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Girl issue, don't understand
tommyindisposed
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
I feel silly for posting this but oh well.
So I met a girl at a party - she's cute, has similar interests, we talk for a bit. I'd noticed her before on campus, I don't know there's just some girls that make an impression. So I get her number when we meet at the gym a bit later. Turns out she's in a relationship, but I suggest we hang out if she likes just as friends, and I mean it because I'm not gunna try to win a girl from some other dude. I don't hear back for like 2 weeks, then she contacts me out of the blue wanting to hang out. I'm suspicious, don't respond, then when I'm at them gym running around track, she corners me.
Her: "Hey, I was watching you run - you're really fast."
Me: "Thanks."
Her: "Would you like to go running with me? I'd like a running partner."
Me: "Sure."
She follows up and asks me to go running at a certain time, I say sorry, I can't make it then I'll be going later. So she ends up showing up when I'm going just to meet me. So I'm thinking..."Okay what's going on here, this girl is out of my league, she's in a relationship as well, now she's kind of stalking me, I'm just some random guy, what the hell is going on?" I would like to think it's "all systems go" because it's awesome when girls approach me because I hate approaching girls because I feel like a creep, but it just doesn't make sense for her to reach out to me out of the blue to be friends, and I'm seriously not going to pursue a girl in a relationship. So, we go running and it's pleasant - she's really fast and so it's a decent jog. She's going to movie with a (boy?)friend and asks me if I'd like to go, and to go running the next day, I say "Maybe I'll go to the movie, but let's go running tomorrow." A mutual friend was going to the movie anyway (on campus film), so I go and I text her to save seat - no response. Don't hear back for a couple days, then she calls me and asks if I want to join her for a run. Couple days later I ask her if she wants to go, but she didn't get back to me until after she's already gone, then we run into each other at gym the next day in a kind of awkward moment.
I guess reading into this is like reading tea leaves but I don't get it. It reminds me of behavior of girl I knew who was in abusive relationship and I was plan B. I'm pretty sensitive and depressed, generally feeling emotionally immature, I think I'll end up getting hurt so my gut is saying don't reply or gently excuse myself if she asks to hang out. I feel like the fact I've even thought about it this much means I probably would get too invested if she just plain liked me.
I should say this comes at a time when I'm basically thinking I'm done worrying about girls, because I feel unable to handle the emotional stress.
So I met a girl at a party - she's cute, has similar interests, we talk for a bit. I'd noticed her before on campus, I don't know there's just some girls that make an impression. So I get her number when we meet at the gym a bit later. Turns out she's in a relationship, but I suggest we hang out if she likes just as friends, and I mean it because I'm not gunna try to win a girl from some other dude. I don't hear back for like 2 weeks, then she contacts me out of the blue wanting to hang out. I'm suspicious, don't respond, then when I'm at them gym running around track, she corners me.
Her: "Hey, I was watching you run - you're really fast."
Me: "Thanks."
Her: "Would you like to go running with me? I'd like a running partner."
Me: "Sure."
She follows up and asks me to go running at a certain time, I say sorry, I can't make it then I'll be going later. So she ends up showing up when I'm going just to meet me. So I'm thinking..."Okay what's going on here, this girl is out of my league, she's in a relationship as well, now she's kind of stalking me, I'm just some random guy, what the hell is going on?" I would like to think it's "all systems go" because it's awesome when girls approach me because I hate approaching girls because I feel like a creep, but it just doesn't make sense for her to reach out to me out of the blue to be friends, and I'm seriously not going to pursue a girl in a relationship. So, we go running and it's pleasant - she's really fast and so it's a decent jog. She's going to movie with a (boy?)friend and asks me if I'd like to go, and to go running the next day, I say "Maybe I'll go to the movie, but let's go running tomorrow." A mutual friend was going to the movie anyway (on campus film), so I go and I text her to save seat - no response. Don't hear back for a couple days, then she calls me and asks if I want to join her for a run. Couple days later I ask her if she wants to go, but she didn't get back to me until after she's already gone, then we run into each other at gym the next day in a kind of awkward moment.
