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[TRENCHES] Thursday, March 7, 2013 - Cranial

GethGeth LegionPerseus VeilRegistered User, Moderator, Penny Arcade Staff, Vanilla Staff vanilla
edited March 2013 in The Penny Arcade Hub
Cranial


Cranial
http://trenchescomic.com/comic/post/cranial

The first cracks.

Anonymous

I had only been a tester for a few months, so the shine was still in my eyes. The heart beating in my chest wasn’t yet a blackened thudding thing pumping coffee and cynicism. My skin had not yet gone London Level pale from the many hours confined in the testing bay colloquially referred to as “The Dungeon”.

Like Pandora’s box, I still had hope.

So it was to my joy and delight that I learned I was to be sent to test “on site” at an actual developer’s HQ several states away from the Publisher I actually worked at. I hadn’t yet learned that only a fool wanted these assignments.

For a while you often made a lot of extra cash, since food and accommodations were comped, and you put in as much overtime as the developers during crunch. You were also quickly forgotten when it came time for review. For all your inattentive manager knew, you might have been on call for the time you were gone. Even if HE was the one who sent you on the trip in the first place!

Soon I was sent on my first real business trip! So exciting! I even had a traveling buddy; another junior tester, though my senior in actual age. At first I wondered what could lead a 38 year-old to enter this profession. By the end of the trip I found out; really shitty divorce settlements.

When we arrived, it was quickly discovered that the developers didn’t know know what to do with us, who we were, or why we were there. But they did know to be on guard. We were quickly introduced to the FOUNDER and CEO of the studio, who expressed his confusion in as polite and fearful a manner as possible while my traveling buddy and I stared at each other in disbelief.

“Man, these developers must really respect the common tester!” I thought.

Alas, but no. It had just been poor communication. Hasty emails had been sent a week prior with crunch rearing its ugly head, and all they knew was that the publisher that had purchased them only a year or so prior was sending two of its number to the relative safety of their offices to ensure that they met their deadline.

When he learned that they had just been sent extra help rather than auditors, the tense smile on the FOUNDER and CEO of the studio broke into a relieved mask of pleasant superiority. He soon sent us to an underling and we soon never saw him again.

But before the underling got there and took me into my first foray into overtime hell (where I learned that there are in fact 36 hours in a working day, you just don’t see the extra 12 until your eyes bleed a specific mixture of despair and deprivation) an impromptu meeting occurred with other key members of the senior staff barging into the FOUNDER and CEO’s office.

Once it was explained that we were testers not spies, my traveling companion and I were quickly ignored as the dev-team’s staff complained about the early reviews coming out for the PC version of the game we were all working on. The total anonymity of my status allowed me to see a side of a development team I thought impossible before.

They were hurt that a publication they had invited to preview the game early had the gall to call their game “run of the mill”, and “mediocre”, which surprised me as I didn’t realize developers took these reviews so personally. It made sense though, this was a project these folks had spent years of their lives making getting torn to shreds in the few minutes it took to write a few paragraphs. Which is probably why they acted like petulant children, promising revenge by vowing to never give an exclusive to these folks ever again.

But more importantly, they proved to be either severely lacking in taste or delusional. Because the fact of the matter was, the review was right.

Perhaps because I was new to the industry, I still retained some semblance of what made a game good, and the game I had been playing over the last few months, the game I had been sent so far to work on, could easily be called “mediocre”, if you were being nice about it.
The more commonly used words were"garbage”,”****-pile” and several combinations therein, as it was one of the most rehashed concepts ever done in as generic a method possible. It reinvented no wheels, had nothing to say, and its “plot twist”, as ineffectual as it ended up, was touted on the back of the damn box.

It was the day I learned directly that developers are only human, and were all too capable of losing their objectivity. That spending two years struggling just to get a game out the door under grueling conditions made you forget that perhaps you should occasionally keep a few villagers on hand to tell you that you’re naked.

It was the day I learned HOW bad games get made even when the people making them are all otherwise fine, talented folks.

It was the day that the first cracks appeared in my sense of hope.

It took about a year before it crumbled entirely, but then, I was always an optimist.


Geth on

Posts

  • RMS OceanicRMS Oceanic Registered User regular
    The comic reminds me of the Kingdom of Alamur thing.

    The story, by Trenches!Story standards, is pretty average.

  • PaperPrittPaperPritt Registered User regular
    The comic reminds me of the Kingdom of Alamur thing.

    The story, by Trenches!Story standards, is pretty average.

    Wait, what Kingdom of Amalur thing? - Ooh i need to play that game again.

    I liked the story. Really well written. Reminded me a lot of my first jobs. When i still believed err.. lets just say a lot of things.

  • MalvicusMalvicus Registered User regular
    I
    PaperPritt wrote: »
    The comic reminds me of the Kingdom of Alamur thing.

    The story, by Trenches!Story standards, is pretty average.

    Wait, what Kingdom of Amalur thing? - Ooh i need to play that game again.

    I liked the story. Really well written. Reminded me a lot of my first jobs. When i still believed err.. lets just say a lot of things.


