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[Internet Dating] Bisexuals over 30 without smartphones are doomed. DOOOOOOMED!

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Posts

  • hsuhsu Registered User regular
    Karrde1842 wrote: »
    Ok, advice needed. I can never figure out what to put in these opening messages. Just a "Hey, how are you doing?" or "Your profile popped up on my matches and after looking through it I thought I'd drop you a line + <insert something from her profile here>? Please help.
    I've seen a lot of bad advice here. Or at least advice with low success rates.

    Is the girl hot? If so, she gets 1000 messages a day (yes, a day). Nearly all of them are exactly the same, talking about the same 2-3 points in her profile.

    To stand out, your reply needs to be attention grabbing and short. Both the subject line and first sentence should suck you in, like a good book, movie trailer, comedian, or magic act. It does not have to be funny.

    Work out a 3-5 good replies of this type, and use the one that fits her profile the most.

    Basically, you are trying to start an interesting conversation, from scratch, using a segue, to break the girl out of her auto-reject response behavior. By the way, this works great in person too.

    iTNdmYl.png
  • AlegisAlegis Impeckable Registered User regular
    grcaro wrote: »
    Back on the horse, so to speak. I re-activated my account and re-did my okcupid profile here. I literally don't have a picture of myself without other people in it. Kind of funny, really.

    Still a little bent out of shape over that last girl. I don't think it was meant to be though. Also, it's been over a month since we broke up and I figure even if I don't actively pursue girls I'm at least putting myself out there a bit again.

    Where did your capitalization go? Almost all sentences start with an 'i', the section feels disjointed rather than a text.

    It's brief, although you do get to the point.

    grcaro
  • VeritasVRVeritasVR Registered User regular
    edited March 2013
    hsu wrote: »
    Work out a 3-5 good replies of this type, and use the one that fits her profile the most.

    Basically, you are trying to start an interesting conversation, from scratch, using a segue, to break the girl out of her auto-reject response behavior. By the way, this works great in person too.

    that's not what it means.

    and just, no.

    VeritasVR on
    CoH_infantry.jpg
    Let 'em eat fucking pineapples!
    T-bolt
  • grcarogrcaro Registered User regular
    edited March 2013
    Thanks Alegis. I made the capitalization changes, good point. I could see that throwing someone off.

    Not sure how to improve it. I threw in a couple of sentence starters that might make it seem less disjointed.

    Edit: I guess I want to give off a different, or updated vibe from my last profile. I hope this one comes across as a bit more to the point of what I'm looking for and what I need out of a relationship. I think my personality really lends itself to being in parasitic relationships, where I give, give, give, and I'm striving for a mutually beneficial relationship where I can get some love and encouragement back this time 'round.

    grcaro on
    grcaro.blogspot.com
  • AlegisAlegis Impeckable Registered User regular
    It's definitely to the point :)

    I've decided to try OKC again. Seems like I'm stuck with it for another week as there seems to be a disable profile limit .. feedback welcome!

    grcaro
  • hsuhsu Registered User regular
    VeritasVR wrote: »
    hsu wrote: »
    Work out a 3-5 good replies of this type, and use the one that fits her profile the most.
    Basically, you are trying to start an interesting conversation, from scratch, using a segue, to break the girl out of her auto-reject response behavior. By the way, this works great in person too.
    that's not what it means.
    and just, no.
    If you don't like my response, offer an alternative that works.

    Besides, people put the same stuff on their profiles. Read 100 and I bet 5 good segues would cover at least 80 of them.

    No point in spending so much time creating a good reply/segue, only to use it on a one girl.

    iTNdmYl.png
  • T-boltT-bolt Registered User regular
    So tell us one then, tell us a magical incantation that will get the hottest of hot girls interested in you without resorting to wasting time coming up with a couple sentences actually directed at her. This should be good.

  • TehSpectreTehSpectre Registered User regular
    Hsu's advice sounds eerily close to PUA methodology.

    9u72nmv0y64e.jpg
    T-boltrizPLA
  • VeritasVRVeritasVR Registered User regular
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    Hsu's advice sounds eerily close to PUA methodology.

    Bingo.
    hsu wrote: »
    Is the girl hot? If so, she gets 1000 messages a day (yes, a day).

    And false.

    CoH_infantry.jpg
    Let 'em eat fucking pineapples!
  • LoserForHireXLoserForHireX Registered User regular
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    Just send "do u want my d n ur v?" and then it's happily ever after.

    I'm never not sending this as a message. The ladies will be rollin in.

