Is it wrong to think that cuddling is the best part?
Nopes! Cuddling is completely the best part. But I get called a guy by all my friends as I'm not exactly viewed as a romantic. It's all a big front though, I'm secretly soppy. Just having a very unlucky patch with guys. As it seems I'm in the wrong country!
Another message just saying hi. I even replied to one the other day and never got another reply.
No work guy! I miss cuddling in bed, not doing anything but just enjoying holding each other. But don't tell my friends that, they think I'm a robot when it comes to sex and romance.
Oh please do all send me terrible messages so I have an excuse to look at your profiles again!
Cuddling is pretty awesome.
It's been long enough for me though where I'm kind of just missing holding someone's hand.
We are all sad sacks in the dating thread. The saddest of sacks.
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to give into it." - Oscar Wilde
"We believe in the people and their 'wisdom' as if there was some special secret entrance to knowledge that barred to anyone who had ever learned anything." - Friedrich Nietzsche
You know, there's a reason it's called "The Wifely Duty." Men have stronger sex drives than women, on average, and while many men are happy with cuddling, they'd prefer to cuddle with no sex only if they are not sexually frustrated. It is a difficult situation, as many people find the act of intimate touching inherently sexy.
I personally dislike the idea, and would love it if everyone could be in a relationship with someone who had the same sex drive/schedule. But not only is it hard enough to sync up, it changes over time. The whole idea of bargaining over sex is shitty, in my opinion, but then you're stuck -- is it better to talk about something that's shitty, or to repress it and be frustrated? It doesn't help that even a casual mention of sex on an online profile will raise flags -- if women do it, men thing they have an easy chance, and if men do it, they're seen as single-minded.
You know, there's a reason it's called "The Wifely Duty." Men have stronger sex drives than women, on average, and while many men are happy with cuddling, they'd prefer to cuddle with no sex only if they are not sexually frustrated. It is a difficult situation, as many people find the act of intimate touching inherently sexy.
I personally dislike the idea, and would love it if everyone could be in a relationship with someone who had the same sex drive/schedule. But not only is it hard enough to sync up, it changes over time. The whole idea of bargaining over sex is shitty, in my opinion, but then you're stuck -- is it better to talk about something that's shitty, or to repress it and be frustrated? It doesn't help that even a casual mention of sex on an online profile will raise flags -- if women do it, men thing they have an easy chance, and if men do it, they're seen as single-minded.
See I was thinking that but it's so weird to me that they're in nearly every message you get (or post here, anyway.) Maybe it's a Brit thing.
Pretty much every message I get from people over here has kisses on the end. When anyone from another country messages me, it rarely has kisses. 3 is the most common amount.
0
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
Turns out she has a boyfriend. Sounds like she's happy with him.
Turns out she has a boyfriend. Sounds like she's happy with him.
Fuck this day.
Hey man, got to swing at the ball to hit it. It's a bummer, but you can't keep a good man down.
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to give into it." - Oscar Wilde
"We believe in the people and their 'wisdom' as if there was some special secret entrance to knowledge that barred to anyone who had ever learned anything." - Friedrich Nietzsche
0
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
I'm not hitting on a woman who's in a relationship.
I'm not hitting on a woman who's in a relationship.
Oh, heavens no. I was suggesting that it was a good thing that you pursued her long enough to find out that she had a boyfriend.
LoserForHireX on
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to give into it." - Oscar Wilde
"We believe in the people and their 'wisdom' as if there was some special secret entrance to knowledge that barred to anyone who had ever learned anything." - Friedrich Nietzsche
You know, there's a reason it's called "The Wifely Duty." Men have stronger sex drives than women, on average, and while many men are happy with cuddling, they'd prefer to cuddle with no sex only if they are not sexually frustrated. It is a difficult situation, as many people find the act of intimate touching inherently sexy.
I personally dislike the idea, and would love it if everyone could be in a relationship with someone who had the same sex drive/schedule. But not only is it hard enough to sync up, it changes over time. The whole idea of bargaining over sex is shitty, in my opinion, but then you're stuck -- is it better to talk about something that's shitty, or to repress it and be frustrated? It doesn't help that even a casual mention of sex on an online profile will raise flags -- if women do it, men thing they have an easy chance, and if men do it, they're seen as single-minded.