    Wait, can you still play Kingdom? I thought the game required servers to play even though it was a single player RPG. I should fire it up sometime. Oooh, imagine the new SimCity not being playable because EA went out of business. Oh man, that would be just ridiculous. Single player games should not require access to some server, man.

  • ButlerButler 89 episodes or bust Registered User regular
    This season's arc will end with everyone picking Q up and throwing him down a staircase. Next season will be staying one step ahead of the cops.

  • marsiliesmarsilies Registered User regular
    edited March 2013
    PaperPritt wrote: »
    Wait, what Kingdom of Amalur thing? - Ooh i need to play that game again.
    I think he's referring to Project Copernicus, the unreleased MMO that was to be set in the Kingdoms of Amalur universe before 38 Studios went under.

    It doesn't fit though, because by most accounts, they had a lot of work done on Project Copernicus. Todd McFarlane recently said in an interview that the game was nearly complete.
    http://youtu.be/Mgm8c8UCqqg?t=5m18s


    Certainly, from a graphics angle, they had a lot of assets already in game, as this fly-through shows:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUKRUXGfDCo

    A few gameplay videos:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BP_wgVsvTBA
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNg0fJqXRXc
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86H0Qact1J0

    And a trailer for the game:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICtQX6DHh2A
    Malvicus wrote: »
    Wait, can you still play Kingdom? I thought the game required servers to play even though it was a single player RPG...
    Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning doesn't require server access at all. New copies came with an "online pass," but that was to unlock some additional missions, not to play the basic game.

    marsilies on
  • KochikensKochikens Registered User regular
    why the fuck isnt she asking where the devs are

  • Dark Raven XDark Raven X Laugh hard, run fast, be kindRegistered User regular
    The devs are also right here

    Oh brilliant
  • KochikensKochikens Registered User regular
    its like, you start work as a chocolate tester, and theres no chocolates. your first question is WHY ISNT THERE A CHOCOLATE FACTORY OR CHOCOLATE MAKERS. Not like, but I thought you had a patent??

  • realisticradicalrealisticradical Durham, NCRegistered User regular
    Kochikens wrote: »
    its like, you start work as a chocolate tester, and theres no chocolates. your first question is WHY ISNT THERE A CHOCOLATE FACTORY OR CHOCOLATE MAKERS. Not like, but I thought you had a patent??

    Man, chocolate tester sounds like the best job ever. Then again it's probably grueling 36 hour days being force fed the worst sub-chocolate imaginable.

  • SkiddlesSkiddles The frozen white northRegistered User regular
    Kochikens wrote: »
    its like, you start work as a chocolate tester, and theres no chocolates. your first question is WHY ISNT THERE A CHOCOLATE FACTORY OR CHOCOLATE MAKERS. Not like, but I thought you had a patent??

    We didn't really see much of the devs (even with Q's transition there) in season 1, so I don't think they would have the expectation that they should see devs in the first place.

    Although the lack of polish in the game might lead Cora to WANT to see devs, just to make sure they actually do exist, granted.

  • SkiddlesSkiddles The frozen white northRegistered User regular
    It would be funny if Q WAS the entire dev team, that said.

  • KochikensKochikens Registered User regular
    Kochikens wrote: »
    its like, you start work as a chocolate tester, and theres no chocolates. your first question is WHY ISNT THERE A CHOCOLATE FACTORY OR CHOCOLATE MAKERS. Not like, but I thought you had a patent??

    Man, chocolate tester sounds like the best job ever. Then again it's probably grueling 36 hour days being force fed the worst sub-chocolate imaginable.

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSILbtW7e3vKHyPnuH7bafeko75Ryyb5Q8M7YkMKz1GRny3MWjr

  • IamToochIamTooch Registered User regular
    Notice that ****-pile was bleeped, but "really shitty divorce settlements" was verbatim. Sounds like a finely tuned sense of nuance.

  • TubeTube Registered User admin
    I assume that the devs simply exist offscreen

  • Fatty McBeardoFatty McBeardo Registered User regular
    I was really hoping to see Q's take on Jennifer Lawrence.

  • UreshiiAkumaUreshiiAkuma Registered User regular
    My assumption is that, keeping with the theme of the "tales," devs do not interact with QA, thus us never seeing them. Of course now I am beginning to think Q is the only dev ...

  • KochikensKochikens Registered User regular
    edited March 2013
    it just seems bizarre to me. Like, having a show about a company where you only ever see one tiny portion of the company. Like a tv show about NASA and you only ever see the janitors. If it were made into a running gag it could be really hilarious though.

    My assumption is that, keeping with the theme of the "tales," devs do not interact with QA, thus us never seeing them. Of course now I am beginning to think Q is the only dev ...



    If they brought that up it'd be hilarious.

    Kochikens on
  • UnbrokenEvaUnbrokenEva HIGH ON THE WIRE BUT I WON'T TRIP ITRegistered User regular
    Malvicus wrote: »
    I
    PaperPritt wrote: »
    The comic reminds me of the Kingdom of Alamur thing.

