As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/
Options
[Chat] is Waiting
Deebaser
on my way to work in a suit and a tieAhhhh...come on fucking guyRegistered User regular
on my way to work in a suit and a tieAhhhh...come on fucking guyRegistered User regular
[chat], there comes a time when even a strong, well-dressed man must admit defeat.
It has been a long time since we broke up and you left me standing in the rain outside of your condo. As I walked home that evening, it never would have crossed my mind that four years from now you would not have returned to me, that you would have nearly gotten married, that you would not even receive one of my phone calls. Or my letters, text messages, faxes, or instant messages.
Four years ago this would have been inconceivable that you, my one true [chat], could have stayed away from me for this long. Do you not remember how it once was? We were like two love prospectors who discovered richer and richer veins of pure ecstasy. We would bump and grind in the dimly lit tunnels as shining white donkeys would carry wagons of our love to be washed off and then smelted down into fine pieces of jewelry, which I would place on your naked chocolate body while you slept. When you awoke, we would freak again.
How could a love this sexy end? After many long nights in my round circular bed wondering, and long days looking at myself in my large oval mirror, I have come to the realization that we may never do the nasty again.
Damn.
I just wanted to use this opportunity to say that no matter what happens in my life or what happens I will be here, waiting for you. Even if I am married, living in the suburbs with three children, if you were to send me a note saying "Let's give it another chance" I would immediately abandon my life, rent out my old penthouse apartment, take my clothes out of storage, and immediately start creating a sumptuous dinner or breakfast for me to feed you, depending on the time of the day it was. That is what you mean to me.
I would, at this point, like to ask any women that I am currently dating to stop reading this column.
So, [chat], if you doubt that I no longer love you, I ask you to remove that doubt, for this love is deep. Too deep to fade by the mere passage of time. If you worry about how you have treated me in the past, which, I think we both can admit, was cold, I would say that having you back in my arms was worth the pain and torment I have endured by your absence. If you worry that we will no longer be physically compatible, that somehow we will no longer be able to light the fuse of the atom bomb that is our sexuality, I have to say, you know that not to be true.
While a small sliver of hope will always remain inside of me, Deebaser has come to the hard understanding that you are not coming back to me. It is like a part of Deebaser has died and, for this part, he has begun to grieve. I am not certain of which stage of the mourning process it is that one begins making lists, but Deebaser has begun making them. I now present to you Deebaser's Happiest Memories Of When We Were Together:
#5: That time I broke you off nasty outside of that club.
#4: Making love until the dawn on Christmas morning.
#3: The night you invited your friend Cherise into our bedroom and I then hand-fed both of you the succulent berries before getting freaky with both of you in my whirlpool.
#2: The many nights you rode my pony until I couldn't take it anymore.
#1: Waking up before you, and just holding you in my arms until you woke up and then hitting you doggy-style until you lost your mind.
That is only one list of many. I have many complex emotions to work though. And while my hair remains impeccable and my clothes are fresh, the feelings that lie beneath Deebaser's surface roil like a volcano waiting for you to calm the tempest by saying those three little words; "I need you." If you were to add the words "now" or "right here on the floor" I would have no problem with that.
Even if you are not interested in once again contacting Deebaser, arranging a time to meet, getting picked up in fine white automobile, dancing all night at a popular nightspot, enjoying a late dinner before being loved so hard and long you will think your heart may explode from pure 100 percent uncut pleasure, I will accept this. It has taken Deebaser a long time and many heart-to-heart talks with my main man, Darnell, but I have come to grips with the situation.
What Deebaser would like you to understand is this: No matter where you are or who you are with, there is a man who smells of exotic lotions who loves you and wants you to be happy. And if you are ever need another taste, Deebaser will always be here, ready to break you off some.
Deebaser out.
Sarks, Im done waiting for you.
It has been a long time since we broke up and you left me standing in the rain outside of your condo. As I walked home that evening, it never would have crossed my mind that four years from now you would not have returned to me, that you would have nearly gotten married, that you would not even receive one of my phone calls. Or my letters, text messages, faxes, or instant messages.
Four years ago this would have been inconceivable that you, my one true [chat], could have stayed away from me for this long. Do you not remember how it once was? We were like two love prospectors who discovered richer and richer veins of pure ecstasy. We would bump and grind in the dimly lit tunnels as shining white donkeys would carry wagons of our love to be washed off and then smelted down into fine pieces of jewelry, which I would place on your naked chocolate body while you slept. When you awoke, we would freak again.
How could a love this sexy end? After many long nights in my round circular bed wondering, and long days looking at myself in my large oval mirror, I have come to the realization that we may never do the nasty again.
Damn.
I just wanted to use this opportunity to say that no matter what happens in my life or what happens I will be here, waiting for you. Even if I am married, living in the suburbs with three children, if you were to send me a note saying "Let's give it another chance" I would immediately abandon my life, rent out my old penthouse apartment, take my clothes out of storage, and immediately start creating a sumptuous dinner or breakfast for me to feed you, depending on the time of the day it was. That is what you mean to me.
I would, at this point, like to ask any women that I am currently dating to stop reading this column.