I guess reading into this is like reading tea leaves but I don't get it. It reminds me of behavior of girl I knew who was in abusive relationship and I was plan B. I'm pretty sensitive and depressed, generally feeling emotionally immature, I think I'll end up getting hurt so my gut is saying don't reply or gently excuse myself if she asks to hang out. I feel like the fact I've even thought about it this much means I probably would get too invested if she just plain liked me.
I should say this comes at a time when I'm basically thinking I'm done worrying about girls, because I feel unable to handle the emotional stress.
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If this was a guy, would you be thinking these things? I think you're working yourself up over nothing because of her gender.
That paragraph specifically sounds like you're not wanting just a friendship, but something more.
If I'm wrong and you are ok with just being friends, and it's the fact that she sets something up and then doesn't follow up, then just ask her what's going on. At some point, if it continues to happen and you're getting hurt, sad, mad, or anything else, you'll need to just tell her no the next time you run into her and she asks to go running or a movie or whatever.
Way #1 - She is not interested in being anything more than friends. Although you say that's fine with you, the way you're worrying about this situation tells me you're about six months away from constantly moping around complaining about how "girls just don't go for nice guys."
2nd way - She is interested in being more than friends. The problem with this is simply "once a cheater, always a cheater." It's foolish to think that if the two of you start dating she won't be scouting for another "running partner" when she gets bored.
Way the third - Her linebacker boyfriend gets interested. Whether she's interested in you or not, if she's in a relationship then there's at least some chance that it's with someone who does not have a problem with harming you in some way out of jealousy.
I say stay polite if you happen to run into her, but stop making running "dates" with her.
I think this post has too many assumptions, but I agree with the meat of it - OP, you make it sound like you're interested in something other than just a casual friendship / jogging partner, and the girl in question is making you jittery as a result.
It's more than reasonable to assume that she just wants someone to jog with. If that's also what you want, there isn't a problem. When you start using terms like 'out of your league', though, that tends to mean you want something else - and if that's the case, in my opinion, becoming her 'jogging partner' with ulterior motives is a pretty bad idea.
She may well want you to go to the movies with her and her boyfriend so that he can meet you, because some people like to have their SOs meet the friends they see a lot. If you become a running partner she'll be seeing you a lot, and this is some people's way of saying to their SO "I met this person and we are going to be doing a regular activity together maybe and this is me not hiding it from you."
Mostly I think that if you are sincere about your disinterest in her as anything other than a friend or running partner, you are reading way, way too much into this interaction.
I suppose it's a bit odd that she'd just show up but not exactly stalking level. This is probably an indication that she wants to run with you, and the invite to the movie is probably an indication that she would like to be friends. Her not showing up to the movie is probably an indication that maybe she's a bit flaky sometimes, not that big a deal. Reading beyond a random run to "all systems go" is kind of a huge leap. It's good that you don't want to pursue a girl in a relationship, but you're the one who said you wanted to be friends, it sounds like she just took your words at face value.
Probably the wisest thing you've said. There's nothing in tea leaves, just stories people want to tell themselves or the people whose leaves they're reading. I really think you should proceed as if what's been said is all that's going on. You said you want to be her friend, she is treating you as a potential friend/running partner. So be her friend and run with her, if that's something you'd like. But if you're going to insist on trying to read cues about her potentially wanting a relationship or wish that she was single so you could hit on her, just stop and leave her be because you'll end up making both her and yourself miserable.
I guess if you aren't comfortable with the way things are going, there's no reason to pursue it, and if you think you'd always be hoping for something then it's probably not a good idea to get started. It's really commendable that you can be honest with yourself about that, at least.
Warframe: TheBaconDwarf
Good call.
Like t-bolt says, just be cool about it if you run into her.