    "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to give into it." - Oscar Wilde
    "We believe in the people and their 'wisdom' as if there was some special secret entrance to knowledge that barred to anyone who had ever learned anything." - Friedrich Nietzsche
    TehSpectre
  • SliderSlider Registered User regular
    Hmm, cool.

    Just won a contest for being a cute bald guy. Going to Vegas for a Bon Jovi concert. Staying at the MGM for free.

    Now why can't I get any dates?

  • RichyRichy Registered User regular
    Slider wrote: »
    Hmm, cool.

    Just won a contest for being a cute bald guy. Going to Vegas for a Bon Jovi concert. Staying at the MGM for free.

    Now why can't I get any dates?

    Whoa, nice! Congrats dude!

    sig.gif
    Slider
  • JeedanJeedan Registered User regular
    edited March 2013
    hsu wrote: »
    Karrde1842 wrote: »
    Ok, advice needed. I can never figure out what to put in these opening messages. Just a "Hey, how are you doing?" or "Your profile popped up on my matches and after looking through it I thought I'd drop you a line + <insert something from her profile here>? Please help.
    I've seen a lot of bad advice here. Or at least advice with low success rates.

    Is the girl hot? If so, she gets 1000 messages a day (yes, a day). Nearly all of them are exactly the same, talking about the same 2-3 points in her profile.

    To stand out, your reply needs to be attention grabbing and short. Both the subject line and first sentence should suck you in, like a good book, movie trailer, comedian, or magic act. It does not have to be funny.

    Work out a 3-5 good replies of this type, and use the one that fits her profile the most.

    Basically, you are trying to start an interesting conversation, from scratch, using a segue, to break the girl out of her auto-reject response behavior. By the way, this works great in person too.

    Yeah women just love rejecting men. "Oh hey a conversation starter from a guy who's actually read my profile, maybe I'll check out his profile see if I find him attractive or not and th[[[[[[AUTO-REJECT PROTOCOL INITIATED."

    Jeedan on
    AntinumericrizN1tSt4lkerT-boltAngelHedgieCreagan
  • LadyMLadyM Registered User regular
    Jeedan wrote: »
    Yeah women just love rejecting men. "Oh hey a conversation starter from a guy who's actually read my profile, maybe I'll check out his profile see if I find him attractive or not and th[[[[[[AUTO-REJECT PROTOCOL INITIATED."

    My mouse pointer was hovering over the "Awesome" button after reading this post, but I just couldn't bring myself to click it, because I love rejecting things oh so much.

    RichyrizTehSpectreDark Raven XN1tSt4lkersyndalisT-boltAngelHedgieShivahnCinderskime
  • PLAPLA The process.Registered User regular
    1. Learn magic-trick.
    2. Lurk in shadows.
    3. Jump out and perform at people before they can react.
    4. ????
    5. First impression!

  • JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    Slider wrote: »
    Hmm, cool.

    Just won a contest for being a cute bald guy. Going to Vegas for a Bon Jovi concert. Staying at the MGM for free.

    Now why can't I get any dates?
    Bad news Slider. All those contest judges were men.

  • grcarogrcaro Registered User regular
    Hey Alegis, your profile looks solid to me. Sorry I can't add anything.

    grcaro.blogspot.com
  • AlegisAlegis Impeckable Registered User regular
    No worries, thanks for checking!

  • AlegisAlegis Impeckable Registered User regular
    edited March 2013
    Tried the 'who's your favorite duck' as I got discouraged by 'ANSWERS VERY SELECTIVELY' warning. Got a '?' reply back


    Well that was about the only person with no full inbox who seemed interesting in the okc neighborhood. Too bad!

    Alegis on
  • JeedanJeedan Registered User regular
    "That was an attempt at an icebreaker, let me try again: (stuff)"

    TehSpectre
  • Steel AngelSteel Angel Registered User regular
    VeritasVR wrote: »
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    Hsu's advice sounds eerily close to PUA methodology.

    Bingo.

    Elements of it are also found in non-PUA related advice too though. A few months back I came across a series of dating articles (I think it was something like ask Dr. Nerdlove, but I'm not sure) that emphasized not worrying too much about the first thing you say to a girl. Similar advice has popped up in other stuff I've read. The column was geared towards in person interaction so the rules were different (trying to start a conversation by asking someone for the time probably won't work so well online), but the point that you're not trying to forge the one opening message to rule them all still stands. Likewise, when OKCupid was maintaining its data analysis blog, it found diminishing returns on opening messages above 200 characters. Now if there really aren't that many women matching well in your area to message then taking longer per message makes more sense but in general the very first thing you say is but one part of many things someone will use to judge whether or not they find you interesting and attractive so long as you aren't making yourself look like in idiot. There's certainly a baseline to be above in a message but that's different from making each message a work of literary art.

