A Talking Cat is nuts but its pseudo sequel An Easter Bunny Puppy is even crazier.
It opens with a still shot of the DVD cover and a child actor voiceover informing you that it is a puppy but not the Easter Bunny Puppy and it is granting you the ability of telepathy for a short while so you can read it's thoughts.
And it only gets more insane from there.
There is a 5 minute long egg dyeing scene with no dialogue and music that loops three times.
A Talking Cat is nuts but its pseudo sequel An Easter Bunny Puppy is even crazier.
It opens with a still shot of the DVD cover and a child actor voiceover informing you that it is a puppy but not the Easter Bunny Puppy and it is granting you the ability of telepathy for a short while so you can read it's thoughts.
And it only gets more insane from there.
There is a 5 minute long egg dyeing scene with no dialogue and music that loops three times.
Six minutes. We timed it last night.
They also re-use the same shot of the car driving from A Talking Cat!?! but put dialogue over it, and they use the exact same establishing shots that made up 1/3 of A Talking Cat!?! We shut that one off after half an hour of nothing happening.
Except the love interest's father being some sort of falsely accused jewel thief.
"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
It turns out that the love interest's boyfriend is the actual thief and through a sequence of HILARIOUS circumstances he ends up holding them all at gunpoint with only the psychic dog to save them.
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MalReynoldsThe Hunter S Thompson of incredibly mild medicinesRegistered Userregular
Wait are you serious
"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
Rob Lowe look-alike has terrible trigger discipline.
What the fuck
MalReynolds on
"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
Oh wait sorry love interest's mom's boyfriend, my bad.
If it helps the mom's actress got laryngitis and through the back half hee voice alternates between pack a day smoker and ghostly whisper.
And the last lines are, 'Don't all think me at once, that's right, I'm the Easter Bunny Puppy. Punk. Deal with it. Hippity-hoppity-woof. Peace out.'
Smash cut to credits.
"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
Also my roommate informed me about a week after we watched this that he was watching some porn and wait he recognizes that car shaped couch and those spiral stairs and OH GOD IT IS THE SAME HOUSE AND FURNITURE
PwnanObrienHe's right, life sucks.Registered Userregular
This is the worst movie I've ever watched:
I won't give away the big twist but if you're hoping it's about a highrise that builds a top of the line AI elevator that turns evil because the computer is made of pink slime and they have to shoot it with a rocket launcher then you might enjoy this urinary tract infection of a film.
all these abortions remind me of Manos, the Hands of Fate
and many other special films made bearable by MST3k
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ArtreusI'm a wizardAnd that looks fucked upRegistered Userregular
So I love me some bad movies.
But there are fun bad movies. And bad bad movies.
A bad movie that isn't even bad in a fun way is the worst! Like it's just wasting your time!
So, I used to love me some Sci-fi channel original movies. They were the best. And then some just started coming out that were incoherent, boring messes with some truly bad acting. This was about when The Asylum came to my attention. They are the worst! Shitty cash grab movies that aren't even worth it for the laughs. Because there aren't any. Though maybe I'm just not drinking enough before hand.
My roomates and I attempted to watch this, but it's actually so incompetent that it's impossible to even understand what's going on.
why are they flying???
They can fly because they're clouds?
Uh, I wish I could answer this but I honestly still don't really understand what was going on.
Here we go:
The plot of this movie is based around a simple environmental metaphor. There is a place called Dreamzone that is home to magical people called Klouds. If I understand it correctly, these creatures are responsible for the weather on the earth. They are under attack by a bad guy named Dr. Ozox and his CFC Warriors. Is that an obvious enough reference to ozone depletion? If it’s not, Dr. Ozox takes a moment to explain that his CFC Warriors are created by helpful Earthlings.
The whole thing is presented with a framing sequence with the characters being watched over by the planets of the solar system and Destiny, who looks like Glenda the Good Witch or an old crone depending on her mood. The planets have faces and ethnic stereotype personalities and move around. It’s quite unnerving.
There’s an evil magician named Dreadmis, who wants to take over the Dreamzone from his brother King Maximus, Kiara’s father. He asks for Destiny’s help and she gives him a plan, but she screws him over by leaving out an important detail.
You see, Dreadmis follows Destiny’s plan, but forgets that he suffers from that ailment common to most powerful cartoon villains, Incompetent Henchmen Syndrome. Dreadmis’ henchmen, two shrill, lizardy things called Accidentally and Suddenly, are stupid even by the low standards of incompetent cartoon henchmen, and mess up Dreadmis’ formula so that his plan to create a powerful warrior Kloud instead creates the baby Super Kloud, who has amazing weather powers but is barely in control of them.
