Being married has gotten me so good at jerkin' it both quickly and silently that I'm pretty sure I possess the stealth skills to assassinate a government official at this point.
Pretty much. I always found that whole thing so odd when I was married...so let me get this straight, you don't want to have sex with me because you have a "headache", but if you catch me jerking (even sans porn), it's like this huge affront? What the fuck.
I never understand this. Jerk off all you like, just go watch some porn or something and don't lie next to me and do it 'cos I'm trying to sleep and don't want to listen to your sex noises.
Wait...people make noise while masturbating? That's a very odd concept to me. Maybe it's the learning to do it silently like an F-22 on combat patrol that made me learn to never make a peep.
I am bad at masturbating quickly, especially since I started using erotic fiction instead of porn.
I GOTTA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT
I've read some truly amazing and also horrible erotic fiction over the years. Some of it still haunts my brain, specifically the science fiction stuff.
We had like 1300 people when I was in high school. 100% of the people who smoked pot were the bottom of every statistical category available in terms of academic progress and attendance.
Yup, that's probably true for pretty much every HS. And for the most part its true in college too (as is binge drinking).
Hell look what it did to Boomers.
What are you talking about? Boomers are robbing us blind. They get like five hojillion dollars in government support to ever nickel we get or whatever. If you think they fucked up, you need to read the news and think about your future more, man.
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Podlyyou unzipped me! it's all coming back! i don't like it!Registered Userregular
The problem with erotic fiction is that I have more testosterone than estrogen
Being married has gotten me so good at jerkin' it both quickly and silently that I'm pretty sure I possess the stealth skills to assassinate a government official at this point.
Pretty much. I always found that whole thing so odd when I was married...so let me get this straight, you don't want to have sex with me because you have a "headache", but if you catch me jerking (even sans porn), it's like this huge affront? What the fuck.
I never understand this. Jerk off all you like, just go watch some porn or something and don't lie next to me and do it 'cos I'm trying to sleep and don't want to listen to your sex noises.
I don't know what y'all are talking about, the problem with erotic fiction is all those stupid vampires and lycans and shit Stephanie Meyer keeps putting in it.
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surrealitychecklonely, but not unloveddreaming of faulty keys and latchesRegistered Userregular
i write amazing erotic fiction
its all about anthropomorphic dicks doing everyday things like buying shoes for their scrotum-feet
All of the managers at my work are taking schedule cuts, including me.
I was expecting this to happen and preparing for it, thankfully.
Ouch.
Yeah, I wish I could have stretched it out by a month or two. If I can get some part-time consulting work going, I'll be fine. Probably better off, honestly.
every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
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TL DRNot at all confident in his reflexive opinions of thingsRegistered Userregular
F-22's are great.
Why could go wrong with a jet that has a history of making its pilot lose consciousness.
They fixed that. You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.
I think people forget, planes like the F-16 earned the nickname lawn dart until they fixed the kinks. Making these complex machines is difficult, and there will be bugs.
We had like 1300 people when I was in high school. 100% of the people who smoked pot were the bottom of every statistical category available in terms of academic progress and attendance.
Yup, that's probably true for pretty much every HS. And for the most part its true in college too (as is binge drinking).
Hell look what it did to Boomers.
What are you talking about? Boomers are robbing us blind. They get like five hojillion dollars in government support to ever nickel we get or whatever. If you think they fucked up, you need to read the news and think about your future more, man.
This post is funnier when you read it in stoner voice.
Boomers are the ones who have fucked America politically. Selfish dickery and amoral stupidity are not incompatible.
F-22's are great.
Why could go wrong with a jet that has a history of making its pilot lose consciousness.
They fixed that. You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.
I think people forget, planes like the F-16 earned the nickname lawn dart until they fixed the kinks. Making these complex machines is difficult, and there will be bugs.
But didn't they have one based at Tyndall just crash a couple of months ago because of that problem? Or did they determine it to be something else
TTODewback on
Bless your heart.
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SarksusATTACK AND DETHRONE GODRegistered Userregular
That is what I often do, Feral. And sometimes the top rated stories are accurately rated and I read those if I want something quickly.
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Podlyyou unzipped me! it's all coming back! i don't like it!Registered Userregular
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the problem with erotic fiction is the 40 minutes it takes to find something that isn't so god awfully written that it kills your boner
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oy83AwbAGlo
Basically don't ever make out with me after dinner
I've read some truly amazing and also horrible erotic fiction over the years. Some of it still haunts my brain, specifically the science fiction stuff.
I was expecting this to happen and preparing for it, thankfully.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
What are you talking about? Boomers are robbing us blind. They get like five hojillion dollars in government support to ever nickel we get or whatever. If you think they fucked up, you need to read the news and think about your future more, man.
I don't mind!
i didn't even read that post that mentioned an f-22
i swear me using it is just because i've been reading all this shitty tom clancy stuff for weeks
what a weird coincidence
Ouch.
http://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/169668/this-chat/p68
Why could go wrong with a jet that has a history of making its pilot lose consciousness.
print that sucker out and straight fuck a hole through those 8.5x11s
dogg sometimes a man has a lot of VHS tapes to clean
its all about anthropomorphic dicks doing everyday things like buying shoes for their scrotum-feet
some of us are trying to eat.
Yeah, I wish I could have stretched it out by a month or two. If I can get some part-time consulting work going, I'll be fine. Probably better off, honestly.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
w-what
They fixed that. You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.
I think people forget, planes like the F-16 earned the nickname lawn dart until they fixed the kinks. Making these complex machines is difficult, and there will be bugs.
Years of seeing scrotums slapping meatily against angry red recently shaved genitals ruined my perceptions of sex.
Find author you like on literotica
Find other users who favorited that author
Find other authors favorited by those users
kind of like amazon's recommendation system, but manually instead of programmatically.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
This post is funnier when you read it in stoner voice.
Boomers are the ones who have fucked America politically. Selfish dickery and amoral stupidity are not incompatible.
QEDMF xbl: PantsB G+
Don't forget the requisite surgery scars, too.
lrn2srch better
What happens next!
I'm never having sex again.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Woah woah woah who said anything about scrotums.
What are you trying to say here, Sally?
>literotica
>stories
>top lists
>most read stories
>a mother and her son
This is in sharp contrast to the noise you make when I come, which is significantly more muffled.