    The story, by Trenches!Story standards, is pretty average.

    Wait, what Kingdom of Amalur thing? - Ooh i need to play that game again.

    I liked the story. Really well written. Reminded me a lot of my first jobs. When i still believed err.. lets just say a lot of things.


    Wait, can you still play Kingdom? I thought the game required servers to play even though it was a single player RPG. I should fire it up sometime. Oooh, imagine the new SimCity not being playable because EA went out of business. Oh man, that would be just ridiculous. Single player games should not require access to some server, man.

    yeah I started playing it again last week. It played entirely locally, though it does authenticate with your EA account when you start it up.

  • TubeTube Registered User admin
    Kochikens wrote: »
    it just seems bizarre to me. Like, having a show about a company where you only ever see one tiny portion of the company. Like a tv show about NASA and you only ever see the janitors. If it were made into a running gag it could be really hilarious though.

    It's explicitly a comic that is solely about QA.

  • AugusteAuguste Registered User regular
    Kochikens wrote: »
    it just seems bizarre to me. Like, having a show about a company where you only ever see one tiny portion of the company. Like a tv show about NASA and you only ever see the janitors. If it were made into a running gag it could be really hilarious though.

    Isn't that basically describing Better Off Ted?

  • YoungFreyYoungFrey Registered User regular
    Auguste wrote: »
    Kochikens wrote: »
    it just seems bizarre to me. Like, having a show about a company where you only ever see one tiny portion of the company. Like a tv show about NASA and you only ever see the janitors. If it were made into a running gag it could be really hilarious though.


    Isn't that basically describing Better Off Ted?
    Better Off Ted is kind of a microcosm of a larger company. You have senior management, management, testing, and engineering all represented.

  • comrade904comrade904 Registered User regular
    Better off Ted was the shit!!! I loved the meat they grew that made people depressed, or how they could force the lab guy into the chamber.


    Isn't that basically describing Better Off Ted?[/quote]
    Better Off Ted is kind of a microcosm of a larger company. You have senior management, management, testing, and engineering all represented.

    [/quote]

  • GaslightGaslight Registered User regular
    If
    YoungFrey wrote: »
    Auguste wrote: »
    Kochikens wrote: »
    it just seems bizarre to me. Like, having a show about a company where you only ever see one tiny portion of the company. Like a tv show about NASA and you only ever see the janitors. If it were made into a running gag it could be really hilarious though.


    Isn't that basically describing Better Off Ted?
    Better Off Ted is kind of a microcosm of a larger company. You have senior management, management, testing, and engineering all represented.

    Would The IT Crowd be a valid example of a show that focuses almost exclusively on one department of a company?

  • marsiliesmarsilies Registered User regular
    comrade904 wrote: »
    Better off Ted was the shit!!! I loved the meat they grew that made people depressed, or how they could force the lab guy into the chamber.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnXfLGcENnI
    Gaslight wrote: »
    Would The IT Crowd be a valid example of a show that focuses almost exclusively on one department of a company?
    The IT Crowd oscillated a bit between just the IT department and the top brass, which is not too dissimilar to what is happening in this comic (with QA standing in for IT, and Q being the top brass).

    30 Rock focused myopically on one sketch comedy show, even though Jack Donaghy was head of all of NBC.

  • Commander ZoomCommander Zoom Registered User regular
    edited March 2013
    "Well, that's great, Q. I'll just go get a bone saw, so we can get it out of there and onto the servers."

    Commander Zoom on
  • SmrtnikSmrtnik job boli zub Registered User regular
    Kochikens wrote: »
    it just seems bizarre to me. Like, having a show about a company where you only ever see one tiny portion of the company. Like a tv show about NASA and you only ever see the janitors. If it were made into a running gag it could be really hilarious though.

    My assumption is that, keeping with the theme of the "tales," devs do not interact with QA, thus us never seeing them. Of course now I am beginning to think Q is the only dev ...



    If they brought that up it'd be hilarious.

    I'd watch the shit out of Nasa Janitor show. Make it like Scrubs but at Nasa and with janitors.

    steam_sig.png
  • KochikensKochikens Registered User regular
    yeah seriously i think that was my best idea ever

    I am now penning a "nasa janitor (c) " tv series script thanks

  • JohnnyricoMCJohnnyricoMC Registered User regular
    Smrtnik wrote: »
    Kochikens wrote: »
    it just seems bizarre to me. Like, having a show about a company where you only ever see one tiny portion of the company. Like a tv show about NASA and you only ever see the janitors. If it were made into a running gag it could be really hilarious though.

    My assumption is that, keeping with the theme of the "tales," devs do not interact with QA, thus us never seeing them. Of course now I am beginning to think Q is the only dev ...



    If they brought that up it'd be hilarious.

    I'd watch the shit out of Nasa Janitor show. Make it like Scrubs but at Nasa and with janitors.

    *me deliberately sticks a penny in a sliding door to screw over some starting engineer* :D

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