Dreadmis tells the henchmen to take Super Kloud to the forest and kill him: a time- honored cartoon-villain plan. But instead they think he might be the ticket to becoming king themselves, because he barfs up a gem. The gem barfing never happens or is referenced again, but they still raise him to pre-teen age like a married couple.
And so Super Kloud’s unpredictable powers make him an outsider alienated from all of the other Klouds, who have better control over their less-impressive weather powers. You expect him to break into a sad song about why he’s such a misfit, but this movie is too cheap to have the characters sing songs, and the closest we get is a two-headed dragon that speaks some of its lines in the most horrible warble you’ve ever heard, and the rest in the worst rap imaginable.
Things look up, though, when he meets Kiara and starts to make friends with some kid Kouds. But Dreadmis hasn’t given up on his evil ways and still plans to take over the world, forming an alliance with Dr. Ozox and his CFC warriors.
Although the evil duo easily defeat the king, the King’s wizard Mesmorizor, and all of the king’s warriors, Super Kloud and about a dozen kids are able to beat them on their own by believing in themselves, repeatedly chanting “Kid Power,” and kicking the crap out of people with energy beams and punches. Kiara does not help, unless you count cheerleading from the sidelines.
And then there’s a happy ending where Dreadmis turns out to be not so bad and accepts Super Kloud as his son, and Accidentally and Suddenly say something stupid but not actually funny, and everyone laughs like it’s an episode of the Thundercats. The last few minutes are filled by a music video for the rockin’ 80s-sounding song “Super K” to hammer home the movie’s true origins.
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boob over the river kwai
It opens with a still shot of the DVD cover and a child actor voiceover informing you that it is a puppy but not the Easter Bunny Puppy and it is granting you the ability of telepathy for a short while so you can read it's thoughts.
And it only gets more insane from there.
There is a 5 minute long egg dyeing scene with no dialogue and music that loops three times.
Same cgi talking animation effect thing. Tit just gets blacked out by a moving maw.
Eric Roberts as Lefty the Tit.
Six minutes. We timed it last night.
They also re-use the same shot of the car driving from A Talking Cat!?! but put dialogue over it, and they use the exact same establishing shots that made up 1/3 of A Talking Cat!?! We shut that one off after half an hour of nothing happening.
Except the love interest's father being some sort of falsely accused jewel thief.
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
Oh dear God you're not lying
Rob Lowe look-alike has terrible trigger discipline.
What the fuck
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
If it helps the mom's actress got laryngitis and through the back half hee voice alternates between pack a day smoker and ghostly whisper.
I don't know how but even just from this still I can tell that there is some real bad acting going on
And the last lines are, 'Don't all think me at once, that's right, I'm the Easter Bunny Puppy. Punk. Deal with it. Hippity-hoppity-woof. Peace out.'
Smash cut to credits.
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
As opposed to the Talking Cat who is just insanely drunk Eric Roberts recording dialogue in his bathroom.
Surprising no one
it's unsettling
I won't give away the big twist but if you're hoping it's about a highrise that builds a top of the line AI elevator that turns evil because the computer is made of pink slime and they have to shoot it with a rocket launcher then you might enjoy this urinary tract infection of a film.
3DS FC: 2148-8300-8608 WiiU: AgahnimD
this is the superior supernatural dog movie
3DS Friend Code: 0216-0898-6512
Switch Friend Code: SW-7437-1538-7786
aj what the fuck did you just make me watch
and many other special films made bearable by MST3k
But there are fun bad movies. And bad bad movies.
A bad movie that isn't even bad in a fun way is the worst! Like it's just wasting your time!
So, I used to love me some Sci-fi channel original movies. They were the best. And then some just started coming out that were incoherent, boring messes with some truly bad acting. This was about when The Asylum came to my attention. They are the worst! Shitty cash grab movies that aren't even worth it for the laughs. Because there aren't any. Though maybe I'm just not drinking enough before hand.
My roomates and I attempted to watch this, but it's actually so incompetent that it's impossible to even understand what's going on.
why are they flying???
zardoz is fucking amazing and you should watch it with friends
also the woman who voiced Kreia in KotoR II is in it
Sean Connery's greatest work
What are you talking abou-
ooooooohhhhhh
They can fly because they're clouds?
Uh, I wish I could answer this but I honestly still don't really understand what was going on.
Here we go:
http://www.toonzone.net/2012/07/review-kiara-the-brave/#.UXRMyrWsh8E
showgirls is also great
So here are a bunch of Asylum movie posters next to some completely unrelated other movie posters that have come out over the years.