Yea this is sex drive thing is just plain wrong. This is a pretty common idea perpetuated by American culture, TV, media, your mom etc. Woman are often much more sexual than men, it's just that men tend to be seen as the "aggressors" in sexual activity because the typical male role is that of the dominate. Although we could have a long discussion on gender roles and how they ave changed in our current culture.
The simple biological fact is that the penis serves many functions other then sexual pleasure. The clitoris on the other hand has only one biological function, that being pleasure. I could go full on psychology dork and explain why most men love cuddling, but I find that knowing takes some of the magic out of it. Just pull her close and enjoy
I'm not hitting on a woman who's in a relationship.
Oh, heavens no. I was suggesting that it was a good thing that you pursued her long enough to find out that she had a boyfriend.
I have to agree with the Loser there. You saw a woman you were interested in and had the guts to walk up to her and ask her out, and by that standard you already got further than like 75% of guys. It didn't work out and that sucks, but the next one might, and it'll be easier to ask her out thanks to this practice run.
+2
ShivahnUnaware of her barrel shifter privilegeWestern coastal temptressRegistered User, Moderatormod
There's also a difference between being physically aroused and wanting to have sex, which gets glossed over a lot.
I can tell you that hormone therapy has reduced the former a lot (in general) while the latter is...
There's also a difference between being physically aroused and wanting to have sex, which gets glossed over a lot.
I can tell you that hormone therapy has reduced the former a lot (in general) while the latter is...
Yeah, not nearly as reduced.
Hm. I can't think of a time where I have been physically aroused and not wanted to have sex, I wonder if those are linked in some way. Though I can totally see wanting to bone and not yet being physically aroused.
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to give into it." - Oscar Wilde
"We believe in the people and their 'wisdom' as if there was some special secret entrance to knowledge that barred to anyone who had ever learned anything." - Friedrich Nietzsche
0
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
I didn't ask her out. I overheard her talking about her boyfriend with a co-worker while we were all tearing apart a set. You have no idea how much of a coward I am when it comes to asking out women I'm interested in. The only time I found the stones to do it in recent memory I go shot down. Hard.
There's also a difference between being physically aroused and wanting to have sex, which gets glossed over a lot.
I can tell you that hormone therapy has reduced the former a lot (in general) while the latter is...
Yeah, not nearly as reduced.
Hm. I can't think of a time where I have been physically aroused and not wanted to have sex, I wonder if those are linked in some way. Though I can totally see wanting to bone and not yet being physically aroused.
Funny, I'm the opposite. Plenty of times I've been aroused but not in the mood for sex, but I can't imagine wanting sex without being aroused.
There's also a difference between being physically aroused and wanting to have sex, which gets glossed over a lot.
I can tell you that hormone therapy has reduced the former a lot (in general) while the latter is...
Yeah, not nearly as reduced.
Hm. I can't think of a time where I have been physically aroused and not wanted to have sex, I wonder if those are linked in some way. Though I can totally see wanting to bone and not yet being physically aroused.
Funny, I'm the opposite. Plenty of times I've been aroused but not in the mood for sex, but I can't imagine wanting sex without being aroused.
Do you mean you can't imagine wanting sex and not then becoming aroused? Because otherwise you're contradicting yourself.
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to give into it." - Oscar Wilde
"We believe in the people and their 'wisdom' as if there was some special secret entrance to knowledge that barred to anyone who had ever learned anything." - Friedrich Nietzsche
There's also a difference between being physically aroused and wanting to have sex, which gets glossed over a lot.
I can tell you that hormone therapy has reduced the former a lot (in general) while the latter is...
Yeah, not nearly as reduced.
Hm. I can't think of a time where I have been physically aroused and not wanted to have sex, I wonder if those are linked in some way. Though I can totally see wanting to bone and not yet being physically aroused.
Funny, I'm the opposite. Plenty of times I've been aroused but not in the mood for sex, but I can't imagine wanting sex without being aroused.
Do you mean you can't imagine wanting sex and not then becoming aroused? Because otherwise you're contradicting yourself.
I mean I can't imagine wanting sex without first being aroused. I can be aroused without wanting sex, but the desire for sex is always a result of arousal in my case.