    And while I would disagree that one needs to have 3-5 prescripted openings/incantations/guardian summons, I'm willing to bet all of us have some stories we tell more than others and more readily. Likewise we are more likely to key in on some parts of a person's profile because they're things we're more passionate about and hence more likely to try to use in an opening message. And for stuff that is more scripted, it's hardly as if the PUA community invented the idea of an ice breaker; they just took it to one of its weirdest possible destinations.

    Big Dookie wrote: »
    I found that tilting it doesn't work very well, and once I started jerking it, I got much better results.

    Steam Profile
    3DS: 3454-0268-5595 Battle.net: SteelAngel#1772
    darklite_x
  • redxredx I(x)=2(x)+1 whole numbersRegistered User regular
    ewww.

    LIke, the the quickmatch thing totally does just randomly send out stuff, even if you haven't rated the other person. I was all 'oh, wow, it is a thing. That's kinda creepy. Oh, and it's a guy, who's unattractive, and straight.' Who then logged back in with a bi alt interested in casual sex to visit my profile.

    and still not send a damned message.


    Yeah, no more quick match.

    This machine kills threads.
  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    redx wrote: »
    ewww.

    LIke, the the quickmatch thing totally does just randomly send out stuff, even if you haven't rated the other person. I was all 'oh, wow, it is a thing. That's kinda creepy. Oh, and it's a guy, who's unattractive, and straight.' Who then logged back in with a bi alt interested in casual sex to visit my profile.

    and still not send a damned message.


    Yeah, no more quick match.
    wat

    The best card in Hearthstone is your credit card.
  • redxredx I(x)=2(x)+1 whole numbersRegistered User regular
    forty wrote: »
    redx wrote: »
    ewww.

    LIke, the the quickmatch thing totally does just randomly send out stuff, even if you haven't rated the other person. I was all 'oh, wow, it is a thing. That's kinda creepy. Oh, and it's a guy, who's unattractive, and straight.' Who then logged back in with a bi alt interested in casual sex to visit my profile.

    and still not send a damned message.


    Yeah, no more quick match.
    wat

    I sort of thought the quick match only sent out e-mails if you both rated each other highly. I discovered this is not the case due to a creepy ass closet case with rating me highly with his straight account. He then logged out, logged back in with his bisexual account, looked up my profile, and still did not send a message.

    Sort of getting random e-mails that specific people rated you highly is kinda creepy. A bit. So, I'm not doing it anymore. The rest of it just sort of drove the point home.

    This machine kills threads.
  • SliderSlider Registered User regular
    JAEF wrote: »
    Slider wrote: »
    Hmm, cool.

    Just won a contest for being a cute bald guy. Going to Vegas for a Bon Jovi concert. Staying at the MGM for free.

    Now why can't I get any dates?
    Bad news Slider. All those contest judges were men.

    As long as they pay for dinner...

  • PLAPLA The process.Registered User regular
    Had a look at that advice-thing. Heh, turns out I barely know anything about myself.

  • grcarogrcaro Registered User regular
    edited March 2013
    Well, I've messaged two girls I'm interested in. Messaged the first one, gave her a day to respond, but didn't hear back. I saw she checked out my profile twice though. Her loss!

    Now I've messaged another girl I think I'd like to get to know even more. So although i haven't heard back from either [yet], I'm feeling pretty good this time around. I never felt comfortable with dating being a numbers game or the idea of playing the field, so I'm gonna approach it one-by-one.

    I'm not sure if my profile does a great job capturing who I am so I'm not taking it too personally if I don't hear back.

    grcaro on
    grcaro.blogspot.com
  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    redx wrote: »
    Sort of getting random e-mails that specific people rated you highly is kinda creepy. A bit. So, I'm not doing it anymore. The rest of it just sort of drove the point home.
    Why's that? It's only creepy if the person is creepy. Or are you saying you're creepy too?

    The best card in Hearthstone is your credit card.
  • rizriz Registered User regular
    Yeah that entire post/scenario is still confusing to me.

  • ZekZek Registered User regular
    grcaro wrote: »
    Well, I've messaged two girls I'm interested in. Messaged the first one, gave her a day to respond, but didn't hear back. I saw she checked out my profile twice though. Her loss!

    Now I've messaged another girl I think I'd like to get to know even more. So although i haven't heard back from either [yet], I'm feeling pretty good this time around. I never felt comfortable with dating being a numbers game or the idea of playing the field, so I'm gonna approach it one-by-one.