So, [chat], if you doubt that I no longer love you, I ask you to remove that doubt, for this love is deep. Too deep to fade by the mere passage of time. If you worry about how you have treated me in the past, which, I think we both can admit, was cold, I would say that having you back in my arms was worth the pain and torment I have endured by your absence. If you worry that we will no longer be physically compatible, that somehow we will no longer be able to light the fuse of the atom bomb that is our sexuality, I have to say, you know that not to be true.
While a small sliver of hope will always remain inside of me, Deebaser has come to the hard understanding that you are not coming back to me. It is like a part of Deebaser has died and, for this part, he has begun to grieve. I am not certain of which stage of the mourning process it is that one begins making lists, but Deebaser has begun making them. I now present to you Deebaser's Happiest Memories Of When We Were Together:
#5: That time I broke you off nasty outside of that club.
#4: Making love until the dawn on Christmas morning.
#3: The night you invited your friend Cherise into our bedroom and I then hand-fed both of you the succulent berries before getting freaky with both of you in my whirlpool.
#2: The many nights you rode my pony until I couldn't take it anymore.
#1: Waking up before you, and just holding you in my arms until you woke up and then hitting you doggy-style until you lost your mind.
That is only one list of many. I have many complex emotions to work though. And while my hair remains impeccable and my clothes are fresh, the feelings that lie beneath Deebaser's surface roil like a volcano waiting for you to calm the tempest by saying those three little words; "I need you." If you were to add the words "now" or "right here on the floor" I would have no problem with that.
Even if you are not interested in once again contacting Deebaser, arranging a time to meet, getting picked up in fine white automobile, dancing all night at a popular nightspot, enjoying a late dinner before being loved so hard and long you will think your heart may explode from pure 100 percent uncut pleasure, I will accept this. It has taken Deebaser a long time and many heart-to-heart talks with my main man, Darnell, but I have come to grips with the situation.
What Deebaser would like you to understand is this: No matter where you are or who you are with, there is a man who smells of exotic lotions who loves you and wants you to be happy. And if you are ever need another taste, Deebaser will always be here, ready to break you off some.
Deebaser out.
Sarks, Im done waiting for you.
Deebaser on
+15
This discussion has been closed.
Posts
I don't even want the TL;DR
Still, better than a Sarks chat
@spacekungfuman
My wife worked in the oldest pub in England for four years. She knows a lot about beer, but doesn't like any of it.
She's the same way with wine. Her palette could enable her to be the world's first wine-hating master sommelier.
I don't even want to know how he would fuck up the brackets this time.
Lol, which oldest pub in England was this? There are a few you know! I've been to several in the last year or so
It's a dead man's party
Who could ask for more?
Hahaha, yes, do it. Wait.
You mean that has to be done manually?
I figured it was just a select statement with a WHERE clause using a rather large value for the time restraint.
Oh god, don't punish the rest of us.
[Chat] after [Chat] about obscure ephemera from the ancient world, nary a comic book, 80s movie, or boob in sight...
*shiver*
[Chat] is too much power for one man.
If I am not online no one else needs to be chattin'.
Alright I think I've identified whos office I need to go bitch at. My university no longer has an ombudsman, but the dean of students sounds like the right office?
Anyway summary of complaints:
-Teacher herself has cancelled class for personal problems on two occasions, does not allow students this exception
-Zero tolerance attendance policies violate the school's mission
-25% of total grade for being a few minutes late seems like an excessive punishment
-Teacher ridiculed one of the students for pleading with her in front of other students, is very unprofessional
-If this is what I can expect from future classes I'm dropping out after this semester (this isn't supposed to be a threat, it's just a fact, there are 2 other slightly better universities within driving distance and at least at the moment my GPA is more than high enough to get in both of them)
Instead of e-mailing I want to go in person, because in my last me vs faculty college dispute nothing got solved until I showed up in someone's office and refused to leave until results happened
Good idea y/n
All chat needs to be about board games or ancient history in the Eastern Mediterranean, dagnabit
edit - what AMFAE said
The Trip to Jerusalem?
Haha yes, I was thinking the same. Bogart and Mrs Bogart took me there on Saturday. I quite liked it.
I just reached out to the admin for the approval to create/spend seventy five whole dollars to set it up.
One [chat] to rule them all
http://www.stuff.co.nz/world/australia/8564353/Wave-of-Aussie-couples-to-tie-the-knot-in-NZ
This is exactly what the Dean of Students is there for. Send an e-mail first and then follow up a couple days later in person.
twitch.tv/tehsloth
Not enough sexual tension and righteous indignation.
I always suspected you guys were hiding some kind of money press.
twitch.tv/tehsloth
i'm going to be miserable forever and i have nothing to blame but my own incompetence
I have rice and beans and spinach and cheese and flour tortillas and sour cream.
Wish I had some tomatoes.
That is what she/your mother said last night. We were discussing slut shaming you see. Well, she was discussing, I was shaming. Anyway, long story short, I agree with you
Get rid of the sour cream
Put roasted peppers and caramelized onions
how much
Really, just scrap the burrito and eat some roasted peppers and caramelized onions.