I didn't ask her out. I overheard her talking about her boyfriend with a co-worker while we were all tearing apart a set. You have no idea how much of a coward I am when it comes to asking out women I'm interested in. The only time I found the stones to do it in recent memory I go shot down. Hard.
Well this is one of things where as Richy said, asking more makes the next time easier. Of course we all know that's easier said then done. The thing here is that this really is key as this plays to the whole confidence thing which is catnip to women. If you can easily ask out a woman and act like no mater what her response is you are more then ok with it you will add value to yourself in the eyes of not only her but other women as well. The idea being that woman are attracted to men who are confident around woman because then it seems like you have options and so appear less needy. The best way I know to see this first hand is to go out with a female friend as a "wing woman" it can be like you suddenly discovered a super power the first time you experience this.
Dragosai on
0
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
I didn't ask her out. I overheard her talking about her boyfriend with a co-worker while we were all tearing apart a set. You have no idea how much of a coward I am when it comes to asking out women I'm interested in. The only time I found the stones to do it in recent memory I go shot down. Hard.
Well this is one of things where as Richy said, asking more makes the next time easier.
C'mon! Take a page out of your avatars book, look how many times Spider asks and gets shot down extreamly hard. You have to get in the mind set that "Hacksaw is a sexy beast" and any woman who does not want a piece of that, well there is clearly something wrong with her simply because you are awesome so there is no way there is anything wrong with you. This is a case were "fake it until you make it" works.
The other thing to keep in mind when asking someone out is that everyone wants people to like them, even if they don't want to go out with you they will like the idea that someone found them attractive and asked. Sure you will run into someone who says no in a total dick way once in awhile but that is pretty rare. We tend to think its that way in our minds much more then it happens.
Hmm, will never forget walking up to a girl and asking her to dance. No ice breaker, no stupid thing, just "hey would you like to dance with me"
deer in the headlights look, slow head shake, mouthing no
You need a change of venue, because in a swing dance hall or salsa club, you could just extend out a hand to obtain a dance, no words necessary, with an extremely high success rate.
Is it wrong to think that cuddling is the best part?
Nopes! Cuddling is completely the best part. But I get called a guy by all my friends as I'm not exactly viewed as a romantic. It's all a big front though, I'm secretly soppy. Just having a very unlucky patch with guys. As it seems I'm in the wrong country!
Another message just saying hi. I even replied to one the other day and never got another reply.
I'm tired of seeing my libido treated as an on-off switch. That is one cultural issue that pisses me off so much.
There's also a difference between being physically aroused and wanting to have sex, which gets glossed over a lot.
I can tell you that hormone therapy has reduced the former a lot (in general) while the latter is...
Yeah, not nearly as reduced.
Hm. I can't think of a time where I have been physically aroused and not wanted to have sex, I wonder if those are linked in some way. Though I can totally see wanting to bone and not yet being physically aroused.
Funny, I'm the opposite. Plenty of times I've been aroused but not in the mood for sex, but I can't imagine wanting sex without being aroused.
Do you mean you can't imagine wanting sex and not then becoming aroused? Because otherwise you're contradicting yourself.
I mean I can't imagine wanting sex without first being aroused. I can be aroused without wanting sex, but the desire for sex is always a result of arousal in my case.
Yeah, wanting to be physically aroused, but not, is a really weird thing. But it totally happens.
Hmm, will never forget walking up to a girl and asking her to dance. No ice breaker, no stupid thing, just "hey would you like to dance with me"
deer in the headlights look, slow head shake, mouthing no
You need a change of venue, because in a swing dance hall or salsa club, you could just extend out a hand to obtain a dance, no words necessary, with an extremely high success rate.
What if she then high fives you?
About the "women cuddling, men sex" thing, that is by no means the truthy fact that our society would have us believe. (Interestingly, if you go back to Shakespeare's day, the assumption was that women were insatiable sex fiends who were always running off and having affairs because they couldn't be fully satisfied by their exhausted husbands.) Not that cuddling is bad or anything. I think it's just that society regards it as "A GIRL THING", which then makes it hard for men who like cuddling to admit it.
LadyM on
0
ShivahnUnaware of her barrel shifter privilegeWestern coastal temptressRegistered User, Moderatormod
That wasn't just Shakespeare's day. The sex that wants... the sex, I guess, has flopped back and fourth throughout history.
