumwombat
Smite: Plutoniumwombat
+12
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HyperBalladA ball of vivid colour and barely contained emotionsSydney. Lost in time and space.Registered Userregular
I got @Gatsby a replica of Connor's tomahawk from AC3.
I'm horrible at romance, but the one thing I have learned is that whenever a girl says "we don't need to do anything for valentines" or "don't get me anything" you better fucking get them something or do something
You sound like a bunch of conspiracy theorists about dating
Your girl isn't goddamn wiley e coyote and it sure as shit doesn't make you the roadrunner because you saw right through her trap and bought her flowers
Posts
Yeah you don't really get to say "we aren't doing anything!" and then have expectations like it is some kind of weird trap that you're setting for your partner, that just ain't cool
I have sensitive teeth (with enamel issues these past years) and a small mouth, most dentists/orthos do not have equipment small enough for my jaw, so the tools that other people can tolerate quite comfortably are painful to me. I'm prone to bleeding as a result. While my braces don't really bother me too much after having them done, the actual appointment can be quite painful.
I don't think the guy's a sadist, I think he's unlucky that the girl he keeps trying to flirt with has such a bad time with his dad. And tries to flirt with me anyway because the only time he can talk to me is when I'm in the chair. If it weren't painful it would be pretty funny.
In the latter case, she's maybe over-reacting a but, but I'd be careful if situations like the former pop up with any regularity.
yes. all women.
yes you. you reading this. you.
you do this too.
She's complete normal to want things, such as chocolate strawberries, and she can also be sad that she doesn't get them.
However, it is completely unfair to you for her to have wants and really strong desires to have things without telling you especially if she is telling you specific things to buy.
On top of that, having changing wants, while normal is unfair on the person you are asking.
Satans..... hints.....
Depression is a hell of a drug.
Nah.
That I can understand. She obviously had been looking forward to them, they're delicious, and they mean something to her and renzo, which is cool and sweet. She just set a bunch of expectations, which were both changing, and unknown to renzo so it was hard for him to meet them.
And she doesn't think their live is doomed.
Satans..... hints.....
Oooh, okay, that makes sense. My wife also has a small mouth, my dentist refused to work on her unless she gets jaw surgery first so she just found a different one.
In long lasting relationships I'd say it's pretty normal for things that one might consider to be "relationship traditions" to be forgotten as the years go by. The important thing is for the traditions to never become more important than the relationship itself. A tradition slipping away does not indicate that someone loves you less (well, not in cases where it was accidentally forgotten, at least). In fact, it's almost inevitable that over the years traditions will be forgotten.
Also, relationships are emotional things, and people can get upset over little things from time to time. Especially if they fear the little thing represents a bigger thing in some way. The important thing is to communicate these fears along with their hopes/fears for the future of the relationship and to enjoy your time together.
Lastly, you do seem to want her to be happy and to enjoy Valentine's Day. So since it seems you aren't able to pursue your original plans at the moment, the best course of action would be to use this time to find some way to obtain both chocolate and strawberries and then turn it into a couples activity to combine the two and talk about your relationship (including the stuff above about traditions slipping away and such).
Everyone is different though and this may not be the case.
Satans..... hints.....
I think this is some pretty good advice.
@Renzo
I would put money down that this is absolutely the reason she is still in that room (or at least, that she was in there for such a long time crying). She was initially disappointed and felt bad, then she felt bad for feeling bad, and now she's mortified that she has allowed feeling bad about feeling bad ruin your night.
Changing expectations is normal, but expecting them to be fulfilled when you haven't told someone that they have changed is a little silly. That said, for the past few years this was a thing that you guys did that she obviously thought was sweet and had become a tradition, so it could be that she also didn't feel the need to vocalize it.
It's a little misunderstanding, it's kinda sweet that she thought it was tradition enough that it wouldn't need to be explicitly stated, but she DID overreact and there's that, too. More than anything, she is probably feeling super guilty at having managed to make a mountain out of a bump in the carpet and ruin y'alls night.
General protip: the reason anyone is crying is changing basically every minute from the time they start to the time they finish. It is never always about just one thing the whole way through, it is also about how they feel about how she REACTED to things.
Right after Grey Ghost's response, we talked. And we discovered that we had very different expectations for today, and that we were pretty shit at communication for the past week.
So she thought we were doing something, and I didn't, and uh oh.
And you guys are right, she's not upset about the lack of fruit, she's upset about the lack of effort due to the aforementioned misunderstanding. She (rightfully) wanted to feel like a lady, and thought that I understood that we were doing a thing tonight. And my lack of effort seemed like I just didn't give a shit about what she wanted. And I can understand that.
I still think the amount of reaction is a little much, but I am basically an unfeeling cyborg, so my barometer for such things may be off.
So we're going to work on our communication, which we both know is something that needs work.
It feels good to have people to talk to. Thanks again.
Still, no fun. And she definitely doesn't think our love is doomed.
And some of y'all were spot-on. It's about the tradition and taking part in the holiday "ritual" that's important.
I got her some semblance of dinner, so that has improved things dramatically. And she approves of the idea of me doing something special for her in the next few days. So we'll do more patching up then too, I hope.
Whew. Now I can sleep. In the bed instead of on the couch.
OMG thanks everyone. Group hug!
I love that film, and really, isn't that the point of Valentine's Day?
I wrote 22 poems (including one sonnet and four haikus) and like eight of them were in iambic pentameter. I sent out fourteen cards with some of the shorter poems or just to those for whom I saw a card they'd really like. I wrote about 115 lines total.
I wouldn't have considered myself much of a poet before today but I wrote 22 poems in 12 hours that were tailored to my individual friends. I learned a whole bunch, made some people feel nice, and got to be productive on a rather long day in.
Smite: Plutoniumwombat
This happened. I regret nothing.
2DS/3DS Friend code 0361-7385-2366
Twitter: @PoeticGecko
Haha, man, how much must it suck to be you?
It sucks when expectations are let down, but that is a risk you run when you favor those things over communication
You'll have to forgive me for calling BS on that.
Your girl isn't goddamn wiley e coyote and it sure as shit doesn't make you the roadrunner because you saw right through her trap and bought her flowers
Thankfully she never studied law, so she didn't fall.
And I'm all duck season.
And she's all, rabbit season
And I'm all duck season
The she's all rabbit season
No wait she's a duck.
And in all rabbit season.
And she goes ok and I get shot in the face.
Satans..... hints.....
I'm the duck.
She's the rabbit.
Satans..... hints.....
Just have Julian send me topless pics and we'll call it even.
"hey, you want to take a picture with your new toy?"
"yeah, okay"
We did nothing yesterday.
It was great.
Godmode is a clever guy, I bet he had some flowers and such hidden somewhere just incase.