    I'm not sure if my profile does a great job capturing who I am so I'm not taking it too personally if I don't hear back.

    It really is a numbers game though. Even if someone does respond there's no guarantee it will end in a meeting, and even if it does there's no guarantee that will go anywhere. For your own sanity it's better not to get your hopes up over complete strangers on the internet.

    My rule of thumb was to always try to have two potential prospects going at any given time. If I'm not talking to anyone I'll send two messages a night - if I'm taking to one person I'll send one message a night, etc.

    GethrizgrcaroJeedan
  • PLAPLA The process.Registered User regular
    Eh, for your own sanity, do things at your own pace.

    grcarophiller
  • redxredx I(x)=2(x)+1 whole numbersRegistered User regular
    forty wrote: »
    redx wrote: »
    Sort of getting random e-mails that specific people rated you highly is kinda creepy. A bit. So, I'm not doing it anymore. The rest of it just sort of drove the point home.
    Why's that? It's only creepy if the person is creepy. Or are you saying you're creepy too?
    I could afford to avoiding things that will make me seem more creepy. I think quick match would make me seem more creepy and pathetic than just sending a message.

    This machine kills threads.
  • grcarogrcaro Registered User regular
    Hm, thanks for the advice Zek and PLA. Didn't hear back from either girl! Oh well. I had a job networking thing tonight downtown at a bar and it was nice to be out. Talked a sweet girl, but I slammed on the brakes when she brought up her boyfriend though, haha.

    grcaro.blogspot.com
  • T-boltT-bolt Registered User regular
    I met a girl today, was pleasantly surprised as we hadn't really had a conversation online (it was pretty much: hey want to go for coffee? sure!) and while her photos were OK, she's underselling herself with the few she had up. Some things to be optimistic about but I wouldn't bet on a 2nd date unfortunately. Which is why I really wish one of the 3 other girls I'm currently talking to online would send me a message back soon! Especially the one (the Rhetorical Question girl I mentioned before) who seemed agreeable to the idea of meeting up but hasn't answered my follow up on specifics.

  • AngelinaAngelina Registered User regular
    Back to browsing the sites in some hope of finding someone that sparks my interest.

    Found a guy with interesting photos, a slightly weird profile but still quite good. Then it ended with...

    First Date
    As the man, I shall choose. We shall definitely do something fun, after all it's not an interview!!

    Hmmm.

    Also I don't know if it's any of you, but a man from New York looked at my okc profile and I may be in love. That never happens with men from here!

  • JAEFJAEF Unstoppably Bald Registered User regular
    Angelina wrote: »
    Found a guy with interesting photos, a slightly weird profile but still quite good. Then it ended with...

    First Date
    As the man, I shall choose. We shall definitely do something fun, after all it's not an interview!!

    Angelina
  • rizriz Registered User regular
    Angelina wrote: »
    Also I don't know if it's any of you, but a man from New York looked at my okc profile and I may be in love. That never happens with men from here!

    That happens to me all the time, only I'm in New York. I mean... I don't get foreign visitors all the time, but sometimes I do, or sometimes I get bored and keyword search for a specific band I like, and always get Scandinavian beardy dudes I would love to talk to if they were not in Sweden.

    forty
  • BobbleBobble Registered User regular
    edited March 2013
    Is homosexuality a sin?
    Yes: "I don't know!!"

    What best represents your opinion of same-sex relationships?
    Girl-on-girl is okay, but guy-on-guy is wrong.: "The bible teaches homosexuality is a sin. I think that only applies for men? I'm not sure"

    Private thing? That she's attracted to women and confused about it, but they make her feel safe. And she lists herself as Bi.

    If it's not a troll account, I feel genuinely sorry for this girl. Rest of it comes off as hyper-religious, very young, sheltered-from-the-world-by-her-parents type. Doesn't believe in evolution, would react with 'disgust/horror' if she found her partner masturbating, contraception is morally wrong, always does what her parents say, no dinosaurs, 5 OR MORE kids (aka, Catholic and very serious about it), favorite shows mentions "anything with Kirk Cameron"

    Bobble on
  • HacksawHacksaw J. Duggan Esq. Wrestler at LawRegistered User regular
    Back when I still had a profile, I used to get visiting women from as far away as the Philippines. It was... odd.

    forty
  • HacksawHacksaw J. Duggan Esq. Wrestler at LawRegistered User regular
    I also once got one from Austria. She was drop-dead gorgeous.

    But, sadly, in Austria.

This discussion has been closed.