A guy who recently joined the band I'm in told me a pretty cool story how he met his wife:
So he and a friend made a troll account on a paid dating site about ten years ago. They didn't pay for a subscription so he put a riddle in his profile where the answer was his email address. They had a bit of fun and forgot about it. Half a year later he gets a random email out of the blue asking if she got the riddle right and what the heck was up with his profile and if anything was real about it. He replies and they start instant messaging each other, where they find out they live in different cities in different provinces but by coincedence he was actually about to move to her city in the near future. They eventually start having daily phone conversations and after a few months he moves and they meet in person for the first time. Now they're married.
Maybe I'm using the wrong strategy for online dating, with my truthful profile and looking locally....
0
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
C'mon! Take a page out of your avatars book, look how many times Spider asks and gets shot down extreamly hard. You have to get in the mind set that "Hacksaw is a sexy beast" and any woman who does not want a piece of that, well there is clearly something wrong with her simply because you are awesome so there is no way there is anything wrong with you. This is a case were "fake it until you make it" works.
The other thing to keep in mind when asking someone out is that everyone wants people to like them, even if they don't want to go out with you they will like the idea that someone found them attractive and asked. Sure you will run into someone who says no in a total dick way once in awhile but that is pretty rare. We tend to think its that way in our minds much more then it happens.
I tried the fake confidence thing. Didn't work. Tried the real confidence thing. Didn't work. The only thing that has seemed to earn me the attentions of the various women I've come to be attracted to over the years seems to come down to nothing more than damned luck and a lack of other, more compelling options. I can't account for the former, and the latter does nothing to bolster my confidence.
Been getting shot down or having trails-to-nowhere convos a lot lately with online dating. Gonna take a break and go for a mental jog for a bit before jumping back into the game.
I don't know whether messaging a guy while sleep deprived was a silly idea, we will hopefully find out in the next few days. He's hot, he lives near me, he can spell. It's a trap.
C'mon! Take a page out of your avatars book, look how many times Spider asks and gets shot down extreamly hard. You have to get in the mind set that "Hacksaw is a sexy beast" and any woman who does not want a piece of that, well there is clearly something wrong with her simply because you are awesome so there is no way there is anything wrong with you. This is a case were "fake it until you make it" works.
The other thing to keep in mind when asking someone out is that everyone wants people to like them, even if they don't want to go out with you they will like the idea that someone found them attractive and asked. Sure you will run into someone who says no in a total dick way once in awhile but that is pretty rare. We tend to think its that way in our minds much more then it happens.
I got Opinions about this. And I bet you can't wait to hear them!
"Fake it till you make it" doesn't work. For the short term maybe you can pump yourself up by trying to force yourself to believe you're awesome, and maybe that will work for a night or two but the instant you get a real knockback it will knock the wind out of you like a haymaker. "Who am I kidding? I'm not cut out for this stuff" and so on.
The problem is, you've made a fake version of yourself because you believe that's what people want to see, you're acting fake in the hope that one day someone will bestow on you happiness and you'll be "real". Its still a million miles away from actual self acceptance.
Thats the only thing which can actually help you. Face it; you're probably weird. You probably got a weird sense of humor that only a few people get, you probably got a weird face or body, you got weird secrets and ambitions and have weird dreams and weird issues and weird quirks. And thats fine, because the people who get you will really get you, and the people who really don't you never had a future with anyway.
I've gotten success with some insanely stupid lines or actions I would never recommend anyone repeat simply because I was thinking "ok she's either gonna *get* this and think its brilliant OR not get it and think I'm a massive weirdo, either way I found out what I wanted to know" whereas when I was thinking "ok, how can I act that would make her like me?" I was always losing. Hacksaw is 100% correct that it all comes down to luck, but all that means is that when you get rejected it's probably not even because of anything you did wrong, and you can make your own luck, of a fashion.
I know I'm a weirdo, I know exactly whats unattractive about me but in the grand scheme of things just put yourself out there a bit and you'll be surprised by the amount of people who don't really give a shit, or like the things you thought you hated. Even if you get some (hilarious) rejections I was still averaging about a date a week up until I deleted my profile, vs a couple years ago in college when I was busting a gut trying to be cool but dating basically no one, ever.
I assume there's a difference between faking not being in a state of panic and faking other things. But faking all sorts of information about yourself is definitely digging your own grave.
I assume there's a difference between faking not being in a state of panic and faking other things. But faking all sorts of information about yourself is definitely digging your own grave.
I got a date once off okcupid by relating the story about how I walked into a shop and walked right the fuck out again because I was too self conscious to let the assistant see me buying the same thing twice in one day. Even being anxious doesn't matter as much as you might think it does.
Posts
Nopes! Cuddling is completely the best part. But I get called a guy by all my friends as I'm not exactly viewed as a romantic. It's all a big front though, I'm secretly soppy. Just having a very unlucky patch with guys. As it seems I'm in the wrong country!
Another message just saying hi. I even replied to one the other day and never got another reply.
Cuddling is pretty awesome.
It's been long enough for me though where I'm kind of just missing holding someone's hand.
We are all sad sacks in the dating thread. The saddest of sacks.
"We believe in the people and their 'wisdom' as if there was some special secret entrance to knowledge that barred to anyone who had ever learned anything." - Friedrich Nietzsche
I personally dislike the idea, and would love it if everyone could be in a relationship with someone who had the same sex drive/schedule. But not only is it hard enough to sync up, it changes over time. The whole idea of bargaining over sex is shitty, in my opinion, but then you're stuck -- is it better to talk about something that's shitty, or to repress it and be frustrated? It doesn't help that even a casual mention of sex on an online profile will raise flags -- if women do it, men thing they have an easy chance, and if men do it, they're seen as single-minded.
I'm going to call gooseshit on that, good sir.
Pretty much every message I get from people over here has kisses on the end. When anyone from another country messages me, it rarely has kisses. 3 is the most common amount.
Fuck this day.
Hey man, got to swing at the ball to hit it. It's a bummer, but you can't keep a good man down.
"We believe in the people and their 'wisdom' as if there was some special secret entrance to knowledge that barred to anyone who had ever learned anything." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Oh, heavens no. I was suggesting that it was a good thing that you pursued her long enough to find out that she had a boyfriend.
"We believe in the people and their 'wisdom' as if there was some special secret entrance to knowledge that barred to anyone who had ever learned anything." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Yea this is sex drive thing is just plain wrong. This is a pretty common idea perpetuated by American culture, TV, media, your mom etc. Woman are often much more sexual than men, it's just that men tend to be seen as the "aggressors" in sexual activity because the typical male role is that of the dominate. Although we could have a long discussion on gender roles and how they ave changed in our current culture.
The simple biological fact is that the penis serves many functions other then sexual pleasure. The clitoris on the other hand has only one biological function, that being pleasure. I could go full on psychology dork and explain why most men love cuddling, but I find that knowing takes some of the magic out of it. Just pull her close and enjoy
I have to agree with the Loser there. You saw a woman you were interested in and had the guts to walk up to her and ask her out, and by that standard you already got further than like 75% of guys. It didn't work out and that sucks, but the next one might, and it'll be easier to ask her out thanks to this practice run.
I can tell you that hormone therapy has reduced the former a lot (in general) while the latter is...
Yeah, not nearly as reduced.
Hm. I can't think of a time where I have been physically aroused and not wanted to have sex, I wonder if those are linked in some way. Though I can totally see wanting to bone and not yet being physically aroused.
"We believe in the people and their 'wisdom' as if there was some special secret entrance to knowledge that barred to anyone who had ever learned anything." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Funny, I'm the opposite. Plenty of times I've been aroused but not in the mood for sex, but I can't imagine wanting sex without being aroused.
Do you mean you can't imagine wanting sex and not then becoming aroused? Because otherwise you're contradicting yourself.
"We believe in the people and their 'wisdom' as if there was some special secret entrance to knowledge that barred to anyone who had ever learned anything." - Friedrich Nietzsche
I mean I can't imagine wanting sex without first being aroused. I can be aroused without wanting sex, but the desire for sex is always a result of arousal in my case.
Well this is one of things where as Richy said, asking more makes the next time easier. Of course we all know that's easier said then done. The thing here is that this really is key as this plays to the whole confidence thing which is catnip to women. If you can easily ask out a woman and act like no mater what her response is you are more then ok with it you will add value to yourself in the eyes of not only her but other women as well. The idea being that woman are attracted to men who are confident around woman because then it seems like you have options and so appear less needy. The best way I know to see this first hand is to go out with a female friend as a "wing woman" it can be like you suddenly discovered a super power the first time you experience this.
For you, perhaps.
C'mon! Take a page out of your avatars book, look how many times Spider asks and gets shot down extreamly hard. You have to get in the mind set that "Hacksaw is a sexy beast" and any woman who does not want a piece of that, well there is clearly something wrong with her simply because you are awesome so there is no way there is anything wrong with you. This is a case were "fake it until you make it" works.
The other thing to keep in mind when asking someone out is that everyone wants people to like them, even if they don't want to go out with you they will like the idea that someone found them attractive and asked. Sure you will run into someone who says no in a total dick way once in awhile but that is pretty rare. We tend to think its that way in our minds much more then it happens.
Yeah it's a British thing.
deer in the headlights look, slow head shake, mouthing no
I'm tired of seeing my libido treated as an on-off switch. That is one cultural issue that pisses me off so much.
Yeah, wanting to be physically aroused, but not, is a really weird thing. But it totally happens.
What if she then high fives you?
About the "women cuddling, men sex" thing, that is by no means the truthy fact that our society would have us believe. (Interestingly, if you go back to Shakespeare's day, the assumption was that women were insatiable sex fiends who were always running off and having affairs because they couldn't be fully satisfied by their exhausted husbands.) Not that cuddling is bad or anything. I think it's just that society regards it as "A GIRL THING", which then makes it hard for men who like cuddling to admit it.
So he and a friend made a troll account on a paid dating site about ten years ago. They didn't pay for a subscription so he put a riddle in his profile where the answer was his email address. They had a bit of fun and forgot about it. Half a year later he gets a random email out of the blue asking if she got the riddle right and what the heck was up with his profile and if anything was real about it. He replies and they start instant messaging each other, where they find out they live in different cities in different provinces but by coincedence he was actually about to move to her city in the near future. They eventually start having daily phone conversations and after a few months he moves and they meet in person for the first time. Now they're married.
Maybe I'm using the wrong strategy for online dating, with my truthful profile and looking locally....
I tried the fake confidence thing. Didn't work. Tried the real confidence thing. Didn't work. The only thing that has seemed to earn me the attentions of the various women I've come to be attracted to over the years seems to come down to nothing more than damned luck and a lack of other, more compelling options. I can't account for the former, and the latter does nothing to bolster my confidence.
I got Opinions about this. And I bet you can't wait to hear them!
"Fake it till you make it" doesn't work. For the short term maybe you can pump yourself up by trying to force yourself to believe you're awesome, and maybe that will work for a night or two but the instant you get a real knockback it will knock the wind out of you like a haymaker. "Who am I kidding? I'm not cut out for this stuff" and so on.
The problem is, you've made a fake version of yourself because you believe that's what people want to see, you're acting fake in the hope that one day someone will bestow on you happiness and you'll be "real". Its still a million miles away from actual self acceptance.
Thats the only thing which can actually help you. Face it; you're probably weird. You probably got a weird sense of humor that only a few people get, you probably got a weird face or body, you got weird secrets and ambitions and have weird dreams and weird issues and weird quirks. And thats fine, because the people who get you will really get you, and the people who really don't you never had a future with anyway.
I've gotten success with some insanely stupid lines or actions I would never recommend anyone repeat simply because I was thinking "ok she's either gonna *get* this and think its brilliant OR not get it and think I'm a massive weirdo, either way I found out what I wanted to know" whereas when I was thinking "ok, how can I act that would make her like me?" I was always losing. Hacksaw is 100% correct that it all comes down to luck, but all that means is that when you get rejected it's probably not even because of anything you did wrong, and you can make your own luck, of a fashion.
I know I'm a weirdo, I know exactly whats unattractive about me but in the grand scheme of things just put yourself out there a bit and you'll be surprised by the amount of people who don't really give a shit, or like the things you thought you hated. Even if you get some (hilarious) rejections I was still averaging about a date a week up until I deleted my profile, vs a couple years ago in college when I was busting a gut trying to be cool but dating basically no one, ever.
I got a date once off okcupid by relating the story about how I walked into a shop and walked right the fuck out again because I was too self conscious to let the assistant see me buying the same thing twice in one day. Even being anxious doesn't matter as much as you might think it does.